019- [Voice post]

[wayward_sam]

[Sam has found alcohol. Alcohol + brooding =/= awesome. Well, it does, but sober!Sam doesn't think so.]

I'm still not ready to talk about....

I can't believe that I actually....

With my own hands. I... I....

He was trying to help, and I just... and then Dean... and I....

You know, this mucking fansion... this muck-... this fan-... this place is a

Comments

[ellechar]

[OK by you if aziraphale stopps by to say hidy-ho?]

[wayward_sam]

[Of course it's okay! I'll reply to your comment in a bit!]

[voice]

[cryopathic]

Regrets are something you get used to, unfortunately.

[voice]

[wayward_sam]

If you get used to it, is it still really regret?

[voice]

[cryopathic]

I'm a scientist, not a philosopher. Emotions aren't as interesting to dissect because you can't draw a diagram of them.

[voice]

[wayward_sam]

Funny; I'd think that would make emotions more interesting. They're unpredictable. It might not be a barrel of laughs that way, but it's far from boring.

[dusty_divinity]

[Though originally only intending to re-fill his beloved teapot with warm Darjeeling, Aziraphale now found himself quite conflicted. The seraph had spent the past few days largely in his room, praying and generally enjoying the sensation of not being dead. Being virtually compelled to contact Sam and offer whatever forgiveness or comfort the younger man might need, Aziraphale had had some difficulty in staying away; he knew that his immediate presence might make things worse for the boy, considering the fickle fancy of changing emotional states, and he hadn't wanted to make matters worse. Now, looking at the pitiful sight sprawled out before him, Sam the very picture of self deprecation, the angel was beginning to regret his decision, sorely

[wayward_sam]

[Saying that Sam was deep in self-loathing would have been an understatement of epic proportions. Unlike his older brother, the younger Winchester had inherited their mother's spiritual tendencies, praying nightly and clinging to the hope that there was some Greater Good that was working with them, cradling them and assisting them in their war against evil. And lo and behold, after so many years of doubt and shaken beliefs, Sam had been whisked away to a world where he encountered an angel. Not just a delusional vengeful spirit, but an actual devout, winged angel of the Lord. And what did he do?

He had murdered it

[dusty_divinity]

[Aziraphale had, on one memorable occasion, been compelled to display his wings in a particularly grandiloquent fashion after taking one too many hits of the 'green fairy', on the insistence of a certain Earthly bound demon. He had been thankful to learn, after he'd woken up drugged and hungoverish the next morning, that his little display had been mercifully dismissed by most of the passers by as a harmless hallucination, born out of too much drink, and too little sleep

[wayward_sam]

[Aziraphale's voice seemed to echo in the back of Sam's mind. Regardless, he tried to hold onto it. It was better than the other dream, the one where Aziraphale was not in fact talking, but screaming. Or maybe it had always been Sam screaming, declaring something about unity through senseless carnage or some such nonsense.]

"Fine. Then you're sleeping, too."

[He winced a bit at the idea of drinking tea. Never mind the fact that he was a coffee person, but the minimal caffeine in the beverage would have a rather unpleasant side effect.]

"It'll just sober me up. That's the last thing I need. It's better when it's just a nightmare, right? Then I don't gotta remember it actually happening. Because, y'know, what would Mom say?"

[He chuckled at the nonsensical thought, but his laughter dimmed down when he began thinking about what his mother would say if she knew he had killed one of God's messengers.]

"She'd wring my neck. Dean'd wring my neck. I guess, in a way, he did."

[Blinking through his drunkenness, Sam's red eyes gazed up at

[shewashuman]

What? Are you alright, Sam?

[wayward_sam]

I'll be okay. I just need to stop pretending that there's enough liquor in the world to make me forget everything.

[shewashuman]

Liquor doesn't exactly--Is it really that horrible?

[wayward_sam]

My brother gave up his soul to save my life. And then I went and did something that forced him to kill me. "Horrible" doesn't quite describe it.