Comments | wyld_dandelyon: Misadventure with a Limb

wyld_dandelyon

Misadventure with a Limb

Oct 09, 2009 15:30

“ Lirli, wait-“ Rainbow tried to remember what she’d said that set her friend tearing through the trees like that. They’d been talking about so many things, like they always did. She couldn’t remember which was last. “Lirli, what did I say ( Read more... )

flash fiction

Comments 12

darlinleo October 11 2009, 22:45:54 UTC

Hello! Welcome to the Flame!
That's quite a lovely childhood friendship story, have you written about these characters before?

Thanks for the welcome! wyld_dandelyon October 11 2009, 23:05:08 UTC

No, though I have other stories in this universe, including the novel I'm serializing in my LJ.

I had planned to do the whole series this month about them, but I know where my first thoughts for "navel" go in this world, and it isn't little kids. I'm still thinking about what to do about that!

freyjasgrace October 12 2009, 04:37:28 UTC

Your species is fascinating. :-)

freyjasgrace October 12 2009, 05:10:58 UTC

Thanks. Their mythology states that humans were changed so they have different forms, adapted to different ecosystems, deliberately, in ways that were intended to ensure that no matter the differences, people couldn't deny that they were all one people, all human.

wyld_dandelyon October 12 2009, 06:05:47 UTC

I thought I was logged in, there!

why_shmoopy October 13 2009, 04:54:49 UTC

Howdy! I'm one of your brigits_flame editors this week. I've done a few read-throughs and taken notes. I should have something coherent for you by late tomorrow night (Eastern Time).

Figured I'd give you a heads-up on when to expect it, since the community's got such a huge workload this week!

wyld_dandelyon October 13 2009, 05:20:35 UTC

Thanks!

EDIT: 1 of 3 why_shmoopy October 14 2009, 05:50:09 UTC

You definitely have a very clear idea in your mind what these characters look like, but the image hasn't quite reached the paper. I know the feeling of not wanting to bust out with lengthy exposition and description right from go (oh, believe me I know), but for the sake of clarity, a little more description (either state outright or subtly mentioned) would make the piece easier to read.

Most importantly, the anatomy & physiology of the characters is confusing. Admittedly, much of this may be because I don't read much fantasy. So something is either, oh, a dragon, and you know basically what it looks like and it doesn't need much description apart from color and temperament, or it's a Xibleflaster (very rare in this plane) and requires explanation.
At the same time, though, there are points where the anatomy is unclear or outright contradictory. For example, "But she had arms, not wings, and the best path for her was sometimes quite hazardous for Rainbow" implies that Rainbow does not have arms of any kind, but we find out later ( ... )

EDIT: 2 of 3 why_shmoopy October 14 2009, 05:50:42 UTC

There are a couple of places where the action isn't entirely clear ( ... )

EDIT: 3 of 3 why_shmoopy October 14 2009, 05:51:28 UTC

While the piece has a strong narrative structure and solid story, there isn't much of an obvious theme. In the comments, you mentioned that this is just a small glimpse into a larger story; nevertheless, if an excerpt is to stand alone it must have its own focus and meaning. What point did you want to get across here? What feelings or thoughts do you want people to walk away with? Start with questions like those, and once you have your answers, re-read the story to find where you might want to plant your evidence ( ... )

Re: edits wyld_dandelyon October 14 2009, 07:39:06 UTC

Thanks for the edits ( ... )

cataterpillar October 17 2009, 20:30:15 UTC

Hi, I'm your other editor from BF! Please feel free to ask me any questions if you have them ( ... )