Fic: All in My Head
Title: All in My Head
Author: alicebluegown16
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Five dreams Will Schuester has had about Finn Hudson.
Pairing/Characters: Will/Finn (unrequited)
AN: Sequel/Companion piece to previous fics Closer and Hollywood Ending. For the people who wanted to see Will's point of view on things...Enjoy? Songs quoted: Dirty Little Religion, Dream Lover by Bobby Darin, Wonderful World ( Don't Know Much) by Sam Cooke. Movie quoted LA Confidential.
Warnings: Angst. Sooo much angst.
The classroom is so silent, Will can hear the scratching of pens across paper and somewhere he thinks someone is whispering to themselves, “yo estoy, tu estas, ella esta, nosotros estamos…”
He spots Finn absently chewing on the end of his pen, teeth nibbling delicately and then his tongue swiping out to brush along the edge. Heat creeps up along the back of Will’s neck and he swiftly returns his gaze to his grade book.
A long loud moan and when Will glances up, he’s struck dumb by the sight of Finn biting his lip, cheeks flushed and pupils blown wide, as he fumbles with the fly of his jeans and starts stroking his cock, his hips moving in lazy figure eights as his thumb moves in slow circles along the head.
Will frantically looks around the room but everyone remains entirely focused on their exams, totally oblivious to this-this floorshow that is going on in front of them.
And then Finn stares right at him, their eyes locking, and it’s like Will’s a butterfly pinned to the wall, he couldn’t stop watching even if he wanted to.
"They treat you like a red-headed stepchild
And try to keep you nailed to the floor
Join us for the countdown to the Rapture
We never turned a sinner from our door
I make a dirty little religion out of lovin'
I'll make a dirty little convert out of you
I make a dirty little religion out of lovin'
It's a dirty little religion, hallelujah"
Finn is quoting Warren Zevon lyrics at him in the calmest most reasonable manner imaginable, as if all of this is totally normal. He licks his palm from wrist to the tips of his fingers and then he’s touching himself again, almost convulsing in pleasure as he speeds up, rhythm just dancing around being too rough and the part of Will’s brain that’s still capable of rational thought idly wonders how he hasn’t tipped the desk over.
Finn is fucking his hand and the whole time he’s still talking, how is he still talking, voice casual, like he’s telling Will about his plans for the weekend and just happens to be jacking off in the middle of class and no one is noticing and why isn’t anyone noticing?
"Dirty little acolyte
Dirty little one
You'll learn the fundamentals of desire
Can I get a witness
To my testament?
Can I get an amen from the choir?"
The bell rings and it’s like a switch being flipped. Finn stops, tucks himself back into his pants, and straightens up his clothes. Dropping his test on Will’s desk and walking out of the room, humming under his breath the whole time.
It’s just a dream, Will tells himself as he tosses his linens into the washing machine (God, it’s like he’s thirteen all over again.)
Just one stupid dream.
People have weird dreams all the time. When Will was seven, he had a recurring nightmare about all of his teeth falling out. He’s not responsible for whatever crazy shit his subconscious comes up with.
It doesn’t mean anything.
**
Will’s mouth brushes against Finn’s earlobe in the darkened theater and he instantly rushes to put as much space between them as possible (Should he apologize? Would that just make it more awkward?)
Finn’s hand on the back of his neck, holding him in place, preventing him from pretending the kiss, this moment between them, didn’t happen.
His eyes draw a determined line to Will’s mouth, seeming to invite him to try again.
And then Will leans in or maybe Finn does, who can be sure? The important thing is that they meet in the middle, tentatively at first, but then Finn traces the seam of Will’s lips with his tongue and Will moans, opening up for him, opening up to him (he tastes like soda and salt and movie theater fake butter and something that’s just indescribably Finn.)
Savoring it all, the lightest rasp of stubble on his jaw, barest flutter of Finn’s lashes against his cheeks, and when Finn begins to absently trace his thumb across Will’s collarbone, it’s all he can do not to climb across the armrest and crawl into Finn’s lap.
Finn pulls away and licks at his lips.
“Wow. So, this is kind of awkward.” He says with a rueful laugh.
“Cuz I was upset about Rachel and then I wasn’t and I wondered if maybe it was me. So I thought I’d kinda give it a try, you know? This kissing dudes thing? And that…yeah. You’re really cool and all, but I think I can do better. You’re not mad are you, Mr. Schue? I mean even if you didn’t do it for me, you’re still like, my favorite teacher.”
Will stares uncomprehendingly as Finn smiles his beautiful, beautiful smile and gives him a ‘no hard feelings, bro’ arm punch.
“Hey, I think that’s your alarm going off.”
'Cause I want (yeah-yeah, yeah)
A girl (yeah-yeah, yeah)
To call (yeah-yeah, yeah)
My own (yeah-yeah)
I want a dream lover
So I don't have to dream alone
Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding him.
Without even hesitating, Will grabs his clock radio and flings it across the room, the tiniest sense of satisfaction as it explodes against his bedroom door.
**
He turns around from washing his hands in the bathroom sink and crashes into Finn’s chest. It’s like hitting a brick wall.
“Finn, what are you-“
“Did you think I was stupid, Mr. Schue?”
“What-” Will glances over Finn’s shoulder and spots Puck, Mike, Matt, and…is that Dave Karofsky blocking the door?
“Touching me all the time. The ride home. Taking me to lunch. Making me watch your stupid faggoty movie.”
Will holds up a calming hand, wondering where this Finn came from, this stranger wearing Finn’s face, twisted snarl and eyes narrowed into hate-filled slits.
“I never made you watch the movie. You rented it on your own, remember?”
Without warning, Finn’s fist connects with his jaw, loud crack echoing for what seems like forever against the tile walls. Will’s ears ring, vision blurring as he doubles over from the rabbit punch to the chest that immediately follows.
“I’m not like you.” Finn seethes.
Shattering glass when his face smashes into the mirror, desperate panicked struggle against the hands holding his head under the faucet.
He’s going to drown, Finn’s going to drown him, Finn’s going to kill him, he’s dying, …no, just as everything begins to go hazy and dark at the edges, Finn releases him and Will greedily sucks in oxygen.
“Finn, I swear I didn’t-I never---“
Will’s voice is wrecked, blood dripping into his eyes, he’s dizzy and sick and everything seems to be spinning in a swooping blur, he clutches at the corner of the sink, cool porcelain under his fingers.
For a moment, Finn’s hand is so gentle on his cheek and then he’s grabbing his hair hard, twisting his gaze up.
“Never? Never once even thought about it?”
Barest split second of hesitation before he says no, but it’s enough. He hears Puck’s voice. Flat, final, and unemotional.
“Our justice must be swift and merciless.”
And then they all descend upon him.
Heart almost pounding out of his chest, Will squeezes his eyes shut, hissing in pain as he clutches the elbow he just cracked on his coffee table.
Breathe.
He has to remind himself to breathe.
In and out.
It was just a dream.
A really, really fucking disturbing dream.
His hands are trembling as he reaches blindly behind him to gather up the papers spread out on his couch.
He must have fallen asleep while he’d been grading.
And then, thankfully, fallen off of the couch it seems.
Will crosses his living room floor on shaky newborn baby deer legs and hastily ejects LA Confidential from the DVD player. He’s almost tempted to break it up into tiny pieces.
Won’t be watching that movie again for awhile.
**
Everyone in the bleachers is screaming, the air pulsing with excitement and energy and Will joins them in cheering and stomping his feet.
His eyes meet Finn’s across the crowd and he’s graced with a thousand watt grin that he quickly returns.
Bending his not on school property rule---the Titans are going to State!-in the locker room shower where it all began.
Soapy hands tracing Will’s shoulders, arms, and stomach, wrapping around his cock.
Finn dipping his head to lap up the drops of water collecting at his collarbone.
“So, I get the team to State, huh? Pretty nice of you, to think of me. I must be a fucking miracle worker in this universe.”
Water, soap, precum, slick obscene slide, perfect, perfect, Finn’s huge hands, bruises already forming on his hip.
“Did you want me like this that first time? Is this the potential you saw in me? Is this what you think about when I come crying to you with all my little high school problems, Mr. Schue?”
He’s pushed against the tiles, shower handle digging painfully into his back, choking and gasping as the spray of water hits him in the face, and despite this, despite this he’s still hard, desperate to get as close as possible to Finn, desperate to be touching him when he comes.
“Bet you imagined bending me over your desk while you were patting me on the back, you sick fucker.”
Finn’s voice, Finn’s voice, dark and dangerous, and all around him, snap of his wrist, like that, like that, yes, stars behind his eyelids, probably from cracking the back of his head on the wall.
Right before his orgasm slams into him, Finn kisses him one last time. “Let me go, Mr. Schue. It’s better that way. I promise.”
He calls in sick to work that day.
**
He comes home to a house that’s filled with the wonderful comforting smells of roasting chicken and mashed potatoes.
Warm.
Everything is warm.
The sound of Finn’s voice as he sings while putting the finishing touches on dinner.
Now I don't claim to be an "A" student,
But I'm trying to be.
For maybe by being an "A" student baby
I can win your love for me.
Don't know much about history
Don't know much biology
Don't know much about a science book
Don't know much about the French I took.
But I do know that I love you,
And I know that if you love me too,
What a wonderful world this would be.
Finn’s mouth kissing him hello, Finn’s hand trailing along the small of his back as Will reaches into the cabinet for plates.
He turns, stopping to stare at the fridge with the grocery list tacked up on it in Finn’s messy scrawl, and there’s the briefest half second where the air seems to shimmer around him and an icy cold trickle of fear creeps down his spine.
And then it’s gone in an instant, so quickly he’s not even sure it was ever there. This is his home. Their home.
After dinner, Will moves to get up and put the dishes in the washer (that’s the deal since Finn cooked) and Finn grabs his hand, yanking Will down to sprawl across his lap.
Finn’s arms around his neck, Finn’s laughter in his ear, soft leisurely kisses, and then Finn’s hands untuck Will’s shirt from his waistband and it’s like a match being lit inside him, Will’s desperately fumbling with buttons, gasping and clutching at the back of Finn’s head when he presses lips to the underside of his jaw, his throat, the curve of his shoulder.
He needs to be kissing Finn again. Needs his mouth. Needs him.
(It’s as if he’s worried Finn might suddenly disappear.)
Will moans when Finn reaches down and cups the bulge in the front of his slacks.
“Mr. Schue.”
“Mmmm.”
A nail running along his inseam, rich rumbling laugh when Will throws back his head and lets out a low whine.
“Mr. Schue, you know this is a dream, right?”
Words.
Finn is saying words.
Important words, he’s fairly certain, but distorted and indistinct as if he’s hearing them from through a tunnel.
“You’re dreaming, Mr. Schue.” Finn sounds almost apologetic.
No.
“None of this is real. Didn’t you wonder why you don’t remember teaching any classes today?”
No, please.
“C’mon, Mr. Schue. Like you’d ever really have it this good.”
Will is frantically shaking his head as Finn makes soft shushing noises and gently rubs his back.
“Sorry. I’m so sorry, but you’re gonna wake up alone in your bed in 5, 4, 3, 2---“
“GOOOOOOD MORNING LIMA, OHIO!”
Will wakes up with a start, hair damp with sweat and tears on his face, feeling as if all of his insides have just been scraped out.
Eventually, Will drags himself out of bed with all the swiftness and grace of a man who just survived a car wreck.
Somehow, he manages to fumble his way through his classes and Glee (beating a hasty retreat when Finn stops him afterwards to ask him if he’s alright.)
He collapses into his bed at the end of the day and shuts his eyes.
He can’t sleep.
Tossing and turning until he finally concedes defeat and gets up, going to sit on the couch and mindlessly flipping through channels.
It’s the same the night after that.
And the night after that.
And the night after that.
And the night after that…
Next story in the series: My Mind is Set on You