fic: The Indulgence of Grief and The Blunder of a Life
Title: The Indulgence of Grief and The Blunder of a Life
Author: writteninhaste previously feathergirl89
Rating: PG-13. If any one feels this should be increased to R please let me know and I will change the rating.
Warnings/Spoilers: mentions of drug use
Summary: Grief is the agony of an instant. The indulgence of grief the blunder of a life.
The Indulgence of Grief and The Blunder of a Life
Merlin is not how Arthur remembers him. His memories tell him of a man with eyes as gold as the sun, who shared his bed and stood behind his throne; a man powerful enough to rule the world, and humble enough to never do so. The Merlin Arthur knew was joyful, idealistic and naïve. The man Arthur is faced with now, is ancient, broken and has been stoned out of his mind for nearly six centuries.
The magic bleeds from Merlin’s skin, all semblance of control either lost or forgotten. Arthur kneels and two mismatched eyes roll to face him. The colour in both has faded. The ocean blue is now muted grey; the liquid gold is nothing more than bronze. Arthur thinks his heart might break.
“Merlin? Merlin can you hear me? It’s me, Arthur.”
Scratchy laughter bubbles brokenly from dried and bleeding lips. “That’s what they all say.” Skeletal fingers twitch, as though playing a piano Arthur cannot see.
“Who’s they?” He asks gently, stroking a hand down Merlin’s cheek.
“The hallucinations.” Merlin tells him, nodding sagely. “They always tell me that they’re him.”
Arthur swallows thickly. “It is me, Merlin. I’ve come back.”
The man on the floor convulses and Arthur panics before he realises that it is simply Merlin laughing. "Knew you would say that.” Merlin gasps, and scrabbles for a needle on the dirty floor. Arthur snatches the thing away before Merlin has a chance to plunge it beneath his skin.
“They do that too.” He mutters bitterly and, before Arthur can stop him, snorts something up his nose. Arthur watches as the face he once loved, now cracked and covered in sores, turns slack and twists as the drug took effect. Tears trickling down his face, Arthur presses a soft kiss to Merlin’s forehead; ignoring the stench and the lice that crawl across his skin. Centuries of grief have broken his lover’s mind. It is a heart-wrenching sight. With a sigh, Arthur wipes a hand across his face.
In a brief moment of lucidity, Merlin opens his eyes. The alley is empty save for him. He feels a perverse sense of vindication. The hallucinations never stay. Merlin snorts and strokes his hand lovingly down a needle. He doesn’t need them anyway.
Author: writteninhaste previously feathergirl89
Rating: PG-13. If any one feels this should be increased to R please let me know and I will change the rating.
Warnings/Spoilers: mentions of drug use
Summary: Grief is the agony of an instant. The indulgence of grief the blunder of a life.
The Indulgence of Grief and The Blunder of a Life
Merlin is not how Arthur remembers him. His memories tell him of a man with eyes as gold as the sun, who shared his bed and stood behind his throne; a man powerful enough to rule the world, and humble enough to never do so. The Merlin Arthur knew was joyful, idealistic and naïve. The man Arthur is faced with now, is ancient, broken and has been stoned out of his mind for nearly six centuries.
The magic bleeds from Merlin’s skin, all semblance of control either lost or forgotten. Arthur kneels and two mismatched eyes roll to face him. The colour in both has faded. The ocean blue is now muted grey; the liquid gold is nothing more than bronze. Arthur thinks his heart might break.
“Merlin? Merlin can you hear me? It’s me, Arthur.”
Scratchy laughter bubbles brokenly from dried and bleeding lips. “That’s what they all say.” Skeletal fingers twitch, as though playing a piano Arthur cannot see.
“Who’s they?” He asks gently, stroking a hand down Merlin’s cheek.
“The hallucinations.” Merlin tells him, nodding sagely. “They always tell me that they’re him.”
Arthur swallows thickly. “It is me, Merlin. I’ve come back.”
The man on the floor convulses and Arthur panics before he realises that it is simply Merlin laughing. "Knew you would say that.” Merlin gasps, and scrabbles for a needle on the dirty floor. Arthur snatches the thing away before Merlin has a chance to plunge it beneath his skin.
“They do that too.” He mutters bitterly and, before Arthur can stop him, snorts something up his nose. Arthur watches as the face he once loved, now cracked and covered in sores, turns slack and twists as the drug took effect. Tears trickling down his face, Arthur presses a soft kiss to Merlin’s forehead; ignoring the stench and the lice that crawl across his skin. Centuries of grief have broken his lover’s mind. It is a heart-wrenching sight. With a sigh, Arthur wipes a hand across his face.
In a brief moment of lucidity, Merlin opens his eyes. The alley is empty save for him. He feels a perverse sense of vindication. The hallucinations never stay. Merlin snorts and strokes his hand lovingly down a needle. He doesn’t need them anyway.