first post!

[carminablue]

Name: Carmina 
Age:16
Writing Experience: I've been writing for as long as I've been able to form words....though I didn't start doing anything seriously, or started finishing things until I was about 12/13
Preferred Genres: At the moment I'm really into writing/reading poetry, though I sometimes write some short stories. I don't really find myself

Comments

[chibibluebird]

It may be true, but it's still unbelievable to me, that you (the narrator) don't know the name of your first friend. Even if you were so young at the time you've forgotten their name, probably your parents or other older relatives would be able to remind you.

By "nostalgia dimmed" do you mean "nostalgia which is dimmed"?
If you actually mean "dimmed by nostalgia", then "nostalgia-dimmed" would make that less ambiguous.

I liked your very vivid descriptions in this.

[trachea]

Like chibibluebird I enjoyed the vivid descriptions, especially the idea of "wild hair of dull butterscotch" and colors invading one another! There is an energy of the poem, a kind of lightness to it, not as in unimportance but as in dandelion fluff - odd, detailed, exuberant when blown apart by the wind. I think your use of words run together ("horsescatsdogsfrogswhalesandanoctopus") helps this, although it might be even more effective if you took out one or two of the animals (the run-together lines are almost too long

[cloudwrapdcity]

I'm really impressed by by how well you can write for your age. I hate it when people judge by age, but there's really a lot of potential in this.

With that aside, the dashes confused me as well. I wasn't sure what purpose they served in the text.

The last line might be more clear if it were "Have I been nostalgia dimmed" instead of "Am I nostalgia dimmed" (One being acted upon, the other acting upon something), since it seems like the narrator is being both dimmed by nostalgia (the very fact that there's a poem about it), but perhaps the nostalgia is also dimmed because she can't remember everything. Am I interpreting this right?

The "but" at the beginning of the third stanza is also unnecessary. And since you begin the next stanza also with "but" (I'm not sure if this is intentional), it seems like the "but" at the beginning of the third stanza would be better gone.

[cloudwrapdcity]

Sorry, I just realized that "Have I been nostalgia dimmed" and "Am I nostalgia dimmed" are both statements in which the narrator is being acted upon. I think what I meant was that if it were "Have I been nostalgia dimmed," it would refer back to the rest of the poem, serving almost like a conclusion/ending reflection.