Comments | wyncatastrophe: Project Revision: Free Fall. Part VIII. PG-13: Obi-Wan, Anakin, OC.

wyncatastrophe

Project Revision: Free Fall. Part VIII. PG-13: Obi-Wan, Anakin, OC.

Jan 25, 2012 12:32

Author's note: This (final? semi-final?) version is not much different from the draft posted a couple of days ago, so if you read it then, you are hereby absolved from reading the new one! I've just tweaked some of the wording for clarity, etc. Many thanks, again, to

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character: obi-wan kenobi, writing, character: anakin skywalker, project revision: freefall, ffv, fandom: star wars, fic, character: ryn orun

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Re: So, did replacing their lube with super glue work? wyncatastrophe January 25 2012, 23:51:41 UTC

Oddly enough, I chose not to pursue that particular experiment. To whit: I did not purchase a tube of super glue, sneak upstairs to my neighbors apartment, jimmy the lock, prowl into their bedroom and search through their drawers for a supply of personal lubricant to replace with my nefarious super glue. It just seemed like a lot of trouble, somehow.

Aww, I was so proud of myself for figuring out how to change the fonts! Fonts have always been a sort of guilty pleasure of mine. But perhaps I did get a bit carried away.

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Re: So, did replacing their lube with super glue work? wyncatastrophe January 26 2012, 00:17:31 UTC

Lulziness! I really should get them something, there's an adult novelties shop just down the road, lol. Those crazy kids …

Well, papyrus might have been a bit much. I'll have a go with something a little easier on the eyes next time.

Meta! Response part one. wyncatastrophe January 25 2012, 23:52:02 UTC

For your further remarks:

- I'm not sure it's fair to say that you can speak for EVERYONE who has never experienced depression. All we know for sure is that it doesn't connect with you, which of course is a fair observation to make, and potentially useful. If you can think of a way that I can express Ryn experiencing severe depression and slowly dying as her cells lose cohesion thanks to Temple experiments and make it more appealing to a broader audience … I'm open to ideas? This is the best I was able to come up with, providing the caveat that it will be explained in more detail later; all readers really need to know is that Ryn at this point is kind of unhinged. And she in fact makes the observation herself that this is not normal behavior, she's just unable to feel any differently. However, the fact that nothing better occurred to my mind does not mean there's nothing better to be found - maybe I just haven't approached it from the right direction.

- I'm still not entirely sure why Ryn is having this reaction. I don't ( ... )

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Re: Meta! Response part one. wyncatastrophe January 26 2012, 01:00:01 UTC

- RE Ryn, her suffering, and why readers should care: There is no reason why readers should care, at this point in the story. What I hope they will do is wonder: "what the hell is going on?" Because she's here under mysterious circumstances and acting really weird. The scenes were supposed to give readers a hint that Obi-Wan was on to something in his desire to investigate further - because, I mean, what the hell, Ryn? - and Anakin is also onto something in his feeling sorry for her - because, I mean, ouch! As for your suggestion about giving her backstory sooner rather than later - I can see why you'd say that, but no. I like holding back a little and letting the readers discover Ryn slowly, much as Anakin and Obi-Wan are doing; and I don't think that most readers would want a lot of exposition about an unfamiliar character frontloaded in the story, anyway. But there's no way to pretend that all that past hasn't happened for her; it gets her to where she is when the story starts, and it frames her reactions. So she's always ( ... )

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Re: Meta! Response part one. wyncatastrophe January 26 2012, 01:19:45 UTC

my understanding of that play was that Juliet was never in love with Romeo and vice versa: my interpretation of that play was that Shakespeare was making a social commentary of the whims and flighty natures of teenagers and their disillusion with the world. Also their idiocy. So comparing Ryn's age to Juliet's age... I don't buy that. :P

OH MY GOD DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND ANYTHING THAT I AM DOING IN THIS STORY?!?!?!?! How can you not notice how the entire thing is about how stupid they are, and how brave at the same time? The whole POINT is that they are ridiculous, but ultimately decent people. That's why it's a tragicomedy!

I am clearly unable to tell this story well. Maybe I just ought to give it up, it kills me that I am doing it so little justice.

Well, if you don't like the love, there's not much I can do about that, because it's kind of there in the middle of the story. If I took it out, we would have an entirely different story that never involves unrequited love, and that's not Anakin's journey but it is Ryn's, so … ( ... )

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Re: Meta! Response part one. wyncatastrophe January 26 2012, 01:25:24 UTC

But, ARGH, God, I just feel like such a failure right now! Didn't you read the chapter where Obi-Wan called it a tragicomedy? And that was all, like … meta?

OH MY GOD NONE OF IT WORKS I WANT TO DIE.

*dives headfirst into chocolate*

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Re: Meta! Response part one. wyncatastrophe January 26 2012, 01:30:45 UTC

Maybe I'm about to get my period, lol.

No, I don't know. I just really respect your opinion. And I had thought that I was hitting more of the right notes with this version, inasmuch as what was happening should be clearer to readers and the Ryn/Anakin relationship wouldn't be coming quite so much out of nowhere and we had gotten rid of the Obi-Wan creepiness and I thought the whole Fate aspect of Ryn's unrequited love, the character-is-destiny thing where she can't help loving Anakin because of who she is, was actually going to work this time around, and now it's clearly not and no one is ever going to want to read this fic and I know that should be okay, but sometimes I am a scared little kid and want affirmation even though I am too old for this shit.

[/is a little psycho]

Meta! Response part two. wyncatastrophe January 26 2012, 00:00:21 UTC

- The period scene! I had so much trouble with that. Or not trouble, but … uncertainty? I remember my first period so clearly, and it is such a bad memory. For no obvious reason, it ranks as one of the worst memories of my life, right up there with my grandfather's suicide and my husband admitting he was considering divorce. I don't think it's that upsetting for everybody, and I'm not sure, actually, that Ryn would find it traumatic compared to the other shit going down in her life. But I definitely wanted Anakin to feel uncomfortable in experiencing it vicariously, and to sense some of Ryn's ambiguities about entering womanhood, the sense of "oh shit, I am so not ready for this." So if the scene is kinda gross, and feels awkward in reading, then … I guess I've done my job? LOL for better or worse ( ... )

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