Although time seems to move so slowly, the recent months have sped by, completely out of my control. And this scares me to no end. I'm terrified of what/where/who I'll be this time next year. I crave stability in my life, but I also wish for craziness, spontaneity, impulsiveness. I'm dying to hear a few particular words from one particular person. I've become someone not entirely unlikeable, in fact rather social, but at the same time so misleading. It's just a teenager's life - the search for who I am, the curiosity of who I will be. It's everywhere, but I feel it so sharply just the same. All I can do is try my best and wait it out. Patience is a virtue, and the best one at that.
"the years have been short but the days were long"
anonymous
January 14 2006, 21:16:20 UTC
I haven't been relying on patience to bring about the things I want in life. I crave stability too, which is a driving force, in my opinion, to many relationships. The feeling of having a foundation under your feet to walk along..but sometimes, you want to run around possibly off of that foundation and explore. Thus you have a burden, fortunately one you are not carrying on your own. Perhaps look for the stability in the things you truly can depend on whether it be friends, a song, a place, or if you choose, a significant other. If not, you can run around as well and feel somewhat lost. Remind yourself though, that there is stability in constant uncertainty. Constant excitement and novelty, if you can incorporate both of them into your life. I've been running around, have tried to settle down, and I like the uncertainty better. I guess try it out, and using your affection for uncertainty as a guiding light, don't be afraid to venture into the dark of your future.
Ah the dilemmas of the teenage years. My favorite, why does it matter? What am I doing here? I know damn well that I won't use half of what I am learning in High School. And worse I know there is nothing I can do about it. If I had any guts, I would drop out and educate myself at the library, good will hunting style. But I don't, and so I am stuck here, wasting away. All I can say, is thank g-d for music.
i hate how some people can't be trusted. that really pisses me off. i've been hanging out with some random people lately and they all seem kinda two-faced and it's strange to think about what they might be saying about me behind your my. i don't know, i wish everyone could be a little bit more trustworthy. i'm probably just as bad...
i wanna make babies then give my gf an abortion with a coat hanger... just kidding.
i'm going to go ahead and assume that's about me, atleast to some degree. just because i am mean does not mean that i am two faced. i'm pretty clear and straight forward with people regarding my opinions of them.
Everything's piling up so much lately -- there seems to be a never-ending demand for work, relationships, money, everything. There are lists of things to do always, the pressure never goes away. And because I basically lost my winter break to the flu, I really haven't felt like I've had much of a break. So I think I've just about given up on homework. I don't know, my heart's telling me to work more on relationships with people in my life, and that's what'll actually matter later on. I mean, grades matter and all, but without any effort I still get high B's and low A's, and as far as I'm concerned, that'll carry me far enough in life. And I know if I neglect the relationships with people I have now -- especially a few that I may not have a chance to build on in the near future if I don't build them enough now -- I'll end up regretting it more than a not-so-great European History grade.
I wish to run away and live the wallpaper life of a thousand and one hotels in a thousand and one lives and forget conestoga, because conestoga is a boring boring place where people are black and white.
i have a disorder of my own creation, and i can barely live with it.
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I haven't been relying on patience to bring about the things I want in life. I crave stability too, which is a driving force, in my opinion, to many relationships. The feeling of having a foundation under your feet to walk along..but sometimes, you want to run around possibly off of that foundation and explore. Thus you have a burden, fortunately one you are not carrying on your own. Perhaps look for the stability in the things you truly can depend on whether it be friends, a song, a place, or if you choose, a significant other. If not, you can run around as well and feel somewhat lost.
Remind yourself though, that there is stability in constant uncertainty.
Constant excitement and novelty, if you can incorporate both of them into your life. I've been running around, have tried to settle down, and I like the uncertainty better. I guess try it out, and using your affection for uncertainty as a guiding light, don't be afraid to venture into the dark of your future.
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i hate how some people can't be trusted. that really pisses me off. i've been hanging out with some random people lately and they all seem kinda two-faced and it's strange to think about what they might be saying about me behind your my. i don't know, i wish everyone could be a little bit more trustworthy. i'm probably just as bad...
i wanna make babies then give my gf an abortion with a coat hanger... just kidding.
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i'm going to go ahead and assume that's about me, atleast to some degree.
just because i am mean does not mean that i am two faced. i'm pretty clear and straight forward with people regarding my opinions of them.
have a nice day.
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Wow. That actually helped.
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i have a disorder of my own creation, and i can barely live with it.
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