Comments | wyncatastrophe: Project Revision: Free Fall. Part VIII. PG-13: Obi-Wan, Anakin, OC.

wyncatastrophe

Project Revision: Free Fall. Part VIII. PG-13: Obi-Wan, Anakin, OC.

Jan 25, 2012 12:32

Author's note: This (final? semi-final?) version is not much different from the draft posted a couple of days ago, so if you read it then, you are hereby absolved from reading the new one! I've just tweaked some of the wording for clarity, etc. Many thanks, again, to

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character: obi-wan kenobi, writing, character: anakin skywalker, project revision: freefall, ffv, fandom: star wars, fic, character: ryn orun

Comments 24

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Re: So, did replacing their lube with super glue work? wyncatastrophe January 25 2012, 23:51:41 UTC

Oddly enough, I chose not to pursue that particular experiment. To whit: I did not purchase a tube of super glue, sneak upstairs to my neighbors apartment, jimmy the lock, prowl into their bedroom and search through their drawers for a supply of personal lubricant to replace with my nefarious super glue. It just seemed like a lot of trouble, somehow.

Aww, I was so proud of myself for figuring out how to change the fonts! Fonts have always been a sort of guilty pleasure of mine. But perhaps I did get a bit carried away.

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Re: So, did replacing their lube with super glue work? wyncatastrophe January 26 2012, 00:17:31 UTC

Lulziness! I really should get them something, there's an adult novelties shop just down the road, lol. Those crazy kids …

Well, papyrus might have been a bit much. I'll have a go with something a little easier on the eyes next time.

Thread 14

In order of importance ... pronker January 26 2012, 18:16:47 UTC

(he shoved the memory of Yaddle aside with a burst of renewed guilt and shame)

Yaddle is the Earth Mother who initiates everyone. This is a fic demanding to be written! There is a Yaddle/Yoda out there someplace, but Wise Crone!Yaddle? I don't think so.

But On Topic, Ryn remembered dimly that she had a mission and she was supposed to care about it; she was supposed to be getting the Jedi on her side, Loreth’s side. ... this gets the broader scope in view, I think? That she is on a mission that she takes seriously and that Anakin's influence, in a way, has derailed her mission? Obi-Wan's intruding, too, is a problem for her. No wonder she's overwhelmed.

Her debut party, ouch.

Re: In order of importance ... wyncatastrophe January 26 2012, 18:31:14 UTC

I have doubts of my ability to punch the Force in the face. But I might succeed in finding my way back from the grocery store tonight ( ... )

Is it the grocery store with the neat stuff? pronker January 26 2012, 18:38:11 UTC

Yeah, I'll think about it. It fits in more with m-a and their Slut of the Temple, Obi-Wan, than with ROTS, but I'll think about it. Some idea I had is that m-a stories are raunchier and more /fun/ than AOTC and ROTS stories, which capitalize on the angst angle. Obi-Wan's and Qui-Gon's relationship ended in death, a natural thing, not betrayal.

Yaddle could be the Rumplestiltskin sort of old person, wise and smart and creepily preying on the young; that's food for thought!

Ryn is allowed to be derailed: she is a person, to quote somebody or other.

"Carrie"?? Yes, that's true -- hadn't thought of that. I think it's like a take on ceremonies or Milestones in life: you're supposed to feel different afterwards and so many times, we, or I, don't.

You know, I thought I had answered this already ... wyncatastrophe January 29 2012, 00:22:16 UTC

… but apparently I had not.

No, I didn't make it to the grocery store with the neat stuff. This is sad, because I also did a sorry job of filling my list at the regular grocery store - twice. I am pathetic.

It's true, Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon got more closure and less unhappiness than Obi-Wan and Anakin. But … why is Obi-Wan the Slut of the Temple? Because shouldn't that really be Quinlan Vos?

"I'm a person, and my name is Ryn!" Hehe. A good observation, particularly because it's something she could not imagine saying at the beginning of Freefall and yet it is something that she probably would say by the end of Warlord. So, there's her arc, if you will.

Yeah, okay, Carrie might be too much. I'm a sleep-deprived grad student inundated with traumatic menstrual associations, what can I say …

Thread 15

you asked for feedback anonymous January 28 2012, 20:53:31 UTC

I think that the biggest problem here is the reliance on banal items and events ("stinking effluvia", vomit, half-dressed middle-aged women) to create a sense of the grotesque. IMHO, banal grotesqueness usually winds up being just dreary and icky. This story is a already a combination of action-adventure, dysfuntional-family drama, romance, and disturbing obsession; it doesn't need the addition of avant-garde vulgarity in the mix. The analysis of a mentally crumbling individual who sees something revolting in every aspect of her day make for a potent story in itself, but combined with so many other elements, it's a disturbing distraction ( ... )