What's wrong with this sentence?

[wraithgirl]

I had:

The greater the charge, the greater the separation between the leaves.

The copyeditor has changed it to:

The greater the charge is, the greater is the separation between the leaves.

I think the copyeditor is correct in adding in a verb, but it just sounds terrible. Perhaps just recast?

Comments

Re: commenting too late

[mystery_diva]

Yeah, the second one sucks (correct or not). Yours is better.

On another editing note, I find it kind of funny that my francophone Director at work gives editing suggestions on English text sometimes. Today, my co-worker wrote an email that included a sentence starting with "We are also open to any suggestions...", and Director wrote back, "I think there should be an 'ed' on 'open'". Erm...no. Then she sent out the email adding her own sentence that included "It's important that the website be update." She has "ed" confusion :)

[seal_clubber]

Yeah, version 2 is likely technically correct, but it sounds awkward as hell. Your version was certainly clear. However, as one who unrelentingly rails against text-speak ("how r u") and against the current concept of "understood is good enough", I feel vaguely hypocritcal about saying yours was clear and thus could have been left alone.

...but it totally could have been left alone.

[karmaqueenie]

There are some copy editors who follow grammatical rules so strictly that they introduce new errors into a sentence, or make them unreadable. Your version is definitely preferable and is in fact considered "legal". The verb is implied and very clear. Implied verbs are sometimes employed to avoid awkward repetition. This is where you're allowed to write that other copy editing term, "stet"--meaning, leave it as it is.

[pauliatchy]

The first one was fine, and an elegant way of saying it. The verb does make it more awkward, because it makes the sentence feel unbalanced. It's right, but sounds odd to the ear. It reminds me of the old Churchill line about ending a sentence with a preposition being a silly rule "up with which I shall not put".

[wraithgirl]

I love that Churchill-ism! I was thinking that as well.