as for point 1: i guess the whole comma thing was a mistake. as for point 2: that was the whole point of it,(feel-remember-love) three words that builds a poem body.I know there are so much for me to learn about writing,special writting poems.Bue this one has a special place in my heart. Thanks for the comment though,i am glad i join in,i guess no one would ever notice that 2nd point of urs and let me know about it:)
I liked the sentiment in the piece but, having an interest in horror, I had a vision of it ending in lines that described how you had murdered the subject of your passion, hence the remembering.
its funny you said that,i had an idea once about that same point you pointed,just I can't find an original egde yet,and untill the i guess i'll stay away from horror plots..but i am glad to run in to you here,i am sure you will a good help then.
Don't be getting me wrong. I've never actually murdered anyone so there will be some things I won't be able to help you with.
You did, however, mention the right edge which indicates a knife to me. I had more imagined you strangling the subject of your poem. I mean, it is an act of passion and is much better if it's hands-on.
there are definitely some errors in this, especially your commas, also 'every conversations' should be 'every convesation.'
seems like a personal love poem / collection of cliches. i'm sure if you give this a look you'll be able to make it more striking. there is ample opportunity here for improvement.
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2)There are 108 words here but only 37 unique words. I suggest revising this with a thesaurus.
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as for point 2: that was the whole point of it,(feel-remember-love) three words that builds a poem body.I know there are so much for me to learn about writing,special writting poems.Bue this one has a special place in my heart.
Thanks for the comment though,i am glad i join in,i guess no one would ever notice that 2nd point of urs and let me know about it:)
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Regards
A. Mod
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You did, however, mention the right edge which indicates a knife to me. I had more imagined you strangling the subject of your poem. I mean, it is an act of passion and is much better if it's hands-on.
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seems like a personal love poem / collection of cliches. i'm sure if you give this a look you'll be able to make it more striking. there is ample opportunity here for improvement.
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