Virgin Trees

[onegrayrose]

tell me if this doesn't make sense!

ooh this might shed so light on this piece if you want it.

"but i remember counting days down 'til the year could be done so i could scatter all my notebooks on the prep school lawn and disappear again into a summer's bliss of staying out sleeping in and getting drunk with my friends" - bright eyes (loose

Comments

[auraesque]

Well done. I like the piece as a whole, especially the second stanza. I love

only sisterhood could have driven us
to stand shameless and bare-chested
in a circle comparing size and sag
as if we were testing melons

That said, I don't think the first and last are quite as strong. I think "tattooed with a heart for every sister / so we may carry them permanently" says too much. The first stanza, on the other hand, is too vague. It is different from the rest of the poem.

Are you planning on reading it?

[onegrayrose]

Thank you.

I may perform it. I'm worried about it being too specific to my own experience though.

[word_of_moth]

The section auraesque pasted above is also my favorite. That being said, I like extended metaphor but I don't feel that you explore this deeply or uniquely enough to carry it through for as long as this goes. New leaves, blowing loose, dispersion, yet retaining roots as bonds... this is all familiar turf (sorry for the pun).

i am easily amused.

[shuju_the_red]

Turf. Yes. :P

[shuju_the_red]

I hated my high school (Catholic), so the why of it doesn't quite make sense to me, but, yes, the poem makes sense. :-P

[onegrayrose]

Thanks I'll work on all these things.

As far as the why... I went to board school;there was a crap-load of history and tradition. I loved it and made some of the best friends ever.