Invitation to the dance only?

[heddychaa]

My fiance and I are low income and as such are having a small wedding within our means of about thirty guests. As such, there are alot of people that we just have not been able to invite that we otherwise would have. My mother suggested that we invite these people to come to our wedding after dinner has been served to share in the wedding cake and

Comments

[isiss]

personally, I think this is a great idea and I would so do it if I could. I know, etiquette and stuff probably would say otherwise but if you can't afford it but still want people to come and enjoy the party then I think this would be a great alternative. And as we've previously learned (from other posts and people) this is common in other areas, just not the states.

As far as wording goes....I'm not much help there. Sorry. :-/

Good luck!

[arsefire23]

If I were doing this, I would personally ask each person (over the phone or in person) and explain the situation and ask that they come but please don't send gifts.

But. I'm sure that's not the right way to do it.

My mom told me that I could not put on my bridal shower invites (i'm not sending them, i asked her to do this and she said no) that I didnt' want people spending alot of money on gifts because of the travel costs associated with our wedding. She said people will buy you gifts anyway and you'll offend them by asking otherwise.

So I don't know the best way to do it. If it were me and I was being asked to attend after dinner, a personal phone call would be enough for me :) And i WOULD understand.

[heddychaa]

Yeah, I think being honest and phoning them might be the best policy. Most of these people are old friends of the family who we aren't terribly close with but are still affectionate to, who would just be happy to be there. As it is, mom has told me I am getting married in a small wedding, and that it's a very small guest list, and they have wanted to come to the shower and help decorate even though they know they aren't invited! I just don't know what to do!

[heddychaa]

Yes, I am Canadian. I noticed Canadian and US wedding etiquette is drastically different (we are quite divided over cash bars, it seems!)

[arsefire23]

Who is for and against? I'm doing an open bar!!!! :) Sure, it comes as part of my package, but that's what I intended to do since the beginning. Is the rest of America against it?

[heddychaa]

No, Americans seem drastically for open bars, wheras for Canadians, open bars are nice, but optional, or at least as far as I've seen on this community.

[wateringrocks]

amongst my group of swing dance friends, this is actually common. it's definitely not regional or common though. they tend to do it because they are friends with hundreds of dancers and generally can't invite them all to a ceremony and dinner. they usually have the 'real' ceremony and reception with family and close friends and the dance portion of the evening is cash bar, open invitation. i was invited but never got an invitation for any of them. generally they just spread the word and tell people to bring whoever. it's treated more like an after party if that makes any sense.

[orlacarey]

Hrmmmm...I don't think I'd do it that way. Maybe if I was inviting some very close friends who would be understanding. And then I'd explain in person to them that you are doing it this way because it's the only way you could afford to.

The reason I say this is that if people show up early (as some people do) and realize that you're having a dinner that they weren't invited to it could create hard feelings.

If it were me I'd either figure out a way to have the reception without a dinner (maybe just hor dorves?) so that everyone could come to the whole thing or not invite the extra people.

But then I'm generally timid about such things.

[heddychaa]

The dinner's already arranged with the caterers so this isn't really an option. This is sort of a last minute thing that my mother has come up with.

[heddychaa]

But yeah, I realized that if they came in and others were eating dinner that would be REALLY AWKWARD, and something I am worried about.

[orlacarey]

I feel for you. Comments above say that doing the "come for dancing and cake" thing is done in Canada so maybe you could get away with it? I'd just be careful about it.