Friendships ARE Relationships
During a "What I like about you" meme, I was told the following:
"You are so steadfast that sometimes I don't know what to do with you. You refuse to give up on people. We've both had hard times with others, and while I've generally let go of the rest of the world, you keep hanging onto it, and it's a pretty awe-inspiring thing to see."
At the time, I made a joke in response because I know it must drive people crazy. Especially where my family is concerned. But this morning was the first time I personally realized that this was a factual statement. Not just an opinion. Oddly enough, I had never actually saw myself in this manner, or even how far it extended.
My family is absolutely horrible, and yet.. I allowed them several chances, each and every one completely undeserved. I did this because I really wanted a family that all my friends seem to have. Mothers and fathers that love them. Grandparents who believe in them..My family was horrible from the beginning and yet for several years I tried to make things work. It took a huge effort for me to finally just.. stop. And that only happened recently.
And then, there are the people who I call friends. And I have categories for them.
**People who were good to me and for some reason or another, things just fell apart. The ones that drifted away, I allowed to drift. There was never any animosity. There still isn't.
**There are also one's who were good but we had moments of "what the fuckery", be it their fault or mine. But we have known one another for at least a year. We end up drifting as well, but if we see one another again we are both happy to hang out.
**Then there are those few who have been in my life for 3-5 years. We have had our differences. We have stopped speaking. And nearly every single time, it was for a damn good reason. But we always reconnect. We apologize. We admit we were wrong and we end up stronger for it. Usually until the next big blow-out. (And then it is wash/rinse/repeat.) This particular group is one I am less likely to allow to slip away. I would be lying if I said that "time" does not play a role in this. It does. Take Vampy for instance. I have literally lost count of how many times we have been on the outs. How many times I have said "This is it. Fuck you. I'm done." - - - And how many times, despite my frustrations, I remembered the person he is deep down in his heart. And how many times I have seen it and witnessed it for myself. - - - This last time.. and I never posted about it because I was honestly worried what people might think.. I actually contacted him and told him that his "reason" for dropping me as a friend was unacceptable. Just be cause I was busy and he perceived I was blowing him off. To my complete shock, he agreed. Said I was right. Apologized and said he missed hanging with me. And now.. we are friends again.
**And finally there are the very small group who have been in my life 9+ years. This group is so small, that I can count them on one hand. However, this particular group is one that I absolutely refuse to let go of. They have been in my life for so long that I have developed a deep bond. And no matter what level we are friendship-wise, or how many... differences we may have, these are the few that I will do absolutely everything in my power to keep in my life. Not as mere acquaintances, but as my closest friends. People whom I would do anything for. These are the people who I have built a bond of trust and respect. These are the people that I will always be loyal to in any situation. These are the people who... if they try to walk away, I will refuse to see them as anything less than someone I cherish. Who if we get into a disagreeable situation, I will refuse to give up on. No matter what. In fact, they would have to do something that would be the equivalent of murdering my child before I would ever even think to let them out of my life. I refuse to treat them as anything less than what they are in my eyes no matter what the circumstance may be. This is because I know for an absolute fact that they are worthy of my friendship. They are worthy of my loyalty and trust. And even when they break it, I will absolutely refuse to give up because I know that they are worth my efforts to regain my trust in them.
This last group has the ability to absolutely shatter my heart. The people in this last group, I can never be angry with. When/if we have are differences, the only emotions I can ever seem to feel are despair followed by hope. Both of these are cushioned with my determination to make things right because these people mean the world to me. I am loyal to them and will be until my last breath. In short.. I love them with all my heart.. And I refuse to treat them the way I have been treated for nearly all my life. They are worth more than that. The deserve better than that. And I will always give it to them.
I thought about this for a long time last evening and well into the wee hours of the morning. And I do realize one simple fact. It is the same single reason I have made it this far in life and I am still alive today.
My greatest strength is also my greatest weakness.
And that is the simple fact that I will never give up.
"You are so steadfast that sometimes I don't know what to do with you. You refuse to give up on people. We've both had hard times with others, and while I've generally let go of the rest of the world, you keep hanging onto it, and it's a pretty awe-inspiring thing to see."
At the time, I made a joke in response because I know it must drive people crazy. Especially where my family is concerned. But this morning was the first time I personally realized that this was a factual statement. Not just an opinion. Oddly enough, I had never actually saw myself in this manner, or even how far it extended.
My family is absolutely horrible, and yet.. I allowed them several chances, each and every one completely undeserved. I did this because I really wanted a family that all my friends seem to have. Mothers and fathers that love them. Grandparents who believe in them..My family was horrible from the beginning and yet for several years I tried to make things work. It took a huge effort for me to finally just.. stop. And that only happened recently.
And then, there are the people who I call friends. And I have categories for them.
**People who were good to me and for some reason or another, things just fell apart. The ones that drifted away, I allowed to drift. There was never any animosity. There still isn't.
**There are also one's who were good but we had moments of "what the fuckery", be it their fault or mine. But we have known one another for at least a year. We end up drifting as well, but if we see one another again we are both happy to hang out.
**Then there are those few who have been in my life for 3-5 years. We have had our differences. We have stopped speaking. And nearly every single time, it was for a damn good reason. But we always reconnect. We apologize. We admit we were wrong and we end up stronger for it. Usually until the next big blow-out. (And then it is wash/rinse/repeat.) This particular group is one I am less likely to allow to slip away. I would be lying if I said that "time" does not play a role in this. It does. Take Vampy for instance. I have literally lost count of how many times we have been on the outs. How many times I have said "This is it. Fuck you. I'm done." - - - And how many times, despite my frustrations, I remembered the person he is deep down in his heart. And how many times I have seen it and witnessed it for myself. - - - This last time.. and I never posted about it because I was honestly worried what people might think.. I actually contacted him and told him that his "reason" for dropping me as a friend was unacceptable. Just be cause I was busy and he perceived I was blowing him off. To my complete shock, he agreed. Said I was right. Apologized and said he missed hanging with me. And now.. we are friends again.
**And finally there are the very small group who have been in my life 9+ years. This group is so small, that I can count them on one hand. However, this particular group is one that I absolutely refuse to let go of. They have been in my life for so long that I have developed a deep bond. And no matter what level we are friendship-wise, or how many... differences we may have, these are the few that I will do absolutely everything in my power to keep in my life. Not as mere acquaintances, but as my closest friends. People whom I would do anything for. These are the people who I have built a bond of trust and respect. These are the people that I will always be loyal to in any situation. These are the people who... if they try to walk away, I will refuse to see them as anything less than someone I cherish. Who if we get into a disagreeable situation, I will refuse to give up on. No matter what. In fact, they would have to do something that would be the equivalent of murdering my child before I would ever even think to let them out of my life. I refuse to treat them as anything less than what they are in my eyes no matter what the circumstance may be. This is because I know for an absolute fact that they are worthy of my friendship. They are worthy of my loyalty and trust. And even when they break it, I will absolutely refuse to give up because I know that they are worth my efforts to regain my trust in them.
This last group has the ability to absolutely shatter my heart. The people in this last group, I can never be angry with. When/if we have are differences, the only emotions I can ever seem to feel are despair followed by hope. Both of these are cushioned with my determination to make things right because these people mean the world to me. I am loyal to them and will be until my last breath. In short.. I love them with all my heart.. And I refuse to treat them the way I have been treated for nearly all my life. They are worth more than that. The deserve better than that. And I will always give it to them.
I thought about this for a long time last evening and well into the wee hours of the morning. And I do realize one simple fact. It is the same single reason I have made it this far in life and I am still alive today.
My greatest strength is also my greatest weakness.
And that is the simple fact that I will never give up.