Fic: Inertia - Part 14 [The Closer]
Title: Inertia - Part 14 [The Closer]
Rating: PG - 13
Ship: Brenda/Sharon
Disclaimer: Not mine; never were! No copyright infringement intended.
Summary: With Fritz gone, and her relationship with Sharon growing more serious, Brenda begins to wonder about just how close she's willing to get to the other woman.
Previous Chapters ( One) ( Two) ( Three) ( Four) ( Five) ( Six) ( Seven) ( Eight) ( 9[a]) ( 9[b]) ( Ten) ( Eleven) ( Twelve) ( Thirteen)
A/N: I've never been a big fan of the type of scene that this is - I think it's hard to get it to ring true; but sometimes it's a necessary moment. So, pre-emptive forgiveness at schmaltz?
~
Her hands were shaking. She wedged the phone between her ears and quickly grabbed her steering wheel to steady them.
One.
Two.
Three.
She counted the ringer, taking a deep breath with every unanswered ring. Maybe she would she'd be lucky? Half-way between the fourth ring and the familiar voicemail click, the line connected. "Hello? Brenda Leigh - is that you honey?" No. Not lucky. Not today anyways.
"Why yes Mama, it's me! How are you?" She asked, her voice high and nervous. She prayed her mother wouldn't notice it. She felt sick. She was going to be sick. She was thankful she hadn't eaten anything yet - at least they'd find her dry heaving on Sharon's driveway instead of actually vomiting on it.
"Did you hear what I said? They're tearing' down the house down the street and puttin' up one of those -"
"Yes Mama, I heard! That's just awful!"
"Isn't it just?" Willie Rae agreed before continuing. Brenda meanwhile continued to take deep breaths to calm herself. She wasn't sure why she was doing this. Or why now - late for work on a sunny Friday morning. Or why here - sitting in her car still parked in Sharon's driveway.
Sharon hadn't asked her to do this. In fact, she was inside enjoying a day off - she had no idea Brenda was doing this.
Even Brenda didn't know why she was doing this - but sometime around Laura giving her romantic advice, she realized that she had nobody, not a single person she could talk to about this. It made her sadder than it should've. She was a 47 year old woman, she was a high ranking official with the LAPD, she worked with the CIA, she could put together a Glock in 32 seconds - she had done plenty of other things with her life in lieu of making friends. And now she was paying the price.
"Why Brenda Leigh, I don't think you've heard a single word I've been sayin'! It's alright though, I suppose I should just be thankful you called at all, shouldn't I?" Her mother laughed on the other end. After all these years, Brenda couldn't tell if her mother was the single most passive aggressive woman on the planet, or the sweetest.
"I know Mama, I'm sorry about not callin' y'all more." She rolled her eyes at her inability to control her accent. It always seemed to be as thick as molasses when she talked with her parents. "But I'm tryin' - that's why I'm callin' now!" She took a breath to steady her nerves. She felt like she was in the middle of a lamaze class with all these deep and meaningful breaths she'd been taking.
"You seem to be wheezy dear, everything alright?"
"Yes Mama," She chimed, digging through her purse for candy.
"You know you never take care of yourself," Willie Rae needled, "You should go see your doctor. I know you and Fritz are on a break, but that's no reason to neglect your health. You need to take care of yourself and have your lady's annual every year."
Candy. She needed candy. Now.
"Promise me you'll see your doctor?"
"Yes ma'am." Brenda agreed, pawing desperately through her glove compartment in search for anything - a stale Fuzzy Peach or a half-empty bag of Skittles. "I will make an appointment with my doctor. But look, Mama - that's not why I'm calling." She found a beaten bag of M&M's. "I'm calling because…well because I…" It was empty. "I'm seeing someone and I wanted you to know about it. And before you ask, it's not Fritz. He's seeing a very lovely girl named…" She reached under the car seats, feeling around, "Well I forgot her name. But she seemed nice."
"Well Brenda - how west coast of you." She could hear the uncertainty in her mother's voice. "Goin' out with Fritz and his new lady."
"We didn't go out Mama, I've run into them a few times out and about."
"Well… Are you happy?"
"About Fritz? Why wouldn't I b-"
"No, Brenda Leigh!" Her mother sighed loudly on the other end, "I meant are YOU happy, with your new beau?"
"Yes Mama. I…am." And she was. She had her life, she had her work and on most nights she had her wine - she was a simple woman with simple desires.
"Well, I'm glad. Who is it?"
"Ah." And there it was. "I don't know what you're going to say…" Brenda warned. Suddenly she didn't think this was such a good idea. Come to think of it, when had she ever thought this was a good idea?
"Don't be coy, Brenda Leigh - I've seen it all."
"Well, it's someone you know." It was true. She did know Sharon. "And liked! You lik-"
"Brenda Leigh Johnson, it's not that Chief Pope is it? You know what your daddy says about shi-"
"Daddy!" She had forgotten about her father. She closed her eyes and hoped for the whole thing to be a dream. She was so nervous about telling her mother that she had forgotten all about her daddy. She couldn't do this to them. They were so proud of her. It had broken their hearts to hear about Fritz that she didn't know what hearing about Sharon would do.
She wouldn't do this to them.
She couldn't.
She opened her eyes and saw Sharon - it was only for a minute. She was throwing back the curtains by the front windows. Her hair was piled up and she was in her grubby work shirt. She had been so excited that morning, digging out her 'cleaning clothes' from the bottom of her drawers. She had gone on and on that morning about her bi-annual cleaning of the house. Laura had wisely left early and Brenda had found the whole thing so endearingly sweet, so oddly sexy that she threw Sharon down on the bed and quickly began to undress both of them.
Yes, she was happy.
"Brenda? Hello? HELLO? I think the line went dead…" She heard her mother mutter, "Hello?"
"Mama? Hello? I'm here! I'm here! Sorry, I was just thinkin' was all."
"Oh well, I was sayin' about how I hope it's not Chief Pope, I know you're both single now, but really -"
"It's no Will, Mama. Goodness no. And… and it's not Andy either."
"Oh, I like him, Brenda Leigh. He's always so polite and -"
"It'sSharonRaydor!" She heard the words all tumble out of her mouth in one solid, single lump.
"Brenda, honey - can you repeat that? You jumbled them all together. I could swear you said Sharon Raydor." She could hear her mother chuckle on the line. Why shouldn't she?
"It's because…I did say… Sharon Raydor."
"Oh."
That was all.
Oh.
Both women waited in silence for the other to say something. Brenda, for all of her useless deep breathing earlier found herself holding her breath hoping for something, anything from her mother.
"Mama?" She finally whispered, "Say somethin'?"
"I uh…" She could hear her mother's television in the background. Ellen was on. She wanted to laugh. "I don't know what you want me to say, Brenda Leigh. Are you gay?"
She didn't know. They had never talked about it. Even Sharon was very vague about it - Brenda knew she was married, and her husband had died. She knew Sharon loved him deeply, and still did. She also knew Sharon had dated both men and women. The whole situation seemed bizarre to her, a woman of Sharon's age doing that, but then again it seemed no more bizarre than her dating Sharon herself.
"I…I don't know." She didn't. "I don't know Mama." She could feel her hands shaking again. "I don't even know how it happened, I just know that it did. And I'm sorry Mama. You have to believe me. I'm so sorry." And then she started crying. She couldn't help it. She didn't know. She didn't know anything, it seemed - about herself, or her life, or Sharon, or anything. "I'm so sorry."
"Well stop your cryin' Brenda Leigh!" Her mother exclaimed. "You know that never solved anything! Stop it. Stop it right now!"
"I…" She started hiccuping, like when she was 12 again. She wiped her sleeve across her face, mopping up the tears.
"Well there you go, workin' yourself up again. You know your daddy and I, we love you. No matter what, we love you. We love you and if you love someone, then we'll love 'em too." Willie Rae took a breath, "You do love…her, don't you?"
And there it was.
The $64,000 question.
Did she love Sharon Marie Raydor?
"I…I don't know." Brenda confessed, "I just know I can't imagine my life with out her right now."
"Brenda - this is serious now, listen to me honey, is this because of the divorce? If so, it's not really fair to her. Or us."
"I don't know Mama. I don't. I don't know anything anymore."
"Then you best figure it out. You can't go around hurtin' people like you hurt Fritz. You're my baby and I love you like a bee loves honey, but you need to stop hurtin' those of us who love you. You understand?"
"Yes ma'am. I know. I just…don't know. What about Daddy?"
"Well…" She could hear her mother thinking, those wheels turning. "Let's tackle one thing at a time, ok? I love you, and your father loves you and don't you forget it. You din't have to call and tell me. It means a lot that you did."
"I love you too Mama. I'm sorry -" She realized she had smeared her mascara across her sleeve.
"There's nothing to be sorry about. You found someone who's making you happy. You are happy, aren't you? You have to know that much."
"Very much so, Mama. She - she makes me very happy." Finally, a question she knew the answer to!
"Well then…good." She could hear her mother struggling. "It's going to take some time to get used…to the idea, but we'll get there. All of us." She could hear something in the background. Her mother's voice changed suddenly, "Now honey, your daddy just walked in. Say 'hi' to him, ok?"
"Ok Mama. I love you too." She heard the phone change hands, and smiled as she heard her mother explain how she's having a rough day.
"Well hi there, Brenda Leigh! What's this your Mama's sayin' about a rough day?"
"Not now that I'm talkin' to you Daddy! How are you?"
Rating: PG - 13
Ship: Brenda/Sharon
Disclaimer: Not mine; never were! No copyright infringement intended.
Summary: With Fritz gone, and her relationship with Sharon growing more serious, Brenda begins to wonder about just how close she's willing to get to the other woman.
Previous Chapters ( One) ( Two) ( Three) ( Four) ( Five) ( Six) ( Seven) ( Eight) ( 9[a]) ( 9[b]) ( Ten) ( Eleven) ( Twelve) ( Thirteen)
A/N: I've never been a big fan of the type of scene that this is - I think it's hard to get it to ring true; but sometimes it's a necessary moment. So, pre-emptive forgiveness at schmaltz?
~
Her hands were shaking. She wedged the phone between her ears and quickly grabbed her steering wheel to steady them.
One.
Two.
Three.
She counted the ringer, taking a deep breath with every unanswered ring. Maybe she would she'd be lucky? Half-way between the fourth ring and the familiar voicemail click, the line connected. "Hello? Brenda Leigh - is that you honey?" No. Not lucky. Not today anyways.
"Why yes Mama, it's me! How are you?" She asked, her voice high and nervous. She prayed her mother wouldn't notice it. She felt sick. She was going to be sick. She was thankful she hadn't eaten anything yet - at least they'd find her dry heaving on Sharon's driveway instead of actually vomiting on it.
"Did you hear what I said? They're tearing' down the house down the street and puttin' up one of those -"
"Yes Mama, I heard! That's just awful!"
"Isn't it just?" Willie Rae agreed before continuing. Brenda meanwhile continued to take deep breaths to calm herself. She wasn't sure why she was doing this. Or why now - late for work on a sunny Friday morning. Or why here - sitting in her car still parked in Sharon's driveway.
Sharon hadn't asked her to do this. In fact, she was inside enjoying a day off - she had no idea Brenda was doing this.
Even Brenda didn't know why she was doing this - but sometime around Laura giving her romantic advice, she realized that she had nobody, not a single person she could talk to about this. It made her sadder than it should've. She was a 47 year old woman, she was a high ranking official with the LAPD, she worked with the CIA, she could put together a Glock in 32 seconds - she had done plenty of other things with her life in lieu of making friends. And now she was paying the price.
"Why Brenda Leigh, I don't think you've heard a single word I've been sayin'! It's alright though, I suppose I should just be thankful you called at all, shouldn't I?" Her mother laughed on the other end. After all these years, Brenda couldn't tell if her mother was the single most passive aggressive woman on the planet, or the sweetest.
"I know Mama, I'm sorry about not callin' y'all more." She rolled her eyes at her inability to control her accent. It always seemed to be as thick as molasses when she talked with her parents. "But I'm tryin' - that's why I'm callin' now!" She took a breath to steady her nerves. She felt like she was in the middle of a lamaze class with all these deep and meaningful breaths she'd been taking.
"You seem to be wheezy dear, everything alright?"
"Yes Mama," She chimed, digging through her purse for candy.
"You know you never take care of yourself," Willie Rae needled, "You should go see your doctor. I know you and Fritz are on a break, but that's no reason to neglect your health. You need to take care of yourself and have your lady's annual every year."
Candy. She needed candy. Now.
"Promise me you'll see your doctor?"
"Yes ma'am." Brenda agreed, pawing desperately through her glove compartment in search for anything - a stale Fuzzy Peach or a half-empty bag of Skittles. "I will make an appointment with my doctor. But look, Mama - that's not why I'm calling." She found a beaten bag of M&M's. "I'm calling because…well because I…" It was empty. "I'm seeing someone and I wanted you to know about it. And before you ask, it's not Fritz. He's seeing a very lovely girl named…" She reached under the car seats, feeling around, "Well I forgot her name. But she seemed nice."
"Well Brenda - how west coast of you." She could hear the uncertainty in her mother's voice. "Goin' out with Fritz and his new lady."
"We didn't go out Mama, I've run into them a few times out and about."
"Well… Are you happy?"
"About Fritz? Why wouldn't I b-"
"No, Brenda Leigh!" Her mother sighed loudly on the other end, "I meant are YOU happy, with your new beau?"
"Yes Mama. I…am." And she was. She had her life, she had her work and on most nights she had her wine - she was a simple woman with simple desires.
"Well, I'm glad. Who is it?"
"Ah." And there it was. "I don't know what you're going to say…" Brenda warned. Suddenly she didn't think this was such a good idea. Come to think of it, when had she ever thought this was a good idea?
"Don't be coy, Brenda Leigh - I've seen it all."
"Well, it's someone you know." It was true. She did know Sharon. "And liked! You lik-"
"Brenda Leigh Johnson, it's not that Chief Pope is it? You know what your daddy says about shi-"
"Daddy!" She had forgotten about her father. She closed her eyes and hoped for the whole thing to be a dream. She was so nervous about telling her mother that she had forgotten all about her daddy. She couldn't do this to them. They were so proud of her. It had broken their hearts to hear about Fritz that she didn't know what hearing about Sharon would do.
She wouldn't do this to them.
She couldn't.
She opened her eyes and saw Sharon - it was only for a minute. She was throwing back the curtains by the front windows. Her hair was piled up and she was in her grubby work shirt. She had been so excited that morning, digging out her 'cleaning clothes' from the bottom of her drawers. She had gone on and on that morning about her bi-annual cleaning of the house. Laura had wisely left early and Brenda had found the whole thing so endearingly sweet, so oddly sexy that she threw Sharon down on the bed and quickly began to undress both of them.
Yes, she was happy.
"Brenda? Hello? HELLO? I think the line went dead…" She heard her mother mutter, "Hello?"
"Mama? Hello? I'm here! I'm here! Sorry, I was just thinkin' was all."
"Oh well, I was sayin' about how I hope it's not Chief Pope, I know you're both single now, but really -"
"It's no Will, Mama. Goodness no. And… and it's not Andy either."
"Oh, I like him, Brenda Leigh. He's always so polite and -"
"It'sSharonRaydor!" She heard the words all tumble out of her mouth in one solid, single lump.
"Brenda, honey - can you repeat that? You jumbled them all together. I could swear you said Sharon Raydor." She could hear her mother chuckle on the line. Why shouldn't she?
"It's because…I did say… Sharon Raydor."
"Oh."
That was all.
Oh.
Both women waited in silence for the other to say something. Brenda, for all of her useless deep breathing earlier found herself holding her breath hoping for something, anything from her mother.
"Mama?" She finally whispered, "Say somethin'?"
"I uh…" She could hear her mother's television in the background. Ellen was on. She wanted to laugh. "I don't know what you want me to say, Brenda Leigh. Are you gay?"
She didn't know. They had never talked about it. Even Sharon was very vague about it - Brenda knew she was married, and her husband had died. She knew Sharon loved him deeply, and still did. She also knew Sharon had dated both men and women. The whole situation seemed bizarre to her, a woman of Sharon's age doing that, but then again it seemed no more bizarre than her dating Sharon herself.
"I…I don't know." She didn't. "I don't know Mama." She could feel her hands shaking again. "I don't even know how it happened, I just know that it did. And I'm sorry Mama. You have to believe me. I'm so sorry." And then she started crying. She couldn't help it. She didn't know. She didn't know anything, it seemed - about herself, or her life, or Sharon, or anything. "I'm so sorry."
"Well stop your cryin' Brenda Leigh!" Her mother exclaimed. "You know that never solved anything! Stop it. Stop it right now!"
"I…" She started hiccuping, like when she was 12 again. She wiped her sleeve across her face, mopping up the tears.
"Well there you go, workin' yourself up again. You know your daddy and I, we love you. No matter what, we love you. We love you and if you love someone, then we'll love 'em too." Willie Rae took a breath, "You do love…her, don't you?"
And there it was.
The $64,000 question.
Did she love Sharon Marie Raydor?
"I…I don't know." Brenda confessed, "I just know I can't imagine my life with out her right now."
"Brenda - this is serious now, listen to me honey, is this because of the divorce? If so, it's not really fair to her. Or us."
"I don't know Mama. I don't. I don't know anything anymore."
"Then you best figure it out. You can't go around hurtin' people like you hurt Fritz. You're my baby and I love you like a bee loves honey, but you need to stop hurtin' those of us who love you. You understand?"
"Yes ma'am. I know. I just…don't know. What about Daddy?"
"Well…" She could hear her mother thinking, those wheels turning. "Let's tackle one thing at a time, ok? I love you, and your father loves you and don't you forget it. You din't have to call and tell me. It means a lot that you did."
"I love you too Mama. I'm sorry -" She realized she had smeared her mascara across her sleeve.
"There's nothing to be sorry about. You found someone who's making you happy. You are happy, aren't you? You have to know that much."
"Very much so, Mama. She - she makes me very happy." Finally, a question she knew the answer to!
"Well then…good." She could hear her mother struggling. "It's going to take some time to get used…to the idea, but we'll get there. All of us." She could hear something in the background. Her mother's voice changed suddenly, "Now honey, your daddy just walked in. Say 'hi' to him, ok?"
"Ok Mama. I love you too." She heard the phone change hands, and smiled as she heard her mother explain how she's having a rough day.
"Well hi there, Brenda Leigh! What's this your Mama's sayin' about a rough day?"
"Not now that I'm talkin' to you Daddy! How are you?"