Yeah, I didn't get the suicide vibe, either. Maybe it's because it's so short-- there's so many lines that are just one or two words, with words without much context that it's easy to get lost.
I would highly recommend rewriting this without using the words "I" or "you" as well as cutting out all abstractions. Also, attempt writing in full sentences.
Comments 9
Reply
Good luck with the revision.
Reply
Leave a comment