Thank you for welcoming me! -- Now I need help.

[groomzilla]

First of all, I want to thank all of you.

Thank you for welcoming me to this community. I wasn't sure how I'd be taken here as a groom. And thank you for keeping this community. I haven't even asked a single question yet (before this post, at least), and I've already been humbled, finding out I know very little about this wedding planning thing

Comments

[groomzilla]

Yeah, that's exactly how >I< feel.

That's one of the main reasons why I kept my side to two -- while I have more friends, only those two are the guys that I would want to be back-to-back with if hell-on-earth ever came knocking. These two are also the only ones I'd really feel comfortable with adding to my party.

Bride and Groom are actually reversed in this situation. Bride's parents are the ones who want Bride to add her cousin.

So either I add somebody I don't really want to add (no offense to any of them), or we risk offending Bride's cousin.

I'm leaning toward keeping the current party as-is and hoping the Bride's cousin understands.

Thanks for your reply! It makes me feel better about the way I feel about the situation.

[tikifreak]

i vote C

[groomzilla]

Thanks! I agree.

[curvature]

I would explain to the person putting the pressure on, that while there are several people who you would love to include in the wedding party, it just isn't possible and you've discussed it with your fiancee and come up with the people you are going to ask.
There are other ways the cousin could be included in the wedding (maybe an usher or making a video of the event or something?) so they're not left out, but you shouldn't have to have them in the wedding party if it doesn't work for you.

[groomzilla]

Thanks :)

That sounds good to me. A few other people here suggested the same thing and I think it may be a way to go. The thing about the cousin (actually, it's the bride's cousin -- I reversed it in the example so it wouldn't be a male/female issue) is that she's not the type to want people to look at her anyway; and that while being a bridesmaid will make her feel special, I think it would also terrify her. So we'll have to figure out a way to have her intimately involved without having her have a large public presence.

Thanks for the suggestion!

[nj_forever]

So we'll have to figure out a way to have her intimately involved without having her have a large public presence.There are -tons- of other roles in the wedding that are not directly involved in being a part of the wedding party, which would probably be more suitable for the cousin's personality as you describe it

[groomzilla]

Wow thanks for the huge response! Lots of good ideas there.

You're right about actually asking THE COUSIN, since that does make a lot of sense -- because if she's not interested in the first place then why would we make such a big fuss of it? heheheh.

I think if she is interested, she'd probably want a less-public role. I happen to think that she'd make an awesome Bride's personal assistant, or like you mentioned, she'd be good at being like... the person who collects presents from guests and arranges for storage/ head usher kind of thing.

Thanks again!

[redcoog]

I'm not in this community, I'm just wandering around the friends' page of a friend of mine and thought I'd drop by with a little advice.

I agree to tell your family to shove it. =D However, that has the potential to piss a lot of other people off. In a recent wedding I was in, the bride's mother thought her two teenage cousins should've been her bridesmaids, end of story. Bride was going to go along with that, to appease her mother and family, until she finally decided it was her wedding and she needed to do what made her happiest. She decided to make them junior bridesmaids and asked 5 of her closest friends to be her bridesmaids. Perhaps you could do something similar? Perhaps this extra cousin could be an usher? That's something more involved than just being a guest like everyone else, but it doesn't disrupt the bridal party you already have.

[groomzilla]

Thanks!

Yeah somebody else suggested something similar too. It might be the way to go for us. What you said though, hit me as being even more important than what I was thinking. I was thinking that her family should just shove it with telling us who we should have in our wedding party; but then I also realized that if Bride legitimately wants (she's not sure if she is, or she's being pressured to) her cousin to be in the party then whether or not I like it or I can find somebody to equalize the sides... I shouldn't complain. After all, it's her day.

Thanks for the suggestion!

[ciri]

We are planning on honeymooning on Poipu beach.

Also, option C with explaining why you are doing it the way you are.

[groomzilla]

Ahh, Poipu beach is beautiful. Have you ever been there?

There's a new Marriott there that just opened earlier this year.

Thanks!

[ciri]

Never been to Hawai'i at all, so I'm very excited!

[groomzilla]

Ohh, you'll love it. :)

If you have any questions, just ask. I'm from there (Honolulu). I think I know enough about Kaua'i to help too, if you need it.