orion [1/2]

[wintrynight]

(my winter star)

luhan/chaerin | au | pg-13 | language

ii. snow

“some people are worth melting for.”
-olaf from disney’s frozen

“do you know about the abandoned building just at the outskirts of the town?”

spring comes

chaerin sighed as she let her bag slipped off her shoulder before tiredly sat on a bench in an empty park. it’s already past twelve in midnight and chaerin had nowhere to go. she was to blame though, considering she’s the one who took the decision to leave her aunt’s house with no plan or place to stay.

“taking her in was too troublesome,” she remembered her aunt’s distressed voice. it’s not like she was surprised; no one in her family would take her in. she was already been passed around from one house to another far too many times. and it’s not like she couldn’t guess the way her aunt would always had this sour look on her face whenever she’s around. that’s why she thought enough is enough; she doesn’t want to burden anymore of her relatives nor does she wanted to be passed around like a thing.

so she left.

“there aren’t many stars here in the city eh? what a shame,” she said out loud while lying on her back, all drowsy eyes and teary yawn.

i feel sleepy, she closed her eyes, her mind drifted away to her home. back at home, nights like this always have beautiful glimmering stars painted across the black canvas of the sky. she had always love gazing upon the blinking stars.

her parents love it too.

mother…father…why did you leave me like this.

“this place is so cold…” she muttered to herself as black tiredness started to loom her vision.

“of course it is, it’s a winter night and you’re out here without warm clothes,” through her blurry vision, chaerin could make out a man’s silhouette hovering over her. her mind was alarmed at the stranger’s presence but her body was numb from the tiredness and the cold.

who-

“hey, can you hear me?” the stranger’s voice echoed in her ears, “aish shit,” she felt her cold fingers being held, “how long have you been here?” before her body was hoisted up and warmth enveloped her.

“hold on, kitty. i’m taking you home. so stay awake, okay?”

home? she thought, eyes getting drowsy and all she wanted is to sleep.

i haven’t been home in a while.

the image of her parents sitting at the balcony on breezy june night flashed across her mind.

mother…father…

and chaerin fell asleep, warm back pressed against her cheek, musky vanilla and a tinge of cigarette smoke, and she never felt so calm in the hands of a stranger.

they’re my home.

-

“father, what is a shooting star?”

“it’s a star that fell from the sky. people said that if you make a wish upon a shooting star, your wish will come true.”

“oh you’re awake.”

when chaerin opened her eyes, the first face that came to her vision was - unfortunately - not her father. but this person has the same eyes as his, and though similar, his face was years younger. his cheeks are chubby and his pouty lips stretched into a grin when chaerin blinked at him.

“who are you?”

“of course you didn’t remember me.” the unknown male let out a bitter laugh, “the last time we met you’re still a chubby child.”

what-

chaerin pushed her self up, alarming the male, “ah hey, are you feeling better? you need something?”

“yeah,” she dismissed his offering hands and gave him a suspicious look, “you still haven’t answer my question.”

“geez, so cold,” the male crossed his hands, staring back at her with a pointed look, “just like your mother.”

he sighed when chaerin still keeping her suspicious eyes on him, “i’m lee sungmin. your dad’s younger brother. i’m your uncle.”

“you’re bluffing,” she countered bluntly.

the male - sungmin - spluttered, “wh-wha-why!?”

chaerin, ignoring his question, hastily made her way off the bed, “thank you for helping me but i really got to go-”

“h-hey wait!! i have proof!” sungmin grabbed her wrist, forcing her to a stop. seeing the surprised look in chaerin’s eyes, sungmin pulled his hand away as if he just touched a hot iron. he spluttered out an apology before quickly reached out for his wallet in his back pocket.

“look, here,” he took out a photo and gave it to chaerin, “that’s your dad. and me.” it was an old photograph of two teenage boys and though the color has faded out, chaerin knows her father’s smile all too well.

“you trust me now?” chaerin nodded slowly and sat on the edge of the bed, the atmosphere in the room slowly calming down.

“after the accident, i tried to reach out and find you but they said someone from your mom’s side took you in. and now that i heard you’re not with them anymore, i thought maybe i could…” the older male paused and chaerin looked up to see his lopsided smile, “take you in.”

chaerin looked down, her eyes fixated on the old photo in her hand. her father is younger, but that smile of his, she will never forget it. so warm and comforting like a hot chocolate during a cold night. but all that, together with her mother’s warm hugs, were taken away from her in one night.

“why? no one wants to take me in and if they do, they’d think it was too troublesome and throw me away to some orphanage. why would you take me in?”

her thumb brushed over her father’s face lightly, and her heart dropped at remembering the silent funeral, “none of their family members came to the funeral,” she looked up, hurt glazed over her defiant eyes, “not even you. why would i trust you?”

silence ensued, and chaerin started to feel regret slowly gnawing herself. she’s not the type to lose her cool so easily, especially not in front of someone she’s just met. she was able to maintain her stoic facade after the accident, during the funeral and even during the times she was passed around from one family to another. but somehow, she felt tired of everything and this guy just happened to be the one to poke her safety bubbles and let all the frustrations out.

the sound of the chair scrapping the floor broke the silence as sungmin sat across chaerin, “about the funeral, i’m sorry. if i can i would come-” he grabbed chaerin’s hand in assurance when the latter looked away, as if everything he’s saying were lies, “listen,” chaerin slowly looked at him and saw honesty and truth in his eyes, “i love your dad. he’s my big brother. he’s always there for me. when-when he eloped-i’m the only one who supported him.”

“then why didn’t you come?” chaerin questioned, pulling away her hand while breaking their eye contact, “until the end, they left without a word of love from their family.”

“i’m sorry…” sungmin looked down in grief, “it may sound like an excuse but…i didn’t know about the accident until two weeks after.”

another pause surrounded the pair before chaerin let out a bitter smile, “they hate my parents that much, huh?”

sungmin said nothing, no words of objection nor something to convince her otherwise. it was no use anyway, everyone knows the truth; that the day his brother eloped with the ‘filthy child’ was the day he was dead to the family.

“so that’s why i decided to take you in,” sungmin broke the silence and let out a smile, hoping to ease down the heavy atmosphere, “i mean, i’m a single man who lives alone. having a girl in would be nice.”

should i be worried? chaerin eyed the male in front of her in suspicion again, and sungmin continued,

“and maybe i can payback hyung by taking care of his precious daughter.”

chaerin’s eyes widened slightly; this gentle demeanour, this smile, sungmin truly is her father’s brother. and for the first time, sungmin was caught of guard because he swears he saw a faint smile on chaerin’s face.

“am i interrupting?”

the two lees’ attention was caught when a foreign voice interrupted them. sungmin stood up and walked towards the new male, unintentionally blocking chaerin’s sight from him, “you’re still here?”

“well, i was leaving but it would be rude to leave without saying goodbye.”

this voice…

“what are you saying? all this time you came and left this house like you own it.”

“hold on, kitty. i’m taking you home.”

“well that’s-”

“so stay awake, okay?”

chaerin’s eyes widened slightly when she finally saw the male’s face before her eyes. he had dark brown hair, and a face that made him look like someone younger than her - a high schooler? - but when he entered the room with sungmin, chaerin suddenly remembers this is the same male who carried her all the way here, broad shoulder, warm back, home.

“who is this?” she asked, eyes still on the unknown male.

“this is my friend. he’s the one who found you at the park,” sungmin introduced.

“hi,” the male grinned - definitely a high schooler - and waved at her, to which chaerin replied with a short nod. well, she was never known as a friendly person.

“after your aunt called and said you ran away from home i quickly went out to search for you with this guy. he brought you in as soon as he found you.”

“i’m taking you home.”

chaerin’s cheeks reddened slightly at the memories. it’s not like she’s shy about having an unknown male carry her home, but the fact that she just troubled a total stranger is not something she’s proud of. “thank you,” she said softly.

surprised, the male raised his hands, “ehh it’s nothing, why so formal,” he smiled meekly, scratching the back of his head, “i’m luhan by the way.”

luhan…. chaerin opened her mouth, “ah, i’m-”

“shoot, i gotta go now,” luhan stopped her, before hastily made his way out of the room, shouting, “bye ming!” and winking to chaerin’s direction, “and see you later, kitty.”

“yah, who’s kitty you old geezer,” sungmin shouted back, resting his hands on his hips with an annoyed look on his face.

i should…properly tell him my name, chaerin thought, her eyes lingered at the door where luhan just left.

“see you later, kitty.”

next time.

flowers bloom

it was a nice, sunny day on spring when chaerin wakes up horrified seeing her new school uniform.

“why do i have to wear this,” she questioned irritatingly, tugging the end of her skirt that, in her opinion, was showing too much of her skin. she would rather wear pants - like she did in her old school - but since her ‘uncle’ decided to enrol her in a prestigious school, she was stuck with this nightmare.

“it’s a standard school uniform!” sungmin argued, as if reading her mind. “now stay still, let uncle ming take your pretty pictures.”

“what are you doing?” chaerin’s question fell on deaf ears as sungmin continues taking her photos, the camera’s flash was irritating her but seems like she would have to punch the older male to make him realize this.

“ahh so cute!” sungmin cooed, satisfied at the amount of photos he took, “i’m making an album obviously. i’ll be taking photos of you growing up under my care and make your parents proud.”

what a weirdo, chaerin thought but she was too lazy to argue so she said nothing.

“okay let’s go now. you’re getting late.”

-

“good luck chaerinnie~ for your first day at a new school!”

i want to run away already, chaerin thought solemnly, ignoring sungmin’s energetic-self. she didn’t even bother to look over her shoulder to at least send him off with a wave. she just wanted to bury herself someplace where no one can look at her weirdly.

he’s doting on me too much, she huffed, tugging at the end of her pigtails. sungmin had insisted to tie her hair up and chaerin didn’t even got the chance to say otherwise, i don’t even want to know what he did during his past times to know all this.

the introduction part was uneventful. it was the same old thing; introducing herself as lee chaerin and she was a new student, but chaerin kept everything personal close to herself. she was then told to sit behind the class representative; a blonde, cheery girl named jessica jung, is your hair naturally straight? i’m so jealous, and next to jessica was gong minji, whom chaerin learned to be quite an athlete, join the volleyball team. i feel like you have the talent and the guy sitting next to chaerin was called kris wu, a tall guy with light brown, spiky hair, if you need any help, just ask me.

her first day at school has ended without a hitch, except for quite a confrontation from some of kris’ fangirls but that matter was solved easily when jessica came to her aid, and chaerin was ready to go home when the said female called for her, “do you want to walk home together?”

i thought her driver would be taking her home, chaerin thought, considering this is a prestigious school and jessica is coming from an influential family, but chose not to voice it out, “ah, sure-”

“hey kitty~~~!” the two teenagers jumped at the shrill voice and chaerin, knowing all to well the name-calling and the person’s voice, whipped her head to his direction, eyes as wide as the saucer.

“wh-what are you doing here?” she rushed to the waving male, cheeks reddened in embarrassment when she felt eyes all over the two of them.

luhan rolled his eyes and made a face, “duh, picking you up of course. ming is busy so i’ll be sending you home.”

“chaerin, is everything okay?” jessica called out, looking worried as she eyed luhan in suspicion.

chaerin turned on her heels and forced out a smile, “ah, yeah. i’m sorry jessica looks like we’ll walk home together next time.”

“ehh too bad.” the blonde girl pouted before she recovered, “it’s okay next time then, see you tomorrow.”

“you already made some friends on your first day,” luhan said when jessica walked away, a teasing smile on his face, “that’s good.”

chaerin glared at the older male and sungmin’s voice echoed in her head - he’s my friend from college - enough to stop his teasing smile, “hey, look. i can go home by myself-”

“tell that to your worrywart uncle. i’m just doing him a favor,” luhan cuts her off, starting the engine and putting on his sunglasses with a smirk, “get in, kitty.”

“and about that. name is lee chaerin,” chaerin crossed her arms over her chest defensively, “you can…stop calling me kitty.” how old is this guy again. he’s not some weird pedophile right?

“i know. sungmin told me.” luhan grinned, pulling down his glasses just enough to wink at the flustered young lady, “i just see you as a cute kitty.”

-

months go by like passing waves and chaerin finally adjusted her life as a high school student and a niece with an overly attached uncle. she became accustomed to sungmin’s random hugs, kisses, encouraging words of love and she even got used to being pampered and treated like a princess by the older male. she also got a hang on her school life; she joined the volley ball club like minji had suggested, joined the student council with kris and even joined the debate team after jessica suggested her name. though she was busy around the clock, chaerin finds them to be pretty exciting.

“tutor?” chaerin looked up from her calculus book at sungmin’s suggestion, brows raised slightly.

“yeah, i’ve read your report cards from your previous schools. looks like you almost had to repeat your year.”

ah…chaerin returned her attention to her homework, scribbling down the answers, “there’s no need. i’ll be fine.”

“but chaerin-”

chaerin cuts him off, eyes still on the numbers, “if you read my records from my middle school you’ll see i was a top scorer. the one you read is around my parents’ accident and i’m not emotionally stable so i couldn’t excel in my studies.”

though she was back-facing him, chaerin could feel the surprised look on his uncle’s face. they didn’t talk much about the accident (since there aren’t much to talk about, i can’t remember most of them, she had told him) and when they do touch on the matter, it would always ended up in an awkward silence. for sungmin, at least, “chaerin.”

the young teen sighed silently at the soft call her name, “i’m fine now since you took me in so don’t worry. i won’t be needing a tutor ackkk-”

sungmin had hugged her a bit too tightly from behind.

“you poor girl! my poor chaerin!” the older male cried, pulling her head to his chest, “you’ve been through so much. i’m sorry i wasn’t there earlier.”

“…it’s nothing…” chaerin muttered against the fabric of sungmin’s shirt, this feels warm.

“am i interrupting something?”

“luhan!” sungmin jumped off chaerin’s back to rush to his best friend, “chaerin just told me something sad!”

“don’t tell any unnecessary things to other people!!” chaerin threatened, standing up in alarm. her uncle has quite a big mouth. she didn’t know what he told luhan about her. and she didn’t intend to find out.

sungmin pouted to her direction, still hanging onto the confused luhan, “but still chaerin. i think having a tutor is still a good idea. i mean, you left school for quite a while now. maybe just until you can catch up with what you left behind?”

“a tutor? can i be the tutor?” luhan suddenly voiced out, with that stupid grin on his face.

what is this guy talking about-

“that’s a good idea!”

what!?

“since you and chaerin already knew each other it would be easier! can you do that luhan?”

“yeah,” luhan gave them a thumb up and a wink, “i’ll do it for free too.”

“i know i can count on you!!” sungmin gleefully clapped his hands, delighted at his friend’s idea.

what are they thinking…chaerin sighed as she pinched the bridge of her nose. she could feel this ending up in a disastrous road. but sungmin was humming cheerfully and luhan was giving her a wide toothy grin and she knew arguing would be useless when it comes to sungmin - and luhan was grinning - so she sighed again but this time with a thin smile.

stupid.

-

“luhan?” sungmin paused to swallow his dinner, “what about him?”

it’s been a few weeks since luhan agreed to be her tutor and the older male had been coming to the lee residence even more frequently. chaerin also felt like she had been spending most of her time around luhan, but never once did she asks the older male about himself. the only thing she had known about luhan is his name, he’s twenty-five (a year younger than sungmin) and he’s from china.

and she’s not the type to poke her nose into other people’s life.

“i was curious what he did for living,” chaerin started, sounding as casual as she could be. yes, she’s not the type to poke her nose into other people’s life; but luhan made her as curious as a cat. “he’d been coming and leaving this house as if he’s homeless.”

“you’re right.” sungmin chuckled at her wordings, “he has his own house actually. but maybe because he’s living alone and he’s like a rabbit so he kept coming here.”

“a rabbit?” chaerin tilted her head in confusion.

“ah you know what people say. rabbits can’t live on their own. or else they would die or something,” sungmin explained, reaching out for another piece of egg-roll.

“that’s how i see luhan anyway. that guy can’t stand being alone.”

-

the sky was bright blue, with puffy clouds of white that seemed like cotton candies if you looked at it a certain way. the air was fresh and breezy, like how spring air would be, and people chattered on, the city buzzed with excitement.

chaerin blew her bangs off her eyes, i need to get my hair cut, maybe just a trim, it’s getting irritating, and walked her way through the crowd to a more secluded area just at the outskirts of the town. it was an address that sungmin gave to her and chaerin looked around, searching for a certain dark haired male.

“kitty?” oh, speak of the devil, “what are you doing here?” luhan asked, jogging to her direction with eyes wide in wonder and a wide smile spread across his face.

“uncle asked me to send this to you,” chaerin answered, holding up a nicely wrapped container, “he has a meeting so he couldn’t come instead. he said sorry.”

the container exchanged hands and luhan excitedly unwrapped it, his eyes sparkled in glee at seeing white rice and assorted side dishes, “wahhh food!” he exclaimed with a grin, “thanks kitty.”

chaerin was taken aback, “but it was my uncle…” she muttered cooly, hiding the faint blush on her cheeks behind her palm. she was never the type to blush like little girls, but lately luhan had been poking on some of the sides she never knew she had before.

get a grip, lee!

“you want to come inside!?” luhan offered when chaerin was about to leave (out of embarrassment), and before chaerin could politely decline, the latter had grabbed her wrist and dragged her to a small building just around the corner.

it was new and chaerin could still smell the dried cement but it seems fairly empty and dusty. there were a few smaller rooms that were already flourished with flooring and wallpapers. chaerin recognized two of the rooms as some sort of a dance studios, and they walk further, before stopping. luhan opened the door to an empty room but chaerin’s eyes were caught at the grand piano placed just at the centre of the room.

“it’s small but it’ll grow someday.” said luhan, and chaerin couldn’t look away from the serene in his eyes as he smiled softly at the empty room; his pride, “one day, i’ll have my own learning centre. so i can teach and share music with other people.”

the two of them walked slowly towards the piano and chaerin felt surreal, like she was in an entirely different world. this is luhan’s, she thought, this is a place different from the outside world, different from hers. she’s slowly seeing another part of luhan.

“you play piano?” she asked as luhan sat on the chair.

“yeah,” he pressed a key, “you play any musical instruments, kitty?”

chaerin shook her head no and run her fingers over the body, “my dad…plays piano. there’s this one song he always plays and my mom would sing.”

it was such a happy moment.

her eyes dropped slightly in melancholy and luhan stared up at her in silence before he asked, “that song. can you tell me how it goes?” when chaerin looks up, luhan was smiling at her, “if you want i can play it for you.”

this time, chaerin didn’t even try to hide her blush nor her excitement. her heart raced and her words came out in stutters, “ah… i-i have it recorded in my-my phone,” but for some reason, she thought it was okay.

the song was undone, but luhan just need to listen to it in one go before his lithe fingers start dancing across the black and white keys to create music that warmed chaerin like the sun during winter. the snow slowly melted under the golden rays and chaerin felt the first flower of spring blooms in her,

“thank you luhan.”

-

summer is here. the sun was a glaring ball of fire and chaerin swears it’s gonna be the death of her. she had always hated summer. except for the holidays, but everything else, she hated them.

“a blind date?” chaerin raised her brows as she fans herself. it was as hot as an oven even with her sleeves rolled all the way up her shoulders. her hair was tied into a messy ponytail but there are still strands of hair sticking to her sweaty face and neck which annoys her a lot.

“yeah. my friend asked if i have some friends to join,” jessica said, eased with her small electric fan, “you want to come?”

“not really-”

“come on chaerin-ah!” minji interrupted, hanging on chaerin’s back like a big furry, sweaty koala she is. the latter whined at the weight and the fact everything is sticky, minji must’ve just finished her volley ball training, “this might be a chance for us to date some hotties! don’t you want that?”

i haven’t think about those stuff…

“you don’t have to date them,” jessica assured with a smile, “just come and hang out. what happens after that is up to you. we just need to complete the group since we’re short of three people.”

chaerin gave it a thought, no harm in trying right? i can always leave if they guys are starting to act all weird, before sighing, “sure then,” she reluctantly agreed, with minji replied with a cheer.

“what are you girls talking about?” kris butts in, looking curious. the male had his honey hair tied up because of the heat and his sleeves rolled up just like chaerin.

“hey kris! we’re going to a blind date this weekend!” minji answered, getting off chaerin’s back which the latter appreciates with a relief sigh, “you wanna come too?”

“uhh no thanks,” kris declined, “a blind date huh? chaerin you’re going too?”

all eyes were on chaerin at kris’ sudden question. the girl raised her hand cooly, “i’m just there to complete the group.”

relief flashed across kris’ face as he let out a wide smile, “ah i see. that’s good then,” he stood up and left the group when one of his friends called for him. the group went silent before jessica smirked at chaerin.

“kris is totally into you.”

“what?”

“well, he’s relieved knowing you’re only there to hang out and nothing more,” the girl continues, fanning herself and chaerin really wants to snatch that electric fan from her hand, “it’s not that serious, but i think maybe he likes you. a bit probably.”

“it was nothing,” chaerin countered lazily, “you’re thinking too much.”

like, huh?

“a blind date?” luhan parroted, pushing himself up from chaerin’s bed.

it was their tutorial session and as usual, luhan would treat chaerin’s room like his (and chaerin was reminded how sungmin said luhan is like a rabbit and easily attached to people) though it bothers at first (since her personal space is being forcefully invaded by a space rabbit) she gradually gets used to luhan’s antics.

“yeah, i’m just there to complete the group since they’re short in people,” chaerin said, absorbed in her math questions.

luhan laid back on chaerin’s bed, “still…it sounds fun.”

chaerin stops her writing, biting her lips and muster her courage, “hey, luhan,” she called, not turning to the older male, “what do you think?” she swallowed, “about me going to the blind date?”

“well, he’s relieved knowing you’re only there to hang out and nothing more.”

“it’s not that serious, but i think maybe he likes you. a bit probably.”

jessica’s voice rang in her head and chaerin already regretted her question. luhan wouldn’t care. she’s just like a little kid in his eyes.

and most importantly why would she cares on how luhan feels about it?

“i think you’ll have some fun,” luhan answers and chaerin brushed away the slight drop of her heart, “but you have to tell sungmin though. he’ll be worried.”

what about you?

wait what? chaerin slapped her cheeks, surprising luhan, cut it out lee chaerin. you’re thinking weird things.

“kitty? are you okay?” luhan asked, concerned by the younger’s act.

“what?” chaerin turned to luhan, only to be surprised at how close the older male had got to her. he was looking down at her and chaerin’s breath was caught at how the light from her table lamp illuminates his features, his eyelashes are long for a guy, honey brown eyes-

“you looked red. are you having a fever?”

chaerin snapped from her thoughts and turned away, gripping her pen so tight that her knuckles whitened,

“i’m okay.”

-

“hey, you’re…chaerin, right?”

chaerin smiled tightly at the question. the ‘blind date’ had been quite uneventful on her side (since jessica and minji seems to have so much fun singing their hearts out right now) and chaerin’s mind was occupied with her soft fluffy bed and her beloved rilakkuma for the whole day. before ending the day they decided to go karaoke at the noraebang in her neighborhood and chaerin politely declined every requests for her to sing when of the guys approach her.

he’s cute, chaerin silently noted, what’s his name again, she couldn’t even recall the guy’s name since she had been busy trying to avoid any form of intimate contact for the whole day. yes, the guy is cute and he looks like a nice person too, but chaerin didn’t feel like forming any sort of relationship with him (or any other guys) at the moment.

“excuse me,” she said, softly brushing away the guy’s attempt to know her closer and exiting the room after whispering to jessica that she’s done for the night. she sighed after she stepped out of the noraebang, breathing in deeply as if she had been suffocated for the whole day.

“kitty?”

chaerin jumped at the familiar voice, her head whipped towards luhan who is smiling brightly as he jogs to her direction.

“what are you doing here? i thought you’re going to a blind date?”

chaerin scratched the nape of her neck, looking away bashfully, “yeah, i was… but i don’t think any of the guys are interested in me.”

“eh? are you serious?” luhan exclaimed, “but you’re cute!”

chaerin’s eyes widened at luhan’s words, though it’s already night time, she definitely thinks the summer heat is getting to her. her face was burning and her heart beats so fast that she’s worried it’s gonna jump out of her chest.

“what’s wrong?” luhan asked, oblivious with the teenage girl’s reaction.

“i-i’m fine,” chaerin stuttered, covering her face with the back of her hand as she tries to turn away from luhan.

“you’re lying. you’ve been acting weird since before,” luhan caught her hand and tugged her to his direction, “are you ok-” his words died in his throat when chaerin looked up at him with wide glistening eyes and a flushed face before the younger one jerked her hands away and walk past him without looking back.

“i’m going home.”

i’m a cold person.

time flew by and the only thing chaerin looks forward to during summer has finally arrived; the summer break. after what happened during the night of the blind date, luhan had been busy with his work, saving chaerin the troubles from avoiding him. she didn’t talk about it to her friends either, figuring there’s not much to talk about since she had yet figure out her feelings.

“what's your plan for the summer, chaerin?”

minji asked as she sprawls over chaerin’s bed, leisurely going through the girl’s manga collections. it’s been a week and minji had spend her time in chaerin’s room since there’s no one at home that could relieve her boredom. however, having one week spent going through other people’s magazines and manga collections doubles up her boredom even more.

“studying, preparing for the next semester,” chaerin answered casually.

“that sounds depressing,” minji commented exasperatedly, “let’s go have some fun. i’m dying from boredom over here.”

“you can always ask your parents to take you to a vacation or something,” chaerin said, flipping another page of her sherlock holmes’ novel, “uncle sungmin will be working the whole summer vacation; it’s not like i have any choice.”

“that…sounds even more depressing,” minji muttered under her breath. she rolled over the bed, her hands thrown to the sides as she sighed, “i wish someone would plan for a trip. i’m too lazy to do so.”

“i heard you call.”

the two girls jumped in surprise when jessica opened the door, appearing out of nowhere. the girl was slightly sweating from the heat and she was wearing shades which revealed her cold eyes when she removed them, “what’s with this depressing mood. you guys are ruining my summer.”

“oh lord jessica!” minji hollered, jumping off the bed to pull the other one into a suffocating hug, “please, please save us peasants from depressing summer!”

“i heard you, my favorite subject,” jessica pushed the whining girl away, “it’s too hot. stop hugging.”

“wait how did you come in,” chaerin interrupted, “i swear i locked the door-”

“i let her in!”

chaerin’s face darkened at luhan’s cheery voice as she glares threateningly at the older male, “what the fuck are you doing here.”

luhan’s made a face, “language, kitty. uncle ming won’t like it if he knows.”

“boohoo. get out,” the brunette replied flatly, kicking the older one’s leg as she tries to close the door.

“why is kitty so mean to meeeee,” luhan whined, stopping her from closing the door, “uncle lulu is lonelyyyy.”

“you’re gross, get out,” chaerin hissed in annoyance, pushing the brown haired male’s forehead when he tries to get into the room, “yah!” it’s not the first time luhan doing this. somehow chaerin thinks he had been infected with sungmin’s clinginess (he should find a new friend, goddammit) but doing this in front of her friends is so unsightly.

“why are you so snappy,” luhan continued with his whines, “it’s not like i’ve never been to your room-”

“waaaaaahhhhh!!!” chaerin yelled over his sentence, her cheeks burnt in embarrassment. gathering her strength, she pushed the older male as hard as she could, causing him to lost his balance and tripped onto the floor with his bum. she childishly stuck out her tongue victoriously, before slamming the door close.

luhan chuckled lightly before standing up, “sungmin told me to deliver some food for you since he forgot to cook this morning. see you later, kitty!” he shouted from outside and walk away with a smile when chaerin replied with a curt, “whatever!”

chaerin huffed when she heard luhan walking away. she forgot the older one has claimed his residency in the house since he had been coming and leaving whenever he wants. what’s more, she surprised herself for her childish banter with luhan just now. wasn’t she trying to avoid luhan?

“that was quite an amusing sight,” jessica commented, snapping her from her trance.

“so he’s been in your roo-”

“wahhhhhh!” chaerin cuts her off in panic, “it’s not that, idiot! he’s uncle sungmin’s friend. he’s been tutoring me for a while.”

chaerin closed her eyes to calm down her breathing and rapidly beating heart. why was she so nervous anyway? luhan is her uncle’s friend and her tutor. there’s nothing wrong with that. gaining her composure, she went to her desk to pick up where she had left her reading.

but jessica wasn’t having any of that.

“what’s his name again?”

chaerin visibly flinched at the sudden question. but she answered calmly, “luhan.”

“his age?”

“twenty-five.”

“8 years older,” came the comment.

the brunette turned to jessica, “what’s with the questions?”

“you like him?”

chaerin’s eyes widened as she sputtered indignantly, “wh-what!? wh-why would-would i!? l-like!? him!?”

interesting, “you’ve been blushing since he came here.”

“i did not blush!” chaerin countered back, tad bit defensively, her face going against her words in flaming red.

“it’s just we had been spending some times together-and-and lately i’ve been having this weird pain in my chest whenever i’m with him but i don’t know-i don’t like him-okay!?” the brunette huffed, her eyes glaring daggers, like a tiger ready to pounce if any of them tries to pry even more.

it’s obvious she likes him, both jessica and minji mused silently. well, better let her have the fun figuring out herself, jessica decided, shrugging, “if you say so.”

chaerin visibly relaxed at this and jessica continues, “i’m here because i have a proposal.”

the two girls look at the blonde curiously as she smirks,

“what do you think about going to a private beach?”

-

“uwwwwahhhh it’s really the beach!!” minji hollered excitedly as she ran across the white sand, the ocean inviting her like a calling.

“it always made me feel good seeing cute young girl so excited,” jessica mused with a content smile, watching minji kicking the water gleefully.

“yeah…” chaerin replied with an irate tone and pointed at the source of her irritation, “remind me why is this guy here again?”

‘this guy’ grinned at her question, he was wearing a white hoodie, which is unzipped, giving the world a peek of his toned abs. he bent forward, closing his face with chaerin with a cheeky smile, “this guy is here because uncle ming won’t let you go to the beach without a guardian.”

chaerin gritted her teeth, this guy needs a proper lesson about personal space, and pushed luhan’s head out of the way as she grumpily went to set up the umbrella for her to shade under. luhan lets out a boisterous laugh, following chaerin like a rabbit he is, not budging despite being physically attack by the younger female.

“is he really a friend of chaerin’s uncle?” kris asked jessica, suspiciously eyeing the bickering pair in front of them.

“yeah, his university friend,” jessica took of her shades, “i heard he’s 9 years older than us. what a baby face, right?”

“9 years!?” kris repeated, baffled, that childish guy!?

well, maybe he’s the type that looks younger than his age but is really mature, kris convinced himself. he met chaerin’s uncle before and that man has a face younger than his age too. so maybe this guy is the same.

“hey kitty,” luhan called out, bringing their attention before he ignorantly place his hand on chaerin’s chest, “why aren’t you in bikinis? it’s not like you’re flat-chested.”

while jessica was greatly amused and kris was stupefied, chaerin felt like her soul is slowly leaving her body before she forced it back in, her body trembled in rage, “you…”

“you-fucktard!!!!!!!!!”

-

“you don’t need to go that far you know,” luhan weeped as he nurses his injured cheek from chaerin’s iron fist.

chaerin hugged her feet tightly, barricading her body from further molestation from the older male (goddammit he’s a pervy old geezer), “you deserve it, pervert!”

“but i was sincerely asking you why you didn’t wear any bikinis,” luhan defended, “aren’t teenagers nowadays went to the beach to show off their bikinis? at least during my times they are.”

chaerin looked at the dark haired male like he just grew another head, “are you being serious right now? why would i do that?”

luhan pouted and sighed as he leaned back against his hands, looking at the vast ocean, “i guess i’m growing old.”

silence ensued between the two. jessica had forcefully dragged kris with her and gone to play with minji. they three of them were having so much fun, frolicking under the sun like little children, splashing salt water to each other, their laughter fills the air. since it was a private beach, there aren’t much people except for those whom associated with jessica’s family. it was calming.

“why aren’t you playing with them?” luhan asked, noticing the serene look in chaerin’s eyes as she watches her friends.

“it’s too hot. i don’t like getting myself under the sun that much,” chaerin said, “i’m happy just watching them.”

luhan said nothing, seeing the satisfied smile gracing the younger one’s face. his lips also quirk into a small smile, it is pleasant seeing chaerin in such good mood.

“by the way, luhan,” chaerin spoke, breaking the silence. the younger still refused to call him ‘oppa’ despite the numerous time he pleaded her to call him that just because he never had anyone calling him that. he gave a low ‘hmm?’ as a reply, waiting for the younger one to continue.

“you really…want me to wear a bikini?”

luhan choked on his saliva at the sudden question. he had meant for it to be a joke and it was really a sincere question but he did not mean it that way. his head snapped towards the young brunette and his eyes widened seeing chaerin burying her face into her folded arms, the faint pink on her ears doesn’t go unnoticed in luhan’s eyes. he swallowed, pondering on a proper reply.

chaerin waited for luhan to say something; anything, because she felt like she’s going to die in embarrassment any time soon. she just blurted the question without thinking, wondering what kind of reply would she get.

but what kind of reply is she hoping for?

she jumped when luhan reached out to ruffle her hair and when she looked up, the older male was chuckling, his eyes turned into a pair of crescents, “what kind of question is that, kitty? i don’t mind what you’re wearing.” he then stood up, stretching out his arms, “ahh i am so thirsty. i’m gonna get something to drink.”

for a moment there, chaerin felt a thump in her heart when luhan smiled at her. it’s not like the older male never smiles (in fact he did that so many times) but for some reason, lately, everything that luhan does stir something in her. it made her feels uneasy and almost nauseous, not to mention the chest pain she felt whenever she’s with him.

what is this feeling.

“where is he going?” kris asked, breaking chaerin from her reverie.

“he went to get something to drink,” she answered cooly, fanning herself to ease down the rising heat.

kris said nothing but jessica noticed that from the look in his eyes, he was suspicious about the relationship between the two. sorry kris, i really want to support you, jessica muttered in her head, sparing a glance to the reddened chaerin, who is gripping her chest tight, but chaerin comes first.

i won’t mind anyone as long as she’s happy.

luhan sighed as he scratched the back of his head. chaerin’s question, the look on her partially hidden face, they play in his mind like a record. he looked up the blue sky, letting the wind ruffled his hair,

“don’t get carried away, luhan.”

-

“hey, lee chaerin.”

jessica looked down at the said girl who is far too absorbed with her reading, her face twitch in annoyance, “what are you reading?

“huh?” chaerin looked up, her answer came out smoothly, “the triangular theory of love.”

i’m getting headache because of this child, jessica massaged her temple with a heavy sigh, “and why is that?”

“this weird feeling i got when i’m around luhan is bothering me,” the brunette answered, continuing her reading, “i thought i’d do some research and probably find a way to stop it.”

the early twitch appears again and jessica slammed close the laptop, earning an irritated ‘hey, what gives?’ from chaerin.

“have you had any boyfriend before, chaerin-ah?” the blonde girl asked, her arms crossed.

“no. i was too busy with my school to find one. and i think the boys are scared at me too.”

go figures. “well, just a word of advice; this kind of ’thing’ you can’t just read the theories over the internet or some books. it involves feelings, something you can never describe with words. it’s bothersome? yes. but is it worth it?”

she pointed to chaerin, a glint in her eyes, “fuck yes.”

“it’s gonna hurt like hell for sure,” she ruffled chaerin’s hair, sending her a wink,

“but nothing good comes without a few hardships, right?”

-

“this kind of ’thing’ you can’t just read the theories over the internet or some books. it involves feelings, something you can never describe with words.”

even if she said that, chaerin sighed, it’s still irritating.

she watched outside the window, the crisp, autumn leaves blissfully swaying around in the wind as they fell out of the tree. up until now, her everyday routine was still the same. school, homework, tutor, luhan-everything stays the same. she intended to keep it that way anyway. that’s why she’s trying so hard to suppress her feelings, feared that it might be a glitch that will interrupt her everyday, peaceful routine.

she wondered if this ‘thing’ is really what she thinks it is-if it is indeed love, what would she plan to do with it? this kind of feeling is almost like a heavy burden and to think she wanted to give it to luhan, she wondered if he would accept it.

what was she expecting?

does she wants luhan to accept her feelings? sometimes she thinks about the possibility and though it made her chest tightened, it feels good, almost peaceful even though it was merely a thought, her wishful thinking. but then, what happens after that? where will they go from there?

she didn’t know and she was afraid of not knowing.

even so, that is for her to think if luhan accepts her feelings. but if he doesn’t-

“hey, kitty.”

if luhan doesn’t, then-

“uncle ming will be home late, so i brought dinner,” he grinned, lifting up a bag of groceries, “it’ll be just the two of us.”

-chaerin wondered if she could live with that.

“ahhhhh,” luhan let out a burp (gross, chaerin’s mutter didn’t go unnoticed) and rubbed his non-existent baby fat tummy.

“that was a great dinner,” luhan said excitedly, “hey, kitty where did you learn to cook so well?”

and here i thought him bringing dinner means he’d be the one that cooks, chaerin thought grudgingly as she washes the dirty dishes, “i’ve always helped my mom at the kitchen. i liked cooking, guess i learned along the way.”

“ahh is that so? you’re a great cook, kitty. you’d be a great wife!”

crash! one of sungmin’s china plate slipped from chaerin’s hands at luhan’s words-you’d be a great wife!

“h-hey! are you okay!?” luhan asked, alarmed. he quickly rushed over to the stupefied brunette, “don’t move, i’ll clean up the shards.”

“eh no,” chaerin objected, jumping from her reverie when luhan was coming to her direction, “i’ll clean it up.”

shit, chaerin thought as she crouched down to pick up the shards, shit, shit, my heart won’t stop beating fast! luhan was across her, his brown hair fall over his eyes as he bent down to help her pick up the remaining pieces. she couldn’t help but to stare, gazing at the way his eyelashes fan over his cheeks. he’s beauti-

-wait.

get a grip, lee! chaerin mentally cursed herself, what are you? a pervert?

“it’s gonna hurt like hell for sure, but nothing good comes without a few hardships, right?”

uwwwahhhhhh, she wailed inside her head, why am i thinking about this right now!?

“kitty?”

chaerin whipped her head in surprise when luhan called her, “are you okay?”

shit, he might think i’m weird, chaerin thought miserably, “i-i’m okay…”

luhan was staring at her intently, obviously not buying her words. by now, she can hear her heart beating loudly against her chest, waiting to leap out from her throat if she opens her mouth.

“wh-why are you staring at me?” she dared to ask.

“well,” she jumped when luhan leaned closer, his eyes never breaking away from hers. she almost yelped when the older male grabbed her hand, but her words died in her throat upon seeing crimson liquid dripping from her fingers.

“you cut yourself,” luhan pointed out with raised brows, “that’s why i ask if you’re okay.”

mother, father, take me to heaven with you.

“geez, you’re really one of a kind, kitty,” luhan nagged as he tend to her wounds.

“sorry,” she said meekly, her eyes never looking up to luhan.

“is there anything that bothers you, kitty?”

chaerin’s head snapped up at the sudden question. luhan was not looking at her, focused at wrapping the bandage, “you seemed troubled these days. why is that?”

there is it, the tightness in her chest. luhan, annoying and too bubbly for this world, luhan, and his perverted, clingy antics, luhan, and his effortless kindness and gentleness.

luhan and his home-like warmth.

this space rabbit that managed to invade her personal space, has made home in chaerin’s heart.

“i’ve been having some troubles lately,” she says softly, bringing luhan’s attention.

“umm,” she could feel her face heating up as the second ticks by. she never imagines this day would come. and too fast at that too.

“have…have you been confessed to before?”

oh, love talk? luhan’s ears perked up at the unusual question. well, supposedly it was not unusual since this kind of thing is normal among teenagers. but this is lee chaerin. the most bizarre teenager he had ever encountered. she was different from other people, luhan had noticed, and maybe that’s why she stood out so much (in luhan’s eyes).

but right now, seeing this teenage girl, cheeks as red as the tomatoes, her head hid between her shoulders, eyes never looking up, luhan thought it was quite endearing.

and interesting.

“well,” he started, “i’ve been confessed to before. mostly during my high school years though. i got it now and then but not as much as before. i guess because i’m getting old and i’m focusing more at my job.” he laughed lightly at the end of his answer. it was true though, considering he’s planning to open up a music learning centre, he’s been too busy with works. he cant even remember the last time he had a girlfriend.

“i see,” chaerin said, seemingly pondering on luhan’s answer, “you’re quite good-looking and your personality is nice (and annoying) too. so it is possible.”

he raised his brows before leaning close to the younger female, leering, “what’s this kitty? if i didn’t know better, i would’ve thought you had fallen for me.”

while chaerin’s face burned in embarrassment, luhan let out a boisterous laugh, his head fell back, “it’s a joke-”

“what-what if i tell you, i’ve already fallen for you?”

luhan laughed, and chaerin felt a sting in her chest when the laughter came out too cheerily, “then i would take it as an honor to have a high school-” his words died on his throat when he saw chaerin looking at him with that straight face of hers, but what caught him the most was the glistening tears in the younger’s eyes.

“kitty-” he reached out, only to be pushed away by the younger one. her lips were pressed into thin line, her face scrunched to prevent the tears from falling. luhan felt a sudden pang and before he could say anything, chaerin stood up and turned around to make her leave.

“kitty!” he called out, catching up to her strides to grab her wrist. he spun her around, his mouth opened to say something but he stopped himself, what was it he is going to say?

that was a confession, isn’t it? he thought. chaerin was standing still. she didn’t look at his way, but she didn’t pull away either. he swallowed thickly, what was it that he is going to say?

“i’m sorry,” chaerin suddenly said, “this kind of thing must be a bother to you right? please forget about it.”

“then-was that a lie?”

“no,” luhan flinched, “i was telling the truth. but it’s up to you if you want to reject it. i just want to get it off my chest.”

she gently pries his hand away, and luhan bites back the bitterness seeing chaerin forcing a small smile on her face,

“i’m okay now.”

“kitty…”

“luhan,” she cuts him, “if you don’t mind, can you leave now?”

luhan was taken aback at the request. she wasn’t even looking at him but luhan knows better than to push her further. so he wordlessly left the house, giving the young brunette some space she needed.

the moment he closed the door behind him, he didn’t miss the sound of her falling on her knees with soft, pitiful sobs.

part two