What about getting married in either an Elks/VFW Club, Hotel, Meeting/convention center, a friend or family member's (large) home, plus there are lots of "off the beaten path" locations, like we have a local wildlife center that rents their meeting rooms for weddings and the grounds are beautiful.
I guess I've always imagined VFWs and similar clubs as really cheapy and mostly like a bar for old men, because that's what the one where I grew up was like... it was essentially a pole barn, which isn't what I'm going for. I should look at the area I'm in now, though.
Unfortunately no family homes are an option, though I'll look into the wildlife center idea. I've already looked into the local arboretum/botanical gardens, and they are WAY out of our price range, and have a ton of rigid rules about everything. :(
Definitely look around, ask friends where they've been to wedding in the area and inquire everywhere you see a room that might work- even restaurants can be great venues and many don't charge a rental fee if you have them provide the food.
I just want to caution you about trying to make this a "perfect" day. It seems you might have become fixated on the idea of having your wedding at the Woman's Club and I would do your best to erase that from your mind. If your FH isn't on board, it's not a real option for you as a couple. Focus on finding something that works for both of you :)
My reception is in a VFW and it's just a brick lodge type building. You can always make a backdrop to hide the walls if you don't like them but then you could do that at the woman's club too.
My ceremony is in my town's Methodist church and the whole thing, including use of a space for refreshments right after the ceremony, is free. They're even printing the programs for me. The church in the next town wanted $375 for pastor, church, cleaning fee, and basement use. I'm not a member of either one.
When I married my first husband, I was a member of that church but everything was free then too. When we renewed our vows, we did it at the UAW hall and the minister's fee was $100.
What I'm getting at is that churches don't usually charge much, if anything. I do have to agree with a comic I heard on the radio last week, though. It doesn't make any sense to stand in front of a pastor with your spouse-to-be and make promises about a religion that you don't even believe in. Your FH is being kinda silly.
Is there a way you can go together, rather than with his mom? Because it'll be a lot easier for you to agree on something if you go together, rather than finding another place you'll set your heart on, only to find he doesn't like it. Or if you can't go together, why not see if you can't find places online that you like, then run them past him before you bother going to look, and then just visiting the places that both you and he approve of online.
That being said, are there any mansions, old homes, larger B&Bs, college halls, etc. in your area? Try your local knot.com board to see what people in your area are looking at, or maybe even googling your county and "wedding venue" to see what pops up.
I initially checked it out alone (he was boycotting wedding planning at the time and is only beginning to warm up to it now). I loved it, and came back with my mom and sister and they loved it. I came back a third time with FMIL and she loved it. Then I brought FH, and he didn't. :( I thought maybe I was going about this the right way - slowly - since my therapist told me he is likely "overwhelmed" by wedding planning right now (he was dealing with unemployment and a bunch of health and insurance issues since we got engaged in Feb 2010).
Now I guess I know I had better drag him with me, but I worry we'll never go anywhere because he won't "feel like it", or doesn't see why we need to look this far in advance (at this point, we are about 18 mos out, assuming he ever helps me pick a concrete date!! ARGH!).
I've looked into TheKnot and nothing there is right or in our price range it seems, but I just Googled our county and wedding venue and got some good leads, so I guess it's just back to the drawing board!
It may very well be that he's overwhelmed. In that case, if he's still in the warming up phase, maybe you can print out a few pictures of venues that you like and just show them to him. Or, if you don't have access to a printer, just show them to him on the computer screen. Ask him to rank them from his favorite to least favorite (maybe limit his choices to 5 that you like) or something. Then go from there - even if that means you go see the actual venues by yourself.
That way he has some say, but it isn't so much that you might not even get to visit because he's dragging his feet.
Anyway, good luck - I'm sure you'll find something you both really love and where you can see yourselves getting married.
Is it possible he's still not ready to plan this wedding and using the idea that he doesn't like the venue as an excuse? Did he help choose the date or did he just agree with a date you chose?
Thanks. I'm trying to remind myself of the flaws the place had (not too many bathrooms, and all the chairs were really crummy-looking folding chairs), but I know I glossed over them because I loved everything else. When we were walking in there it also just didn't feel like THE PLACE when we were together, whereas in my head it does...
Very confusing. I know my main hurdle is getting him to be more involved. :(
Thank you, this makes sense. I showed my mother, sister (MOH), and FMIL only because I was excited and wanted to share - maybe because I felt I couldn't share with FH. I value their input on reception venue but I also don't think they'll disagree with me, and the decision is mine not theirs. I'm lucky there. The issue is entirely with FH. The part where my mom becomes an issue is with the ceremony, though, and I am dreading having to find a place that I can't have the excuse of "well we can do both here..."
Fortunately I got FH to agree we need to have a venue chosen and booked by end of summer 2011 at the latest. I think if I get him to have a heart to heart with me about how much that venue meant to me, and what each of us is looking for, maybe he'll agree to help me look (if it's online or in pictures or in person), and we'll find the right place.
Another thing to consider is a potential church annex. My fiance and I are getting married at a house that is the annex to one of our local UU churches; it's a gorgeous old stone house with a lovely garden, all set up for things like weddings and receptions.
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Unfortunately no family homes are an option, though I'll look into the wildlife center idea. I've already looked into the local arboretum/botanical gardens, and they are WAY out of our price range, and have a ton of rigid rules about everything. :(
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I just want to caution you about trying to make this a "perfect" day. It seems you might have become fixated on the idea of having your wedding at the Woman's Club and I would do your best to erase that from your mind. If your FH isn't on board, it's not a real option for you as a couple. Focus on finding something that works for both of you :)
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My ceremony is in my town's Methodist church and the whole thing, including use of a space for refreshments right after the ceremony, is free. They're even printing the programs for me. The church in the next town wanted $375 for pastor, church, cleaning fee, and basement use. I'm not a member of either one.
When I married my first husband, I was a member of that church but everything was free then too. When we renewed our vows, we did it at the UAW hall and the minister's fee was $100.
What I'm getting at is that churches don't usually charge much, if anything. I do have to agree with a comic I heard on the radio last week, though. It doesn't make any sense to stand in front of a pastor with your spouse-to-be and make promises about a religion that you don't even believe in. Your FH is being kinda silly.
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That being said, are there any mansions, old homes, larger B&Bs, college halls, etc. in your area? Try your local knot.com board to see what people in your area are looking at, or maybe even googling your county and "wedding venue" to see what pops up.
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Now I guess I know I had better drag him with me, but I worry we'll never go anywhere because he won't "feel like it", or doesn't see why we need to look this far in advance (at this point, we are about 18 mos out, assuming he ever helps me pick a concrete date!! ARGH!).
I've looked into TheKnot and nothing there is right or in our price range it seems, but I just Googled our county and wedding venue and got some good leads, so I guess it's just back to the drawing board!
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That way he has some say, but it isn't so much that you might not even get to visit because he's dragging his feet.
Anyway, good luck - I'm sure you'll find something you both really love and where you can see yourselves getting married.
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Very confusing. I know my main hurdle is getting him to be more involved. :(
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Fortunately I got FH to agree we need to have a venue chosen and booked by end of summer 2011 at the latest. I think if I get him to have a heart to heart with me about how much that venue meant to me, and what each of us is looking for, maybe he'll agree to help me look (if it's online or in pictures or in person), and we'll find the right place.
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