Fic. This Side of Acceptance
Title: This Side of Acceptance
Author:alicebluegown16
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Kurt finds out.
Character/Pairing: Kurt, Finn/Will, mentions of past Rachel/Finn, Sam/Kurt, and Rachel/Mike
Spoilers: None, this series was started pre-season two and as such, various relationships/plot points deviate from canon.
AN: Sequel to my story Subtext. Part of my series that includes Closer , Hollywood Ending, All in My Head , My Mind is Set on You and Tell the Truth Now. The Toledo Walleyes are an actual pro hockey team. Movie referenced is (the hilarious) Slapshot. Songs referenced are Hit Somebody (The Hockey Song) by Warren Zevon, Something by the Beatles and Layla by Eric Clapton (Derek and the Dominos)
Kurt runs into Puck at the mall.
Which isn’t that significant of an event (although the fact that he’s walking out of a Claire’s store with a girl who’s obviously his little sister is distantly amusing.)
Except for the fact that he’s not with Finn.
Which is where he’s supposed to be.
Since that’s what Finn told him this morning.
(He’s been doing that a lot lately, Kurt suddenly recalls. ‘Hanging out with Puck’ at least once a week.)
So, yeah. Either Finn has been transformed into an eleven year old girl or he’s a lying liar who lies.
He does have to hand it to Puck though.
The boy never falters even when Kurt calls him out directly, merely shrugging his shoulders.
“Yeah, Finn and some of the other guys from the team are having a Halo tourney. I was supposed to go, but I got roped into getting dragged around by this one all day. We’re trying to find something for our Mom’s birthday.”
When Kurt presses for names, Puck instantly tosses out three, all players Kurt doesn’t know well enough to be able to call to verify the story.
Kurt is reluctantly impressed.
If he didn’t instinctively know for a fact that Puck was full of shit, he’d buy it.
Truly, he’d make an excellent politician someday.
Or a criminal mastermind.
At home, Kurt lays out all the facts as he knows them.
Rachel breaks up with Finn.
Finn is sad.
Then he isn’t anymore.
Rachel starts dating Mike.
Finn doesn’t mind.
Why?
Because he’s already moved on. He’s already seeing someone else. The answer comes to him, so perfectly obvious he could kick himself for not realizing it sooner.
Finn had been happy lately. And not the my life is going pretty well all things considered generic happiness, but a barely tamped down, the sun is brighter, the sky is bluer, all is right with the world happiness you only see from a person who’s getting laid regularly.
But who is Finn’s mystery paramour?
Clearly, someone he has to lie about (to everyone except for Puck apparently and doesn’t that sting more than a little.)
For the briefest moment, Kurt entertains the truly horrifying possibility that Finn and Rachel have reconciled and are sneaking around behind Mike’s back.
No.
Kurt may not know Finn as well as he thought he did, but he instinctively knows Finn’s acceptance of Rachel and Mike’s (shockingly relatively drama free) romance had been too genuine to be faked.
He instantly discards Quinn as well. No way in hell Puck would cover for him if that had been the case.
Someone from a different school perhaps?
Someone from Carmel? From Vocal Adrenaline?
Is this Jesse St. James all over again?
Kurt tries to recall if he’d noticed Finn looking overly friendly with anyone at Sectionals and draws a blank.
And again he comes back to his biggest question.
Why is Finn keeping this a secret from him?
They’re friends now.
More than that, they’re brothers.
Does Finn not trust him?
**
By the time Finn gets home, Kurt has run the emotional gamut from confused to hurt to angry to curious, back and forth at least a half dozen times.
He’s fairly impressed with how calm he is when he asks, “So, how about telling me where you really were today? Please keeping in mind that I ran into Puck at the mall.”
Panic quickly flashes across Finn’s face, followed by resignation and then…relief? Huh. Maybe this whole lying thing hasn’t been as easy for Finn as he’d thought.
“At a hockey game.”
“I see. And you lied about that because…”
“At a hockey game in Toledo.” Finn further clarifies. “With Will.”
Who’s Will? And why would that need to be a secret? The only Will he can think of is-
Oh.
“I didn’t…I didn’t know you liked hockey.” He finally manages to choke out.
Really? That’s what he’s choosing to focus on right now?
“I don’t. I mean, I’d never been to one before, but I’d kind of been thinking about how it might be fun since I heard this song Warren Zevon wrote about a hockey player and then we were watching Slapshot a couple of weeks ago, you know, that movie with Paul Newman? And I said that it looked really cool since it was like the Icecapades only with everyone beating the shit out of each other and Will promised to get tickets for the Walleyes next home game and dude, it was totally freaking awesome. Did you know blood forms into crystals when it hits the ice?”
No, Kurt can honestly say he hadn’t known that. Truly, this is just an absolute red letter day for learning all sorts of new things.
Because Finn’s been lying right to his face for who knows how long and he’s been really, really happy lately and he’s apparently been watching movies with Mr. Schue and going to hockey games that are an hour away with him, a hockey game Mr. Schue bought tickets for simply because Finn expressed an interest in it, and there is only one logical explanation for all of that and Kurt can’t help thinking that this must be what it feels like to have an aneurism.
“You and Mr. Schue? You’ve been lying and sneaking around because you’re having a relationship with Mr. Schue? Are you completely insane, Finn? ”
For the absolute barest of split seconds, Finn looks almost tempted to deny it and Kurt knows he would be forced to kill him.
“What’s wrong with him? I thought you liked him.”
“What’s wrong with…how about the fact that he’s our teacher! Meaning, he could get fired if anyone finds out he’s having sex with a student. Or possibly even arrested.”
“Oh, well we’re good then. Because we’re not having sex.”
When Kurt raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms, Finn quickly amends his statement.
“Yet. Well, not technically. There’s been some-some making out and stuff but Will’s really big on taking things slow. We’re…dating I guess you’d call it. Although mostly it’s hanging out together at his place. We watch a lot of movies.”
Kurt honestly doesn’t know what part of that revelation to address first.
“You’re making out and stuff with Mr. Schue. Oh, I’m sorry, let me correct myself. You’re making out and stuff with Will. That makes it all better.”
Finn actually has the gall to roll his eyes.
“That’s his name, Kurt. It’d be kind of creepy if I called him Mr. Schue at this point.”
“I know that’s his name! It’s just sounds weird! What with him being our teacher and all! And how long have you two been hanging out together?
“About three months, I guess? Give or take cuz we were both kind of like, mutually crushing on each other and not doing anything about it for awhile before that. And then he busted up his nose and I finally worked up the nerve to make the first move and we decided to try and it’s been…it’s been really amazing since then.”
Finn’s expression is almost dreamy and Kurt might find it cute if this didn’t have disaster written all over it. Fiery, oh god the humanity, disaster.
“And you two really haven’t-" Kurt cuts himself off, unsure of how (or if he wants to) finish that statement. Not to be crass, but he can’t quite understand how Finn has been this blissful if he’s not having sex. No one could possibly be this feet barely touching the ground happy from just watching movies and going to hockey games and necking on the couch. If that’s his idea of a grand romance, Finn could just date Puck.
Oh, ew.
Why does he let himself think things like that?
“Nope. Although God, do I want to. Will does this thing with his tongue-“
He covers Finn’s mouth.
“If you care about me at all, you won’t finish that sentence.”
How quickly things change. A year ago, Finn demonstrating any homosexual tendencies would be cause for rejoicing. But now that he considers Finn family, thinking of him in any sort of remotely sexual connotation just makes him want to gauge out his mind’s eye. Of course, this is largely also due to Finn deciding he wants to explore said tendencies with a man almost twice their age. Finn can say all he wants about having made the first move, but it still sounds vaguely creepy and weird.
When Finn finally nods, he moves his hand. At which point Finn immediately begins speaking again.
“And you’re wrong. He’s not going to get arrested. The age of consent in Ohio is sixteen.”
“How do you even know that!!”
“I looked it up.” Finn actually sounds almost proud of himself at this bit of knowledge.
Finn looked it up. Of course he did. How perfectly reasonable. Making sure his bases were covered for all that gay sex he’s apparently suddenly decided he wants to start having.
With Mr. Schue.
Their teacher.
And there goes that having an aneurism feeling again.
“You’re not going to…Kurt, please I’m begging you. Please don’t tell anyone. I know you’re probably pissed off about me keeping a secret like this from you and I get that you’re kind of weirded out, but you cannot tell Mom and Burt, they’d totally flip out.”
At the desperate pleading note in Finn’s voice, Kurt pinches the bridge of his nose. He should. He should march right upstairs this very instant and-and what? Ruin Mr. Schue’s life? Ruin Finn’s? This isn’t some Lifetime movie ‘show me on the dolly where the bad man touched you’ sort of situation but he knows that’s how everyone would treat it. Mr. Schue would lose his job, and no matter how they tried to hush it all up, rumors would spread. Finn would be labeled a victim, or worse, become Karofsky and Azimio’s new favorite target. His brother’s poor dating choices do not make him deserving of being the latest headline for that sack of shit masquerading as a journalist, Jacob Ben-Israel
“Finn, I’m not going to-I’m not going to tell anyone. That’s not because I approve of this or anything, because I don’t. Even if this is technically legal, the fact that we’re even having a conversation in which there needs to be discussion of age of consent laws shows how morally ambiguous all of this is. I just…I have to know, is this serious? Are you-is this you like, experimenting or having some sort of sexual identity crisis because of Rachel? God, I can’t believe I just said that. As if that’s how these sort of things work, one bad breakup and you wake up gay.”
“I’m in love with him, Kurt. And he loves me. I’m not sure if I’m gay or bi or what, I just know that I love him.”
Simple and matter of fact. It’s the complete opposite of all of the nausea inducing over the top vows of eternal love and devotion he used to make about Rachel which is why Kurt finds himself almost believing it.
“Okay. Okay, keeping in mind that I’m asking for context and not details, how did this happen? Because last year you were straight and now…not so much. Unless it turns out your little freakout was some idiotic sort of internalized homophobia in which case I may bitch slap you.”
“Kurt, man, I’d never try to justify saying that stuff to you, because there’s nothing I could say that doesn’t make it shitty and wrong. But it was never about you being gay. Hell, it wasn’t even about you. I was all caught up in a really fucked up headspace because things were crazy with Quinn and Puck and I was stressed about Glee and all the crap I was getting from the rest of the team and then all of a sudden Mom’s talking about us moving out of the only house I’ve ever lived in and we’re gonna go from it just being the two of us to being part of this new family and you were just, you were just there. I snapped and laid it all out on you and I’m not trying to excuse it, only explain it.”
Finn glances down at his shoes, his hands shoved in his pockets, seeming so terribly vulnerable. Kurt can’t help sighing. It was moments like this that he remembers why he’d carried such a torch for the other boy. And he’s just going to nip that train of thought in the bud right now because it only makes this whole thing impossibly more squirm inducing.
“And as for Will, we started hanging out together outside of school and we just kind of clicked, you know? I can’t really describe it, how we went from being a student and teacher to being friends to where we are now. Except that when I was with Quinn or Rachel, I always felt like I was being graded or something, like there were all these things I was supposed to say or do and I kept messing them up because how can you know the right answer when you don’t even know the question? It’s never like that with Will. He’s cool and smart and funny and a great listener and has the most amazing smile and kickass taste in music and movies and he’s an awesome kisser and he’s so unfreakingbelievably sexy and totally doesn’t even know it and I’ll stop now because you kind of look like you want to cover my mouth up again.”
And he does, but there’s a much bigger side of him that’s barely holding in the urge to go, ‘Awwww.’ He tries very hard to ignore that side.
Finn sounds so sincere. And earnest. And about a dozen other words for not bullshitting him. Kurt would like to think that Finn would never play this sort of elaborate prank on him and even if he did, he would have definitely slipped up by now. Which can only mean one thing.
“Holy shit. You really are in love with him, aren’t you?”
Finn stares at him as if he’s a particularly dimwitted toddler.
“Umm, yeah. I said that already. Did you black out at the beginning of the conversation?”
“No, I just-not to be an asshole, but I’ve kind of heard this song and dance from you before. You sort of have a tendency to fall in love with the idea of being in love.”
Finn doesn’t even get mad about this observation of his past romantic history, simply nodding as if to acknowledge the truth of the statement. This serious and mature version of Finn almost has Kurt wondering if he’s actually a pod person.
“This isn’t like that. For one thing, I know Will’s not perfect. Like, really, really not perfect. But I’m okay with that, more than okay actually. Him not being perfect is one of the things I love about him. I’m crazy about him, Kurt. I just feel right when I’m with him. It’s like this is the biggest thing I’ve ever gotten right in my life and the craziest thing about it is I don’t even know how I managed to do it. And as frustrating as it is with him wanting to take things at a snail’s pace, that’s what we’ll do because he is absolutely worth it. Even moreso because he doesn’t even believe it half the time. But I’m working on that.”
Finn looks so adorably determined, so absolutely completely in love and so sure of that love, that almost despite himself, Kurt can’t help melting a little.
“I wish you luck then, Finn. And I’m sorry I freaked out. I’m glad you’re happy. You-you both deserve it.”
And just like that, Finn is smiling his wonderful can’t help but return Finn smile, as if Kurt’s seal of approval was all he needed. The part of Kurt that isn’t still pouting slightly at being kept out of the loop all this time can’t help but be touched that his opinion means so much.
“I just have to ask, though. I get not telling me, but why Puck? How is it that he gets to be in on the secret?”
“He’s not. Not really. He figured out that there was something going on between us and he’s willing to let me use him as an alibi because by his bro code, it’s his duty to help me get laid. But the feelings stuff? That’s all don’t ask, don’t tell with him. You’re the first person, the only person, I’ve said all this to. Besides Will of course. And it sucks having to keep it a secret, but I’m so glad that when I finally got to tell someone about it, it was you. Since we’re family and all and I know I can trust you.”
Damn it.
When Finn said things like that, Kurt almost had to forget about all of his fifteen million doubts.
“Okay then. You have my extremely grudging support and approval. However, I have one absolutely unbreakable rule. No dirty details. I’m aware this makes me a bit of a hypocrite as I’ve been occasionally guilty of telling you more than you wanted to know about me and Sam. However, I have to insist on it because while I’m thrilled you’re with someone you care about and who treats you right, I’m still not totally comfortable with the fact that person is Mr. Schue. Your happiness means the world to me Finn, both as my friend and my brother. But the specifics of that happiness, I do not need to know about. Otherwise I’ll possibly end up buying a therapist a swimming pool. And if the pool boy is Puck, he’ll inevitably sleep with her and then you’ll have breaking up a marriage on your conscience and I’m sure you wouldn’t want that.”
There’s a long silence and Finn looks very thoughtful which just sets off all sorts of alarm bells.
“Nothing? I can’t even come to you for advice or anything? What about if I put it in terms of hypotheticals? Like, hypothetically I had this friend who was thinking about attempting to give his boyfriend a blowjob for the first time and he wanted some tips…”
The warning glare Kurt shoots him cuts Finn off immediately.
“Continue this direction of discussion and I may be forced to resort to posting your baby pictures on Facebook.”
Finn’s mouth instantly shuts with a snap. See and people thought he wasn’t very bright.
**
“So, any reason you’re staring at Mr. Schue?”
Sam’s voice in his ear has Kurt almost jumping out of his skin.
“Wh-what?”
“You’re glaring at him with some frightening trying to kill him with your brain level of intensity. I’d think if you’d developed those kinds of powers you’d want to use them on Rachel first. You’re not mad at him are you?”
“No, I just-I guess I zoned out and didn’t even realize I’d been looking at him.”
It’s a lame excuse and it’s clear Sam doesn’t buy it, but it’s all he can give right now since the truth isn’t his to tell.
He’s trying to figure out if Mr. Schue truly does feel the same way as Finn or if this is some sort of midlife crisis, him being bored or lonely or flattered by Finn’s attentions and using him (seducing Finn with a potent combination of hockey tickets, a Netflix account, what might pass for world-weary sophistication in a backwards podunk town like Lima, and a bit of shopworn “you’re so special, no one’s ever made me feel the way you do” vulnerability.) Finn may be (almost) an adult and their relationship may be enthusiastically consensual, but that doesn’t mean Kurt’s not going to worry about his brother. And if it turns out that Mr. Schue is taking advantage? Well, Kurt’s good with cars. No one would ever suspect that it was anything more than simple mechanical failure. After all, accidents do happen.
He’s trying to figure out Mr. Schue’s intentions and he’s coming up blank. The man is acting exactly as he always does. He smiles at Finn and occasionally touches him but he’s always done that (and oh, doesn’t knowing about their relationship now color every past interaction in a whole new way.) Kurt’s not expecting him to suddenly grope Finn’s ass or call him ‘Pookie’, but there has to be some sort of sign of what makes Finn so absolutely certain of their relationship.
Then it happens.
Everyone is tossing out possible song ideas for a Beatles themed performance since, as Mr. Schue stated, with a song catalogue that varied there’s too much to work with for them not to take advantage.
Rachel pipes up, “We should do Something. It’s so romantic.” She gazes adoringly at Mike and it’s all Kurt can do not to start gagging. “Lennon and McCartney were such amazing songwriters.”
Kurt is entirely prepared to correct this absolutely shameful display of musical ignorance, but he never gets a chance.
Finn beats him to it.
“Something isn’t a Lennon/McCartney song. Everyone always thinks it is, but actually George Harrison wrote it for Patti Boyd right before they got married. Eric Clapton also wrote Layla for her which means she inspired two of the greatest love songs written by two of the best guitarists in rock and roll. And even after she ended up marrying Clapton, Harrison still forgave them and they stayed friends until he died. It’s one of the reasons he’s absolutely the coolest of all the Beatles. That and the whole funding Monty Python thing. Right, Mr. Schue?”
Everyone else is so caught up in the awkwardness of the clear parallels between Finn, Puck, and Quinn (or maybe Finn, Rachel, and Mike and damn did this club have some incestuous interpersonal relationships) that Kurt’s the only one who notices Mr. Schue’s expression.
One of such fifty feet high, neon sign obvious, complete and unquestionable love it actually makes Kurt’s eyes tear up.
It’s gone in an instant, Mr. Schue pasting on a generic teacher face that would fool anyone who wasn’t looking for more, anyone who couldn’t help picking up on the smile that keeps barely tugging at the edges of his mouth as he lectures about how George Harrison’s interest in east Asian music influenced the later Beatles sound.
But as quick as it is, it’s also exactly what Kurt needed.
He’s still not doing back flips about the whole thing and he still kind of has his fingers crossed about the future, but he’s not so much concerned he’ll be arranging Mr. Schue’s murder anytime soon.
For now.
**
Kurt’s staring up at his ceiling unable to sleep, that moment this afternoon in Glee running through his mind over and over.
Finn’s soft little secret smile at what was clearly an inside joke between the two of them, Mr. Schue’s look of surprise and delight and affection. And love. Can't forget that.
He’d seen it before when he was younger.
(His dad finding a pair of tickets to the Michigan-Ohio State game with seats right at the fifty yard line waiting for him at the breakfast table as his mom peeked out at him from behind the Arts section of the paper to see what he thought of her ‘just because I knew you would love it’ gift. His dad had grabbed her and tipped her backwards into a kiss that would have done an old time movie idol proud.)
If Mr. Schue had been able to do the same without it making everyone’s head explode, Kurt’s almost certain he would have. (Ignoring for a moment the logistics issues of anyone attempting to dip someone of Finn’s height.)
“Finn, you awake?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m only going to say this once, so pay close attention.”
Kurt takes a deep breath to brace himself, doing his best to keep his tone as detached as possible.
“Go slow at first. For the love of god, no teeth…at least not until…until you’re more experienced and even if then, very, very carefully and only if he seems like-he um, like he might enjoy that. Breathe through your nose; it’ll help keep your throat relaxed. If you can’t…if you can’t take him all in, focus on just the tip since there’s a ton of nerve ending there and be sure to use your hands a lot. When he’s about to-at the end if you’re comfortable with it and you decide you want to…not pull away, you’re going to want to deep throat him, just take him as far back as you can and…as for what you do after, whether you decide to spit or -or not, that’s up to you. Just-just sort of watch his face, take note of his expression, what he seems to respond best to and keep in mind that when there’s a lack of experience, enthusiasm counts for a lot. Whatever you do, he’s more than likely going to love. Because it’s you doing it and he loves you and knows that you love him. So uh, there you go.”
He trails off a bit at the end, blushing scarlet when his attempt at keeping things impersonal and clinical sort of falls apart.
Even in the dark and unable to see Finn’s face, Kurt is still almost curled up into a little ball of absolute mortification. Oh my god, if Finn asks for any sort of clarification or presses for more details or even attempts to make any comment about how he obtained such knowledge, he’s going to die of awkward.
But no, instead after a long silence there’s only this.
“Thanks, Kurt.”
The smile in Finn’s voice, the clear understanding that this is more than just sex tips, that this is Kurt giving his (not quite as grudging) blessing, approval, acceptance, whatever one might want to call it, helps somewhat.
“Don’t mention it. Seriously. Ever. And you’re welcome.”
And even though he knows he’s going to have trouble looking Mr. Schue in the eye without turning as red as a tomato for the foreseeable future, he can’t help smiling a little too.
Next story in series: Wisdom