Barely Breathing - Chapter 28
Chapter 28 - Watched the Ashes Climb
JULY 15th, 2009 Vienna, Austria: 11:20 AM
My fifth day in Austria has been spent side stepping the attention of everyone in the group. Trying not to bring focus to Ville and myself. And if my behavior had been weird, Ville was acting just as much, if not more conspicuous.
He had been just as careful as myself in the last thirty-six hours to avoid anything that remotely resembled breaching personal boundaries. This included a long list of things we did everyday without incident. Holding hands, sitting together, using the other as a cushion, whispered conversation, hell any one-on-one conversation. Most noticeably his absent-minded touches, the things I had only started to notice but still craved: kisses on the forehead, steering me with his hand on the small of my back, carrying me around places. The things that made me weak at the knees. At this point it was as good as ignoring each other for all the polite acknowledgement we had given each other.
The big thing was, I didn’t completely understand why we were both ignoring each other. Maybe he was reacting to my hurt feelings. Giving me space to get over the other day at the catacombs. I had shown a need to be left alone when I was upset. I on the other hand was just awkward at this point. Sure I had kept some distance between us at first, but after he had continued to keep his space I didn’t know what exactly I could do to get back to normal. It didn’t help that he had been stuck inside his head most of the last two days.
There had been so many emotions playing on his face that day in the cathedral while his thoughts had been in space. I could hardly sort through them even as I tried to replay it in my head. At some point before we had gone down stairs he had reached some sort of conclusion. It had been extreme and I just wasn't privy to it.
Right now we all sat finishing up a nice brunch, well what would have been a nice brunch if Ville and I weren't on edge. A simple "please pass the sugar" turned into fumbling over who would pass the stupid container, trying not to make contact. No matter how delicious our meal had been I was glad to be leaving for the hotel soon.
“Olivia, did you hear what I asked?” Missy hand settled on my shoulder gently to shake me out of my reprieve.
Blinking rapidly I turned to her, smiling sheepishly. “Huh, um sorry I wasn’t paying attention. What did you ask?”
“It’s okay, did you want to go shopping or something before we went back to the hotel? The boys were just going to head back and play video games.” Leave it to my cousin to be so sweet like I wasn’t being incredibly dense recently.
“I was kind of looking forward to just sitting and reading, but if you want to go shopping I don’t mind.” I gave her my most sincere smile.
Her face lit up brilliantly as she saw me caving. “Can’t back out on my now, Olive. Hun, we’re going to shop see you back at the hotel.”
Looking up from his conversation with the guys he gave her a look. “Please don’t bankrupt me.”
“I only do it in the name of keep Olivia happy.” Missy chirped as she grabbed her things.
Bam raised his eyebrow which caused me to giggle as Missy dragged me from the restaurant. “Don’t use her as an excuse.”
Missy dismissed the comment with a wave of her hand as we exited onto the street. She really didn’t need an excuse to shop.
It wasn’t a surprise that within twenty minutes of exploring the shops she found a place that I fell in love with. And that was all it took for us to come back to the suite four hours later with nearly twelve hundred dollars worth of stuff between us. I was glad it wasn’t my money because I could never afford this kind of spending on my own.
I took my things so I could deposit it in my own room and she took her things directly into the suite. While I was there I grabbed the bag with my laptop and art supplies so I could keep myself occupied. If things were still bad between Ville and I, which I was assuming, I would need something to do.
No one seemed to take much notice to me entering the room. They were all absorbed in some zombie video game I couldn’t remember the name of. Missy had slipped into a seat next to Bam on the couch, leaning against him while she read a magazine. My gaze lingered on them for a moment before I headed to the window seat across from the couch.
I wanted to lean against Ville working on my sketches. Not against this cold, hard wall. Not even the sunlight filtering through window was helping the chill going up my back.
He was on the opposite end of the room huddled in a corner scribbling away in his notebook. Completely ignoring everybody else around him. It was probably a good thing he was ignoring everyone I didn’t want him seeing me stare. And that was the exact moment he decided to look up and meet my eyes.
Ripping my eyes away from him I stared down at the barely started figure laying across my lap. My chest began to tighten as I my eyes clouded. Trying to take in more air I shuddered. I needed out of here. Away from everyone especially him. I loved him, but I couldn’t handle those eyes right now.
Without looking up I snapped my sketchbook closed and grabbed my bag. I didn’t care if anyone thought my sudden exit was weird. All I could think about was getting away and finding space for myself. I practically sprinted down the hall as I got the door closed behind me. My hand shook as I tried to get my key in the lock and the tears started to fall. Leaning against the door I took in trembling breathes and tried to calm myself down. All I needed was to get into my room and I’d been fine.
Finally the door opened as I got my shivering under control. Closing it behind me I slid down the polished wood surface. By myself. Away.
Ville’s POV
I had fallen in love with a teenager; a barely legal teenager. And I couldn’t find it in myself to feel like a dirty old man. Sure, I felt like an asshole for Bam’s sake and knew it wasn't appropriate in many ways. But, for all that I couldn’t find it in my heart to feel bad about my actual feelings.
I found my eyes drawn to her stationary figure again. Her curls fell loosely about her shoulders as she sat across the room from me. Sunlight streaked through the window playing off the cherry toned locks. Tricking the eye into thinking her dark brunette hair was really a deep red. Just like her solemn nature today made her look years older than she truly was. I wanted to fix it. Make her smile like usual or even yell at me. Her features were best when animated.
Her mind was obviously lost in thought; whatever she had been working on in her sketchbook was forgotten. She simply sat there. So quite, the silence seemed to echo around the room, magnified by the loud rambunctiousness of the crew. The focus of her gaze was a mystery, her eyes seemed to stare intently out the window ignoring everything in the room around her.
No one had attempted to rip her from her thought since the girls had made their separate entrances into the room. And I doubted it would cross their minds anytime soon. Of course, this also meant no one had really attempted to draw me from my corner either. The lyrics on the page in front of me were messily written and messily throughout. Everything in my head was just thrown on the page.
“Are you and the corner making good friends?” Snapping my head up I eyed the bassist slowly. I hadn’t heard his approach over the other noise.
Running my hand through my curls I exhaled slowly. “Yeah, we’re just peachy over here.”
“I figured as much from the mess on that page.” Mige watched as I managed to scratch out another half page worth of lyrics.
I grimaced at the page lying defenseless under my hands. “There is just a lot on my mind.”
“Anything in particular?” Mige’s mouth curled into a knowing smile.
With a note of finality in my voice I glared at him. “No.”
“Sure. Whatever you say man.” Shaking his head to himself Mige walked away to the couch to join the video game.
Even he could see it, hopefully not everything but enough. She was just so refreshing. For lack of any better reasoning, she had brought me from the dark place I had buried myself in. Those years of drinking to hide from life, then the time where my work was everything. Now she was drawing me back out, only to be another unobtainable dream. Or at least a far off one.
My eyes turned to her again. Her face was on me, but she quickly turned her eyes away. Focusing instead on the sketch in her lap. As she stared down at it something about her body language changed. Grabbing her bag and sketchpad she quickly left the room. No one besides Missy, Mige, and myself even noticed as she fled the room. The nagging thought that Dunn should have seen this after his two week fit popped into my brain before I came back to my senses.
Getting up from my seat I picked up my things and started toward the door. Mige gave me a knowing look which I pointedly ignored. It was ridiculous that I was being so obvious. But, it was hard to turn off my emotions.
“Where are you going, Ville?” I glanced up at Missy who sat on the arm of the couch watching the boys play their game.
Smiling slyly I shrugged before setting my hand on the door handle. “Its too hard to think with all the sound from the video game. I figured I’d walk around to clear my head and maybe go back to my room work on some stuff.”
A look of understanding dawned as she realized what I meant. Nodding slowly she gave me a small smile back. “Okay, good luck.”
“Thanks, I’ll need it,” I half groaned as I pulled the door open.
The noise drew fleeting attention to the door, but not for long. The guys mumbled out a few broken goodbyes and continued to keep their eyes fixed on the screen. Shaking my head I shut the door firmly behind me and headed in the opposite direction of my room. Towards the door that a very upset young woman currently hid behind.
I didn’t even bother to knock as I tried the door handle, which was locked. Sighing lightly I raised my fist and tapped lightly on the door.
“I’m fine Missy. I told you I felt like reading earlier.” Her soft voice barely reached through the thick wood of the door.
“I’m not Missy.”
There was a pause on the other side for a moment before I heard her soft footsteps padding across the carpet. Her face peeked out from the doorway, silently examining me as I adjusted my weight nervously. Slowly she opened the door to let me in.
Her eyes were slightly bloodshot, which could only mean she had been crying. “Ville, what are you doing here?”
I shrugged as I walked through her door, dropping my things on the front table. “I think we need to talk.”
“About the other day?” Her voice was still quite as she shut the door behind me and came to stand a few feet away from me.
Her eyes were turned to the floor avoiding mine. It made me feel like a giant compared to her tiny stature. Closing some of the space between us I gently lifted her head with an outstretched hand. “Not exactly, more about ignoring each other for days.”
She turned her head away, but didn’t remove it from my grip. “We weren’t ignoring each other.”
“No, we were just avoiding each other with extreme effort.” I made sure sarcasm coated my words.
Groaning lightly she pouted her lips and gave me an exasperated look. “Okay, we were ignoring each other. “
“What I want to know is why.” Releasing her chin I crossed my arms over my chest.
She began toying with her lower lip. I watched fascinated as her lips grew flushed. “I don’t know.”
“That’s great,” I slumped onto her bed in frustration, “because I don’t know either.”
Olivia didn’t say anything for a few moment as she just watched me. I had never seen her so at a loss for words. Letting out another long breathe I patted the spot beside me. “There has to be a problem if we were both ignoring each other. It wasn’t for no apparent reason.”
Timidly she sank into dent in the bedsheets beside me. “The church, it was when we went to the catacombs.”
“It was when I let go of your hand, wasn’t it?” She adverted her gaze again, of course it was all my fault. I had seen that look on her face when I let go. “Darling, I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts that day. I’m sorry I let go.”
“No there was more going on. You wouldn’t look at me the rest of the night.” There was a desperate edge to her voice that hadn’t been there before.
Scooting closer to her I set my arm around her, pulling her into my side. She instantly leaned into me. “I could say the same thing about you ignoring me a week ago. There was just a lot on my mind. And believe it or not I started to feel the weight of Dunn’s disapproval.”
Her head came off my shoulder to give me a look. Both accepting and annoyed with my noncommittal answer. The corners of her lips turned up slightly as she spoke.“I understand. I didn’t know how to talk to you after that. And, eventually it just seemed like to long had passed and I lost my nerve to bring it up.”
“It was the same with me. I wasn’t ignoring you, there was so much awkward tension that I had unintentionally caused that I guess neither of us knew how to break it.” The confession was an uncomfortable one to make, but it was the truth.
Neither one of us said anything for a moment as we both sat absorbing the mistakes we had both obviously made trying to deal with our own problems. As the minutes ticked by she shifted closer to me bringing her arms around me. I started to rub her arm, which were always cold, and pressed my lips to the top of her head. Not caring about whatever implications it had, she needed the reassurance and so did I.
“I’m glad you finally did. I missed you so much.” She took in a big breathe of air, it gave me the distinct impression that she was taking in my scent.
Chuckling softly I pulled her into a long overdue hug. “Miss isn’t the right word, longed for would be better.”
She wrapped her slim arms around me and squeezed tight. “All I wanted to do today was sit with you and sketch. We didn’t even need to talk. Finland would have been a let down if we still weren’t speaking.”
“Trust me, darling. You’ll love Finland.” She smiled up at me with so much shining adoration that I couldn’t understand why I had questioned my feeling for her ever. This young woman was everything beautiful about life that I had needed to find again.
A/N: This chapter took way too long to finish. I’ve had more than half written since the last chapter came out, but there were many recent events that put everything on hold. Beside my own personal move out of state for school which has surprising zapped me of free time over the last couple of months. We recently lost one of Jackass family.
Ryan Dunn was my favorite of Bam’s crew. That’s why I chose him to be Ville’s romantic rival. The news shocked me so much that I felt extremely uncomfortable writing him in the light I have for this story so far. Then I remembered that I’m not doing it maliciously or in bad taste so I will be continuing the story as planned. I hope everyone will take the story line in stride in the future.
On a side note, if Barely Breathing hits any two of these goals: 900 readers, 200 subscribers, and/or 200 comments, I will release a special update surprise at the beginning of September. And on a sadder note, I have been looking at my older chapters and have becoming extremely unsatisfied with them. I want to reedit and clean them up so they run with the story smoother. For this I needed an experienced and dedicated Beta. If you are interested please leave me a message. <3 Love Victorian Rose
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