[For Tony & Peter] Dated 21 May 2011

[wildlyconflictd]

Perhaps it's naive of her to think as much, but Pepper feels confident that Peter will show. Even with as erratic as his behavior has been since Mary Jane's disappearance, he'd seemed so thoroughly surprised to have her demand nothing more from him than his company over dinner. She thinks that, if nothing else, the novelty of that will bring him

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[daretodo]

The clarity of anger is short-lived. I burned through the worst of yesterday's rage shortly after I left Pepper, and spent the last 24 hours or so revisiting every scrap of food I've shoved down my throat in the past month. It didn't take long for the reality of what I did to sink in, and while I'd argue 'til my last breath that I'm not crazy, that there was a legitimate point underneath all the vitriol, there's no denying I might've gone about it better. But what's done is done. Whatever life I made for myself here disappeared the same moment as Mary Jane, but I'm the one who shoved the final nail into my own coffin... And that's not a metaphor I make lightly

[notawastedlife]

He wasn't entirely sure that was the best approach, but it wasn't as if he had any kind of knack from knowing the right way to broach... any topic. Pick one.

It was worth a shot.

"You're running out of walls," he said. It seemed a valid contribution to the discussion.

[daretodo]

"So, what, you want me to write on yours?" I counter, quickly making to stand. The chair nearly topples over in the process, teetering on the two back legs before it falls forward again, balancing itself out with no harm done. I'm not sure the same could be said for me. My hackles are decidedly raised, and I'm already eying the door, trying to figure out how long it would take Tony to catch up with me if I headed for the trees the second I bolted through it. Probably long enough to make it worth my time, assuming he even followed at all.

It's not like I'm being kept prisoner, I have to remind myself. At least, I don't think I am. Sure, dinner came with a few ulterior motives, but they can't be that serious about this offer?

"I'm not some charity case. And even if I were, everything's free. I can build more walls."

[wildlyconflictd]

"Oh, for god's sake," Pepper huffs out as she drops her fork to her plate and stands, as well. She loves Peter, god knows she does, but everyone has their limit. "Why would we even begin to think you're a charity case? We care about you, Peter, and it is obvious that you need a break. Because, again, we care, we're offering one to you. I'd like to think that you'd do the same for us if it came to it. It won't kill you to be a little gracious and sit down and eat the damned pizza I had made especially for you."

Jerking her chin, she sits down again and stabs angrily at her salad. "Thank you, Pepper," she sing-songs to herself as she reaches for the vinaigrette, focus on her plate. "You made that coffee exactly the way I like, how thoughtful of you. And look, you brought me lunch and I didn't even have to ask. I'm so lucky to have you."

[notawastedlife]

"...I think this is both of us, don't feel singled out," Tony said, a slice of pizza halfway to his mouth.

It was pretty good.

Maybe he should try some of those lines right now? Was that the implication? That didn't seem appropriate, though. Other priorities, for one. It didn't count if you just parroted it when told, for another, he thought he had that one down now.

[daretodo]

"Wow, you're right, it is calm and quiet, here!" I say, affecting a tone of surprise as I lift a hand to my cheek in mock wonderment. The dressing down, such as it is, has the opposite effect than intended, any guilt I might've felt for being a jerk supplanted by a fresh wave of grief. Mary Jane used to do all of that and more, was my wife and my best friend, my confidante, only to disappear right in front of my eyes. Look where being grateful got me there. The only thing I have left is my anger; once that goes, I honestly don't know what I'll do.

Turning my attention to Tony, I add, "Why are you on board with this?"

[wildlyconflictd]

Being the sensible one and turning the other cheek every time Peter directs his ire at her is beginning to wear thin. Pepper herself hasn't had the opportunity to mourn at all, and perhaps that's her own fault, caring too much, feeling the need to push her own emotion aside to be strong for Peter. Every derisive comment stings, though, and makes it all the more difficult to ignore that she's lost one best friend and another is falling apart in front of her eyes. Peter absolutely has the right to be angry, but he doesn't have the right to cut her down.

Despite all of his faults, not even Tony has ever done that to her.

Wordless, she sits back in her seat, levels a gaze at her boyfriend and waits to see where he'll go with this.

[notawastedlife]

Tony wincingly finished his bite of pizza -- not because it was bad, but because there was some words going around just then that weren't the greatest -- and ventured, "She's right?"

He dabbed his mouth with a napkin and sat back. "You think better when you've slept, and... I don't think you have. You have a house, but I don't think it's doing you any favors right now -- you melted down a little at those speeches, trust me, I know public meltdowns. So in the interest of... not doing that, again, come here, write on my walls." He glanced at Pepper and amended, "Our walls."

[daretodo]

He's serious. They're both serious, I guess would be more accurate, but Pepper's been more overt with her concern this entire time, whereas Tony's more or less skirted around the issue of Mary Jane's disappearance, something I've come to appreciate. He's probably the only person on this rock I've managed some semblance of an actual conversation with all month for that reason. Now, though, it's just more of the same...

Except it isn't, and I know it.

My eyes flutter shut, and I let out a quiet scoff, dragging my hand over my jaw, my mouth. I stand still like that for a moment, trying to attain some measure of calm; I don't know how successful I am in that goal, but after a beat, I manage to force myself back down into the chair I so recently abandoned, though I don't do much else. Breathing in deeply through my nose, I wait for one of them to elaborate on this insane idea, staving off my immediate impatience with a healthy dose of shame.

[wildlyconflictd]

At least he's sat down again. It's one more step in what Pepper suspects will be a long and tedious journey to get Peter to accept any help whatsoever. Her focus remains on her plate, although she does shoot him a brief sidelong glance.

"Your door will have a lock on it," she points out and primly lifts her fork to her mouth.

[notawastedlife]

"It's not like we think you need a caretaker," Tony said, "I mean, obviously, I'm not the... caretaker type." He shrugged slightly. "Just a change of scenery."

[daretodo]

For a moment I try to entertain myself with the mental image of Tony Stark suiting up, and pushing an iron stroller, but it doesn't inspire the right reaction -- more horror, less amusement -- so I shake it off, quickly.

"You have to understand... I got out of bed every morning because my uncle died, and I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't let something like that happen again," I say, voice quiet, but strained. There's a measured weight to my words, each one spoken carefully as though it's something I've thought of ahead of time, like a mantra I've repeated to myself in my head.

"Mary Jane was the one thing that let me get back in bed every night." I open my eyes, and I can only imagine how dead they look to an outside observer. "I have nothing left to stop me. A change of scenery, a lock on a door... It's not--"

[wildlyconflictd]

"Peter," Pepper says, finally looking to him again, her expression considerably more sympathetic than a moment before, "I don't think either of us are expecting you to simply get over this. I certainly know that I don't expect that you'll move in and miraculously be okay. But Tony's right. You lost control yesterday, and if being here could help you even a little, even if it's just that you're not being constantly bothered by well-meaning people, I think that it's worth considering. Do you think we don't know what it's like to be the sort of person who wants to handle things on their own?" She casts a brief glance to Tony, then looks back to Peter. "None of us are good at accepting help. But I know that were things different, you'd do what you could for us- You have, in fact. So let us do what we can for you. It isn't charity, it isn't because we feel sorry for you. We're just doing what friends do for each other. And if you need a more practical reason than that, you're not going to do your best work when you're distracted. So please

[notawastedlife]

"Right, that," Tony said, nodding at Pepper. "You want to get back, you want to fix things, you have a responsibility... I get it. You know I get it, we've talked about this. And right now, you're not firing on all cylinders. So let's get your head back in the game, right?"

[daretodo]

The guilt that washes over me at their words threatens to drown me. My throat goes tight, my shoulders tense. Just breathing becomes a challenge, but I suffer through it, sucking down a single gulp of air before clenching my jaw. There's a long moment where I just sit like that, willing myself not to fall apart in front of these people, but finally, I'm forced to let out the breath I've been holding.

Turning my attention on each of them, one at a time -- on my friends, like Pepper just said, though they're probably the closest thing I have, now, to family, which is almost sad -- I swallow, thickly.

"'Get my head back in the game,'" I say, grimacing. "Right. You know, I meant every word I said yesterday. I probably could've phrased them better, granted, but--" I cut myself off with a scoff, and look down at the table just long enough to collect my thoughts before glancing back to Tony. "I shouldn't have dragged you up there... And I definitely shouldn't've left you to clean up after my mess. I'm sorry."

[notawastedlife]

"...that's, don't worry about that, that's probably karma," Tony said, with a quick glance at Pepper. It was, after all, something he'd made nearly an art form out of. "Leaving me up there with a catcalling crowd? Call it my birthday present. Most fun I've had in weeks."