loyalty n ( Read more... )

I am ever the fool. Beating myself up for everything, whether I have reason to or not. Living in the silence of my own mind, which really, is never silent ( Read more... )

God, I so fucking hate life right now. Yeah, I should be pretty up, with new job prospects on the horizon, but I really don't give a rat's fuck right now. I'm so nervous and worried about this and it all just sits there, flat, and empty. Just another thing I have nothing to show for. Something else I can screw up and it'll disappear ( Read more... )

While thinking about the job thing, I started thinking also about an old friend. Theoretically, my best friend in and around the high school years. Theoretical, because we technically never hung out together. Went to different schools, but worked at the Y together. She'd do the early lifeguard shift, then we had classes we taught together, and ( Read more... )

Situation unexpected: So, first day of my new job went something like this...Paperwork and general overview for fist two hours, then to lunch, then wisked off to a client's right away. They'd just called in with a desperate need that the new employer figured I filled just perfectly, and since both Boss and Supervisor would be out for the ( Read more... )

So, in effect, it all comes down to this. We're all searching ...for some one (or even some thing) that accepts us fully and then completes us, and yet also provides that spark that excites as well. And yet, all too often that search is frought with the frustration of not being quite enough, of falling unendingly short. But, do we really ( Read more... )

Slowly I sink, only to drift back upwards again. With regret I can look back (but with encouragement, forwards), because I all too often force myself to look within. Few will ever know the pain of devastating another, by in turn allowing oneself to be devastated. Allowed to be, as the easy answer is to lower oneself to their level, suggesting ( Read more... )

I think it involved Roman gladiators, or maybe the macho of the world. I'm sure if some random pouncing hadn't resulted in a 4 (ack) hour conversation till way into the morning, I would remember it clearly.

A storm just whipped through, both figuratively and emotionally. I got lightheaded and sick to my stomach from the heat that was building, the opressive hang of the damp, soggy air. I realed inside as the clouds built up and crowded out the light. The thunderous exaltations were just echoes of the crashing within my own head as I vented like the ( Read more... )

Session Start (:Jay): Wed Aug 03 17:31:25 2005 ( Read more... )