may week 4, jff Temptation

[someoneingrey]

I have given in

Comments

[kithlyara]

This is so sad! I think everyone, at some point in their lives, has chosen to stay blindly optimistic, to dream a dream that they know won't come true, because the truth is too hard to bear. It's that sort of hope that can keep us going when times get tough but it can also hurt us in the end. As sad as it is, this was extremely well written and I enjoyed reading it.

[someoneingrey]

thank you!

[lacombe]

Your editor here!

http://www.brigits-flame.com/edits/someoneingrey-may-31-2010.php

<3

[someoneingrey]

thanks jacques. as always.

i don't know what to take out! or how to make it tighter. i tried. i really did. i took out half a stanza. :-)

and i want to set off
Another night,
another room,
and the feeling
that we've been here before.

but i can't figure out how.

i love your edits though. they rock.

[lacombe]

What if you reformatted this into a song format, and these four lines where the chorus? It'd be a lot of work, but this is already very close to song lyrics, with its repetitive style and format.

[darlinleo]

Despite the fact that I'm aware of what you speak of here, I am continually floored by your ability to convey such a depth of emotion in your poetry.

<3

Only time will tell
if resistance
would have served me better.

I was actually hoping that Jacques would make the following prompt: No Regrets.

[someoneingrey]

thanks kat. the unfortunate thing is, that the hope is gone. its been squished.

[lacombe]

I debated for a long time about what my final prompt would be. I'd originally wanted it to be

Like me

but I decided that people might take it as some sort of personal message, so I decided against it.