HELP

[roseeyedangel]

Ok ladies, a question.

How many of you had to deal with a best man who you didn’t like? Did things go wrong just as you feared or did everything turn out ok?

Comments

[moonnfreak]

just wanted to share my sister's experience. it was similar to yours but it was her then fiance's friend that she thought wasn't "best man material." she talked her fiance into choosing another friend for his best man instead. in the end they both majorly regretted that decision. he now doesn't even talk to the guy who was his best man, but still is very close with the other one.

i have no idea if your situation is similar, but just thought i'd share.

[aihoshi]

I kind of forced my FH to choose my brother. I am in the same situation you are in. My FH's "best friend" is horrible. He's only his best friend when they are separated! They play online together as their only means of communication (college friends), and even then he really pisses FH off! I don't understand it. xD But he was seriously thinking of this person as his Best Man

[roseeyedangel]

Thanks! I think I will, his friend has always been there for him while his brother won't even cover a shift for him at work if FH is sick and he has "plans".

lol and your guess is as good as mine towards Mormon family traditions, because I am so not Mormon.... I've mostly survived by just thinking of the family aspect as Catholic (which I am sure is offensive on many levels, but I was not raised in an sort of religious house so the family dynamic is strange to me.)

[velkoria]

I'm going to go against the grain here... It's your FH choice and if this is who HE wants then maybe you should back off. Yes, he's rude and from what I read... a pain in the behind but even after all this your FH thinks HE should be the guy standing next to him then let him sort it out

[kutie_kara]

I totally agree with this whole comment. If John were rude and disrespectful to you and/or the relationship, I might think you (OP) are within your rights to ask your FH to choose a different best man. In this situation, though, I don't think it is your place to tell your FH he cannot have his little brother be his best man.

I absolutely think 20 is still, in many ways, a baby, and it sounds like his behavior can be chalked up to immaturity. He was still a teenager last year; he has some growing up to do, like MANY 20-year-olds. (That's not to say all 20-year-olds are immature; I have a 22-year-old friend who acts like she's 40.) I don't think a 20-year-old's immaturity is a good enough reason to not allow your fiance to have him as a best man. Best of luck, whatever you decide!

[spaceprostitute]

I wanted to say that I agree with the two comments above me. But also add in...there's no law that says you can't have two best men (unless there's some mormon law I'm not familiar with). There's also no law that says the best man has to be the one to plan whatever it is that you feel he ought to be doing that you're worried he'll flake out on. Are there things traditionally that the best man does? Yes, but that doesn't mean it HAS to be that way (and truly, I believe that anyone who stands up for you really has no other obligation beyond standing up for you at the wedding...if they choose to do anything above and beyond that is merely icing on the cake

[blueirisheyez]

I agree with this too (except the whole acting like the typical baby of the family - I am the baby of the family and I am perfectly awesome in every way - ha ha)!

[werkelijkheid90]

I'm sorta in the same situation. FH is between two of his friends. The first guy (the one I like, the one FH considers his closest friend, and the one who acts like an adult) seemed like the one he would choose, but there's this other friend (who is not as close, is perverted, annoying, etc) who keeps pestering FH about it. 'When are you gonna choose your best man?' 'Can I be your best man?' 'Who's your best man?'. The worse part is, FH will NOT be decisive about it. Every time I bring it up I'll tell him I really think he should pick guy #1 because of x,y, and z, and he'll say that he will. But then when it comes up among the guys in question, FH will say something joking and vague like, 'You guys can duke it out' or, 'I'm gonna pick this actor/musician/whomever as my best man, sry lawl

[roseofjuly]

Ugh, I hate when people are pushy about being attendants. One of my cousins flat out asked me "Can I be your bridesmaid? I want to be in your wedding" when she was up here last summer. I love her but I don't even see her once a year!

[werkelijkheid90]

Yikes. I'm not sure I'd have what it takes to tell her no! What did you say, if you don't mind me asking?

[roseofjuly]

A lot of "ehs..." My wedding is still two years away so I didn't give her a straight answer, but I said something like I hope to include my family in my wedding but I don't want my bridal party to be too large. I'm guessing that I'll handle it when the time draws nearer. She did the same thing to my other cousin, who is getting married in May, and the poor woman's been avoiding her for a couple of weeks now.

[ordinaryfool]

Has your FH already asked his brother to be the best man? Does John even want to have that role? My husband initially asked both his brothers to be groomsmen (younger bro was best man), but while his older brother agreed to be a groomsman at first, he eventually admitted that he didn't actually want to be in the wedding. He's not quite to the extreme as you describe John, but he does have his issues. Maybe this just needs to work its course? I know my husband was a bit hurt by how it played out, since his brother didn't even tell him directly, but through their mother, but it had still been important to him to ask his older brother to be in the wedding. If you've already voiced your concerns, I'd say it's best to drop it and let your FH deal with it, unless he comes to you for advice. I know it's hard, but this might be important to him, and it is his wedding, too. Hopefully it will all work out!