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“People always talk about how hard it can be to remember things - where they left their keys, or the name of an acquaintance - but no one ever talks about how much effort we put into forgetting. I am exhausted from the effort to forget... There are things that have to be forgotten if you want to go on living.”
― Stephen Carpenter, Killer -
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I finally got an appointment with Rape Crisis today. Nearly 2.5 years since the rape, maybe it's time to stop avoiding talking about it. -
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I don't check LJ very often these days, but lately I've been actively avoiding it. When the rape happened I made a concerted effort to not remember the date. I didn't want it to become yet another awful anniversary every year. But now I know that it's coming up to 12 months and I need to know. But I'm scared to know.
I've been increasingly filled ( Read more... ) -
Trigger warning.
My stupid vulva has torn again. No stimulation at all, it just tore ( Read more... ) -
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I freaked out yesterday. I had a back massage, and she was doing some really deep work on a series of big knots. It was painful, but nothing I couldn't cope with. I thought I should tell her it was painful, not necessarily so she would stop, just so she was aware. But I couldn't speak. I was lying there, trying, but nothing would come out of my ( Read more... ) -
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I've got through a few more days. I think this is how it will be for a while, so got to keep getting through them ( Read more... ) -
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It won't go away, it's all I can think about. Again. Well that, and dying ( Read more... ) -
Torn Fourchette
Cross-posted to the vaginapagina community...
Cut for potentially triggering talk of rape (I have never done a LJ cut before, so I really hope this works...).
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He's haunting me again. Thoughts, dreams, fears ( Read more... ) -
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It's been a while ( Read more... )