Journey Onward 9/9 + epilogue
Story: Journey Onward
Author: wmr wendymr
Characters: Tenth Doctor, Jack Harkness; also Martha Jones, Mickey Smith, Ianto Jones, others
Rated: PG13
Spoilers: Journey's End and a tiny, blink-and-you'll-miss-it reference to The Next Doctor
Disclaimer: All recognisable characters belong to the BBC.
Summary: Sometimes the hardest journeys to make are the familiar ones
Here is where I need to say that dark_aegis owns the rights to my first-born (if I had one). She is brilliant. I could not have finished this story without her. Thank you so much!
Chapter 1: Confronting the Dragon l Chapter 2: Still Running Away l Chapter 3: Denial l Chapter 4: Battles l Chapter 5: Grief l Chapter 6: Familiar Faces l Chapter 7: Into the Fire l Chapter 8: We Still Know Who You Are
Chapter 9: A Reason to Live
I think I know how you can fix Donna.
For the whole of the almost nine minutes it takes him to get back to Cardiff, Jack’s words replay in his head.
Fix Donna. But that’s impossible. No coming back from that. Human brains aren't meant for all that knowledge. That happens, she'll die. Permanently. It's impossible to fix. Jack’s talking through his...
But this is Jack. The most intelligent human he’s ever met. It’s not just that Jack’s from the fifty-first century and a former Time Agent; most people from that time are still midgets compared to the knowledge and experience of any Time Lord. But Jack... barely-schooled in matters of science and the workings of Time as he is, he was always quick on the uptake, able to put things together faster than any other human, able even to begin working on the TARDIS and understanding her in a way no other companion ever did. Not that he ever allowed Jack to know that, or to see his amazement at Jack’s ability or potential.
The truth is that, if Gallifrey still existed, he’d be arguing for Jack to be accepted into the Academy, just as he did for Ace all those years ago.
So, if Jack says there could be a way to fix Donna, then he might actually be right. All the same, can’t let his hopes get too high. Jack might be right, course he might, but he might also be wrong.
It’s a shock, when he opens the TARDIS door, to discover that he’s actually materialised in Jack’s office. His focus on Jack must have been intense enough for this to be the TARDIS’s interpretation.
“Doctor.” Jack’s getting up from his desk, already grinning. “I figured that’d bring you running, but I didn’t expect you’d be in this much of a rush to see me.”
“Cut it out, Jack.” He’s in no mood for flirting or games. "You think you can fix her. You! Humans aren't known for fixing metacrises, after all. Not like this has happened before, much less during the 51st century! So how can you know something I - brilliant as I am - don't?"
“Ooh, egotistical much?” Jack crosses to stand before him, and he finds his hand being taken and held in what feels like a reassuring caress. “Look, I know compared to you I’ve got the brain of a kid in kindergarten, but that doesn’t mean I can’t come up with the occasional good idea.”
“Yeah. Yes, you can.” He exhales slowly. He’s being an idiot, and he knows it. “Sorry. Tell me.”
“C’mere.” Jack tows him across the room and gently pushes him into the chair in front of the massive desk, then perches on the edge of the desk.
“You told me the reason you couldn’t take the Time Lord knowledge from Donna instead of wiping her memories was because it was too much for you to take into your head all at once, yes?”
He nods.
“What if there was a safe way you could take it a little at a time?”
"Already told you. If I could've done it, there wouldn't've been a problem. Donna would've been fixed and that would've been that. Problem was that I couldn't. Human brain - couldn't last long enough for me to finish."
“Right.” Jack’s looking very pleased with himself now. “But what if it wasn’t Donna you were taking it from? What if it was me?”
***
From Jack?
Well, of course Jack wouldn’t die. Or would he? What would a human-Time Lord metacrisis do to a Fact like Jack? Jack’s an impossible thing, but then so is a human-Time Lord metacrisis. Neither’s ever supposed to happen.
So what would happen if the impossible met the unimaginable?
But it isn’t happening. Jack’s not the one having the metacrisis. This is all just pointless speculation. Or is it? “Explain.”
Jack smiles, his body language completely open, completely relaxed. “You can’t take all the knowledge into your own brain. So transfer it from Donna’s to mine - I know you can do that - and then take it from me bit by bit, as slow as you need. That way Donna’ll be fine and she can remember you and go travelling with you again.”
“What? Transfer it to you? No! Not even - No. I won’t do it.”
Abruptly, Jack’s expression darkens. “Still don’t trust me, Doctor? You can wipe my memory of it all later, you know. I won’t remember a single iota of all that knowledge of yours.”
His jaw slackens. “You really think that’s why I’m objecting?” He swallows, tugging awkwardly on his ear. “If there was anyone I’d willingly share everything I know with, it’d be you. Kind of thought you knew that, really.”
“Oh.” Jack’s gaze dips. “I... no, I didn’t.” He swallows, actually looking touched.
“Well, then.” He shrugs. “You do now. Still won’t do it, though.” Before Jack can interrupt to ask why, he surges to his feet. “You’ve never experienced a metacrisis, Jack! Or anything like it! How can we know you’d survive it? And even if you did the pain would be immense before it killed you. And you’d have to go through it over and over again - I don’t know how many times.”
“I’d survive it. I’m as sure as I can be of that.” Jack stands too, moving in front of the Doctor and laying his hands on the Doctor’s shoulders, steadying, calming.
“How can you - oh. You’ve - what have you been doing, Jack?” But it’s obvious, isn’t it? He’s been testing out his immortality, trying to establish the limits, or if there are any. “Jack, you can’t! You’ve been finding new ways to kill yourself just to test that you’ll still reanimate, haven’t you? That’s... what if you don’t?”
Jack shrugs. “I’m immortal. You said so. Rose brought me back permanently.”
“Yes, but-“ He rakes a hand through his hair. “I don't know everything, Jack! You don't know what this'll do to you. To your mind. Can't say whether you'll still be sane when it's all over. Nor can I say it won't kill you permanently. Might do. And if so...” He swallows. It’s not something he wants to admit, or ever planned to, but it might be the only thing that’ll make Jack see why this matters. “You’re the only one I won’t lose.”
Jack’s eyes widen. For a moment, he looks as if he’s going to speak, but instead he leans in and presses a kiss to the Doctor’s lips, lingering but chaste.
Then, stepping back, leaning against his desk again, he says, “I know it’ll work because, yes, I’ve tested it. We have a machine here - it’s a mind-probe, but I got Mickey to tweak it a bit to mimic information overload, and Ianto and Martha and I ran tests. Hurt like hell, yeah, and at a certain level of intensity - higher each time, incidentally - it killed me, but I revived every time. As you see.” He gestures to himself.
“You...” He swallows. “You did that...” It’s cowardly, but he’s just glad he wasn’t there to see it. Ianto’s a braver man than he is. “I don’t understand. Why would you put yourself through all that? You barely even met Donna.”
“She’s your friend. And you miss her.” Jack gives him a crooked smile. “Told you I’d find you a reason to live.”
His eyes widen. Does Jack really not know? Stepping closer, he lays a hand on Jack’s shoulder and holds his friend’s gaze. “All my friends are important to me. All of them. There’s no... no hierarchy. Oh, I care about you in different ways, can’t deny that. Some are best mates, just a few...”
“You fall in love with?” Jack prompts. Rose’s name’s not mentioned, but he knows that’s who Jack is thinking of.
He nods. “Or close to it. But you’re all important, Jack. Every one of you. But you... well, did tell you I don’t sleep with companions as a rule.” Surely Jack can understand what he’s really saying here, can’t he? He can’t spell it out.
Jack grins, but it’s wry. “Not really a companion, though, am I?”
“Oh, once a companion, always a companion! Besides, I’m hoping that some day... Well, can’t stay in charge of Torchwood for ever, can you? Sooner or later, the wrong people are gonna notice you don’t age, and what then?”
“Yeah.” Jack shrugs. “I’ve managed so far, but with technology these days it’s harder to hide. Kinda thought I’d just move on when that happens. Another country, even another planet, now this is working again.” He indicates his Vortex manipulator.
“No,” he says, quietly but making clear he won’t be argued with. “When that happens, you’ll come with me.”
He receives a brilliant smile. “I’d like that.”
“Good. That’s settled, then.” But there’s still Donna, and Jack’s insane idea. “You’re absolutely determined? About Donna, I mean.”
“Absolutely. Doctor-” Jack takes a step forward again, and cups his face between his warm palms. “-You’re always doing things for us. It’s about time you let us do something for you.”
The cost, though... But Jack’s resolute, and the thought of Donna restored to the amazing, brilliant woman he knew, regardless of whether she’d want to travel with him or not, is too much to resist. “All right. Thank you.”
***
Jack’s determined enough to insist that they leave immediately. “If me dying really bothers you, we can bring Martha to keep an eye on me.”
He nods. “Good idea. But I’ll be keeping an eye on you, Jack. Martha can take care of Donna.” Donna’s only going to need checking over once her brain’s clear of all that extra information. Jack, though, is facing prolonged torture, with effects that none of them can predict. Martha may be a skilled doctor, but she’s not a Time Lord, and she knows nothing about metacrisis. This is too dangerous to take unnecessary risks; he is not going to lose Jack.
It turns out that Jack’s surveillance of Donna is useful. Torchwood knows where she works, what time she leaves work, by which door, and where she parks. At ten past five precisely, they’re materialising the TARDIS in a maintenance room in the multi-storey car park Donna uses. “I’ll go and talk to her,” Martha offers, but the Doctor shakes his head firmly.
“No. I’m going.” This is his responsibility. He’s the one who took her memories in the first place. “Jack, be ready to take us into the Vortex.”
Jack, still at the controls, glances up and sketches a brief salute. “Good luck.”
He exits the TARDIS, then uses the sonic screwdriver to get out of the storage room. There are a few people in the car park - not surprising given the time of day, and maybe it wasn’t the best choice of time - and he has to take a few moments to look around, but even though he knows exactly who he’s looking for it’s still a shock when he sees her.
She’s there, walking in that no-nonsense way of hers towards a small yellow car, long red hair rippling over her shoulders with each stride. The brown leather jacket she’s wearing sends a painful stab of memory through him, and it’s several moments before he can move.
“Donna!” he calls, almost too late as she’s unlocked her car and is about to open the door. “Donna Noble!”
She glances around, surprised and a little irritated - oh, he knows that expression well. “What? Who are you?”
He hurries over. “John Smith. Remember? We met at your house about a year ago. I’m a friend of your granddad, Wilf.”
She shrugs. “Maybe. But what are you doing here?” It’s obvious that she’s suspicious, and she’s keeping close by her car door.
“Looking for you. Look, Donna,” he adds quickly as her expression of suspicion grows, “I know it looks... I... I just want to talk to you. There are things you need to know.”
“You’re some sort of lunatic, right? Look, stay away from me. Just go and I won’t call security.”
He holds up his hands, gesturing that he’s unarmed and won’t hurt her. “Donna, listen to me, please. All those dreams you’ve been having-” It’s a guess, but a very educated one. “Travelling in time and space in a blue box? Meeting aliens? All the running? Remember?”
Her eyes widen and her breath catches. “I...” Abruptly, she shakes her head. “You’re talking rubbish. Get away from me.”
“Donna, you remember. TARDIS, Time Lord, yes?”
“Donna, human, no,” she retorts, and instantly looks stunned. “Why’d I just say that?”
“You do remember,” he tells her softly, taking a step closer. “You travelled with me in my TARDIS. We went all over the universe. Remember the Ood? Pompeii? Agatha Christie? And you, the fastest typist in the universe, hundred words a minute?”
She’s starting to shake. “Oh, god. It can’t be...”
He takes another three steps, until he’s close enough to touch her. “It is. It’s all true, Donna. It’s me.”
Her eyes fill with tears, and she stares at him, recognition suddenly in her wide eyes. “Doctor?”
“That’s me.” He gathers her into his arms, and she comes willingly, sobbing against his shoulder. “It’s me, Donna. I’m sorry I left you. I’m so sorry. But I’m back now. It’s gonna be all right.”
***
She clings tightly to his hand as he leads her back to the TARDIS, talking the whole time. “But you said I couldn’t ever remember! You said it’d kill me - why isn’t it killing me? And - you bastard!” Suddenly, she breaks away and, before he can anticipate her intention and duck, she slaps his face.
“I asked you not to. I stood there and begged you. I begged you - me, Donna Noble, an’ I don’t beg anyone! I pleaded with you not to, and you just did it anyway, you egotistical, arrogant lord of nothing!”
People nearby are staring. One woman’s got her mobile phone in her hand and looks about to dial. “Donna! Do you want the police getting involved?”
She hesitates, then shakes her head. More quietly, she continues, “I didn’t want you to, and you did it anyway, Doctor. You tell me why I should forgive you.”
He sighs; was she always this argumentative? But it’s Donna. Of course she was. “Look, are you gonna stand around and argue all day, or are you going to let me save your life?”
She blinks. “What? You’re joking!”
“No, I’m not.” Catching her hand again, he resumes striding towards the storage room, and the TARDIS. When she comes willingly, the passersby turn back to their own routines. “Donna, you’ve got all your memories back. Including all the Time Lord consciousness - can’t you feel it?”
Her eyes widen again. “Oh. My. G- I’m all clever! I understand it again! I can fly the TARDIS! I can even-”
“You were always clever, Donna Noble,” he says softly. “But you’ve got to get inside the TARDIS now, otherwise I’m gonna lose you again.”
The tiny flicker of fear in her eyes tells him that she knows, both intellectually and viscerally. The metacrisis is starting again.
No more delay. He tows her into the room and inside the TARDIS, and instantly he hears Jack starting dematerialisation.
***
“Martha! Jack!” Donna drops his hand immediately and starts to run to Martha, arms outstretched.
“We haven’t got time for that,” he announces, interrupting. The TARDIS is in the Vortex; just barely, but it’s enough. “Jack, come here. Donna-” With a hand on her shoulder, he tugs her back to him. “We have to do this now.”
“But you can’t.” Donna’s already wincing in pain. “You...you...youyouyou-” It’s his turn to wince. It’s starting again already.
“Donna, trust me.” Keeping his voice soothing, even though what he’s about to do near-terrifies him, he reaches for her right temple with one hand, and with his other reaches for Jack.
Jack takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. “Do it, Doctor.”
He closes his eyes, and the information flows.
Gallifreyan history and customs, everything he learned in the Academy, his lives - all ten of them; friends and enemies, aliens and strangers; Sontarans and Silurians, Cybermen and Zygons and Daleks and Ice Warriors, Macra and Autons... PeriVickyAdricJamieSusanNyssaZoeAce- the Time War, oh it burns, it hurts, they’realldead... RoseMickeyJackie oh Donna... Equations and formulae and temporal physics, logic and history and philosophy and maps of the universe...
And, abruptly, it’s over and his eyes snap open. Donna wavers, and he reaches to catch her, but next to him Jack’s going pale and blinking rapidly. “Martha!”
She’s beside him immediately, and he realises she’s been hovering. “Doctor?”
“Take Donna. Make sure she’s all right.” He releases her into Martha’s supporting grasp. “Jack.”
He doesn’t look back. Can’t. There’s no telling how long it will take before metacrisis kicks in, or how it’s going to affect Jack. Donna’s experience is no guide; Jack is, after all, originally from three thousand years in the future, and he’s immortal. Donna will be fine. Martha’s got her medical kit and she’s all ready to examine Donna as much as she can. Later, he can take a look inside her head to make sure everything’s normal - well, as normal as it can be, given it’s Donna. For now, though-
“Whoa! This is amazing! I’ve got neurons bursting out all over the place!” Jack’s clutching at his arm and swaying slightly. “And - damn, I can do all sorts of stuff in my head - did you know that the square root of ninety-five million is 9746.794344-”
Donna breaks away from Martha and marches around so that she’s in his face, and raises her voice to be heard above Jack. “What did you do? You gave it all to him, didn’t you? You great space dumbo, what you want to do that for? Putting Jack in danger just to fix me! You-”
He doesn’t even turn to look at her. One arm rigidly around Jack’s shoulders, he skirts around Donna and leads his friend, who’s now calculating complex temporal equations out loud, across the console room. “He volunteered. And Jack’s not like you, Donna. Ask Martha.”
“He’s right, Donna,” Martha says gently. “Come on. I’ll check you over an’ fill you in while he sorts Jack.”
“I’ll be seein’ you later, space plonker! You owe me an explanation an’ don’t think I’ll forget!” Donna shouts.
“As if I could,” he murmurs, then leads a still-talking Jack, now reciting poetry in Gallifreyan, out of the room.
***
In the medical lab, he quickly hooks Jack up to monitors - pulse, heartbeat, neurological receptors, circulation - and makes him lie back on one of the beds. Best place for him to be if he’s going to die several times in succession.
Abruptly, Jack’s coherent and aware. “Ready when you are, Doctor.” And the penny drops; the rambling was mostly distraction, to stop Donna and Martha asking too many questions.
He takes a deep breath. “All right.” Moving closer, he starts to slide his hands towards Jack’s temples, but then hesitates. Bending quickly, he presses a hard kiss on Jack’s lips. “Thank you. However this turns out, Jack, thank you.”
Jack leans up and kisses back. “Cut that out, Doctor. It’s gonna be fine. Remember, genius talking here. Anyway, you wouldn’t have left Donna with Martha if you weren’t sure she’d be okay.”
“Yeah, yeah.” It’s not Donna he’s worried about here. But, before Jack can turn this into a conversation, he touches his fingers to the pressure-points, and instantly Jack’s eyes close. Immediately, he’s in, and just in time, too. The metacrisis is starting.
He starts the long, slow process of drawing out what shouldn’t be there, extracting the millennia of accumulated Time Lord knowledge and intelligence distilled through generations and via the hothouse known as the Academy. Far too much for a human brain to hold, let alone process, as he already knew - though, as he works, there’s at least one surprising discovery.
Too soon, though, he has to stop. It’s too much; he has to give himself time to absorb it. He takes his hands away, and steps back.
“Doctor...” Jack’s eyes are open, and his body’s rigid with pain. “Owe you an apology...”
“Don’t.” Swallowing, he presses a hand to Jack’s shoulder. “Don’t talk.” Don’t fight it, he wants to say; that way it’ll kill him sooner and he’ll suffer less.
“Have to... Was wrong to lecture you ‘bout Donna. If it was like this for her... you had no choice.”
Absently, his attention completely focused on Jack’s vital signs, he answers, “Would’ve been, yes. If I’d let it get that far.”
“Right. So... sorry...”
Jack’s eyes roll back, his body convulses and he dies.
***
It’s nine minutes, eighteen point three five seconds before he revives with a shuddering gasp. “I’m ready,” is all he says - and they begin the process again.
Jack dies four more times, all in the same excruciating pain, before he judges he’s done enough and the danger of metacrisis is past. He leans back against the wall, allowing the last of the surplus information to become absorbed, and waits for Jack to wake again.
“Go ahead, I’m ready.” Leaning up on one elbow, Jack waves him on with his free hand.
Moving forward, he smiles slightly. “Nah. Finished. Have to tell you, Jack, your mind’s a scary, scary place.” It’s easier to keep it light. Not a word of the horror he felt every time he watched the metacrisis kill his friend, or of how easily that could have been Donna’s fate.
“Finished?” Jack pushes himself up to a sitting position. “Can’t be. I can still...” He frowns. “There’s some pretty advanced stuff in my head still. I can... wow.” A slow grin spreads over his face. “God, wish I could go back and take my temporal mechanics exam again.”
He grins, then moves in to place his fingers on Jack's temples again briefly before stepping back to test pupil reactions. “Yep, you're back to normal. Well, as normal as you can get when you're Jack Harkness, but you know what I mean.” He tugs on his ear. “And, yes, I left some of that knowledge there. Didn't have to, but I did. Thought I might keep one person around I can talk to without having their eyes glaze over!”
Jack cuffs him lightly. “That’d be why you always travel with us stupid apes, right?” He turns sober abruptly. “It’s mutual, by the way, Doc.”
“What is?”
Jack leans in and steals a quick kiss. “Reason for living. Well, one of them. Always knew you’re an adrenaline-junkie at heart.”
“That makes two of us,” he retorts, but inside he’s reeling. Jack shouldn’t have seen that - it wasn’t part of the knowledge and intelligence he got from Donna. The only way he’d know that is if - as someone else once said to him - the door opened both ways.
He takes a deep breath and decides not to worry about it, then makes himself address what he found out a few minutes ago. “Should tell you. I didn’t run from you on Satellite Five cause I was prejudiced. Yes, you’re a Fact and you shouldn’t exist. That’s why I ran - because the alternative was stopping you from existing.”
“What?” Jack’s eyes widen. “But you said you couldn’t fix me.”
“Can’t. Well, not in a way that’d leave you alive.” He holds Jack’s gaze.
“Ah.” Jack nods slowly. “Got it. Well...” He rubs his chin thoughtfully, then continues with wry humour, “Give you fair warning now, then - I’m gonna stick to you like glue in your thirteenth life.”
He’s not sure he likes what Jack’s suggesting, but he likes the alternative less. He nods once, and it feels like a pact.
“Come on.” Jack slides off the bed and onto his feet. That’s another way they’re alike, the two of them; neither likes to dwell on this sort of stuff. “I know you’re desperate to see Donna and make sure she’s okay, and I’m guessing she’s dying to see you just as badly.”
***
As soon as they re-enter the console room, Martha flies to Jack, throwing her arms around him and demanding to know if he’s okay. The Doctor’s only got eyes for Donna, who’s approaching more slowly, as if unsure of her welcome.
He holds out his arms. She runs into them.
“Are you all right?” she demands instantly, arms wrapped tightly around his neck. “Is Jack all right?”
“Are you all right?” he asks softly in return. He grins suddenly. “And, yes, I am all right. And this time it’s not Time Lord code for not all right at all.”
She pulls back and looks at him, happiness shining from her eyes. “Me too.”
“Jack’s fine, course he is. Brilliant, completely brilliant.”
Jack grins at him from over Martha’s shoulder. “Glad to know you appreciate my talents, Doctor.”
Donna grins. “See he hasn’t changed.”
“Nah, not Jack.” Which is a good thing, really.
She grins at him, but then sobers. “So, what happens now, Doctor?”
“Donna.” Soberly, he regards her. “What do you want to happen?” He gestures around the TARDIS. “It’s all still here, just as you left it. All of time and space, exploring, saving the universe... that’s if you still want to come with me.”
She stares at him for a moment, and he just knows she’s going to say no. She’s got a job she enjoys, a life, all of that human stuff now. But then he sees relief dawning in her eyes, followed by sheer happiness.
“Course I do, you plonker!” She swipes lightly at his arm. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”
“Well, good, then.” He feels a broad grin spreading over his own face, and behind him Jack and Martha are smiling too. “Brilliant!”
***
Donna needs time to hand in her notice and to let Sylvia and Wilf - well, mostly Sylvia - come to terms with her decision. They agree on a couple of weeks, and so he drops her off at her car, gives her his phone number and promises to come and pick her up when she calls.
And then it’s back to Cardiff to return Martha and Jack home. A hug for Martha, and she leaves with a wave. Jack lingers, presumably looking for his own private au revoir. He approaches his friend, hands deep in his pockets, a lump forming in his throat.
“Thank you for giving Donna back to me.”
Jack smiles, a familiar lop-sided gesture, and glances down at the floor. “And thank you for not handing me my ass on a plate when I lectured you. It all looks so damn different when I can see what you see.” He shrugs faintly. “We think we know it all. But we haven’t a clue, Doctor. I can see that now. And you’re still the one stuck with making all the hard choices.”
“Still don’t make all the right choices, though.” He lays a hand on Jack’s shoulder. “That’s why I need people to remind me of that. People like you and Donna, and Sarah and Martha - and, yes, even Mickey.”
“We need each other.” Jack leans in and they share a kiss. “But right now,” Jack continues, drawing back, “I’ve got work to do.”
“Yeah, yeah. Responsibilities.” He glances back to the console. “Just don’t forget your responsibilities here, too. The TARDIS misses you.”
“Better not be only the TARDIS.” Jack winks. “Come and pick me up in a few weeks, then.”
“It’s a date.”
A hug for Jack, too, then, and he’s off again. Back to Chiswick two weeks from now to pick up Donna, and after that, onward.
On to the next journey, and the next, and the one after that, always looking forward - but now not afraid to look back, either. Because the past’s as important as the present and the future; the people he already knows matter every bit as much as those he has yet to meet.
And, as the TARDIS materialises on a new planet, a world even he hasn’t visited yet, he squeezes Donna’s hand and grins. “Vamanos!”
***
Epilogue: He Has This Family
“This isn’t my street!” Donna exclaims as soon as she steps outside the TARDIS. “It’s not even Chiswick!”
“Nope.” He pulls the door shut behind them. “Got to make a stop here first.”
“But you promised we’d have Christmas dinner with Mum and Granddad.”
“And we will.” He takes her hand, leading her forward. “Later. Time travel, remember? We’ll still be there on time. I promised Sarah we’d come here first.” And Jack. Jack was very insistent. All you have to do is drop in for a drink, he said. That’s not too much to ask, is it?
Well. Course it’s not. He strides up to the door and knocks.
Sarah, wearing a paper Christmas hat, lets him in and, of course, he has to hug her in the hall. She pulls away fairly quickly. “Come on. Everyone’s in here.”
“Everyone?” Donna asks, the question that’s in his own mind. Sarah and Luke he was expecting. Jack, too, since his friend insisted.
Everyone, he discovers, as soon as he walks into the dining room, is indeed everyone. Martha, with her husband Tom. Luke. Mickey. Jake. Ianto. Jack. No Gwen - spending Christmas with her husband and family, probably. And Harriet, too - or Baroness Jones, he probably should say. They’re all here for Christmas dinner - a dinner, he realises quickly, very touched, that’s been arranged in his honour.
Harriet, she insists when he reaches her in the flurry of hugs that begins as soon as they all see him and Donna. She kisses his cheek and declares, “Thank you! I’m having more fun than I’ve ever had in my life. The Commons was full of silly schoolboys. The Lords might be full of Tories, but there’s one good thing about a room-full of people who all went to public school: they know how to respond to female authority.”
At Donna’s frankly curious look, Harriet explains, “They were all terrified of their nannies.”
Donna bursts out laughing and, just like that, she and Harriet are firm friends.
Dinner’s served then, with him placed at the head of the table, and it’s a fantastic meal, made even better by brilliant conversation with the best friends a Time Lord could ever ask for. By the time everyone’s laying cutlery on their plates and pushing their chairs back to give themselves more room, he knows that he needs to say so.
He stands abruptly, tapping the table for silence. Jack notices first, and then Sarah and Martha, and they shush everyone else. He takes a deep breath, then looks straight at the people who mean most to him in this universe, and pauses for a moment to think briefly about other friends, in this universe and others, and resolves to get back in touch with some of them.
He begins awkwardly. “Not good at this sort of thing. Not really. For all I talk - well, there you have it. Anyway. There's something that I realised, something I should've done a long time ago. What can I say? Might be brilliant, but I'm also a bit slow. S'pose the best things take time, though, and this? Yeah, it's one of those things.”
He tugs at his ear, then lets his hand slide behind the back of his neck, but after a moment faces his audience - his friends - again. “I haven't always been the best friend I could be to each of you. I've left you behind, given you less than you deserve, let you think you didn't matter even when you did, even betrayed some of you. But all along you've stayed by me. Remained loyal, even when you shouldn't. It's more than I deserve, really. I should've seen that sooner. The way you all turned up to help when Davros stole the Earth, the sacrifices you were all willing to make... I didn't appreciate it then. I do now. Sarah told me I have the biggest family in the universe. And I do. I won't forget that again."
He reaches for his glass, signalling everyone else to pick theirs up, and continues in a language no-one else in the universe will ever speak again - though he suspects Jack might be able to understand, if he tries. It’s a blessing once traditional among his people, to celebrate unity and family - well, one’s House, anyway - and hope for the future.
A long time ago, in another life, he told Rose that he was alone. That his family was all gone, and he was the only one left. That’s still true. But what he refused to believe for too long was that he, too, could have a second chance at belonging.
Around the table, Martha is smiling at him with tears sparkling in her eyes. Mickey’s giving him a thumbs-up and Jake’s grinning. Harriet is nodding approvingly. Ianto’s applauding silently and Luke is smiling. Sarah’s got tears in her eyes, too, and Jack raises his glass in an approving toast. Donna leans across and hugs him.
“ ‘Bout time you realised it, you prawn,” she says into his hair.
“Better late than never, as you humans say.”
This is the best part about this life, he’ll tell Jack later, while Donna’s spending the night at her mum’s. It’s not the running or the adventuring or even saving the universe. It’s all the friends he makes, the people who care enough to love him even when he doesn’t deserve it, and who are there for him even when he’s being a plonker and avoiding them. And who don’t mind when he tells them they’re being idiots too.
Because, at the end of the day, that’s what family is for.
- end
Author: wmr wendymr
Characters: Tenth Doctor, Jack Harkness; also Martha Jones, Mickey Smith, Ianto Jones, others
Rated: PG13
Spoilers: Journey's End and a tiny, blink-and-you'll-miss-it reference to The Next Doctor
Disclaimer: All recognisable characters belong to the BBC.
Summary: Sometimes the hardest journeys to make are the familiar ones
Here is where I need to say that dark_aegis owns the rights to my first-born (if I had one). She is brilliant. I could not have finished this story without her. Thank you so much!
Chapter 1: Confronting the Dragon l Chapter 2: Still Running Away l Chapter 3: Denial l Chapter 4: Battles l Chapter 5: Grief l Chapter 6: Familiar Faces l Chapter 7: Into the Fire l Chapter 8: We Still Know Who You Are
Chapter 9: A Reason to Live
I think I know how you can fix Donna.
For the whole of the almost nine minutes it takes him to get back to Cardiff, Jack’s words replay in his head.
Fix Donna. But that’s impossible. No coming back from that. Human brains aren't meant for all that knowledge. That happens, she'll die. Permanently. It's impossible to fix. Jack’s talking through his...
But this is Jack. The most intelligent human he’s ever met. It’s not just that Jack’s from the fifty-first century and a former Time Agent; most people from that time are still midgets compared to the knowledge and experience of any Time Lord. But Jack... barely-schooled in matters of science and the workings of Time as he is, he was always quick on the uptake, able to put things together faster than any other human, able even to begin working on the TARDIS and understanding her in a way no other companion ever did. Not that he ever allowed Jack to know that, or to see his amazement at Jack’s ability or potential.
The truth is that, if Gallifrey still existed, he’d be arguing for Jack to be accepted into the Academy, just as he did for Ace all those years ago.
So, if Jack says there could be a way to fix Donna, then he might actually be right. All the same, can’t let his hopes get too high. Jack might be right, course he might, but he might also be wrong.
It’s a shock, when he opens the TARDIS door, to discover that he’s actually materialised in Jack’s office. His focus on Jack must have been intense enough for this to be the TARDIS’s interpretation.
“Doctor.” Jack’s getting up from his desk, already grinning. “I figured that’d bring you running, but I didn’t expect you’d be in this much of a rush to see me.”
“Cut it out, Jack.” He’s in no mood for flirting or games. "You think you can fix her. You! Humans aren't known for fixing metacrises, after all. Not like this has happened before, much less during the 51st century! So how can you know something I - brilliant as I am - don't?"
“Ooh, egotistical much?” Jack crosses to stand before him, and he finds his hand being taken and held in what feels like a reassuring caress. “Look, I know compared to you I’ve got the brain of a kid in kindergarten, but that doesn’t mean I can’t come up with the occasional good idea.”
“Yeah. Yes, you can.” He exhales slowly. He’s being an idiot, and he knows it. “Sorry. Tell me.”
“C’mere.” Jack tows him across the room and gently pushes him into the chair in front of the massive desk, then perches on the edge of the desk.
“You told me the reason you couldn’t take the Time Lord knowledge from Donna instead of wiping her memories was because it was too much for you to take into your head all at once, yes?”
He nods.
“What if there was a safe way you could take it a little at a time?”
"Already told you. If I could've done it, there wouldn't've been a problem. Donna would've been fixed and that would've been that. Problem was that I couldn't. Human brain - couldn't last long enough for me to finish."
“Right.” Jack’s looking very pleased with himself now. “But what if it wasn’t Donna you were taking it from? What if it was me?”
***
From Jack?
Well, of course Jack wouldn’t die. Or would he? What would a human-Time Lord metacrisis do to a Fact like Jack? Jack’s an impossible thing, but then so is a human-Time Lord metacrisis. Neither’s ever supposed to happen.
So what would happen if the impossible met the unimaginable?
But it isn’t happening. Jack’s not the one having the metacrisis. This is all just pointless speculation. Or is it? “Explain.”
Jack smiles, his body language completely open, completely relaxed. “You can’t take all the knowledge into your own brain. So transfer it from Donna’s to mine - I know you can do that - and then take it from me bit by bit, as slow as you need. That way Donna’ll be fine and she can remember you and go travelling with you again.”
“What? Transfer it to you? No! Not even - No. I won’t do it.”
Abruptly, Jack’s expression darkens. “Still don’t trust me, Doctor? You can wipe my memory of it all later, you know. I won’t remember a single iota of all that knowledge of yours.”
His jaw slackens. “You really think that’s why I’m objecting?” He swallows, tugging awkwardly on his ear. “If there was anyone I’d willingly share everything I know with, it’d be you. Kind of thought you knew that, really.”
“Oh.” Jack’s gaze dips. “I... no, I didn’t.” He swallows, actually looking touched.
“Well, then.” He shrugs. “You do now. Still won’t do it, though.” Before Jack can interrupt to ask why, he surges to his feet. “You’ve never experienced a metacrisis, Jack! Or anything like it! How can we know you’d survive it? And even if you did the pain would be immense before it killed you. And you’d have to go through it over and over again - I don’t know how many times.”
“I’d survive it. I’m as sure as I can be of that.” Jack stands too, moving in front of the Doctor and laying his hands on the Doctor’s shoulders, steadying, calming.
“How can you - oh. You’ve - what have you been doing, Jack?” But it’s obvious, isn’t it? He’s been testing out his immortality, trying to establish the limits, or if there are any. “Jack, you can’t! You’ve been finding new ways to kill yourself just to test that you’ll still reanimate, haven’t you? That’s... what if you don’t?”
Jack shrugs. “I’m immortal. You said so. Rose brought me back permanently.”
“Yes, but-“ He rakes a hand through his hair. “I don't know everything, Jack! You don't know what this'll do to you. To your mind. Can't say whether you'll still be sane when it's all over. Nor can I say it won't kill you permanently. Might do. And if so...” He swallows. It’s not something he wants to admit, or ever planned to, but it might be the only thing that’ll make Jack see why this matters. “You’re the only one I won’t lose.”
Jack’s eyes widen. For a moment, he looks as if he’s going to speak, but instead he leans in and presses a kiss to the Doctor’s lips, lingering but chaste.
Then, stepping back, leaning against his desk again, he says, “I know it’ll work because, yes, I’ve tested it. We have a machine here - it’s a mind-probe, but I got Mickey to tweak it a bit to mimic information overload, and Ianto and Martha and I ran tests. Hurt like hell, yeah, and at a certain level of intensity - higher each time, incidentally - it killed me, but I revived every time. As you see.” He gestures to himself.
“You...” He swallows. “You did that...” It’s cowardly, but he’s just glad he wasn’t there to see it. Ianto’s a braver man than he is. “I don’t understand. Why would you put yourself through all that? You barely even met Donna.”
“She’s your friend. And you miss her.” Jack gives him a crooked smile. “Told you I’d find you a reason to live.”
His eyes widen. Does Jack really not know? Stepping closer, he lays a hand on Jack’s shoulder and holds his friend’s gaze. “All my friends are important to me. All of them. There’s no... no hierarchy. Oh, I care about you in different ways, can’t deny that. Some are best mates, just a few...”
“You fall in love with?” Jack prompts. Rose’s name’s not mentioned, but he knows that’s who Jack is thinking of.
He nods. “Or close to it. But you’re all important, Jack. Every one of you. But you... well, did tell you I don’t sleep with companions as a rule.” Surely Jack can understand what he’s really saying here, can’t he? He can’t spell it out.
Jack grins, but it’s wry. “Not really a companion, though, am I?”
“Oh, once a companion, always a companion! Besides, I’m hoping that some day... Well, can’t stay in charge of Torchwood for ever, can you? Sooner or later, the wrong people are gonna notice you don’t age, and what then?”
“Yeah.” Jack shrugs. “I’ve managed so far, but with technology these days it’s harder to hide. Kinda thought I’d just move on when that happens. Another country, even another planet, now this is working again.” He indicates his Vortex manipulator.
“No,” he says, quietly but making clear he won’t be argued with. “When that happens, you’ll come with me.”
He receives a brilliant smile. “I’d like that.”
“Good. That’s settled, then.” But there’s still Donna, and Jack’s insane idea. “You’re absolutely determined? About Donna, I mean.”
“Absolutely. Doctor-” Jack takes a step forward again, and cups his face between his warm palms. “-You’re always doing things for us. It’s about time you let us do something for you.”
The cost, though... But Jack’s resolute, and the thought of Donna restored to the amazing, brilliant woman he knew, regardless of whether she’d want to travel with him or not, is too much to resist. “All right. Thank you.”
***
Jack’s determined enough to insist that they leave immediately. “If me dying really bothers you, we can bring Martha to keep an eye on me.”
He nods. “Good idea. But I’ll be keeping an eye on you, Jack. Martha can take care of Donna.” Donna’s only going to need checking over once her brain’s clear of all that extra information. Jack, though, is facing prolonged torture, with effects that none of them can predict. Martha may be a skilled doctor, but she’s not a Time Lord, and she knows nothing about metacrisis. This is too dangerous to take unnecessary risks; he is not going to lose Jack.
It turns out that Jack’s surveillance of Donna is useful. Torchwood knows where she works, what time she leaves work, by which door, and where she parks. At ten past five precisely, they’re materialising the TARDIS in a maintenance room in the multi-storey car park Donna uses. “I’ll go and talk to her,” Martha offers, but the Doctor shakes his head firmly.
“No. I’m going.” This is his responsibility. He’s the one who took her memories in the first place. “Jack, be ready to take us into the Vortex.”
Jack, still at the controls, glances up and sketches a brief salute. “Good luck.”
He exits the TARDIS, then uses the sonic screwdriver to get out of the storage room. There are a few people in the car park - not surprising given the time of day, and maybe it wasn’t the best choice of time - and he has to take a few moments to look around, but even though he knows exactly who he’s looking for it’s still a shock when he sees her.
She’s there, walking in that no-nonsense way of hers towards a small yellow car, long red hair rippling over her shoulders with each stride. The brown leather jacket she’s wearing sends a painful stab of memory through him, and it’s several moments before he can move.
“Donna!” he calls, almost too late as she’s unlocked her car and is about to open the door. “Donna Noble!”
She glances around, surprised and a little irritated - oh, he knows that expression well. “What? Who are you?”
He hurries over. “John Smith. Remember? We met at your house about a year ago. I’m a friend of your granddad, Wilf.”
She shrugs. “Maybe. But what are you doing here?” It’s obvious that she’s suspicious, and she’s keeping close by her car door.
“Looking for you. Look, Donna,” he adds quickly as her expression of suspicion grows, “I know it looks... I... I just want to talk to you. There are things you need to know.”
“You’re some sort of lunatic, right? Look, stay away from me. Just go and I won’t call security.”
He holds up his hands, gesturing that he’s unarmed and won’t hurt her. “Donna, listen to me, please. All those dreams you’ve been having-” It’s a guess, but a very educated one. “Travelling in time and space in a blue box? Meeting aliens? All the running? Remember?”
Her eyes widen and her breath catches. “I...” Abruptly, she shakes her head. “You’re talking rubbish. Get away from me.”
“Donna, you remember. TARDIS, Time Lord, yes?”
“Donna, human, no,” she retorts, and instantly looks stunned. “Why’d I just say that?”
“You do remember,” he tells her softly, taking a step closer. “You travelled with me in my TARDIS. We went all over the universe. Remember the Ood? Pompeii? Agatha Christie? And you, the fastest typist in the universe, hundred words a minute?”
She’s starting to shake. “Oh, god. It can’t be...”
He takes another three steps, until he’s close enough to touch her. “It is. It’s all true, Donna. It’s me.”
Her eyes fill with tears, and she stares at him, recognition suddenly in her wide eyes. “Doctor?”
“That’s me.” He gathers her into his arms, and she comes willingly, sobbing against his shoulder. “It’s me, Donna. I’m sorry I left you. I’m so sorry. But I’m back now. It’s gonna be all right.”
***
She clings tightly to his hand as he leads her back to the TARDIS, talking the whole time. “But you said I couldn’t ever remember! You said it’d kill me - why isn’t it killing me? And - you bastard!” Suddenly, she breaks away and, before he can anticipate her intention and duck, she slaps his face.
“I asked you not to. I stood there and begged you. I begged you - me, Donna Noble, an’ I don’t beg anyone! I pleaded with you not to, and you just did it anyway, you egotistical, arrogant lord of nothing!”
People nearby are staring. One woman’s got her mobile phone in her hand and looks about to dial. “Donna! Do you want the police getting involved?”
She hesitates, then shakes her head. More quietly, she continues, “I didn’t want you to, and you did it anyway, Doctor. You tell me why I should forgive you.”
He sighs; was she always this argumentative? But it’s Donna. Of course she was. “Look, are you gonna stand around and argue all day, or are you going to let me save your life?”
She blinks. “What? You’re joking!”
“No, I’m not.” Catching her hand again, he resumes striding towards the storage room, and the TARDIS. When she comes willingly, the passersby turn back to their own routines. “Donna, you’ve got all your memories back. Including all the Time Lord consciousness - can’t you feel it?”
Her eyes widen again. “Oh. My. G- I’m all clever! I understand it again! I can fly the TARDIS! I can even-”
“You were always clever, Donna Noble,” he says softly. “But you’ve got to get inside the TARDIS now, otherwise I’m gonna lose you again.”
The tiny flicker of fear in her eyes tells him that she knows, both intellectually and viscerally. The metacrisis is starting again.
No more delay. He tows her into the room and inside the TARDIS, and instantly he hears Jack starting dematerialisation.
***
“Martha! Jack!” Donna drops his hand immediately and starts to run to Martha, arms outstretched.
“We haven’t got time for that,” he announces, interrupting. The TARDIS is in the Vortex; just barely, but it’s enough. “Jack, come here. Donna-” With a hand on her shoulder, he tugs her back to him. “We have to do this now.”
“But you can’t.” Donna’s already wincing in pain. “You...you...youyouyou-” It’s his turn to wince. It’s starting again already.
“Donna, trust me.” Keeping his voice soothing, even though what he’s about to do near-terrifies him, he reaches for her right temple with one hand, and with his other reaches for Jack.
Jack takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. “Do it, Doctor.”
He closes his eyes, and the information flows.
Gallifreyan history and customs, everything he learned in the Academy, his lives - all ten of them; friends and enemies, aliens and strangers; Sontarans and Silurians, Cybermen and Zygons and Daleks and Ice Warriors, Macra and Autons... PeriVickyAdricJamieSusanNyssaZoeAce- the Time War, oh it burns, it hurts, they’realldead... RoseMickeyJackie oh Donna... Equations and formulae and temporal physics, logic and history and philosophy and maps of the universe...
And, abruptly, it’s over and his eyes snap open. Donna wavers, and he reaches to catch her, but next to him Jack’s going pale and blinking rapidly. “Martha!”
She’s beside him immediately, and he realises she’s been hovering. “Doctor?”
“Take Donna. Make sure she’s all right.” He releases her into Martha’s supporting grasp. “Jack.”
He doesn’t look back. Can’t. There’s no telling how long it will take before metacrisis kicks in, or how it’s going to affect Jack. Donna’s experience is no guide; Jack is, after all, originally from three thousand years in the future, and he’s immortal. Donna will be fine. Martha’s got her medical kit and she’s all ready to examine Donna as much as she can. Later, he can take a look inside her head to make sure everything’s normal - well, as normal as it can be, given it’s Donna. For now, though-
“Whoa! This is amazing! I’ve got neurons bursting out all over the place!” Jack’s clutching at his arm and swaying slightly. “And - damn, I can do all sorts of stuff in my head - did you know that the square root of ninety-five million is 9746.794344-”
Donna breaks away from Martha and marches around so that she’s in his face, and raises her voice to be heard above Jack. “What did you do? You gave it all to him, didn’t you? You great space dumbo, what you want to do that for? Putting Jack in danger just to fix me! You-”
He doesn’t even turn to look at her. One arm rigidly around Jack’s shoulders, he skirts around Donna and leads his friend, who’s now calculating complex temporal equations out loud, across the console room. “He volunteered. And Jack’s not like you, Donna. Ask Martha.”
“He’s right, Donna,” Martha says gently. “Come on. I’ll check you over an’ fill you in while he sorts Jack.”
“I’ll be seein’ you later, space plonker! You owe me an explanation an’ don’t think I’ll forget!” Donna shouts.
“As if I could,” he murmurs, then leads a still-talking Jack, now reciting poetry in Gallifreyan, out of the room.
***
In the medical lab, he quickly hooks Jack up to monitors - pulse, heartbeat, neurological receptors, circulation - and makes him lie back on one of the beds. Best place for him to be if he’s going to die several times in succession.
Abruptly, Jack’s coherent and aware. “Ready when you are, Doctor.” And the penny drops; the rambling was mostly distraction, to stop Donna and Martha asking too many questions.
He takes a deep breath. “All right.” Moving closer, he starts to slide his hands towards Jack’s temples, but then hesitates. Bending quickly, he presses a hard kiss on Jack’s lips. “Thank you. However this turns out, Jack, thank you.”
Jack leans up and kisses back. “Cut that out, Doctor. It’s gonna be fine. Remember, genius talking here. Anyway, you wouldn’t have left Donna with Martha if you weren’t sure she’d be okay.”
“Yeah, yeah.” It’s not Donna he’s worried about here. But, before Jack can turn this into a conversation, he touches his fingers to the pressure-points, and instantly Jack’s eyes close. Immediately, he’s in, and just in time, too. The metacrisis is starting.
He starts the long, slow process of drawing out what shouldn’t be there, extracting the millennia of accumulated Time Lord knowledge and intelligence distilled through generations and via the hothouse known as the Academy. Far too much for a human brain to hold, let alone process, as he already knew - though, as he works, there’s at least one surprising discovery.
Too soon, though, he has to stop. It’s too much; he has to give himself time to absorb it. He takes his hands away, and steps back.
“Doctor...” Jack’s eyes are open, and his body’s rigid with pain. “Owe you an apology...”
“Don’t.” Swallowing, he presses a hand to Jack’s shoulder. “Don’t talk.” Don’t fight it, he wants to say; that way it’ll kill him sooner and he’ll suffer less.
“Have to... Was wrong to lecture you ‘bout Donna. If it was like this for her... you had no choice.”
Absently, his attention completely focused on Jack’s vital signs, he answers, “Would’ve been, yes. If I’d let it get that far.”
“Right. So... sorry...”
Jack’s eyes roll back, his body convulses and he dies.
***
It’s nine minutes, eighteen point three five seconds before he revives with a shuddering gasp. “I’m ready,” is all he says - and they begin the process again.
Jack dies four more times, all in the same excruciating pain, before he judges he’s done enough and the danger of metacrisis is past. He leans back against the wall, allowing the last of the surplus information to become absorbed, and waits for Jack to wake again.
“Go ahead, I’m ready.” Leaning up on one elbow, Jack waves him on with his free hand.
Moving forward, he smiles slightly. “Nah. Finished. Have to tell you, Jack, your mind’s a scary, scary place.” It’s easier to keep it light. Not a word of the horror he felt every time he watched the metacrisis kill his friend, or of how easily that could have been Donna’s fate.
“Finished?” Jack pushes himself up to a sitting position. “Can’t be. I can still...” He frowns. “There’s some pretty advanced stuff in my head still. I can... wow.” A slow grin spreads over his face. “God, wish I could go back and take my temporal mechanics exam again.”
He grins, then moves in to place his fingers on Jack's temples again briefly before stepping back to test pupil reactions. “Yep, you're back to normal. Well, as normal as you can get when you're Jack Harkness, but you know what I mean.” He tugs on his ear. “And, yes, I left some of that knowledge there. Didn't have to, but I did. Thought I might keep one person around I can talk to without having their eyes glaze over!”
Jack cuffs him lightly. “That’d be why you always travel with us stupid apes, right?” He turns sober abruptly. “It’s mutual, by the way, Doc.”
“What is?”
Jack leans in and steals a quick kiss. “Reason for living. Well, one of them. Always knew you’re an adrenaline-junkie at heart.”
“That makes two of us,” he retorts, but inside he’s reeling. Jack shouldn’t have seen that - it wasn’t part of the knowledge and intelligence he got from Donna. The only way he’d know that is if - as someone else once said to him - the door opened both ways.
He takes a deep breath and decides not to worry about it, then makes himself address what he found out a few minutes ago. “Should tell you. I didn’t run from you on Satellite Five cause I was prejudiced. Yes, you’re a Fact and you shouldn’t exist. That’s why I ran - because the alternative was stopping you from existing.”
“What?” Jack’s eyes widen. “But you said you couldn’t fix me.”
“Can’t. Well, not in a way that’d leave you alive.” He holds Jack’s gaze.
“Ah.” Jack nods slowly. “Got it. Well...” He rubs his chin thoughtfully, then continues with wry humour, “Give you fair warning now, then - I’m gonna stick to you like glue in your thirteenth life.”
He’s not sure he likes what Jack’s suggesting, but he likes the alternative less. He nods once, and it feels like a pact.
“Come on.” Jack slides off the bed and onto his feet. That’s another way they’re alike, the two of them; neither likes to dwell on this sort of stuff. “I know you’re desperate to see Donna and make sure she’s okay, and I’m guessing she’s dying to see you just as badly.”
***
As soon as they re-enter the console room, Martha flies to Jack, throwing her arms around him and demanding to know if he’s okay. The Doctor’s only got eyes for Donna, who’s approaching more slowly, as if unsure of her welcome.
He holds out his arms. She runs into them.
“Are you all right?” she demands instantly, arms wrapped tightly around his neck. “Is Jack all right?”
“Are you all right?” he asks softly in return. He grins suddenly. “And, yes, I am all right. And this time it’s not Time Lord code for not all right at all.”
She pulls back and looks at him, happiness shining from her eyes. “Me too.”
“Jack’s fine, course he is. Brilliant, completely brilliant.”
Jack grins at him from over Martha’s shoulder. “Glad to know you appreciate my talents, Doctor.”
Donna grins. “See he hasn’t changed.”
“Nah, not Jack.” Which is a good thing, really.
She grins at him, but then sobers. “So, what happens now, Doctor?”
“Donna.” Soberly, he regards her. “What do you want to happen?” He gestures around the TARDIS. “It’s all still here, just as you left it. All of time and space, exploring, saving the universe... that’s if you still want to come with me.”
She stares at him for a moment, and he just knows she’s going to say no. She’s got a job she enjoys, a life, all of that human stuff now. But then he sees relief dawning in her eyes, followed by sheer happiness.
“Course I do, you plonker!” She swipes lightly at his arm. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”
“Well, good, then.” He feels a broad grin spreading over his own face, and behind him Jack and Martha are smiling too. “Brilliant!”
***
Donna needs time to hand in her notice and to let Sylvia and Wilf - well, mostly Sylvia - come to terms with her decision. They agree on a couple of weeks, and so he drops her off at her car, gives her his phone number and promises to come and pick her up when she calls.
And then it’s back to Cardiff to return Martha and Jack home. A hug for Martha, and she leaves with a wave. Jack lingers, presumably looking for his own private au revoir. He approaches his friend, hands deep in his pockets, a lump forming in his throat.
“Thank you for giving Donna back to me.”
Jack smiles, a familiar lop-sided gesture, and glances down at the floor. “And thank you for not handing me my ass on a plate when I lectured you. It all looks so damn different when I can see what you see.” He shrugs faintly. “We think we know it all. But we haven’t a clue, Doctor. I can see that now. And you’re still the one stuck with making all the hard choices.”
“Still don’t make all the right choices, though.” He lays a hand on Jack’s shoulder. “That’s why I need people to remind me of that. People like you and Donna, and Sarah and Martha - and, yes, even Mickey.”
“We need each other.” Jack leans in and they share a kiss. “But right now,” Jack continues, drawing back, “I’ve got work to do.”
“Yeah, yeah. Responsibilities.” He glances back to the console. “Just don’t forget your responsibilities here, too. The TARDIS misses you.”
“Better not be only the TARDIS.” Jack winks. “Come and pick me up in a few weeks, then.”
“It’s a date.”
A hug for Jack, too, then, and he’s off again. Back to Chiswick two weeks from now to pick up Donna, and after that, onward.
On to the next journey, and the next, and the one after that, always looking forward - but now not afraid to look back, either. Because the past’s as important as the present and the future; the people he already knows matter every bit as much as those he has yet to meet.
And, as the TARDIS materialises on a new planet, a world even he hasn’t visited yet, he squeezes Donna’s hand and grins. “Vamanos!”
***
Epilogue: He Has This Family
“This isn’t my street!” Donna exclaims as soon as she steps outside the TARDIS. “It’s not even Chiswick!”
“Nope.” He pulls the door shut behind them. “Got to make a stop here first.”
“But you promised we’d have Christmas dinner with Mum and Granddad.”
“And we will.” He takes her hand, leading her forward. “Later. Time travel, remember? We’ll still be there on time. I promised Sarah we’d come here first.” And Jack. Jack was very insistent. All you have to do is drop in for a drink, he said. That’s not too much to ask, is it?
Well. Course it’s not. He strides up to the door and knocks.
Sarah, wearing a paper Christmas hat, lets him in and, of course, he has to hug her in the hall. She pulls away fairly quickly. “Come on. Everyone’s in here.”
“Everyone?” Donna asks, the question that’s in his own mind. Sarah and Luke he was expecting. Jack, too, since his friend insisted.
Everyone, he discovers, as soon as he walks into the dining room, is indeed everyone. Martha, with her husband Tom. Luke. Mickey. Jake. Ianto. Jack. No Gwen - spending Christmas with her husband and family, probably. And Harriet, too - or Baroness Jones, he probably should say. They’re all here for Christmas dinner - a dinner, he realises quickly, very touched, that’s been arranged in his honour.
Harriet, she insists when he reaches her in the flurry of hugs that begins as soon as they all see him and Donna. She kisses his cheek and declares, “Thank you! I’m having more fun than I’ve ever had in my life. The Commons was full of silly schoolboys. The Lords might be full of Tories, but there’s one good thing about a room-full of people who all went to public school: they know how to respond to female authority.”
At Donna’s frankly curious look, Harriet explains, “They were all terrified of their nannies.”
Donna bursts out laughing and, just like that, she and Harriet are firm friends.
Dinner’s served then, with him placed at the head of the table, and it’s a fantastic meal, made even better by brilliant conversation with the best friends a Time Lord could ever ask for. By the time everyone’s laying cutlery on their plates and pushing their chairs back to give themselves more room, he knows that he needs to say so.
He stands abruptly, tapping the table for silence. Jack notices first, and then Sarah and Martha, and they shush everyone else. He takes a deep breath, then looks straight at the people who mean most to him in this universe, and pauses for a moment to think briefly about other friends, in this universe and others, and resolves to get back in touch with some of them.
He begins awkwardly. “Not good at this sort of thing. Not really. For all I talk - well, there you have it. Anyway. There's something that I realised, something I should've done a long time ago. What can I say? Might be brilliant, but I'm also a bit slow. S'pose the best things take time, though, and this? Yeah, it's one of those things.”
He tugs at his ear, then lets his hand slide behind the back of his neck, but after a moment faces his audience - his friends - again. “I haven't always been the best friend I could be to each of you. I've left you behind, given you less than you deserve, let you think you didn't matter even when you did, even betrayed some of you. But all along you've stayed by me. Remained loyal, even when you shouldn't. It's more than I deserve, really. I should've seen that sooner. The way you all turned up to help when Davros stole the Earth, the sacrifices you were all willing to make... I didn't appreciate it then. I do now. Sarah told me I have the biggest family in the universe. And I do. I won't forget that again."
He reaches for his glass, signalling everyone else to pick theirs up, and continues in a language no-one else in the universe will ever speak again - though he suspects Jack might be able to understand, if he tries. It’s a blessing once traditional among his people, to celebrate unity and family - well, one’s House, anyway - and hope for the future.
A long time ago, in another life, he told Rose that he was alone. That his family was all gone, and he was the only one left. That’s still true. But what he refused to believe for too long was that he, too, could have a second chance at belonging.
Around the table, Martha is smiling at him with tears sparkling in her eyes. Mickey’s giving him a thumbs-up and Jake’s grinning. Harriet is nodding approvingly. Ianto’s applauding silently and Luke is smiling. Sarah’s got tears in her eyes, too, and Jack raises his glass in an approving toast. Donna leans across and hugs him.
“ ‘Bout time you realised it, you prawn,” she says into his hair.
“Better late than never, as you humans say.”
This is the best part about this life, he’ll tell Jack later, while Donna’s spending the night at her mum’s. It’s not the running or the adventuring or even saving the universe. It’s all the friends he makes, the people who care enough to love him even when he doesn’t deserve it, and who are there for him even when he’s being a plonker and avoiding them. And who don’t mind when he tells them they’re being idiots too.
Because, at the end of the day, that’s what family is for.
- end