Are you happy? It's a yes or no question.

[watercircle]

So I haven't made a post in a week. There's nothing to tell, really. I'm settling in here, you know? Trying to adjust to a life without cheese and turkey, but with plenty of fish and vending machine drinks. A life with shoes at the door and only understanding every other word. A life where eyes are always watching; where the last thing I can hope

Comments

[nighstar]

omg.... best entry by anyone ever. <3

i completely empathize. :/

[watercircle]

There are just some feelings that are universal, huh? :)

[angelpink2002]

Don't you worry, you'll get plenty of hugs from me!!!

all of the things you listed are the things I fear if I should move there. I think with people like you and me, who express themselves best through words, find it quite frustrating when communication is so difficult. But you're there and you're doing and surviving the good and the bad. You're a lot braver than most people. (myself included, I think)

*hugs* Only a month!! :)

[watercircle]

The first thing I'm going to do when I see you is hug you. So be ready for it!

Communication is death. But I get better at Japanese every day. It goes without saying, but try your darnedest to learn more once you get here. It seems like it would be second nature, but the instinct to wrap yourself up in a English-only ball is so tempting and it's not as impossible as you think, even in Japan.

I can't freaking wait to see you and travel Japan. You have no idea.

Okay, wait. I'm sure you do. A little. ;P

[heatherwhited]

People ask me that question all the time too and you're so right that there's not a simple answer. For me, I find that it changes from second to second some days, that I have to measure in long term to get a real gauge of any thing, and that even when I'm my happiest here, life is still difficult sometimes. The langauge is hard, the weather's intense, and damn, I'm making a whole new life. That's not supposed to be easy, so I try to tell myself that it's really okay to be feel frustrated and tired. I think the more important thing is that I learn from the difficulties and those bad days and take the whole thing slowly. Happiness and sadness come and go, but the knowledge I'm gaining will always be with me.
I hope you're nice and full of pumpkin pie right now!

[watercircle]

...damn, I'm making a whole new life.
Ain't that the truth! I've never thought of it that way before...

I try to tell myself that it's really okay to be feel frustrated and tired.
Exactly. I get so upset with myself sometimes. I think, "God, I'm so stupid! How could I forget to do that? How could I mess that up?" And I look at the teacher and she totally shrugs it off and then I think, "Oh, right. Being omniscient isn't part of the job description." Still, sometimes I have to work really hard not to beat myself up over the tiniest thing.

Live and learn, right? I guess it's okay as long as I don't do it again too many times. ;P

Pumpkin pie is awesome. I have no shame in saying that I ate an entire pie by myself in two days.

[heatherwhited]

Hurrah for pumpkin pie and a taste of home!! I personally went out for lunch with a friend that very day you making pie and spent three hours spilting four deserts with her and unabashedly refilling my coffee cup every time it was empty.
As for being ominiscient, you only feel like aren't because you haven't evolved that Japanese telepathy yet. All in good time though, my friend. All in good time.

[ltlos3r]

I completely understand. Okay, a small lie, I can't exactly match experiences and feelings completely together, but its a rough translation. Oh, bad cheesy filled cliche pun. Well I bet you'll laugh anyway. Seriously though, as a aspiring translator, I come across these kinds of feelings all the time. Like today, for my Spanish Honor Society I had to go down to the Salvation Army and hand out turkeys to people in need. Guess what my job was? The talking part. I had to talk to every person who came up with a card that allows them to get a thanksgiving meal, check the card to make sure the date was right, and then direct them to pick up spot. I did the most talking. Thankfully there weren't many Spanish people, but there were still some, and even though I felt overwhelmed when they saw my Spanish Honor Society shirt and blasted through a paragraph without a breath, I still managed fine, surprisingly. I'm also afraid most of the time, to try to converse with someone, with the obvious fear of making a mistake, that's what's been holding

[watercircle]

Wow! What a pressing job! You must've been really tired afterwards! But I'm sure you helped out a lot of people too. Good for you!

Oh dear God was I ever frightened to talk to anybody Japanese. Thank God my language partner struck up a conversation with me or else we'd never have become friends. lol. But, really, you can't be afraid of making mistakes. Trust me, I make an idiot out of myself on a daily basis. Just today I discovered that I've been using the ultra-smug form of a verb that makes me sound like a pretentious bitch since I arrived in Japan. And I had no idea. But, live and learn and make lots of mistakes and learn from those and then make the same mistake again and

[anonymous]

Rollercoaster is the perfect way to describe it. It's *exactly* how I felt. So many ups and downs. I'd have these horrible days but the thing is there was always something amazing waiting right around the corner. It can be really tough and I found the rollercoaster effect to be a bit draining. There were days I just wanted to go to the grocery store and not have anyone stare at me, you know?

Hang in there. The rollercoaster thing never went away for me but, like you said, rollercoasters are fun too :)

Love, Sarah

p.s. Sorry I haven't been checking in to your blog more often. It's hard for me to read sometimes. I miss Sakawa so much. I think I'm a lot more happy here surrounded by friends and blending into the background. I no longer have the same lows that I did in Japan. But, on the flipside, there aren't as many highs either.