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Please... wanton_bliss October 26 2006, 13:33:16 UTC
I've got him covered.

... )

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velocityboy October 26 2006, 13:30:11 UTC
Yay! The mystery is solved!

All your weird red blotchies that have been appearing here & there & everywhere could really be an allergic reaction to something in your jizz. I dated a guy once whose throat would close up even from pre-cum, and his body would get similar red blotches from semen contact. Personally, I wonder if it's some kind of mineral/chemical you might be secreting (if pineapples can make baby batter sweeter and smoking pot can make it bitter, it obviously can be altered by diet and environment...)

If this has not happened before, something you ate or inhaled is my guess for the instigating factor. That, or you have deadly sperm.

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wanton_bliss October 26 2006, 13:39:30 UTC
I can understand and (I suppose) accept others having an allergic reaction, but being allergic to your own semen? That seems so absurdly wrong. I saw Aliens vs. Predator; Nature is supposed to make me immune so I can use it against others with impunity.

I do however accept the "it's something I ate" argument; I've had too many experiences with asparagus not to. The question now is how to determine the culprit...

I fear any rigorous scientific investigation will bear an uncanny resemblance to bukkake.

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velocityboy October 26 2006, 13:59:10 UTC
As much fun as it would be for you to test every food & food combo (assuming it's food, and not a fume of some kind or mineral deposits from your water) and the ensuing geysers of goo with possible caustic abilities, if this is a rare thing, I'm guessing it'd be something that affected your testes within 24 hours... narrowing your spectrum to things unusual to that day's consumption.

Nature, incidentally, contrary to what documentaries you wish to cite, is a twisted bitch. Why not make a sexually healthy and enthusiastic young man allergic to his own procreative fluids? It's cruel & ironic.

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wanton_bliss October 26 2006, 14:14:48 UTC
I'm guessing it'd be something that affected your testes within 24 hours

Unfortunately, the photo dates to yesterday morning's masturbation, meaning the item at issue was somewhere in the range of 48 hours ago, which I can hardly remember owing to the alcohol consumption.

Although, based on the table refuse alone, it could have been some combination of Rold Gold Honey Wheat Twists, microwaved Triscuits and Cheese, or a horrid mixture of Stoli Vanil, Cherry Pucker, Peppermint Schnapps, and Grenadine.

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thesadpunk October 26 2006, 14:05:47 UTC
Somehow I doubt this will elicit an empathetic understanding for the lack of oral sex.

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Chug, chug, chug wanton_bliss October 26 2006, 14:08:08 UTC
If my semen has never burnt my own throat, I'm sure yours will be fine.

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Suck it up thesadpunk October 26 2006, 14:11:15 UTC
Like I was saying...

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wanton_bliss October 26 2006, 14:16:43 UTC
Besides, the semen is only during the last five seconds. What about the other four minutes?

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jimbojones October 26 2006, 15:12:06 UTC
Congratulations, you are the first person in the history of ever to give HIMSELF cooties...

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wanton_bliss October 26 2006, 15:28:22 UTC
Considering how many times I've had sex (with myself), I suppose it was only a matter of time.

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starstattootoo October 26 2006, 15:51:03 UTC
I actually get this, too. I get mildly sore, very itchy skin when my semen is on it more than a minute or two. I basically jack off before taking a shower now.

And if I don't pee sometime soon after masturbating, my urethra often gets irritated, too.

If your spooge irritates other people, too, and you tend to ejaculate a considerable distance, I believe there is a boarding school in upstate New York, run by some guy named Charles Xavier, that would love to have you.

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wanton_bliss October 27 2006, 05:34:48 UTC
Leave it to the Internet to prove that no one is special.

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