Fic: Through A Glass Darkly 5/6?
Story: Through A Glass Darkly
Author: wmr / wendymr
Characters: Rose Tyler, AU Ninth Doctor, AU Jack Harkness, Jackie Tyler
Rated: PG13
Disclaimer: Not mine, unfortunately, though I'm willing to pay in instalments...
Summary: It's only when she's finally given up looking for a way back that she finds him.
Written for the incredibly generous wiggiemomsi, who won my services in the September Support Stacie Auction. I promised a minimum-5000-words fic; so far, this one's over 26,000 words. I hope you like it, Wiggie! With very many thanks to my fantastic team of BRs, dark_aegis, yamx and kae_nine.
Chapter 1: Shadow of the Past l Chapter 2: Tug of War l Chapter 3: Friction l Chapter 4: In The Way
Chapter 5: Full Disclosure
She couldn’t say a word if she tried. Her whole body feels like it’s been dumped into icy water.
Jack’s just like the Doctor she first met. And now she knows, the similarities are blindingly obvious. How could she not have guessed?
But it’s worse. Your people. Humans - so Jack’s not human? People just like her. Humans committed genocide against Jack’s kind and wiped his planet out of existence. And not long ago, either - at a guess, five months ago. It’s no wonder he could barely look at her, let alone speak to her.
And, in fact, he’s not looking at her at all now, is he? Just like her Doctor when he told her that his planet was gone. Except this time it’s different.
This time, she - and every one of her kind, in fact - are the Daleks.
In three thousand years’ time, her descendents, humans just like her, are going to destroy Jack’s entire world. Senseless genocide, from what he said. And there’s nothing, not one thing, she can do to stop it.
No wonder his body language is telling her to stay well away from him. No wonder he put up his hand to fend her off when she would have gone to him.
“I don’t know how you can even be in the same room as me,” she finally manages to say, and her voice is shaking.
“You’re not like them.” And suddenly he is looking at her. “You stood up for someone - an alien - who could’ve been trying to kill you. You took his side against me, someone you thought was your own kind, right?”
That shocks her into momentary anger. “It’s not about human versus alien, Jack! It’s about what’s right!”
“I know.” He sounds utterly sincere, and it’s the most like her Jack he’s been since she met him. “I’m not normally that prejudiced, I swear. It’s just...” He glances down, faltering.
“It’s only been a few months, right?” He nods. “When I met my Doctor, it wasn’t long after his planet was wiped out. So I do understand, a bit.”
“Yeah.” His voice sounds calm, but his hands are clenched together, his knuckles white. “When... when I first met him, it was just after Gallifrey was destroyed. Didn’t know that at the time, but I was just a kid. Though obviously I knew something was wrong - crashed and damaged ship, the pilot not in much better shape. Never thought I’d be in the same situation.”
There’s so much more she wants to know, but she’s got no right to ask - and even less right to put Jack through the trauma of reliving it all. There’s one question that’s a bit safer, though. Quietly, with just a hint of curiosity, she asks, “You’re not human, then?”
He exhales slowly and lays his palms flat on his lap. “Humanish. By my time, more than twenty generations away from pure human. Enough for us to be seen as mongrels, not good enough to live.” His expression contorts into something barely recognisable. Not such a safe question, then. God. She shouldn’t have asked him. “We had to be put down, like rabid dogs.”
“Jack...” Every instinct in her is crying out to offer comfort, but what right does she have to expect that he’ll take it from her?
She’d leave right now and go to find the Doctor, but for one thing: Jack chose to tell her this. He came to find her and, whether or not he intended to reveal all of this when he came, he made a decision to confide in her.
She has experience with trauma victims, through Torchwood as well as with her Doctor, and the benefit of trauma training, which she didn’t have then. Now, she’s better able to identify the signs, and to know what she is and isn’t seeing. The good thing about Jack, right now, is that he’s not in the middle of a flashback. Telling her what happened to his planet hasn’t triggered anything for him. So there’s no real need to get the Doctor, unless Jack wants him - and he’s capable of saying so for himself, or of getting up and leaving her room, if he wants.
“Yeah?” It’s little more than a whisper, but he’s looking straight at her again. It’s encouragement enough for her to risk it.
“Can I hug you?”
He inhales sharply, and it sounds like appalled rejection. But before she can apologise for asking, he’s holding his hand out to her.
She doesn’t hesitate. Grasping his hand, she propels herself to her feet and towards him, and in the same moment he stands as well, letting her wrap her arms around his broad chest. He folds his arms stiffly around her, tension in every rigid line of his body as he stands in her embrace.
Almost holding her breath, she strokes one hand down the column of his spine. He exhales slowly, his head dropping to her shoulder, and he relaxes against her, his arms tightening around her, clinging.
It’s a couple of seconds before she realises he’s shaking.
After a while - she loses track of time - he stills, his embrace loosens and he raises his head. As she meets his gaze, he gives her a sheepish smile. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to go all clinging vine on you.”
“I don’t mind,” she assures him immediately.
His smile’s rueful. “I suppose this wouldn’t feel unusual to you. You did say you and your Jack were close.”
It takes a moment for his meaning to sink in - and then the fact that it did stuns her. “You know, I never even thought of it like that. He’s him and... well, you’re you.”
“Yeah.” He’s still holding her, though he’s pulled back a bit now. “Like you said, I’m not really like him.”
Her words from a week or so ago come back to her, making her feel as if she’s been drenched in iced water. He died a hero. And he’d be ashamed of you.
And Jack believes it.
“Oh, god, Jack... I didn’t mean that. Seriously, I didn’t. I was just...”
“Provoked?” His mouth turns down at the corners. “You were. You don’t have to lie to spare my feelings.”
“Jack.” She shifts her hands to his shoulders, holding him firmly. “You don’t need my opinion to know what you are, but for what it’s worth... I think you’re every inch the hero my Jack was. More, maybe, ‘cause he didn’t have to live through what you survived.” She hesitates for a moment, then decides to go for it and reaches up to press a kiss against his cheek. “You’re bigger on the inside, Jack Harkness. Always were, always will be.”
Something that looks suspiciously like longing flits across his face for an instant, but he immediately shakes his head, clearly not believing her. “You don’t know that.”
She smiles. “Yeah, I do.” Releasing him and stepping back a little so that she can count points on her fingers, she begins. “First, I know the Doctor - this Doctor as well as mine. He’d never have you here if you weren’t. Second, he’s told me you are, hasn’t he? Not details, but enough. An’ third, there’s what you did today. Yeah, that kid wasn’t a threat, but what if he had been? You were there, makin’ sure I was safe. You’re a hero all right, Jack Harkness. You just don’t believe it.”
From behind her, there’s the sound of applause. “Couldn’t’ve said it better meself.”
“Doctor.” The name sounds like a sigh of relief. Jack steps past her and runs, almost stumbling, towards the other man. The Doctor’s arms close around him. Jack’s hands go to the sides of the Doctor’s face, and her jaw drops as he leans in and kisses the Doctor, open-mouthed and needy, as if his life depended on it.
Or his sanity - and, given what he’s just told her, that’s more than likely the truth.
***
“You told her, then.” Jack nods. “Good.” Rose needed to know, if only to understand why Jack’s the way he is, but it wasn’t his business to tell her. But that’s not the only reason it’s good. If Jack’s able to talk about Schattenwelt, and especially with Rose - a human - it’s the most positive sign in a long time.
They’re in his bedroom, their shared room now ever since he brought Jack on board after the war. He lingered just long enough in Rose’s room to tell her that he’d talk to her later. For now, Jack’s his priority. The way she shooed him away told him she understood.
Maybe she does, at that. She did meet her Doctor not long after his Time War. The thought of what he would have been like in this life had he gone through the loss of Gallifrey just now rather than three lives ago... yeah. Doesn’t bear thinking about.
“Only the bare facts,” Jack adds. “No details.” He rubs his face roughly with both hands. “God, I shouldn’t still be falling apart like this. I’m a mess.”
He goes to Jack, tugs the lad’s hands away from his face and pulls him into a hug. “ ‘S all part of healing. Or so I’m told.” A ghost of a smile, that Jack can’t see, crosses his face. “By someone wiser than he had any right to be given he was only sixteen at the time.”
The comment makes Jack pull back and smile, which was his intention. “I said that to you? After what you’d just been through? Must’ve been crazy.”
“Just young.”
Jack snorts as he steps back, raking a hand through his already-rumpled hair. “I was a tearaway. If I hadn’t met you, I’d probably have ended up in jail, or on a transporter ship.”
The Doctor doesn’t comment. They both know it’s not as simple as that. Orphaned at a young age, Jack was brought up in a care facility, from which he absconded not long before the Doctor’s TARDIS crash-landed on Schattenwelt. For the Doctor, of course, it was right after the end of the Time War and the last thing he wanted was to invite someone to travel with him, but the thought of what would happen to that sixteen-year-old boy otherwise made him change his mind.
Just one trip, though, he insisted - but that trip turned into an adventure, and by the time he returned the boy to Schattenwelt Jack had decided he wanted to be a time-traveller. They made a bargain: Jack would go back to the facility, continue his education and then the Doctor would take him to Earth to take the entrance exam for the Time Agency.
And how many times has he regretted that offer since?
“Hey.” Shirtless, Jack reaches for his shoulder and shakes him. “Stop that. Oh, I know damn well what you’re thinking, so don’t look at me like that. I wanted to be in the Agency, and you didn’t know how it was gonna turn out. Besides, it’s not like I didn’t get anything out of it. I learned a lot in those ten years.”
Including how to fight, and kill. Though he’s got no right to talk.
Jack’s pulling on an old T-shirt now, one he wears for dirty jobs. “Gonna scrub out the grease from under the grating. You’ve been saying it needs doing for days now. I want to,” he adds as the Doctor begins to protest. “It’s the kind of thing I need to do right now. And - no offence-” He gives a lop-sided smile. “I need to be on my own for a bit. Don’t worry, I’m okay,” he adds quickly. “I’m a lot better than I thought I’d be. I just need some time alone.”
The Doctor nods. “If you’re sure.”
“I am. And you need to check on Rose. I did kind of dump this on her without any warning.”
Again, he nods. “I do.”
“Tell her I’ll talk to her tomorrow, okay? I know she’ll have questions.”
“There’s no rush.” Just because Jack’s managed to tell part of his story now doesn’t mean the rest will be plain sailing. No-one knows that any better than he does. He lays a hand on Jack’s shoulder. “Well done, lad. ‘M proud of you.”
Jack grins, though it doesn’t entirely reach his eyes. “Thanks.” Then he’s gone, the sound of his jogging footsteps echoing outside in the hallway.
Right. Jack’s okay, or he will be. A lot more okay than he has been, definitely, and that’s a relief. Time to see to Rose.
***
“Is he all right?”
The Doctor’s just appeared in her bedroom doorway. She looked up and there he was, having made not a sound as he arrived. This incarnation of the Doctor always was good at that.
He leans against the jamb. “Yep. Getting there, any road.”
“Good.” She glances down at her lap. This feels awkward suddenly. She might have suspected before that the Doctor and Jack were closer than she ever was to her Doctor, but it’s different to have proof. That kiss wasn’t a first, and nor was it between two people who don’t know each other intimately.
Yet another reason, in addition to her species, for Jack to resent her presence on the TARDIS.
Something else occurs to her: she’s been holding the Doctor’s hand, too, when they’ve been outside the TARDIS. Oh, Jack must have loved that.
She half-feels like she should apologise for getting between them, but it doesn’t feel right to say it to the Doctor. Jack, then, if the opportunity arises.
“So.” The Doctor’s voice makes her look up again. She’d assumed he’d slipped away as silently as he arrived. “Feel up to another go at tryin’ to get the Vortex energy out of you?”
Might as well. “If you have time.”
He nods. “Got plenty of time, me. Jack’s busy workin’ off some excess energy. Better’n brooding, that.”
In the medical lab, wired up to his equipment again, she catches his arm as he’s about to move away. “Do you think you’re getting anywhere?”
He quirks one eyebrow. “Said I’d do it. Don’t you trust me?”
“It’s not that.” She takes a deep breath. “It’s... well, I know now why it’s so hard for Jack, me being around. The sooner you can fix me, the better it’ll be for him, yeah?”
His eyes widen. “Jack doesn’t want you to leave.”
She rolls her eyes. He really can be completely thick sometimes. Alien. “He’s wanted me to leave since before I even came on board. And now I know why, it makes complete sense.”
He moves away, picks up a piece of equipment, and starts waving it over her body when he comes back. “That’s just gut reaction, an’ he was getting over it long before this evening. Species prejudice. Had nothin’ to do with you.” She knows that, and is about to say so when the Doctor carries on speaking. “Known Jack for years, I have. Did I mention that he used to come travellin’ with me from time to time before the war that destroyed his planet?”
She shakes her head. “No, you didn’t.”
The Doctor smiles, obviously dwelling on happy memories. “Told meself I was keepin’ an eye on him, makin’ sure he didn’t get into trouble. Like I told you, he was just sixteen when I first met him. Had no family, an’ he was starting to head in a bad direction. He helped me, like I said. Was just after the War for me, an’ I wasn’t the best of people to be around - but he didn’t let that put him off. Made a right nuisance of himself, he did, until I took my head out of my arse an’ started behavin’ like a Time Lord again instead of an idiot.” He gives her a curious look. “Strikes me you might’ve done something similar for your Doctor.”
“Sort of, yeah.” It really didn’t seem like much at the time, but in retrospect she understands a lot more about things like PTSD, and as a result how her presence, and the questions she never stopped asking, must have helped her Doctor.
He nods. “Thought as much. Anyway, like I was sayin’, Jack was in danger of becomin’ a bit of a yob. Steered him right, but I couldn’t just leave him an’ assume he’d be all right. Not when there was no-one else lookin’ out for him. So I made a point of coming to see him once a year, his timeline, just to be sure. Sometimes it was just a short visit, couple of times he came with me for a bit.”
“You never asked him to come with you full-time?” She’s definitely curious about that. It sounds like the young Jack was just the sort of person the Doctor loved to have around to show the universe to.
“Considered it, yeah. But Jack wanted to be a Time Agent. Had no right to get in the way of that.”
There’s so much more she wants to know, such as when they became more than friends - especially as the Doctor’s known Jack since he was a kid. But it’s none of her business, and anyway the thought of asking the Doctor that - even this Doctor, so much more approachable than hers, either of them, ever were - sends chills through her.
Time to change the subject. Get him more focused on sorting her out, too.
“So, come on, then! About time you showed me some Spock, don’t you think? Unless you want me thinkin’ you’re not such a genius after all.” He always did thrive on a challenge, her Doctor - especially if he thought he was being doubted.
“Oi!” Irritation flashes briefly in his eyes, followed by determination. Good. Now maybe they’ll get somewhere.
***
In the end, it’s several days before he feels ready to talk to Rose again - something he suspects doesn’t surprise the Doctor one bit.
Oh, he sees her, bids her good morning, asks how she slept, makes casual conversation. He even teases her once or twice when she’s wearing figure-hugging T-shirts and jeans - which look very good on her. Her look of shock, though it’s immediately followed by a flattered grin, makes him realise that, as much as it feels natural and normal to him - which it is; this flirting and teasing is the kind of thing he’s always done - it’s the first time he’s done it with her. Oh, he really did treat her like something the cat dragged in, didn’t he?
He even - and this takes him by surprise - joins in lazy evening chats with the Doctor and Rose around the console, and, once, in the den, swapping stories about past travels or alien encounters or childhood anecdotes. Finds himself laughing with Rose as she tells self-deprecating tales of her first meetings with aliens, or the time she saved her Doctor’s life through swinging wildly on a chain - and finds his heart going out to her when she talks about the time she almost got him killed.
But he avoids the subject of Schattenwelt, as does she, though he can see the curiosity, and the appalled sympathy, in her gaze at odd times when she looks at him.
Now, though, it’s time. Get it all out in the open, as much for his sake as for her enlightenment, and then push it out of his mind and move on as best he can. Treat Rose from here on as another travelling companion. No, as another friend, because that’s what she’s starting to feel like.
Not a human, a member of the despised species, but Rose Tyler.
He’s with her in the kitchen, sharing washing-up duties after breakfast while the Doctor’s gone to reprogramme an electroencephalogram that was giving inconsistent results in tests on Rose yesterday. They’re continuing a conversation that started before the Doctor left, about Tirnanoige, the search for eternal youth and longevity. The Doctor shook his head as he left the room, saying, “Livin’ for centuries isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”
Jack shrugs that aside. Yeah, there’s time-travel, he acknowledges, “but if you’re not lucky enough to have a friend with a time-ship or work in the field, you only ever get to see your own century. I mean, before you met the Doctor,” he says to Rose, “weren’t you ever curious about what’d happen hundreds of years from now?”
“Yeah, sometimes,” she agrees, without looking up; she’s concentrating on scrubbing a dirty plate.
“Only sometimes? What about now? Wouldn’t you want to be around years from your time, get to see the first settlement on another planet, stuff like that?” he persists.
Her movements still. Then, softly, she says, “I know what happens in my planet’s future. It’s not something I’d want to be around for.”
He’s about to ask what she means, when it hits him with the force of a cannon. For the duration of this whole conversation, he’d forgotten. But she hasn’t.
He drops the dishtowel he’s holding and lays a hand firmly on her shoulder. “Hey. You didn’t do anything. And you wouldn’t.”
She turns her head, looking up at him. “People like me did.”
“No,” he counters. “Oh, they looked like you. But that’s all.” He tugs her gently but firmly back from the sink. “Come on, sit down.” Steering her to a chair, he adds, “Ask anything you want. No holds barred.” With an encouraging smile, though his heart’s thumping, he drops into a chair opposite her.
She gives him a direct look, not speaking until he makes eye contact. “You sure? Cause I have a lot of questions, but that doesn’t mean I’ve got any right to the answers.”
“Wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t.” Though that doesn’t stop the acid that’s starting to build up in his throat.
“All right.” Her first question’s not at all what he expected. “You said you’re humanish. What does that mean, exactly?”
Okay. That’s one he can handle. “I’m Schatten. About a thousand years ago, Schattenwelt - my planet - was colonised by humans. The native inhabitants - my ancestors as much as humans are - were simian-like, in appearance anyway. Sentience, though, they were at least at the level of humans - they could talk, think, plan, form alliances and make treaties. The humans settled and interbred. And what we ended up with, around a millennium later, was a... well, a melting-pot, I guess. Some of us looked completely human, like me, and others showed more signs of the original Schattens.” He shrugs. “A bit more hirsute, shoulders kinda hunched. But it didn’t make any difference to us. We were all Schattens. Didn’t matter what we looked like, at least to us.”
“But it did to other people? Humans?”
“Yeah.” His gaze drops to the table as the memories flood back. Casual insults thrown his way in training at the Academy: Don’t get too close to Harkness - ape breath! Verbal sideswipes from superiors in the early years: Hey, chimp, get back in line! His first partner, when he propositioned her: Sure, but keep your shirt on, okay? I’m not into hairy men.
“Jack?” Rose’s soft prompt brings him back to the present, and he shrugs.
“Wasn’t a big deal or anything, but I was never allowed to forget I was different. Military-type organisations can be like that, though. Figured the best way was to put up with it and they’d eventually get tired of it or find someone else.”
“Doesn’t mean it’s right,” she says. “I have this friend - Mickey. He’s black. Never made any difference to me, so I never realised. When he left school, he joined the army. Went to training camp. And... god, the racism was horrible. He told me about it after he quit, and I was appalled. But you know the worst thing? It wasn’t all the shit they were doing to him that made him leave. He said it wasn’t much worse than stuff he’d had happen all his life, and I never knew. He was my best mate, an’ I never knew what he had to put up with.”
Jack nods. “Yeah. It stinks, but... you put up with it because you don’t want to make trouble or have people say you can’t hack it. And it wasn’t a big deal, not much. I had a line - what I was prepared to accept. Anyone crossed it, then I fought back. Put a couple of guys in hospital. Got a bit better after that.” A ghost of a smile crosses his face. “And then I was on active missions, and I was good. Got promoted. And then, a little less than three years ago, there was a change of government and a new law. Migration controls on people from the satellite planets, including Schattenwelt. Anyone who was already on Earth suddenly needed work permits, special IDs, permission to own property or get an education.”
Her only reaction is a horrified gasp. He keeps talking - it’s getting hard to stop, now. “It didn’t affect me at first - until I ended up back Earthside. Suddenly I was getting stopped in the street by police everywhere I went, asked to show ID, even taken in for questioning.”
“But how did they know?” She’s frowning. “I mean, you look completely human.”
“Watch the way I walk some time.” At her increasingly puzzled look, he explains. “Gravity level’s - was - higher on Schattenwelt. Made me walk a bit differently. Also, the shape of my eyes is apparently a dead giveaway, so I’m told.” He shrugs. “Enough for the anti-Schattens to recognise, anyway.”
“Oh, that’s ridiculous!” Rose’s eyes widen, and it looks like she’s going to thump the table, but she holds back at the last second. “You don’t look any different from me. Or anyone else I know - even the Doctor.”
“You’ve gotta know what to look for.” He waves a hand dismissively. “Anyway, I quit. Resigned my commission and went back to Schatten. Couldn’t keep protecting a planet that considered me less than dirt, even if that did make me shallow.” He pulls a rueful grimace. “Course, the Doctor does that all the time. Guess I just can’t live up to his standards.”
She rolls her eyes. “Cut that out, you. You’re not too old for a slap.” It’s so unexpected that he laughs out loud. And how long is it since he’s done that?
“Speaking of the Doctor,” she adds, and then falls silent. He can see that she’s having second thoughts about what she was about to ask. He’s just working up to remind her that he promised she could ask anything when she speaks again - and he can tell by her expression that it’s not the question she started to ask. “You and the Doctor - you’re together, right? Is that since you’ve been travelling with him permanently?”
The question surprises him, until he remembers when Rose is from. Twenty-first century, when humans still tended to treat sex as something a bit scandalous, and definitely gossip-worthy. She doesn’t see it that way, it’s clear, but she’s curious.
“Nah, long before then. That would’ve been the worst time to start a relationship - I really wasn’t in my right mind.” That’s putting it mildly. Leaning back in his seat, he continues, “Think you know I’ve known him since I was sixteen? That’s almost twenty years for me. Longer for him, of course.”
“Yeah, he said. Told me he used to make a point of seeing you every year in your timeline.”
“Yeah. Seen him in four different regenerations now. Anyway, it started with his last one, around seven years ago for me. You never saw his last body?”
“No.”
“Oh, he was cute! Not to say he’s not gorgeous now-” Jack smiles fondly. “-but then he had these amazing curls and a smile that lit up the sky. I’d always loved him - well, who really knows him and doesn’t? - but that’s when I fell in love with him. I kissed him before he left.” And that took a lot more courage than he’d have believed, too. He’d never had any reason to hesitate in making a move on someone he fancied, but the Doctor... wow, was it different with him. Even though he’d sensed the guy looking at him in a new light as well. “He kissed me back, sort of, but then told me to stop and he walked away.”
Rose smiles, shaking her head. “Sounds like him, all right.”
“Yeah, well, two days later he came back - though I’ve no idea how long it was for him. He landed the TARDIS in my apartment and gave me a long list of reasons why it was a bad idea to get involved with him. Then he asked if I was still interested.” He grins. “We were in bed about five seconds later.”
“But you didn’t stay with him then?”
“No. I wasn’t ready for that kind of relationship then anyway, and I’d just been promoted and had my own ship. Liked the life I had too much to give it up and travel with him. We got together from time to time, and that suited me fine. Had a bit of a hiccup when he regenerated again - took a bit of persuading to make him realise what he looked like made no difference to me.” He raises an eyebrow. “You seemed kinda surprised that we’re together. Didn’t you and your Doctor...?”
The flush that covers her cheeks as she shakes her head intrigues him. “Nah. Jack neither. I just thought he didn’t do that kind of relationship.”
“Maybe he wasn’t ready,” he finds himself saying gently, wanting to reassure her that it wasn’t any shortcoming in herself. “You met him just after the Time War, right?” She nods. “Anyway, what were you going to ask me just now? When you changed your mind and asked about my sex life instead?” He grins at her renewed blush.
She glances down at the table. “Doesn’t matter. I don’t want to...”
“Ask. I told you, no holds barred.”
Her chin tilts up. “On your head be it.” He nods. “The Doctor said you saved his life. He said about six months ago. And your planet was destroyed five months ago. They’re connected, aren’t they?”
He went into this conversation prepared to talk about Schattenwelt. Even so, the shift of topic’s like a kick to his gut. In that moment, he’s back on the battlefield, bomb-blasts and shouts all around, his nostrils full of the stink of burning flesh and scorched earth.
“Jack?” Her voice finally penetrates his consciousness as her hand squeezes his, and it dawns on him that she’s been calling his name for some time. “I’m sorry,” she says as he focuses on her. “Shouldn’t have-”
“There you two are!” the Doctor says brightly, striding into the kitchen. “Oops! Seem to keep interrupting you when you’re havin’ a heart-to-heart.”
Right. Like it’s not deliberate. He knows the Doctor’s a telepath, and the two of them are intimate; of course the guy knows when he’s in danger of falling apart. Proved it enough times in the first month or so after the war, didn’t he?
And there it is: that fathomless ice-blue gaze directed at him for what seems like an eternity, but in reality is just a second or two. Checking that he’s okay, of course. Which he is; he’s had far worse episodes than this. The Doctor’s obviously satisfied with what he sees, as he gives an almost imperceptible nod before turning back to Rose. Not that the Doctor’s going to leave it at that, of course, but anything else won’t be in front of Rose - and that’s the way he prefers it. Yes, a hug would be nice, especially after what just happened, but the warmth of the Doctor’s gaze is almost as good, at least for now.
“Anyway,” the Doctor continues, “there’s a reason I’m here. Finally figured it out, Rose. Can get the Vortex traces out of you, no problem. Right now, if you like?”
***
tbc in Chapter 6: Home
Author: wmr / wendymr
Characters: Rose Tyler, AU Ninth Doctor, AU Jack Harkness, Jackie Tyler
Rated: PG13
Disclaimer: Not mine, unfortunately, though I'm willing to pay in instalments...
Summary: It's only when she's finally given up looking for a way back that she finds him.
Written for the incredibly generous wiggiemomsi, who won my services in the September Support Stacie Auction. I promised a minimum-5000-words fic; so far, this one's over 26,000 words. I hope you like it, Wiggie! With very many thanks to my fantastic team of BRs, dark_aegis, yamx and kae_nine.
Chapter 1: Shadow of the Past l Chapter 2: Tug of War l Chapter 3: Friction l Chapter 4: In The Way
Chapter 5: Full Disclosure
She couldn’t say a word if she tried. Her whole body feels like it’s been dumped into icy water.
Jack’s just like the Doctor she first met. And now she knows, the similarities are blindingly obvious. How could she not have guessed?
But it’s worse. Your people. Humans - so Jack’s not human? People just like her. Humans committed genocide against Jack’s kind and wiped his planet out of existence. And not long ago, either - at a guess, five months ago. It’s no wonder he could barely look at her, let alone speak to her.
And, in fact, he’s not looking at her at all now, is he? Just like her Doctor when he told her that his planet was gone. Except this time it’s different.
This time, she - and every one of her kind, in fact - are the Daleks.
In three thousand years’ time, her descendents, humans just like her, are going to destroy Jack’s entire world. Senseless genocide, from what he said. And there’s nothing, not one thing, she can do to stop it.
No wonder his body language is telling her to stay well away from him. No wonder he put up his hand to fend her off when she would have gone to him.
“I don’t know how you can even be in the same room as me,” she finally manages to say, and her voice is shaking.
“You’re not like them.” And suddenly he is looking at her. “You stood up for someone - an alien - who could’ve been trying to kill you. You took his side against me, someone you thought was your own kind, right?”
That shocks her into momentary anger. “It’s not about human versus alien, Jack! It’s about what’s right!”
“I know.” He sounds utterly sincere, and it’s the most like her Jack he’s been since she met him. “I’m not normally that prejudiced, I swear. It’s just...” He glances down, faltering.
“It’s only been a few months, right?” He nods. “When I met my Doctor, it wasn’t long after his planet was wiped out. So I do understand, a bit.”
“Yeah.” His voice sounds calm, but his hands are clenched together, his knuckles white. “When... when I first met him, it was just after Gallifrey was destroyed. Didn’t know that at the time, but I was just a kid. Though obviously I knew something was wrong - crashed and damaged ship, the pilot not in much better shape. Never thought I’d be in the same situation.”
There’s so much more she wants to know, but she’s got no right to ask - and even less right to put Jack through the trauma of reliving it all. There’s one question that’s a bit safer, though. Quietly, with just a hint of curiosity, she asks, “You’re not human, then?”
He exhales slowly and lays his palms flat on his lap. “Humanish. By my time, more than twenty generations away from pure human. Enough for us to be seen as mongrels, not good enough to live.” His expression contorts into something barely recognisable. Not such a safe question, then. God. She shouldn’t have asked him. “We had to be put down, like rabid dogs.”
“Jack...” Every instinct in her is crying out to offer comfort, but what right does she have to expect that he’ll take it from her?
She’d leave right now and go to find the Doctor, but for one thing: Jack chose to tell her this. He came to find her and, whether or not he intended to reveal all of this when he came, he made a decision to confide in her.
She has experience with trauma victims, through Torchwood as well as with her Doctor, and the benefit of trauma training, which she didn’t have then. Now, she’s better able to identify the signs, and to know what she is and isn’t seeing. The good thing about Jack, right now, is that he’s not in the middle of a flashback. Telling her what happened to his planet hasn’t triggered anything for him. So there’s no real need to get the Doctor, unless Jack wants him - and he’s capable of saying so for himself, or of getting up and leaving her room, if he wants.
“Yeah?” It’s little more than a whisper, but he’s looking straight at her again. It’s encouragement enough for her to risk it.
“Can I hug you?”
He inhales sharply, and it sounds like appalled rejection. But before she can apologise for asking, he’s holding his hand out to her.
She doesn’t hesitate. Grasping his hand, she propels herself to her feet and towards him, and in the same moment he stands as well, letting her wrap her arms around his broad chest. He folds his arms stiffly around her, tension in every rigid line of his body as he stands in her embrace.
Almost holding her breath, she strokes one hand down the column of his spine. He exhales slowly, his head dropping to her shoulder, and he relaxes against her, his arms tightening around her, clinging.
It’s a couple of seconds before she realises he’s shaking.
After a while - she loses track of time - he stills, his embrace loosens and he raises his head. As she meets his gaze, he gives her a sheepish smile. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to go all clinging vine on you.”
“I don’t mind,” she assures him immediately.
His smile’s rueful. “I suppose this wouldn’t feel unusual to you. You did say you and your Jack were close.”
It takes a moment for his meaning to sink in - and then the fact that it did stuns her. “You know, I never even thought of it like that. He’s him and... well, you’re you.”
“Yeah.” He’s still holding her, though he’s pulled back a bit now. “Like you said, I’m not really like him.”
Her words from a week or so ago come back to her, making her feel as if she’s been drenched in iced water. He died a hero. And he’d be ashamed of you.
And Jack believes it.
“Oh, god, Jack... I didn’t mean that. Seriously, I didn’t. I was just...”
“Provoked?” His mouth turns down at the corners. “You were. You don’t have to lie to spare my feelings.”
“Jack.” She shifts her hands to his shoulders, holding him firmly. “You don’t need my opinion to know what you are, but for what it’s worth... I think you’re every inch the hero my Jack was. More, maybe, ‘cause he didn’t have to live through what you survived.” She hesitates for a moment, then decides to go for it and reaches up to press a kiss against his cheek. “You’re bigger on the inside, Jack Harkness. Always were, always will be.”
Something that looks suspiciously like longing flits across his face for an instant, but he immediately shakes his head, clearly not believing her. “You don’t know that.”
She smiles. “Yeah, I do.” Releasing him and stepping back a little so that she can count points on her fingers, she begins. “First, I know the Doctor - this Doctor as well as mine. He’d never have you here if you weren’t. Second, he’s told me you are, hasn’t he? Not details, but enough. An’ third, there’s what you did today. Yeah, that kid wasn’t a threat, but what if he had been? You were there, makin’ sure I was safe. You’re a hero all right, Jack Harkness. You just don’t believe it.”
From behind her, there’s the sound of applause. “Couldn’t’ve said it better meself.”
“Doctor.” The name sounds like a sigh of relief. Jack steps past her and runs, almost stumbling, towards the other man. The Doctor’s arms close around him. Jack’s hands go to the sides of the Doctor’s face, and her jaw drops as he leans in and kisses the Doctor, open-mouthed and needy, as if his life depended on it.
Or his sanity - and, given what he’s just told her, that’s more than likely the truth.
***
“You told her, then.” Jack nods. “Good.” Rose needed to know, if only to understand why Jack’s the way he is, but it wasn’t his business to tell her. But that’s not the only reason it’s good. If Jack’s able to talk about Schattenwelt, and especially with Rose - a human - it’s the most positive sign in a long time.
They’re in his bedroom, their shared room now ever since he brought Jack on board after the war. He lingered just long enough in Rose’s room to tell her that he’d talk to her later. For now, Jack’s his priority. The way she shooed him away told him she understood.
Maybe she does, at that. She did meet her Doctor not long after his Time War. The thought of what he would have been like in this life had he gone through the loss of Gallifrey just now rather than three lives ago... yeah. Doesn’t bear thinking about.
“Only the bare facts,” Jack adds. “No details.” He rubs his face roughly with both hands. “God, I shouldn’t still be falling apart like this. I’m a mess.”
He goes to Jack, tugs the lad’s hands away from his face and pulls him into a hug. “ ‘S all part of healing. Or so I’m told.” A ghost of a smile, that Jack can’t see, crosses his face. “By someone wiser than he had any right to be given he was only sixteen at the time.”
The comment makes Jack pull back and smile, which was his intention. “I said that to you? After what you’d just been through? Must’ve been crazy.”
“Just young.”
Jack snorts as he steps back, raking a hand through his already-rumpled hair. “I was a tearaway. If I hadn’t met you, I’d probably have ended up in jail, or on a transporter ship.”
The Doctor doesn’t comment. They both know it’s not as simple as that. Orphaned at a young age, Jack was brought up in a care facility, from which he absconded not long before the Doctor’s TARDIS crash-landed on Schattenwelt. For the Doctor, of course, it was right after the end of the Time War and the last thing he wanted was to invite someone to travel with him, but the thought of what would happen to that sixteen-year-old boy otherwise made him change his mind.
Just one trip, though, he insisted - but that trip turned into an adventure, and by the time he returned the boy to Schattenwelt Jack had decided he wanted to be a time-traveller. They made a bargain: Jack would go back to the facility, continue his education and then the Doctor would take him to Earth to take the entrance exam for the Time Agency.
And how many times has he regretted that offer since?
“Hey.” Shirtless, Jack reaches for his shoulder and shakes him. “Stop that. Oh, I know damn well what you’re thinking, so don’t look at me like that. I wanted to be in the Agency, and you didn’t know how it was gonna turn out. Besides, it’s not like I didn’t get anything out of it. I learned a lot in those ten years.”
Including how to fight, and kill. Though he’s got no right to talk.
Jack’s pulling on an old T-shirt now, one he wears for dirty jobs. “Gonna scrub out the grease from under the grating. You’ve been saying it needs doing for days now. I want to,” he adds as the Doctor begins to protest. “It’s the kind of thing I need to do right now. And - no offence-” He gives a lop-sided smile. “I need to be on my own for a bit. Don’t worry, I’m okay,” he adds quickly. “I’m a lot better than I thought I’d be. I just need some time alone.”
The Doctor nods. “If you’re sure.”
“I am. And you need to check on Rose. I did kind of dump this on her without any warning.”
Again, he nods. “I do.”
“Tell her I’ll talk to her tomorrow, okay? I know she’ll have questions.”
“There’s no rush.” Just because Jack’s managed to tell part of his story now doesn’t mean the rest will be plain sailing. No-one knows that any better than he does. He lays a hand on Jack’s shoulder. “Well done, lad. ‘M proud of you.”
Jack grins, though it doesn’t entirely reach his eyes. “Thanks.” Then he’s gone, the sound of his jogging footsteps echoing outside in the hallway.
Right. Jack’s okay, or he will be. A lot more okay than he has been, definitely, and that’s a relief. Time to see to Rose.
***
“Is he all right?”
The Doctor’s just appeared in her bedroom doorway. She looked up and there he was, having made not a sound as he arrived. This incarnation of the Doctor always was good at that.
He leans against the jamb. “Yep. Getting there, any road.”
“Good.” She glances down at her lap. This feels awkward suddenly. She might have suspected before that the Doctor and Jack were closer than she ever was to her Doctor, but it’s different to have proof. That kiss wasn’t a first, and nor was it between two people who don’t know each other intimately.
Yet another reason, in addition to her species, for Jack to resent her presence on the TARDIS.
Something else occurs to her: she’s been holding the Doctor’s hand, too, when they’ve been outside the TARDIS. Oh, Jack must have loved that.
She half-feels like she should apologise for getting between them, but it doesn’t feel right to say it to the Doctor. Jack, then, if the opportunity arises.
“So.” The Doctor’s voice makes her look up again. She’d assumed he’d slipped away as silently as he arrived. “Feel up to another go at tryin’ to get the Vortex energy out of you?”
Might as well. “If you have time.”
He nods. “Got plenty of time, me. Jack’s busy workin’ off some excess energy. Better’n brooding, that.”
In the medical lab, wired up to his equipment again, she catches his arm as he’s about to move away. “Do you think you’re getting anywhere?”
He quirks one eyebrow. “Said I’d do it. Don’t you trust me?”
“It’s not that.” She takes a deep breath. “It’s... well, I know now why it’s so hard for Jack, me being around. The sooner you can fix me, the better it’ll be for him, yeah?”
His eyes widen. “Jack doesn’t want you to leave.”
She rolls her eyes. He really can be completely thick sometimes. Alien. “He’s wanted me to leave since before I even came on board. And now I know why, it makes complete sense.”
He moves away, picks up a piece of equipment, and starts waving it over her body when he comes back. “That’s just gut reaction, an’ he was getting over it long before this evening. Species prejudice. Had nothin’ to do with you.” She knows that, and is about to say so when the Doctor carries on speaking. “Known Jack for years, I have. Did I mention that he used to come travellin’ with me from time to time before the war that destroyed his planet?”
She shakes her head. “No, you didn’t.”
The Doctor smiles, obviously dwelling on happy memories. “Told meself I was keepin’ an eye on him, makin’ sure he didn’t get into trouble. Like I told you, he was just sixteen when I first met him. Had no family, an’ he was starting to head in a bad direction. He helped me, like I said. Was just after the War for me, an’ I wasn’t the best of people to be around - but he didn’t let that put him off. Made a right nuisance of himself, he did, until I took my head out of my arse an’ started behavin’ like a Time Lord again instead of an idiot.” He gives her a curious look. “Strikes me you might’ve done something similar for your Doctor.”
“Sort of, yeah.” It really didn’t seem like much at the time, but in retrospect she understands a lot more about things like PTSD, and as a result how her presence, and the questions she never stopped asking, must have helped her Doctor.
He nods. “Thought as much. Anyway, like I was sayin’, Jack was in danger of becomin’ a bit of a yob. Steered him right, but I couldn’t just leave him an’ assume he’d be all right. Not when there was no-one else lookin’ out for him. So I made a point of coming to see him once a year, his timeline, just to be sure. Sometimes it was just a short visit, couple of times he came with me for a bit.”
“You never asked him to come with you full-time?” She’s definitely curious about that. It sounds like the young Jack was just the sort of person the Doctor loved to have around to show the universe to.
“Considered it, yeah. But Jack wanted to be a Time Agent. Had no right to get in the way of that.”
There’s so much more she wants to know, such as when they became more than friends - especially as the Doctor’s known Jack since he was a kid. But it’s none of her business, and anyway the thought of asking the Doctor that - even this Doctor, so much more approachable than hers, either of them, ever were - sends chills through her.
Time to change the subject. Get him more focused on sorting her out, too.
“So, come on, then! About time you showed me some Spock, don’t you think? Unless you want me thinkin’ you’re not such a genius after all.” He always did thrive on a challenge, her Doctor - especially if he thought he was being doubted.
“Oi!” Irritation flashes briefly in his eyes, followed by determination. Good. Now maybe they’ll get somewhere.
***
In the end, it’s several days before he feels ready to talk to Rose again - something he suspects doesn’t surprise the Doctor one bit.
Oh, he sees her, bids her good morning, asks how she slept, makes casual conversation. He even teases her once or twice when she’s wearing figure-hugging T-shirts and jeans - which look very good on her. Her look of shock, though it’s immediately followed by a flattered grin, makes him realise that, as much as it feels natural and normal to him - which it is; this flirting and teasing is the kind of thing he’s always done - it’s the first time he’s done it with her. Oh, he really did treat her like something the cat dragged in, didn’t he?
He even - and this takes him by surprise - joins in lazy evening chats with the Doctor and Rose around the console, and, once, in the den, swapping stories about past travels or alien encounters or childhood anecdotes. Finds himself laughing with Rose as she tells self-deprecating tales of her first meetings with aliens, or the time she saved her Doctor’s life through swinging wildly on a chain - and finds his heart going out to her when she talks about the time she almost got him killed.
But he avoids the subject of Schattenwelt, as does she, though he can see the curiosity, and the appalled sympathy, in her gaze at odd times when she looks at him.
Now, though, it’s time. Get it all out in the open, as much for his sake as for her enlightenment, and then push it out of his mind and move on as best he can. Treat Rose from here on as another travelling companion. No, as another friend, because that’s what she’s starting to feel like.
Not a human, a member of the despised species, but Rose Tyler.
He’s with her in the kitchen, sharing washing-up duties after breakfast while the Doctor’s gone to reprogramme an electroencephalogram that was giving inconsistent results in tests on Rose yesterday. They’re continuing a conversation that started before the Doctor left, about Tirnanoige, the search for eternal youth and longevity. The Doctor shook his head as he left the room, saying, “Livin’ for centuries isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”
Jack shrugs that aside. Yeah, there’s time-travel, he acknowledges, “but if you’re not lucky enough to have a friend with a time-ship or work in the field, you only ever get to see your own century. I mean, before you met the Doctor,” he says to Rose, “weren’t you ever curious about what’d happen hundreds of years from now?”
“Yeah, sometimes,” she agrees, without looking up; she’s concentrating on scrubbing a dirty plate.
“Only sometimes? What about now? Wouldn’t you want to be around years from your time, get to see the first settlement on another planet, stuff like that?” he persists.
Her movements still. Then, softly, she says, “I know what happens in my planet’s future. It’s not something I’d want to be around for.”
He’s about to ask what she means, when it hits him with the force of a cannon. For the duration of this whole conversation, he’d forgotten. But she hasn’t.
He drops the dishtowel he’s holding and lays a hand firmly on her shoulder. “Hey. You didn’t do anything. And you wouldn’t.”
She turns her head, looking up at him. “People like me did.”
“No,” he counters. “Oh, they looked like you. But that’s all.” He tugs her gently but firmly back from the sink. “Come on, sit down.” Steering her to a chair, he adds, “Ask anything you want. No holds barred.” With an encouraging smile, though his heart’s thumping, he drops into a chair opposite her.
She gives him a direct look, not speaking until he makes eye contact. “You sure? Cause I have a lot of questions, but that doesn’t mean I’ve got any right to the answers.”
“Wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t.” Though that doesn’t stop the acid that’s starting to build up in his throat.
“All right.” Her first question’s not at all what he expected. “You said you’re humanish. What does that mean, exactly?”
Okay. That’s one he can handle. “I’m Schatten. About a thousand years ago, Schattenwelt - my planet - was colonised by humans. The native inhabitants - my ancestors as much as humans are - were simian-like, in appearance anyway. Sentience, though, they were at least at the level of humans - they could talk, think, plan, form alliances and make treaties. The humans settled and interbred. And what we ended up with, around a millennium later, was a... well, a melting-pot, I guess. Some of us looked completely human, like me, and others showed more signs of the original Schattens.” He shrugs. “A bit more hirsute, shoulders kinda hunched. But it didn’t make any difference to us. We were all Schattens. Didn’t matter what we looked like, at least to us.”
“But it did to other people? Humans?”
“Yeah.” His gaze drops to the table as the memories flood back. Casual insults thrown his way in training at the Academy: Don’t get too close to Harkness - ape breath! Verbal sideswipes from superiors in the early years: Hey, chimp, get back in line! His first partner, when he propositioned her: Sure, but keep your shirt on, okay? I’m not into hairy men.
“Jack?” Rose’s soft prompt brings him back to the present, and he shrugs.
“Wasn’t a big deal or anything, but I was never allowed to forget I was different. Military-type organisations can be like that, though. Figured the best way was to put up with it and they’d eventually get tired of it or find someone else.”
“Doesn’t mean it’s right,” she says. “I have this friend - Mickey. He’s black. Never made any difference to me, so I never realised. When he left school, he joined the army. Went to training camp. And... god, the racism was horrible. He told me about it after he quit, and I was appalled. But you know the worst thing? It wasn’t all the shit they were doing to him that made him leave. He said it wasn’t much worse than stuff he’d had happen all his life, and I never knew. He was my best mate, an’ I never knew what he had to put up with.”
Jack nods. “Yeah. It stinks, but... you put up with it because you don’t want to make trouble or have people say you can’t hack it. And it wasn’t a big deal, not much. I had a line - what I was prepared to accept. Anyone crossed it, then I fought back. Put a couple of guys in hospital. Got a bit better after that.” A ghost of a smile crosses his face. “And then I was on active missions, and I was good. Got promoted. And then, a little less than three years ago, there was a change of government and a new law. Migration controls on people from the satellite planets, including Schattenwelt. Anyone who was already on Earth suddenly needed work permits, special IDs, permission to own property or get an education.”
Her only reaction is a horrified gasp. He keeps talking - it’s getting hard to stop, now. “It didn’t affect me at first - until I ended up back Earthside. Suddenly I was getting stopped in the street by police everywhere I went, asked to show ID, even taken in for questioning.”
“But how did they know?” She’s frowning. “I mean, you look completely human.”
“Watch the way I walk some time.” At her increasingly puzzled look, he explains. “Gravity level’s - was - higher on Schattenwelt. Made me walk a bit differently. Also, the shape of my eyes is apparently a dead giveaway, so I’m told.” He shrugs. “Enough for the anti-Schattens to recognise, anyway.”
“Oh, that’s ridiculous!” Rose’s eyes widen, and it looks like she’s going to thump the table, but she holds back at the last second. “You don’t look any different from me. Or anyone else I know - even the Doctor.”
“You’ve gotta know what to look for.” He waves a hand dismissively. “Anyway, I quit. Resigned my commission and went back to Schatten. Couldn’t keep protecting a planet that considered me less than dirt, even if that did make me shallow.” He pulls a rueful grimace. “Course, the Doctor does that all the time. Guess I just can’t live up to his standards.”
She rolls her eyes. “Cut that out, you. You’re not too old for a slap.” It’s so unexpected that he laughs out loud. And how long is it since he’s done that?
“Speaking of the Doctor,” she adds, and then falls silent. He can see that she’s having second thoughts about what she was about to ask. He’s just working up to remind her that he promised she could ask anything when she speaks again - and he can tell by her expression that it’s not the question she started to ask. “You and the Doctor - you’re together, right? Is that since you’ve been travelling with him permanently?”
The question surprises him, until he remembers when Rose is from. Twenty-first century, when humans still tended to treat sex as something a bit scandalous, and definitely gossip-worthy. She doesn’t see it that way, it’s clear, but she’s curious.
“Nah, long before then. That would’ve been the worst time to start a relationship - I really wasn’t in my right mind.” That’s putting it mildly. Leaning back in his seat, he continues, “Think you know I’ve known him since I was sixteen? That’s almost twenty years for me. Longer for him, of course.”
“Yeah, he said. Told me he used to make a point of seeing you every year in your timeline.”
“Yeah. Seen him in four different regenerations now. Anyway, it started with his last one, around seven years ago for me. You never saw his last body?”
“No.”
“Oh, he was cute! Not to say he’s not gorgeous now-” Jack smiles fondly. “-but then he had these amazing curls and a smile that lit up the sky. I’d always loved him - well, who really knows him and doesn’t? - but that’s when I fell in love with him. I kissed him before he left.” And that took a lot more courage than he’d have believed, too. He’d never had any reason to hesitate in making a move on someone he fancied, but the Doctor... wow, was it different with him. Even though he’d sensed the guy looking at him in a new light as well. “He kissed me back, sort of, but then told me to stop and he walked away.”
Rose smiles, shaking her head. “Sounds like him, all right.”
“Yeah, well, two days later he came back - though I’ve no idea how long it was for him. He landed the TARDIS in my apartment and gave me a long list of reasons why it was a bad idea to get involved with him. Then he asked if I was still interested.” He grins. “We were in bed about five seconds later.”
“But you didn’t stay with him then?”
“No. I wasn’t ready for that kind of relationship then anyway, and I’d just been promoted and had my own ship. Liked the life I had too much to give it up and travel with him. We got together from time to time, and that suited me fine. Had a bit of a hiccup when he regenerated again - took a bit of persuading to make him realise what he looked like made no difference to me.” He raises an eyebrow. “You seemed kinda surprised that we’re together. Didn’t you and your Doctor...?”
The flush that covers her cheeks as she shakes her head intrigues him. “Nah. Jack neither. I just thought he didn’t do that kind of relationship.”
“Maybe he wasn’t ready,” he finds himself saying gently, wanting to reassure her that it wasn’t any shortcoming in herself. “You met him just after the Time War, right?” She nods. “Anyway, what were you going to ask me just now? When you changed your mind and asked about my sex life instead?” He grins at her renewed blush.
She glances down at the table. “Doesn’t matter. I don’t want to...”
“Ask. I told you, no holds barred.”
Her chin tilts up. “On your head be it.” He nods. “The Doctor said you saved his life. He said about six months ago. And your planet was destroyed five months ago. They’re connected, aren’t they?”
He went into this conversation prepared to talk about Schattenwelt. Even so, the shift of topic’s like a kick to his gut. In that moment, he’s back on the battlefield, bomb-blasts and shouts all around, his nostrils full of the stink of burning flesh and scorched earth.
“Jack?” Her voice finally penetrates his consciousness as her hand squeezes his, and it dawns on him that she’s been calling his name for some time. “I’m sorry,” she says as he focuses on her. “Shouldn’t have-”
“There you two are!” the Doctor says brightly, striding into the kitchen. “Oops! Seem to keep interrupting you when you’re havin’ a heart-to-heart.”
Right. Like it’s not deliberate. He knows the Doctor’s a telepath, and the two of them are intimate; of course the guy knows when he’s in danger of falling apart. Proved it enough times in the first month or so after the war, didn’t he?
And there it is: that fathomless ice-blue gaze directed at him for what seems like an eternity, but in reality is just a second or two. Checking that he’s okay, of course. Which he is; he’s had far worse episodes than this. The Doctor’s obviously satisfied with what he sees, as he gives an almost imperceptible nod before turning back to Rose. Not that the Doctor’s going to leave it at that, of course, but anything else won’t be in front of Rose - and that’s the way he prefers it. Yes, a hug would be nice, especially after what just happened, but the warmth of the Doctor’s gaze is almost as good, at least for now.
“Anyway,” the Doctor continues, “there’s a reason I’m here. Finally figured it out, Rose. Can get the Vortex traces out of you, no problem. Right now, if you like?”
***
tbc in Chapter 6: Home