Fanfic - SPN: Letters in My Mind, 1 of 8 (Sam, Dean)
Title: Letters in My Mind, 1 of 8 [Evil!Sammy Universe]
Author: eboniorchid
Fandom: Supernatural
Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester
Prompt: 091. Stressed. For 100moods, challenge table here. Inspired by the Nov. 6 word prompt, "yesterday, killing, regret" at mini_nanowrimo.
Word Count: 713 words exactly.
Rating: R for language, violence, and implied sexuality.
Warnings/Spoilers: Gen/Pre-Slash. Angst. DARK! Future. Apocalypse. Violence. Briefly implied non-con. Character study. Plot. AU after "Simon Said". Potential vague spoilers for "Home", "Nightmare", and "In My Time of Dying".
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Really. Nothing.
Summary: During his brutal confinement, Sam reaches out to his brother, even if it's only in his mind.
Author's Notes: This is based in the events of Destiny Found Him Early and Alone. And just so you know - I definitely cried writing this, but maybe I'm just weird. The last seven leters are available here - Letters in My Mind, 2-8 of 8. Oh, and if you haven't already seen them, orphan_project wrote these awesome letters from Dean here and here, in response to my Letter #1, and then these, in response to this new set of letters! For more info about my Evil!Sammy Universe, including links to all installments, please go here.
Letters: One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight
Dean,
Yesterday, they made me take the life of an innocent.
I don't know if murder applies to animals, but that poor rabbit did not deserve to die. It might not seem like much, killing one little rabbit, what with people hunting for food and sport and everything. But they didn't make me do it for either of those reasons. They just wanted me to have an easy little living thing to practice on.
Practice killing on.
Killing with my mind, dude. My mind!
I might have been able to handle things, if all they wanted was to watch me kill a few hoppers, but they won't stop there, I know it. I can tell from the way they made me do it, from what they said, before, during, and after.
I tried not to, Dean, I swear.
But they must be demons or … maybe they're like me. I don't know and they won't tell me. They just hurt me. Fucking hurt me, like rusty nails dragging on my insides, like there's a hand in my chest squeezing at my lungs.
It's like my body turns against me, tries to tear itself apart.
And I can't hardly breathe, or see, or think, and they just keep telling me, over and over, what I have to do to make the pain stop and I just … I tried, Dean, I swear.
Oh God, I tried.
They just left it here. Said it would help me understand who I am, who I was meant to be. There's blood all over, bits and pieces everywhere and I just … like when we blew up that swamp creature … a few months back? Maybe it was more than that.
I've tried to keep track of the days, even though I haven't seen natural light in a while. I think they purposefully wake me up and have me go to sleep at different times on different days, to keep me from figuring out when it is exactly.
I know sometimes they put me under, needles in my arms and I never know how long I've been gone when I wake up. Makes me wonder what happens when I'm gone like that. Makes me wonder if they've marked me in ways that I can't see. Sometimes they look at me with lust before they take me down. Makes me wonder if … they've tainted me.
Sometimes, when it gets really bad, man … I think of you.
I wonder if you're looking for me. Wonder if you'll find me. It's not that I need rescuing. Except I kinda do. And I dunno how long … I dunno if … fuck, I just wish I'd stayed with you.
It's what I regret the most.
Something bad always seems to happen when we're apart. It's like some rule, written god-knows where.
And I just … but I won't let them break me, Dean. I won't. If I can just hold out, I know I'll get a chance, some time, to break out of here. And I swear, man, when I do, I'm never letting you out of my sight.
Swear to God.
But until I get my chance, I'll just keep writing you these letters and … maybe it's crazy, but … maybe if I think hard enough, like really concentrate, I can send them to you with my mind.
Don't laugh at me, man! Seriously.
Maybe it's crazy, but … I don't know what else to do … to help remember you. They want me to forget, you know, about family, about friends, about love … about you.
They want me empty.
And I'm fighting, man, I swear. But if they make me empty … I think they'll fill me up with something made of nightmares and I won't know me anymore.
You gotta remember for me, okay? Remember who I was, in case I lose my way. You gotta remember how my pieces fit, if they break me, man. 'Cause it feels like bits of who I am are already leaking through the cracks they've made in me.
And there's so much pain here. Always so much pain. So, I just don't know if I'll have the strength to fix me on my own.
I need you.
Sam
Letters: One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight
Author: eboniorchid
Fandom: Supernatural
Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester
Prompt: 091. Stressed. For 100moods, challenge table here. Inspired by the Nov. 6 word prompt, "yesterday, killing, regret" at mini_nanowrimo.
Word Count: 713 words exactly.
Rating: R for language, violence, and implied sexuality.
Warnings/Spoilers: Gen/Pre-Slash. Angst. DARK! Future. Apocalypse. Violence. Briefly implied non-con. Character study. Plot. AU after "Simon Said". Potential vague spoilers for "Home", "Nightmare", and "In My Time of Dying".
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Really. Nothing.
Summary: During his brutal confinement, Sam reaches out to his brother, even if it's only in his mind.
Author's Notes: This is based in the events of Destiny Found Him Early and Alone. And just so you know - I definitely cried writing this, but maybe I'm just weird. The last seven leters are available here - Letters in My Mind, 2-8 of 8. Oh, and if you haven't already seen them, orphan_project wrote these awesome letters from Dean here and here, in response to my Letter #1, and then these, in response to this new set of letters! For more info about my Evil!Sammy Universe, including links to all installments, please go here.
Letters: One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight
Dean,
Yesterday, they made me take the life of an innocent.
I don't know if murder applies to animals, but that poor rabbit did not deserve to die. It might not seem like much, killing one little rabbit, what with people hunting for food and sport and everything. But they didn't make me do it for either of those reasons. They just wanted me to have an easy little living thing to practice on.
Practice killing on.
Killing with my mind, dude. My mind!
I might have been able to handle things, if all they wanted was to watch me kill a few hoppers, but they won't stop there, I know it. I can tell from the way they made me do it, from what they said, before, during, and after.
I tried not to, Dean, I swear.
But they must be demons or … maybe they're like me. I don't know and they won't tell me. They just hurt me. Fucking hurt me, like rusty nails dragging on my insides, like there's a hand in my chest squeezing at my lungs.
It's like my body turns against me, tries to tear itself apart.
And I can't hardly breathe, or see, or think, and they just keep telling me, over and over, what I have to do to make the pain stop and I just … I tried, Dean, I swear.
Oh God, I tried.
They just left it here. Said it would help me understand who I am, who I was meant to be. There's blood all over, bits and pieces everywhere and I just … like when we blew up that swamp creature … a few months back? Maybe it was more than that.
I've tried to keep track of the days, even though I haven't seen natural light in a while. I think they purposefully wake me up and have me go to sleep at different times on different days, to keep me from figuring out when it is exactly.
I know sometimes they put me under, needles in my arms and I never know how long I've been gone when I wake up. Makes me wonder what happens when I'm gone like that. Makes me wonder if they've marked me in ways that I can't see. Sometimes they look at me with lust before they take me down. Makes me wonder if … they've tainted me.
Sometimes, when it gets really bad, man … I think of you.
I wonder if you're looking for me. Wonder if you'll find me. It's not that I need rescuing. Except I kinda do. And I dunno how long … I dunno if … fuck, I just wish I'd stayed with you.
It's what I regret the most.
Something bad always seems to happen when we're apart. It's like some rule, written god-knows where.
And I just … but I won't let them break me, Dean. I won't. If I can just hold out, I know I'll get a chance, some time, to break out of here. And I swear, man, when I do, I'm never letting you out of my sight.
Swear to God.
But until I get my chance, I'll just keep writing you these letters and … maybe it's crazy, but … maybe if I think hard enough, like really concentrate, I can send them to you with my mind.
Don't laugh at me, man! Seriously.
Maybe it's crazy, but … I don't know what else to do … to help remember you. They want me to forget, you know, about family, about friends, about love … about you.
They want me empty.
And I'm fighting, man, I swear. But if they make me empty … I think they'll fill me up with something made of nightmares and I won't know me anymore.
You gotta remember for me, okay? Remember who I was, in case I lose my way. You gotta remember how my pieces fit, if they break me, man. 'Cause it feels like bits of who I am are already leaking through the cracks they've made in me.
And there's so much pain here. Always so much pain. So, I just don't know if I'll have the strength to fix me on my own.
I need you.
Sam
Letters: One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight