Comments | vrimj: Introverts and Manners

vrimj

Introverts and Manners

May 22, 2009 15:05

Social Anxiety seems to be a popular problem these days. I am not so disturbed by strangers that I require a diagnosis or medication, but I am not fond of having to deal with people I don't know well in person (or over the phone) and the more personal the reason I must deal with a person I don't know well the less happy I am. This has actually ( Read more... )

Comments 4

miintikwa May 22 2009, 21:07:22 UTC

Agreed.

kwanboa May 22 2009, 22:21:34 UTC

You still don't look people in the eye when you speak to them, you know. You'll flash the eye contact and then stare at their cheek or their ear. I've just come to accept it as the shyness that is Melissa.

The Internet has bred social anxiety in the developed world, plain and simple...that's why it has increased in my generation, to an extent the one before, and the ones that have come afterwards.

tevarin May 23 2009, 02:14:30 UTC

I would also agree that having simple, explicit rules for interaction can be very helpful for us introverts. I'm much more comfortable at a formal panel discussion than at a cocktail party.

tyrianmollusk May 26 2009, 15:05:16 UTC

So, you said you fear giving people information and you fear people reacting to information you give them. You could address that fear by expecting people to be adults and seeking good ways to convey and receive information, or you could subscribe to a system that replaces being an adult with a system that lets you pretend you don't need to be afraid. The problem with such a system is that it makes the fear and the difficulty *more* real and drives a wedge between you and the you that you show to people. Placing "manners" over people harms people, as it harms communication. If you think executing those rules makes you more pleasant and safer, you are incorrect. It's *after* you relax on those rules that you become pleasant and interesting.

There's nothing wrong with being scared, and good people will allow you space for that if you let them. Acting despite fears, you will see that the fear of not knowing what you are supposed to do is exactly what makes it hard to just do what you *would* do. Your fear created the idea that ( ... )