I remember

[nash79]

You know what I remember

Comments

[math_fridge]

1)Did you mean to end with a comma, or was there more?
2)There are 108 words here but only 37 unique words. I suggest revising this with a thesaurus.

[nash79]

as for point 1: i guess the whole comma thing was a mistake.
as for point 2: that was the whole point of it,(feel-remember-love) three words that builds a poem body.I know there are so much for me to learn about writing,special writting poems.Bue this one has a special place in my heart.
Thanks for the comment though,i am glad i join in,i guess no one would ever notice that 2nd point of urs and let me know about it:)

[akirad]

You posted this twice by accident (I presume) so I deleted the other entry.

Regards

A. Mod

[pgmcc]

I liked the sentiment in the piece but, having an interest in horror, I had a vision of it ending in lines that described how you had murdered the subject of your passion, hence the remembering.

[nash79]

its funny you said that,i had an idea once about that same point you pointed,just I can't find an original egde yet,and untill the i guess i'll stay away from horror plots..but i am glad to run in to you here,i am sure you will a good help then.

[pgmcc]

Don't be getting me wrong. I've never actually murdered anyone so there will be some things I won't be able to help you with.

You did, however, mention the right edge which indicates a knife to me. I had more imagined you strangling the subject of your poem. I mean, it is an act of passion and is much better if it's hands-on.

[somerled]

omg commas!

[nash79]

now that you mentioned it:):)no one point that out ...thanks

[pinkjennywriter]

there are definitely some errors in this, especially your commas, also 'every conversations' should be 'every convesation.'

seems like a personal love poem / collection of cliches. i'm sure if you give this a look you'll be able to make it more striking. there is ample opportunity here for improvement.