fic: The Road To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions
Title: The Road To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions
Author: writteninhaste previously feathergirl89
Rating: PG-13
Warnings/Spoilers: Spoilers for Season 1
Summary: On September 1, 1939, Germany invaded Poland. The Polish army was defeated within weeks of the invasion. By October 16 the ghetto had been established and over 100,000 Jews died from starvation or disease. An underground escape route was established through the sewers. Until the liberation of Warsaw in 1945, many men and women risked their lives trying to help Jews escape Nazi persecution. Merlin tried to help as best he could and it was in doing so, that he was reunited with Arthur.
Notes: Someone please, please stop me writing angst. I haven't been able to write happy Guardian Angel fic in weeks. It's not good.
The Road To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions
1.
Merlin is teaching piano in his living room the day the German bombs fall on Warsaw. The blasts shake the foundations of the building Merlin lives in. The windows rattle in the cases and the little boy perched at the piano stool looks terrified. Merlin soothes him with calm words and a calmer voice; gradually they return to studying Mozart. He walks the child home when the lesson is done, picking a path through the debris as around them people scream and cry and the optimists amongst them assure the rest that the Polish army will stop the German advance.
2.
The Polish army has failed to stop the advance. Merlin watches from his window as below, Hitler’s army parades through Warsaw’s streets. He presses his hand against the glass and wishes, not for the first time, that he has Morgana’s Sight. He knows that darkness is rising once again, but he has no way of knowing how many lives it will claim before it is beaten back by the light. With a sigh, Merlin turns away. The grandfather clock that stands against the furthest wall strikes the eleventh hour. Merlin wonders if the world is trying to tell him something.
3.
“Halt.”
The voice is harsh and commanding, and stops Merlin dead in the street.
“Papers.” The voice barks. Merlin reaches slowly into his pocket, his heart in his throat. His papers are not marked with a ‘J’, why would they be? But he has dark hair and sometimes, these days, that’s enough. Trembling, he turns around. He is met with a vision of blonde hair, blue eyes, and a face he would not be able to forget were he to live until the end of time. The man snatches the papers away with familiar arrogance and the spell is broken.
4.
Arthur, Arthur, Arthur. The name reverberates around Merlin’s skull. It is all the wind is capable of whispering, the only word the earth can say. After all these years, after all this waiting, Arthur has finally returned. Merlin wants to scream and shout, to pull all Warsaw down around his ears and build it up again within the minute; higher, grander, greater than it was. He also wants to moan and weep and cry because his King had been wearing the sharp, grey uniform (complete with silver braid and iron cross) that marked him as a soldier of the Nazis.
5.
It is an ungodly hour of the night when Merlin is woken by a frantic rapping at his door. Blearily, he stumbles out of bed, calling for his visitor to wait. The knocking grows more desperate. Merlin yanks the door open, annoyed, only to find himself faced with the sight of Anna, the terrified daughter of his neighbour, clutching her baby brother to her chest. He knows instantly why she is there. Without a word, he opens his door and ushers her inside. She lies down in the hollow beneath the floorboard. Merlin waits for the search party to arrive.
6.
Anna and her brother are long gone, smuggled out on the Underground Railroad, when Merlin meets Arthur again. He is in a store, queuing for bread when a group of soldiers start hauling people out of the line. There is no mention of what their crime might be; no one dares to ask. One wraps his hand around Merlin’s bicep - taking exception to the colour of his coat, or maybe the defiant expression on his face. A word from Arthur stops him. The soldier drops his hold, and Merlin stares. Arthur holds his gaze for a heartbeat, before turning away.
7.
Merlin takes a job at the German Headquarters. The Underground needs information and this is one of the ways they can obtain it. Several of the women already work as secretaries, but Merlin has secured a position as an attaché and the information he will be privy to is vital. Arthur works in an office down the hall. Merlin is aware of how Arthur watches him, the lingering gaze that seems to sweep across his skin. He raises his face to meet his King’s gaze. Merlin sees the other man’s eyes widen in recognition and hope flares in Merlin’s chest.
8.
The weeks pass in a flurry of aborted touches and silent conversations. Then, all of a sudden, Merlin finds himself in a seedy bar, drinking moonshine that takes the roof off his mouth. Arthur is maudlin; determined to drink his body weight. Merlin braces a hand on Arthur’s shoulder and wills himself not to lean in that meagre inch. He prods, drops hints, but Arthur does not react. Even when Merlin lets his eyes flash gold there is no response. Merlin sighs. He will keep trying. And in the mean time, perhaps he can bring Arthur over to their cause.
9.
Somehow, without meaning to, he ends up back at Arthur’s apartment. The place is military clean, each item arranged in regimental order. Merlin spills Arthur onto the bed, coughing at the stench of alcohol on Arthur’s breath. Arthur mumbles something in his sleep and Merlin feels something tighten in his chest. His King had always looked so much younger when he was lost to dreams. Merlin left the curtains open and let himself out of Arthur’s apartment. He can still feel the curl of Arthur’s fingers against his arm; the warm rush of air as Arthur breathed against his cheek.
10.
Merlin’s heart thunders in his chest the day Arthur finds him leafing through files he has no business looking at. There’s a revolver at Arthur’s hip and nearly twenty officers within shouting distance of the doorway Arthur’s currently standing in. Centuries of experience have told Merlin that there’s a number of different ways this will go - none of them are very appealing. Merlin feels his eyes bleed gold. He won’t hurt Arthur - he’s not capable of it - but he can make his escape if need be. Arthur holds his gaze, and very deliberately walks away, closing the door behind him.
11.
“Why?”
Merlin pushes his way into Arthur’s apartment without waiting for an invitation or an answer. Arthur raised his eyebrows, and Merlin recognises the look of resigned exasperation on Arthur’s face.
“Why?” He repeats.
“They would have killed you for reading those files. But I’m sure you were only trying to help.” Arthur’s voice is very careful; blank and without a hint of inflection. There is a silence in which Merlin tries to read between the lines and Arthur lets him.
“Helping is good.” Merlin says quietly, sinking onto one of Arthur’s chairs.
“Perhaps,” Arthur says, “I can help too?”
12.
Gradually, carefully, Arthur begins to slip him information that really helps. And Merlin begins to acquaint him with the particulars of the Underground in return. He refuses to divulge names, and Arthur never asks for them. Only requests that Merlin tell him if one of the Resistance is arrested so that Arthur can try to ease the punishment. Merlin’s heart soars at the offer. This is the Arthur he remembers - the one who would defy his father’s rule, to ease the suffering of helpless people. He refuses to acknowledge that Arthur is one of the reasons that these people suffer.
13.
The first time, it is almost an accident. Merlin has spent the day trying to make Arthur remember Camelot and their time together. Arthur has remained obstinately forgetful. He humours Merlin’s rambling, but it is obvious that he begins to tire of the babble. In the silence, following one particularly waspish reply on Arthur’s side, Merlin takes a moment to wonder if he is not better to abandon the attempt; to leave Arthur to his lifetime and wait for his king to remember on his own. But then Arthur kisses him, and all Merlin’s good intentions are too easily forgotten.
14.
Merlin curls against Arthur in the tangle of sheets and lets the pillow muffle his tears. If only Arthur could remember - but apparently it is not his time. The man he loves is no body of England’s, breathing English air; he belongs to Germania this time around. Merlin weeps for those he will be unable to save. He is but one half of a coin, Arthur is the other. Without him, Merlin does not stand a chance. Bitterly, Merlin wonders if he is being punished: to be given Arthur’s body and not his soul. Merlin falls asleep, still softly crying.
15.
Merlin knows this is not easy for Arthur. In the space of months his king has abandoned all he was raised to believe was true. Gone is the poster-boy of the Aryan race. In his place is a man betraying those he serves with; who sleeps with another man and bares the guilt of both. Merlin would make it easier for him if he could, but he cannot bring himself to relinquish Arthur. The days when Arthur cannot stand the sight of him, seems sickened by Merlin’s touch, are a small price to pay for Arthur’s presence in his life.
16.
Merlin stays with Arthur only two or three nights a week now. Arthur worries that the other officers will notice the affection between them. He does not want to risk it being reported. Merlin knows how much danger they would both be in, were their relationship to be discovered. They are back to lingering looks and furtive movements. Merlin finds it difficult to sleep without the feel of Arthur’s warmth against his skin. Arthur’s expression tells Merlin nothing of his moods, but then it never did so Merlin does not give it much thought. He trusts Arthur. No questions asked.
17.
“They are planning a large deportation.” Arthur tells him one evening, when they are curled beneath the sheets. Merlin is pressed against Arthur in the hopes of beating back the winter chill; Arthur’s arm is draped loosely above the covers.
“When?” Merlin asks.
“I don’t know.” Arthur replies. “When I do, you must get as many people out as possible. Let me know where you take them - I will steer the patrols away from that area.”
“I will.” Merlin promises. “Thank you.”
He presses a kiss to Arthur’s lips, but the other man does not respond - too lost in thought.
18.
“A week’s time. It will happen in a week’s time.” The words are whispered softly into Merlin’s ear under the cover of a darkened hallway. Merlin nods and presses a hand to Arthur’ s arm to let him know he heard. It does not leave them much time, but they have routes planned for this sort of thing, and provided they are careful they should be able to get a significant number of people out of the ghetto before the soldiers begin rounding people up. Arthur nods to him and moves further down the hall. Merlin quietly watches him leave.
19.
Arthur seems startled when Merlin spills into his apartment, exhausted, pale and relieved.
“We got them out.” He says. “Children mostly - anyone fit enough to make the journey. There’s a farmhouse, two miles south of the city. They’ll stay the night before moving closer to Ukraine. They’ll be safer across the border. I’ll be there to help the groups start to leave. We have to go little by little.”
Arthur leaves almost immediately, but Merlin thinks nothing of it. After all, he has to find some way of keeping the Nazi patrols from the area. Merlin’s glad he found Arthur.
20.
Merlin watches in horror as soldiers tear through the Underground Railroad; guns gleaming and eyes cruel as they yank the people from their hiding places. He stands on the hilltop, looking down at the destruction, and knowing there is no single thing he can do to stop it this time. His friends, strangers, people who trusted him are rounded up and loaded into the cars that will take them to the concentration camps. Merlin’s gaze fixes on blonde hair. He feels sick. Because Arthur is not the man he once was, and he has been playing Merlin since the beginning.
Author: writteninhaste previously feathergirl89
Rating: PG-13
Warnings/Spoilers: Spoilers for Season 1
Summary: On September 1, 1939, Germany invaded Poland. The Polish army was defeated within weeks of the invasion. By October 16 the ghetto had been established and over 100,000 Jews died from starvation or disease. An underground escape route was established through the sewers. Until the liberation of Warsaw in 1945, many men and women risked their lives trying to help Jews escape Nazi persecution. Merlin tried to help as best he could and it was in doing so, that he was reunited with Arthur.
Notes: Someone please, please stop me writing angst. I haven't been able to write happy Guardian Angel fic in weeks. It's not good.
The Road To Hell Is Paved With Good Intentions
1.
Merlin is teaching piano in his living room the day the German bombs fall on Warsaw. The blasts shake the foundations of the building Merlin lives in. The windows rattle in the cases and the little boy perched at the piano stool looks terrified. Merlin soothes him with calm words and a calmer voice; gradually they return to studying Mozart. He walks the child home when the lesson is done, picking a path through the debris as around them people scream and cry and the optimists amongst them assure the rest that the Polish army will stop the German advance.
2.
The Polish army has failed to stop the advance. Merlin watches from his window as below, Hitler’s army parades through Warsaw’s streets. He presses his hand against the glass and wishes, not for the first time, that he has Morgana’s Sight. He knows that darkness is rising once again, but he has no way of knowing how many lives it will claim before it is beaten back by the light. With a sigh, Merlin turns away. The grandfather clock that stands against the furthest wall strikes the eleventh hour. Merlin wonders if the world is trying to tell him something.
3.
“Halt.”
The voice is harsh and commanding, and stops Merlin dead in the street.
“Papers.” The voice barks. Merlin reaches slowly into his pocket, his heart in his throat. His papers are not marked with a ‘J’, why would they be? But he has dark hair and sometimes, these days, that’s enough. Trembling, he turns around. He is met with a vision of blonde hair, blue eyes, and a face he would not be able to forget were he to live until the end of time. The man snatches the papers away with familiar arrogance and the spell is broken.
4.
Arthur, Arthur, Arthur. The name reverberates around Merlin’s skull. It is all the wind is capable of whispering, the only word the earth can say. After all these years, after all this waiting, Arthur has finally returned. Merlin wants to scream and shout, to pull all Warsaw down around his ears and build it up again within the minute; higher, grander, greater than it was. He also wants to moan and weep and cry because his King had been wearing the sharp, grey uniform (complete with silver braid and iron cross) that marked him as a soldier of the Nazis.
5.
It is an ungodly hour of the night when Merlin is woken by a frantic rapping at his door. Blearily, he stumbles out of bed, calling for his visitor to wait. The knocking grows more desperate. Merlin yanks the door open, annoyed, only to find himself faced with the sight of Anna, the terrified daughter of his neighbour, clutching her baby brother to her chest. He knows instantly why she is there. Without a word, he opens his door and ushers her inside. She lies down in the hollow beneath the floorboard. Merlin waits for the search party to arrive.
6.
Anna and her brother are long gone, smuggled out on the Underground Railroad, when Merlin meets Arthur again. He is in a store, queuing for bread when a group of soldiers start hauling people out of the line. There is no mention of what their crime might be; no one dares to ask. One wraps his hand around Merlin’s bicep - taking exception to the colour of his coat, or maybe the defiant expression on his face. A word from Arthur stops him. The soldier drops his hold, and Merlin stares. Arthur holds his gaze for a heartbeat, before turning away.
7.
Merlin takes a job at the German Headquarters. The Underground needs information and this is one of the ways they can obtain it. Several of the women already work as secretaries, but Merlin has secured a position as an attaché and the information he will be privy to is vital. Arthur works in an office down the hall. Merlin is aware of how Arthur watches him, the lingering gaze that seems to sweep across his skin. He raises his face to meet his King’s gaze. Merlin sees the other man’s eyes widen in recognition and hope flares in Merlin’s chest.
8.
The weeks pass in a flurry of aborted touches and silent conversations. Then, all of a sudden, Merlin finds himself in a seedy bar, drinking moonshine that takes the roof off his mouth. Arthur is maudlin; determined to drink his body weight. Merlin braces a hand on Arthur’s shoulder and wills himself not to lean in that meagre inch. He prods, drops hints, but Arthur does not react. Even when Merlin lets his eyes flash gold there is no response. Merlin sighs. He will keep trying. And in the mean time, perhaps he can bring Arthur over to their cause.
9.
Somehow, without meaning to, he ends up back at Arthur’s apartment. The place is military clean, each item arranged in regimental order. Merlin spills Arthur onto the bed, coughing at the stench of alcohol on Arthur’s breath. Arthur mumbles something in his sleep and Merlin feels something tighten in his chest. His King had always looked so much younger when he was lost to dreams. Merlin left the curtains open and let himself out of Arthur’s apartment. He can still feel the curl of Arthur’s fingers against his arm; the warm rush of air as Arthur breathed against his cheek.
10.
Merlin’s heart thunders in his chest the day Arthur finds him leafing through files he has no business looking at. There’s a revolver at Arthur’s hip and nearly twenty officers within shouting distance of the doorway Arthur’s currently standing in. Centuries of experience have told Merlin that there’s a number of different ways this will go - none of them are very appealing. Merlin feels his eyes bleed gold. He won’t hurt Arthur - he’s not capable of it - but he can make his escape if need be. Arthur holds his gaze, and very deliberately walks away, closing the door behind him.
11.
“Why?”
Merlin pushes his way into Arthur’s apartment without waiting for an invitation or an answer. Arthur raised his eyebrows, and Merlin recognises the look of resigned exasperation on Arthur’s face.
“Why?” He repeats.
“They would have killed you for reading those files. But I’m sure you were only trying to help.” Arthur’s voice is very careful; blank and without a hint of inflection. There is a silence in which Merlin tries to read between the lines and Arthur lets him.
“Helping is good.” Merlin says quietly, sinking onto one of Arthur’s chairs.
“Perhaps,” Arthur says, “I can help too?”
12.
Gradually, carefully, Arthur begins to slip him information that really helps. And Merlin begins to acquaint him with the particulars of the Underground in return. He refuses to divulge names, and Arthur never asks for them. Only requests that Merlin tell him if one of the Resistance is arrested so that Arthur can try to ease the punishment. Merlin’s heart soars at the offer. This is the Arthur he remembers - the one who would defy his father’s rule, to ease the suffering of helpless people. He refuses to acknowledge that Arthur is one of the reasons that these people suffer.
13.
The first time, it is almost an accident. Merlin has spent the day trying to make Arthur remember Camelot and their time together. Arthur has remained obstinately forgetful. He humours Merlin’s rambling, but it is obvious that he begins to tire of the babble. In the silence, following one particularly waspish reply on Arthur’s side, Merlin takes a moment to wonder if he is not better to abandon the attempt; to leave Arthur to his lifetime and wait for his king to remember on his own. But then Arthur kisses him, and all Merlin’s good intentions are too easily forgotten.
14.
Merlin curls against Arthur in the tangle of sheets and lets the pillow muffle his tears. If only Arthur could remember - but apparently it is not his time. The man he loves is no body of England’s, breathing English air; he belongs to Germania this time around. Merlin weeps for those he will be unable to save. He is but one half of a coin, Arthur is the other. Without him, Merlin does not stand a chance. Bitterly, Merlin wonders if he is being punished: to be given Arthur’s body and not his soul. Merlin falls asleep, still softly crying.
15.
Merlin knows this is not easy for Arthur. In the space of months his king has abandoned all he was raised to believe was true. Gone is the poster-boy of the Aryan race. In his place is a man betraying those he serves with; who sleeps with another man and bares the guilt of both. Merlin would make it easier for him if he could, but he cannot bring himself to relinquish Arthur. The days when Arthur cannot stand the sight of him, seems sickened by Merlin’s touch, are a small price to pay for Arthur’s presence in his life.
16.
Merlin stays with Arthur only two or three nights a week now. Arthur worries that the other officers will notice the affection between them. He does not want to risk it being reported. Merlin knows how much danger they would both be in, were their relationship to be discovered. They are back to lingering looks and furtive movements. Merlin finds it difficult to sleep without the feel of Arthur’s warmth against his skin. Arthur’s expression tells Merlin nothing of his moods, but then it never did so Merlin does not give it much thought. He trusts Arthur. No questions asked.
17.
“They are planning a large deportation.” Arthur tells him one evening, when they are curled beneath the sheets. Merlin is pressed against Arthur in the hopes of beating back the winter chill; Arthur’s arm is draped loosely above the covers.
“When?” Merlin asks.
“I don’t know.” Arthur replies. “When I do, you must get as many people out as possible. Let me know where you take them - I will steer the patrols away from that area.”
“I will.” Merlin promises. “Thank you.”
He presses a kiss to Arthur’s lips, but the other man does not respond - too lost in thought.
18.
“A week’s time. It will happen in a week’s time.” The words are whispered softly into Merlin’s ear under the cover of a darkened hallway. Merlin nods and presses a hand to Arthur’ s arm to let him know he heard. It does not leave them much time, but they have routes planned for this sort of thing, and provided they are careful they should be able to get a significant number of people out of the ghetto before the soldiers begin rounding people up. Arthur nods to him and moves further down the hall. Merlin quietly watches him leave.
19.
Arthur seems startled when Merlin spills into his apartment, exhausted, pale and relieved.
“We got them out.” He says. “Children mostly - anyone fit enough to make the journey. There’s a farmhouse, two miles south of the city. They’ll stay the night before moving closer to Ukraine. They’ll be safer across the border. I’ll be there to help the groups start to leave. We have to go little by little.”
Arthur leaves almost immediately, but Merlin thinks nothing of it. After all, he has to find some way of keeping the Nazi patrols from the area. Merlin’s glad he found Arthur.
20.
Merlin watches in horror as soldiers tear through the Underground Railroad; guns gleaming and eyes cruel as they yank the people from their hiding places. He stands on the hilltop, looking down at the destruction, and knowing there is no single thing he can do to stop it this time. His friends, strangers, people who trusted him are rounded up and loaded into the cars that will take them to the concentration camps. Merlin’s gaze fixes on blonde hair. He feels sick. Because Arthur is not the man he once was, and he has been playing Merlin since the beginning.