Nancy's evil twin runs amok (as if one of them wasn't bad enough!) as our young sleuth descends into paranoia, convinced that anyone caught knowing obscure facts about lilacs must be plotting her demise.
"'My friend Phyl told me on the phone just half an hour ago that she'd talked with you, Nancy, at the Elite Drug Store in River Heights.'" (page 1)
Isn't 'Elite Drug Store' kind of an oxymoron?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Fortunately, (Helen and Nancy) were excellent swimmers." (page 2)
Of course.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Emily! Pretend I'm hugging you,' Nancy said with a laugh..." (page 5)
Nancy: "I recently contracted the plague, so I think it's best that you keep your distance..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Now don't go making up to my friends, John,' Emily teased. 'Helen is engaged to Jim Archer, who has a position with an oil company overseas, and Nancy- well, she's mighty busy these days.'" (page 6)
Emily: "Yup, Nancy's a hooker!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"As Helen admired the attractive colonial-style bedroom, Nancy noticed a look of anxiety in Emily's eyes. But the next instant it vanished...
"For a fleeting moment Nancy again detected a worried look in the young woman's eyes. Why?" (page 6)
Why... why... why do you care? If she wanted you to know every single little thing that worried her, she'd tell you herself, not invite you to snoop around...
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"(Aunt Hazel) was followed by a younger woman who had an angry look on her rather pretty but petulant face." (page 8)
Narrator: "She, of course, is going to turn out to be evil."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'When I asked (one of the waitresses) why she was dissatisfied, she said it was because the inn was- was haunted!'
'What did she mean?' Nancy asked." (page 11)
She meant the place was infested with little ghosties, Nancy! Get a dictionary!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Sunday morning Gil Gary reported that our finest lilac tree near the front entrance had been stolen.'" (page 12)
They stole a *tree*? That's some dedicated ghost.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'The third strange occurance,' Emily continued, 'was around twelve o'clock last night. I was awakened by the sound of music...'" (page 12)
Emily: "Those Von Trapp kids are loud!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Nancy had learned from her lawyer father, Carson Drew, that a seemingly unrelated chain of events often became a single baffling mystery." (page 13)
So basically, he taught her the fine art of paranoia.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"(Emily) took the visitors to the far wing, where the kitchen was located. Its gleaming wall ovens and natural-stone colonial fireplace, complete with spit, fascinated Nancy." (page 16)
Nancy: "Oooh, colonial phlegm! Cool!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Now (Maud Potter) was smiling broadly as she waved a folded newspaper.
'Nancy!' she cried effusively. 'You're a skin-diving celebrity!" (page 17)
Oh, is that what they called it back then?
Nancy: "Oh, yay! You've got this month's Playboy!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"The article went on to tell that Nancy had just completed a course in advanced skin diving in the Muskoka River, and that she had finished first in total points in the twenty-student group." (page 17)
Is anyone surprised at this? Didn't think so.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"At eleven o'clock the group said good night and the River Heights girls tumbled into bed." (page 19)
Note: bed = singular.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Oh, Nancy!' Hannah sounded almost hysterical. 'Come home right away! Your father isn't here, and someone broke into the house last night!' (page 19)
... And kidnapped Carson? Seriously, how many times can this guy face mortal danger before it starts to become an *old* plot twist?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"... Mrs. Willoughby laughed and said, 'I can give you a more comfortable ride, Nancy.'" (page 22)
Nancy: "But... but... you're old! No offense, but I prefer Helen."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Maud cocked her head.
Maud: "Woof!"
'Does your father keep important papers at home?'
'Sometimes,' Nancy replied noncommittally. She tried to hide her annoyance at the woman's inquisitiveness." (page 24)
... *Nancy Drew* is annoyed about someone asking her too many questions?
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'No silver or other valuables are missing,' Hannah went on. 'But your room is a mess. Whoever was here must have been after something you keep there.' ...
Nancy dashed up the stairs." (page 25)
Nancy: "OH MY GOD MY PLAYBOY MAGAZINES!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'This is preposterous!' Nancy cried, her blue eyes flashing. 'Someone is impersonating me. She stole my charge plate.I want to see those sales slips.'
Just then, to Nancy's relief, Chief McGinnis entered the office. He and the Drews were old friends, and he greeted Nancy cordially." (page 30)
Oh, here we *go*. Time for this book's demonstration on how Carson Drew has the entire River Heights police force wrapped around his little finger...
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Mr. Goldsmith promised that Burk's private detective and all the store's sales personnel would be on the lookout for Nancy's unknown double." (page 31)
*snerk* The Depression-era clothing store has it's own private detective? Riiight...
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"(Nancy's) thoughts revolved around the mystery (at Lilac Inn) and also on the problem of her impersonator. 'No one could look enough like me to be absolutely identical. Why, even identical twins have distinguishing characteristics,' she told herself with a smile, 'such as the shape of fingernails, voice tones, and facial expressions.'" (page 35)
Nancy: "So, logically, I've concluded that my 'twin' must in fact be my clone!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"(Nancy) tried to rock the car gently back and forth to gain momentum." (page 66)
A car drove by. The young, college-age boy inside honked the horn and yelled, "WHOO! Way to go, buddy!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Nancy gave an account of her day's experiences, concluding with the reckless truck driver.
'Why, how terrible!' Emily exclaimed.
'The nerve of someone impersonating you!' Helen bristled." (page 38)
Nancy: "Oh, no, the truck driver didn't imper- ohhh, you're talking about one of my *other* Perilous Problems! Sorry, got confused there for a sec."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'But I asked--' Emily broke off when Nancy gave her a warning look." (page 38)
Nancy: "You speak when I say you can, slave!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Maud Potter joined the girls. 'I'm so glad you approve my choice, Emily,' she said ingratiatingly.
Boy, they really bend over backward to make these characters unlikable in every way imaginable, don't they?
'Now, let's have supper and see your diamonds.'" (page 40)
Maud: "But, y'know, especially the diamonds part..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"The girl detective asked where each of (the cooks and waitresses) had been when the kitchen plunged into darkness. All the women except Anna replied that they had been in the kitchen.
Anna gave Nancy a curious look. 'Why do you ask?'
The young detective explained that Emily Willoughby wanted to be sure no one had been hurt by and unexpected fall during the blackout." (page 45)
Nancy: "Erm, does that sound right? Is that a plausible enough excuse for me to question you endlessly?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Maud Potter's eyes narrowed. 'I suppose you think Emily should search us!' she said nastily to Nancy.
'Maud!' Emily protested. 'Nancy meant no such thing!' (page 45)
Nancy: "Um, yeah. Actually, I did. But I'm the junior detective here, so I get to conduct the strip searches!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"... Nancy stooped and shone the flash on something on the floor. It was a crushed, but still fresh lilac flower!
'It was those other blossoms which made me think there might be a concealed entrance into this room.'" (page 47)
Nancy: "Whenever I see lilac blossoms, I start searching for secret passageways! PH3AR my logic skillz!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Nancy examined the bud which proved to be fresh and moist. 'The thief probably wore a sprig of lilacs. That makes me think the person was a woman.'" (page 48)
*sigh* Or a flamboyantly gay man, Nancy! Get with the times!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"It was Helen who spoke up. 'Have Nancy take over the case of your missing diamonds, Emily. I guarantee she'll unearth them!'
All ther others backed Helen's suggesting eagerly except Maud." (page 50)
Surprise, surprise.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Emily reassured her unhappy aunt and persuaded her to go to bed. Maud said she would follow." (page 50)
And the inevitable threesome reference makes it's first appearance of the book!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"The young sleuth's eyes had been roving back and forth across the floor, since it was instinctive with her to be hunting for clues whenever a mystery confronted her." (page 51)
Narrator: "And... well, pretty much any other time, really."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"As Jim, Gil, and Luke- the three other gardeners- reported for work, Nancy questioned each of them in turn." (page 54)
Narrator: "At gunpoint, as was customary."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'John, you found the diamonds!' Nancy exclaimed. The young man opened the case and displayed its contents. The twenty diamonds, of various sizes, glinted in the morning sunlight." (page 55)
... Yeah. Ten bucks says they're fake.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * **
"'John, you're a darling!' (Emily) cried. 'Let's go to the patio and
Emily: "Make out like a pair of sex-starved monkeys."
tell the others.'" (page 56)
...Oh.
Well, my way's more exciting.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"The Drews' housekeeper reported an uneventful night and that a police guard was still posted at the house." (page 57)
*sigh* I love how normal people get a thorough search and a promise that the force will do their best to catch the crook, but the *Drews* get a twenty-four hour police guard. Oy vey.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"When Mr. Fabian put down the last gem he looked hard at Emily. 'Is this a practical joke?' he asked. 'These stones are only glass!'" (page 58)
Ha. Knew it. C'mon, pay up.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Turning to Nancy, (Maud) said, 'An awful lot of funny things have happened since you came to Lilac Inn.'" (page 59)
Tell me about it. She's like a tragedy magnet. Only she always fixes everyone's problems after she brings them upon people, of course.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Oh, I forgot. Nancy's a famous detective!' Maud said sarcastically." (page 59)
... I'm rather starting to like Maud.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"... Nancy replied. '... I wonder if that woman who bumped into me might be in league with the jewel thief.'" (page 60)
... Because that's the way it is with Nancy Drew. You do something even slightly annoying to her (i.e. bump into her and knock over her purse), and suddenly, in her mind, you could quite possibly be part of a massive conspiracy to steal jewels, impersonate teenage detectives, and frame people for crimes they may or may not have committed. Paranoia at it's finest.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Nancy thanked the girl and read the message. 'Nancy: I've found an important clue to the case. Come in your canoe to the dock where you saw the man with the crew cut. Wear your diving gear.' Nancy was intrigued. what was John's discovery? What kind of clue would necessitate underwater equipment?" (page 62)
Nancy: "Oooh, sounds kinky!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Since Maud was not there, Nancy merely told the others she had a date with John, saying, 'Dad warned me not to go anywhere alone, but if John's with me, I'll be safe.'" (page 62)
Nancy: "After all, he's a MAN!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"There was no sign of John-- only underwater plants and several large rocks." (page 64)
Narrator: "Kind of like the inside of John's head."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Nancy's heart thumped wildly as the spear quivered in her camera. Someone had tried to injure her! Why?" (page 65)
Well, why not?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"... Helen, Emily, and Mrs. Willoughby hurried forward. They stared aghast at the spear in Nancy's hand.
'N-Nancy! You've been in danger!' Helen gasped.
Nancy gave a wry smile." (page 66)
Nancy: "Nope. I've just decided to finish off you lot once and for all."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Nancy returned to her cottage. She put away the skin-diving gear and set the spear in the closet." (page 69)
Nancy: "You just never know when I might need a deadly weapon like this!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"The rest of the evening Nancy spent playing a lively game of ping-pong with Helen, Emily, and John." (page 73)
They had such interesting names for orgies in those days.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Nancy and Helen were too polite to ask further questions." (page 81)
Or, more likely, Helen was too polite to ask further questions, and had to forcibly restrain Nancy.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Everyone at the table stared out the window. Two men were peering in. Nancy recognized them and jumped to her feet in surprise." (page 82)
Nancy: "My suppliers! I told them never to come here!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"The unexpected sight of the two men peering through the dining-room window had startled Nancy, but in a happy way." (page 83)
Narrator: "She liked to be watched by Peeping Toms."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Nancy... suggested that the men come into the dining room to breakfast. She made the necessary introductions." (page 85)
Nancy: "Everyone, this is my father/possible lover/partner in crime. Dad, this is Secondary Character #1, Secondary Character #2, Minor Character That No One Really Gives a Crap About, and EVIIIIIL Secondary Character."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"(Jean Holmes) turned to Emily, and asked permission to accompany Nancy and get (her things)." (page 94)
Nancy: "Um, hello? I'm right here!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Although Nancy had lost her handbag with wallet and driver's license in the fire, Mr. Drew had obtained special permission for her to drive until her new license was mailed." (page 94)
Narrator: "Seeing as how Mr. Drew had the entire River Heights police force wrapped around his little finger..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"It struck Nancy as odd, however, that Jean would inform on the woman who had helped her obtain a job." (page 96)
Oh, but Jean's a good little anti-Communist, just like Nancy!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"A few minutes later Mrs. Stonewell, attractively dressed in a tailored sports suit, stepped into the room." (page 97)
Nancy: "Ooooh... she's not evil, she's good... really, really good..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Nancy,' Mrs. Corning said, 'the newspaper didn't state how the fire started. I suppose the usual carelessness-- someone tossing away a lighted match.'
Nancy, inwardly relieved, replied that this was always a possibility. She did not mention the time bomb." (page 98)
Narrator: "She saw no need to inform the woman of the fact that he daughter was quite possibly in perilous danger."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"... Before leaving, (Nancy) wrote her father a note telling him the details of the jewelry theft." (page 99)
Note: "... And then I had my accomplice shut off the power, and I took the box of diamonds and replaced them with fakes..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"When she reached Dockville later, Nancy glanced about in dismay. She was confronted with row upon row of dingy tenements." (page 99)
... Yeah. Welcome to real life, Nancy.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"BANG! The rock struck the door of Nancy's convertible, just as she ducked down." (page 100)
God: "Damn, I missed."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Miss Willoughby tells me you (Mary Mason) left because the inn was haunted,' Nancy went on. 'Since then, she's been wondering what you meant. I said I'd try to find you and ask." (page 101-102)
Mary Mason: *sigh* "I meant that you all needed to call Ghostbusters, pronto! What did you think I meant?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Mary proceeded to give Nancy a dramatic story of hearing footsteps at night when no one was around. She said that several times when she had been working late in the kitchen, a ghostly face had looked in the window." (page 102)
Oh, come on! You're just regurgitating plot points from The Hidden Staircase, now!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"The young sleuth looked around. 'This is a pleasant home,' she said. 'Have you always lived with your brother?' (page 102)
Mary: (hurridly) "I'm not sleeping with him! Iiiii mean...."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Around here nobody calls me Mary. That's my business name." (page 104)
Mary: "Do you have any idea how inconvenient it is for your, ahem, nighttime customers to know your real name? I used to go with Twyla Ravyyn Sparklefritz, but I kinda think that's too whorish."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Mary stood up. 'Hate to rush you, Miss Drew. But I'm er- expecting company.'" (page 104)
Mary: "Wink wink, nudge nudge, ifyaknowwaddimean."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Why didn't she want to tell me who asked her to write the note about "blue pipes"?' Nancy's hands gripped the wheel hard as a startling idea occurred to her. 'She's shielding someone.'" (page 104)
Yeah, or how 'bout we go with this one: maybe she was actually telling the truth when she told you she didn't remember...
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
""Blue pipes" was being used as a signal- perhaps between persons at Lilac Inn and an outside accomplice. Were Mary Mason and a gardener two of them? And could Maud possibly be a third member of the group? Were they responsible for the diamond theft?
'They're all familiar with the place,' Nancy reasoned, 'and might have learned of the secret closet.'
If this were the case, she speculated, the three might have had other assistants. 'For instance,' Nancy thought, 'the woman who bumped into me in Benton, whoever put the diamond in my purse, and the person who placed the bomb in our cottage.'" (pages 104-105)
And in one fell swoop, Nancy manages to incriminate everyone in the book who did something even remotely mean to her.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"With a smile, Nancy said (to her father), 'You're such a good judge of character.'" (page 106)
*snigger* Um, yeah. Right.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"The lawyer then advised his daughter, despite Emily Willoughby's concern, to phone Chief McGinnis and tell him the whole story." (page 106)
Mr. Drew: "Remember what I've always taught you: You know better than everyone else, in every situation. Ignore the wishes of your friends. If it's their business, it's your bisiness."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"(Nancy's) thoughts spun from subject to subject." (page 107)
Nancy's Thoughts: "Airplanes... cows... Volkswagons... soup..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Suddenly a daring plan popped into her head.
'I'll try it!' Nancy decided." (page 107)
Nancy: "I'll try going to the Olive Garden instead of TGI Friday's tomorrow!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Reluctantly Mr. Drew gave his consent. 'If anything goes wrong, scream as loudly as you can.'" (page 108)
Mr. Drew: "Just like you used to do when I wouldn't buy you a toy you wanted."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Next, (Nancy) wired pocket-size flashlights to the cuff of each sleeve of the gown.
'These provide a glowing effect,' she thought." (page 109)
Narrator: "Nancy really didn't get out much."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"(Nancy) took a side road out of town. 'Doris lives close to the inn,' she recalled. 'I'll drop in to see her.'" (page 109)
Narrator: "Doris is a tertiary plot point who has never appeared before, and will never appear again."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"By the time Nancy took her leave and drew near the inn, it was dark. She decided to park in the apple orchard." (page 110)
The gardeners were *not* amused.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"There was no sign near the building of the guard (Nancy's) father had obtained. No doubt he was down near the river." (page 111)
Nancy, face it. There is no guard- they only told you they would give you one so you would stop bitching at them.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Nancy Drew!' Emily exclaimed. 'We didn't expect to see you until tomorrow!'
'And all dressed up, too. Been to a dance?' Maud asked curiously.
...
Now Nancy flashed Emily a warning glance and answered, 'Had an interesting date.' (pages 115-116)
Nancy: "He liked kinkier stuff than most; wanted me to show up in a ball gown with flashlights up my sleeves. Weird, huh?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Did you have a good time this evening, Nancy?' asked Emily with a twinkle.
She might want to have something done about that.
'I always do,' Nancy replied airily, for Maud's benefit." (page 116)
Nancy: "See, Maud? I like my night job!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Are you all sure you never felt a similar vibration before?' Dick asked." (page 120)
Emily: *sigh* "Okay, okay, Dick- I'll admit it. Your new dildo is better than my old one."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Shaking like that used to happen to our house when a very heavy truck went by.'" (page 120)
Dick: "Or, y'know, when the neighbors were testing their A-Bombs..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Welcome back, Nancy,' said John, grinning. 'How's my beautiful sleuthing skin diver?'" (page 121)
Nancy: "Is that supposed to be kinky, John? 'Cause to be honest, I'm a little sick of kinky right now."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Nancy was slightly annoyed but gave no sign of this. She hoped Maud had not spread word around the inn of the wig episode." (page 121)
Narrator: "Nancy would have just died if everyone else had known her 'titian blonde hair' was all a facade..."
"(Nancy) asked whether Maud had been gossiping about events of the previous evening. Emily said she was sure this was the case." (page 121)
Emily: "You know Nancy, you and Maud really are a lot alike. Perhaps she is your impersonator!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"As Nancy and John walked toward the river, following the flipper treads, she asked, 'John, do you know what "blue pipes" are?'
'Sure. Lilacs,' he said matter-of-factly." (page 125)
Nancy: *gasp* "LYKE ZOMG YOU'RE EVIL I KEEL YOU!!!!1!!!1!!one!!!!1!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Also, Dad, is it all right if I go skin diving? John will accompany me.'
Mr. Drew gave his permission. 'Perhaps you'll see some unusual fish,' he added meaningfully." (page 126)
Nancy Drew as Melissa Strickland: "This is where the fish lives..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Do you happen to know anyone else around here who skin-dives, Gil?' Nancy asked.
The gardener did not look up, and continued his trimming. 'Naw,' he muttered. 'River bottom's too muddy. It--'
He broke off. Nancy felt a surge of excitement. Why did Gil assume she was referring to the river?
Oh, I don't know, maybe because you're RIGHT NEXT TO IT?!
And did he know of its muddy condition from personal experience? Why had he not finished his answer?" (page 128)
Why did the chicken cross the road? Which came first, the chicken or the egg? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"John shrugged casually. '... Miss Drew and I came across a funny gadget this morning. Sort of like a can opener. Sound familiar?'
'No!' the gardener snapped...
Nancy and John exchanged triumphant looks." (page 128)
John: "See? I told you he had no idea what a can opener was!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Nancy did not no what to think. She disliked Maud, but felt it was unfair to accept Jean's claim without proof. 'Don't trust an informer too far,' her father once said." (page 129)
Mr. Drew: "Use 'em until you don't need 'em anymore, then kill 'em!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"After lunch Nancy drove to Benton. For privacy, she telephoned the State Police officer from a booth in the drugstore there. When Nancy had finished her account, he assured her he would do all he could to turn up possible new leads to Nancy's impersonator." (page 132)
State Police Officer: "We got a coupla murder cases, and a sexual assault charge, but this is more important."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Mr. Drew confessed alarm upon hearing the details of his daughter's meeting with her double. 'No telling what she and her accomplices may be up to,' he warned. 'But whatever you do, Nancy, don't overstep anyone's legal rights.'" (page 133)
Mr. Drew: "Leave that to me."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Rain came pouring down in silvery sheets. There was another resounding thunderclap, then a vivid flash of lightning. A splintering, crashing sould followed.
'Oh!' Jean shrieked. 'The inn's been struck!'" (page 134)
God: "There. I was right on target that time."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"With dignity Emily said, 'Maud, Dick will write a check for whatever salary we owe you.'" (page 136)
Emily: "After all, he is the man- he handles all the moneystuffs."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Maud became angry when I (Mrs. Willoughby) refused (to lend her money), but she continued her demands for money.'" (page 137)
Mrs. Willoughby: "She kept up this utter nonsense about something called a 'salary'- I really have no idea what she was talking about."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Nancy's thoughts reverted to Jean's story about Maud. 'It sounds as though the waitress might not have been telling the truth. But why would she want to incriminate Maud? And why did Jean appear so uneasy when I mentioned "blue pipes"?'" (pages 138-139)
Maybe because she'd heard you'd been freaking at everyone who seemed to know what the phrase meant, Nancy. Did you ever think of that?"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
(after reading the note from Gay)
"Nancy's heart was thumping with excitement. Lilacs- 'blue pipes' - two envelopes bearing the same type- was someone named Gay her impersonator?" (page 140)
Nancy: "Ewww, that's disgusting!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"As Maud dried her eyes, Nancy walked over toward the desk. Nonchalantly she typed out her name on the typewriter. N-a-n-c-y." (page 141)
Ah, she's finally learned how to spell!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'I'm convinced that Maud won't cause any more trouble,' (Nancy) stated. 'And now, if you'll keep everyone out of earshot of the phone, I'll call the State Police and suggest they watch out for Gay.'" (page 142)
State Police: *sigh* "For the last time, Miss Drew, we are not going to organize any kind of gay witch hunt for you! Now get lost!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Suddenly everyone was startled by Mr. Daly rushing frantically from his office...
...
'My blue pipe's missing! Has anyone seen it?'" (page 142)
Nancy: *spasms* "ZOMG BLUE PIPES LILACS EVIL!" *twitches* FAIRY GODPARENTS!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Lieutenant Brice then told Nancy and her friends that no clues had been discovered to the person who had placed the time bomb." (page 144)
Lieutenant Brice: "But believe me, none of y'all are anywhere close to being a priority."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"When Nancy told about her missing car, John suggested that he and the girls go off in his jeep and search the grounds before reporting the loss." (page 145)
John: "That'll give the thieves enough time to get away."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"To avoid rousing suspicion, Nancy would pretend to be an actress named Dru Gruen." (page 146)
Narrator: "Secret lover to Hannah Gruen, just like in real life."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'I wonder,' Nancy pursued, 'if she still likes "blue pipes"?'" (page 148)
Oh, here we go.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Hannah said that Mr. Drew had gone out to dinner with a client, so Nancy asked the housekeeper to give him a message." (page 151)
Nancy: "Tell him that if he's been cheating on me, I will find out!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
(during Nancy's kidnapping and subsequent imprisonation on a submarine)
"Meanwhile, back in River Heights, Chief McGinnis had just received a phone call from the Dockville chief." (page 160)
Dockville Chief: "If you ever want to see your precious little puppermaster alive again, deliver to me one million dollars in unmarked bills..."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"One woman neighbor had mentioned, however, that occasionally she heard hammering and drilling noises coming from the basement of the house. The police sergeant had checked and discovered some electronic equipment in the cellar, along with several books on navigation and skin diving.
'But we found a real prize in the garage,' the sergent added." (page 161)
... Wow. Search warrants? Probable cause? Do these words mean anything to these people?!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"The lawyer explained that he had just returned home, and telephoned the inn. He had learned from Miss Willoughby that Nancy had been missing for several hours. 'Everyone, including the State Police, are out looking for her.'" (page 161)
Everyone drops everything and rushes to the scene when it's Nancy Drew who's missing!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'... Nancy thinks her impersonator is an actress with a prison record. Her name is Gay Moreau.'
'Gay Moreau!' Carson Drew exclaimed. 'Chief, if that girl's responsible for Nancy's disappearance, my daughter is in great danger!'" (page 161)
Carson: "Help! It's the Radical Homosexual Agenda, out to get the children!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'Dad!' Nancy cried out. 'What did he have to do with-' She broke off, suddenly recalling that waitress's startled reaction when Nancy's father had peered into the inn dining room." (page 163)
Of course, that couldn't have had a thing to do with the weirdness of having random guys looking through your windows. Nooo. Mm-mm.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"'You can call me Gay now,' the girl sneered." (page 163)
Gay: "I've finally come out!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"They had also caused the inn to quake by using a strong vibrating machine against the cellar wall, then running off with it before being detected." (page 169)
... Yeah. Something tells me that a 'vibrating machine' big enough to make an entire house shake isn't going to be that easy to "run off with before being detected"... And don't get me started on the use of the phrase 'vibrating machine'.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"The trio raced from the cabin. Nancy, bound and helpless, was left alone in the sinking ship." (page 170)
Nancy: "Only Rose can save me now!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Carson Drew said severely, 'Well, Gay Moreau, justice is catching up with you again.' Then he kissed his daughter." (page 175)
Nancy: "Mmmph! Not so much tongue, Dad!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
"Laughing gaily, (Nancy) said, "... For the present, my steady partner is going to be mystery!" (page 180)
Nancy: "And my dad and Hannah, of course."