first post!

[carminablue]

Name: Carmina 
Age:16
Writing Experience: I've been writing for as long as I've been able to form words....though I didn't start doing anything seriously, or started finishing things until I was about 12/13
Preferred Genres: At the moment I'm really into writing/reading poetry, though I sometimes write some short stories. I don't really find myself

Comments

[trachea]

Like chibibluebird I enjoyed the vivid descriptions, especially the idea of "wild hair of dull butterscotch" and colors invading one another! There is an energy of the poem, a kind of lightness to it, not as in unimportance but as in dandelion fluff - odd, detailed, exuberant when blown apart by the wind. I think your use of words run together ("horsescatsdogsfrogswhalesandanoctopus") helps this, although it might be even more effective if you took out one or two of the animals (the run-together lines are almost too long).

On a different note, the first line does seem odd because the poem is titled "Virginia."

The dashes between words in the third line of the first stanza - "wild-contagion-of nature-dancing-in" - were confusing for me. I wasn't sure why the dashes were there or what you intended by them. Was there supposed to be a dash between "of" and "nature" as well? Are the dashes supposed to give that line a certain rhythm? The dashes distracted me from reading/enganging with the middle stanza of the poem.

Anyway, I hope this helps and would be curious to see a revision if you end up doing one.