(04/04)
i ii iii iv
The term or the phrase “knock on wood” carries a lot of meanings.
For one, it can mean what it’s literally supposed to mean: to knock on wood. Knuckles meeting wood. Something quite simple as that.
But it also has another meaning. It is an action one does when they don't want what has just been said to happen. Like whenever Lu Han had exclaimed "I want to die!" with all the zest in the world when he was a kid, his mother always admonished him, told him to "knock on wood", and proceeded to give him anything he wanted, to placate him and his feels on how unfair the world is.
Turns out, Kris has the tongue of an angel, speaking nothing but the truth. All Lu Han has is the face of an angel.
So on the first particularly sunshiny Monday of April, Lu Han mourns as he snuggles into Baekhyun's bed.
"I want to die!"
"Come on, sweetheart, you don't mean that. Where's the letter he left you? I distinctly remember you mentioning a letter over the phone," Baekhyun fusses, making sure Lu Han is comfortable on his bed. Lu Han hands him a piece of paper that already looks worn, the folded lines near tearing at the amount of times it has been folded and unfolded, a corner already dog-eared. Baekhyun sits next to Lu Han's despairing form, and starts reading.
"Dear Lu Han, I guess you must be awake now since you are reading this. I know it's a real dick move to leave you after watching Mulan, your favourite film, and to leave without even saying goodbye."
Baekhyun looks up at Lu Han, who is sniffling around the huge Bambi plush he brought with him when he came over ("Sehun left it on the bed with the letter taped on the antler," Lu Han had hiccuped). "Are you serious? He watched it with you?" Lu Han nods. Baekhyun sighs.
"I'm sure you must be crying, and I'm sorry. The last thing I want to do is make you cry and hurt you. But I have things to settle: both in the business and in my personal life that you are gradually taking over. I'm just so confused. It's like all these years, I've only wanted to leave, to be inconsistent, to be free. All I wanted was to be happy. But I had responsibilities, and obligations to fulfil. Coming back to Italy was never my choice. My father managed to track me down, and threatened to freeze all of my accounts if I don't go back to the base company in Naples."
"So it's all about the money?" Baekhyun gasps incredulously. Lu Han cries some more before mumbling out, "Keep reading."
"I went back to Italy against my will, but I stayed because I wanted to. I decided on that the moment I saw this adorable boy picking up fallen baguettes on the ground. I decided on it when three weeks after I saw him again, and turns out he's a friend of my best friend. I decided on it the moment I saw him at the New Years party, standing there looking out of place, but totally breathtaking. Did you know I went along with Krystal's Jealousy Plan because I wanted to catch his eye as well?
"I have also decided on it long ago, the moment Kris mentioned that you were looking for a place to live in. Yes, that person is you. I had propositioned my place for you in a heartbeat, and it was just my luck that you agreed. I've never accepted a single payment of rent from you. I know, you give me money and I take it. But check your vegetable crisper, way behind the broccoli and the brussel sprouts you hate so much, three months worth of rent is there. Probably my compensation for all the chocolate milk I stole from you, the food I hijack from you whenever you cook, the times I just barge in your flat like devil-may-care."
"Was the money really there?" Baekhyun asks softly. Lu Han nods again, fresh tears rolling down the apples of his cheeks.
"But the thing is, I think I may have sort of liked you from the start. And those feelings for you snowballed into this supermassive ball of feels that consume me from the inside out, and I'm scared of what I may do to you because of these feelings. I'm horribly afraid of not meeting your expectations, of being the worst boyfriend for you. I'm scared of doing something that will make you hate me (but here I am running away from you, oh the irony).
"I used my father's passing away as an excuse to leave Italy for a while, to leave you, because I wanted to find out for myself what I really feel. And wow, I feel a lot. I don't know how you do it. Making me want you in this whole other worldly degree, to the point that I'm willing to ground myself to a place where you are there. Making me come back and stay because I think I already love you."
"Oh my god, sweetheart," Baekhyun whispers, his eyes still rereading the line from the letter. Lu Han hugs the plush tighter to his chest.
"But, look. I'm gone again. I know. Dishonour on me. Dishonour on my family. Dishonour on my cow. I have dishonoured you and your trust for me, and I'm deeply, irrevocably sorry. I just need some time to think, to get my shit together. It's been so long that I've wanted something like this, to settle down and just be with somebody. I'm trying to figure things out.
"I'll be back before you know it."
Baekhyun folds up the letter, and places it on his bedside table. He looks at Lu Han's curled up position on his bed, and sighs. Lu Han has always been a crybaby. But Crying Lu Han is not the best sight to see. It makes Baekhyun want to cry too. And he does.
"Sweetheart, sweetheart please stop crying," Baekhyun says, tears bubbling up his eyes, "He said he'll come back, right? Come on, it's ok!"
"What if he never comes back?" Lu Han sniffles. "It's all my fault for being such a prude!"
"Sweetheart, stop blaming yourself." Baekhyun wipes away Lu Han's tears away with the pads of his thumbs, "And there is nothing wrong with being conservative, and waiting for the perfect time and person."
"But what if he wanted it? What if I can't give it to him? I don't want to lose him, Baekhyun, I honestly really love him."
"I don't think Sehun is the type that would like a person only because of that one thing. and didn't he just say in the letter that he loves you? Just give him some space, Lu Han. Good things come to those who wait, remember?"
Lu Han nods in acquiescence, and snuggles into Baekhyun's embrace. While Baekhyun cards through Lu Han's unbrushed curls, Kris comes out of the bathroom with shaving cream smeared around his mouth and on his cheeks. It's horribly familiar, and it brings bitter tears to Lu Han's eyes.
"You reckon I should grow a moustache?" Kris asks, turning his head this way and that, showcasing his foam beard, "Do you think I should grow one?"
"Oh, darling," Baekhyun coos at him, still carding his fingers through Lu Han's hair, "of course not! Wouldn't want you to look like a pringle, would we?"
"Why don't you grow tact instead, you dingbat," Lu Han retorts bitterly, throwing the Bambi plush at Kris before continuing his task of measuring the absorption rate of Baekhyun's polyester shirt.
☯
On the third day of Where Did Sehun Go Am I Doing Something Wrong pity party, Yixing comes over.
That is, he rang the buzzer one too fucking many times at rapid intervals it just seemed like this long monotonous, not to mention unrelenting, squeal. So Lu Han, who was currently drowning in layers of duvets, had to swim out and crawl his way to the door and let him in.
Wind had caught straight and fast, and Yixing had brought it upon himself to restore Lu Han back to his normally perky self. So, against Lu Han's will, Lu Han is dragged out of his flat with a suitcase filled with clothes good for four days, and his phone clenched tightly in Yixing's grasp.
"I will take you to Basilicata, and we will have fun!" Yixing states with too much enthusiasm, herding Lu Han into the passenger's seat of his Volvo. We can eat, and talk about boys over a good film, maybe Mean Girls, and we can make you over!"
"Is this supposed to be a sleepover?" Lu Han asks, laughing for the first time in a long while. He pulls on his seatbelt, and clicks it in place, "Who put you up to this?"
"Baekhyun," Yixing chirps, not even bothering to seem like he did this upon his own impulse, "Jongin will be joining us, which will make it extra fun!"
"I really don't think I want be the person that will participate in a threesome with you and Jongin," Lu Han gulps, "You ought to find someone else for this. I think Chen will be up for it."
"Oh Xiao Lu," Yixing gushes, the new nickname rolling off his tongue like honey. He reaches over and gives him a light, affectionate tap on his thigh, dangerously close to his crotch, "I wouldn't want your package even if you offered. You are Mr. Oh Sehun and, believe it or not, I'm a serial monogamist. So this weekend with me will be strictly PG."
"I thought we were going to keep it PG!" Lu Han shrieks as he ducks behind the couch. It's only been his second day there, and Yixing is already under the impression that they are in that stage of friendship where it is perfectly fine to offer to hot wax Lu Han.
Lu Han thinks that, no, even if were friends for eight years he'd never let Yixing wax him.
"We are going to keep it PG! But when your boy toy comes out of hiding, what the both of you'd be doing on the day of the Grand Reunion would be anything but PG, I tell you that. Now, come-here!" Yixing vaults himself, and throws his body on top of Lu Han's fast-crawling form.
"Stop it!" Lu Han squawks, slapping Yixing's hand away from his now bare legs. Yixing has managed to strip him of his clothes, leaving him with only a cute white robe with sunflowers printed on them to keep his dignity intact. Yixing was a hospitable host, yes, inviting him to his comfortable pad and feeding him and watching French films ("Chinese subtitles, dear God," Yixing had sighed in relief) with him. Yixing had helped him brighten up into this semi-bright ray of sunshine in just a day, and Lu Han was thankful for it. But a hot waxing was just too much.
"I am not letting you anywhere near my legs," Lu Han warns, tucking aforementioned limbs underneath him before scooting into the edge of the white ceramic bathtub. "And why do I even need a waxing I'm a man!"
"Xiao Lu, Xiao Lu, you still have much to learn in this world," Yixing laments, shaking his head from left to right as he stirs the little pot of heated wax he has in his hands, "which is why you should trust me, experienced Zhang Yixing. And believe me, it is much nicer to have smooth, hairless legs wrapped around your waist that to have hair bristling against your flesh. It's sort of disgusting. And it would do wonders to your legs. You never told me you had to-die-for milky thighs."
Lu Han doesn't know if he should take that as a compliment or an insult. "Can't I shave instead?"
"And have leg stubble?" Yixing gasps, entirely scandalised. He places the small pot (which looks like one of Winnie the Pooh's honey pots, by the way) on the sink, and slinks towards Lu Han. "God no, Lu Han. Now, stop being a fruit, and come here!" He yanks at Lu Han's ankles, and drags him until his legs are extended to their full length, stretched out in front of him.
"There," Yixing says much later as he starts pouring the golden, syrupy fluid over his calf. It's comfortably warm, Lu Han comments in his mind. "Feels good?"
"Yeah."
Yixing is patting down a waxing strip over the cooling wax when the doorbell rings. "Jongin, can you get that?" Yixing calls out, "I'm busy at the moment."
There's shuffling from beyond the bathroom door as Yixing continues on semi-tugging at one end of the waxing strip. "I'm going to start pulling, ok? Ok."
"Wait, wait!" Lu Han scrambles to stop Yixing's hand. "On the count of three."
"Stop being such a baby!"
"It's going to hurt!"
"No, it won't! Just keep breathing, and I'm going to move."
"Wait, wait!" Lu Han is gasping from nervousness. He was never one to enjoy pain. He abhorred it. Ugh. Why'd he even let Yixing do this to him.
"I'm going to start pulling out, ok?" Yixing says. And with that Lu Han screams.
"OH MY GOD STOP!"
"I'm halfway done, now stop movin-"
"Yixing it hurts!"
"Quit being a baby, and let me finish!"
One last tug, and it's finished. Lu Han shrieks. And the bathroom door comes crashing down.
"What are you doing?!"
Sehun is standing there in the middle of the sizeable bathroom, the obvious perpetrator of the now unhinged and fallen bathroom door. Lu Han is amazed. But then he remembers that
"Oh Sehun oh my god you're b-"
"What were you doing to Lu Han?" Sehun demands, making his way over to Lu Han and picking him up in his arms.
"I was waxing him," Yixing answers coolly, "What did you think I was doing?"
Lu Han watches as Sehun seems to have a staring competition with Yixing, his slender nose flaring in anger. Then he says, "I'm taking Lu Han home."
And with that Sehun leaves the bathroom, Lu Han in his arms (only wearing a sunflowery bathrobe), breezing past the living room where Jongin is currently lounging. Before Sehun manages to exit the flat, they hear Yixing call out
"You may be Mr. Lu Han, but you will never be Mr. Zhang Yixing, you door-ruiner!"
☯
Only when they've arrived at the parking lot of Sehun's townhouse does Lu Han remember that he's only wearing a robe, and that he doesn't even have any slippers, much less shoes, on. It's a good thing that Sehun's car's heater is cranking out the perfect mix of cold and warmth, the soft nippy feel of the cold only slightly gnawing at his bare legs.
But a much larger entity has been gnawing at his mind: what is Sehun doing here? How did he find Lu Han? How did he know where Lu Han was at the time? Why did he react like that? Why is he back? Does this mean
Sehun pushes open his door, rounds the car, and opens Lu Han's as well. He scoops down and picks Lu Han up again in his arms. Lu Han is starting to feel like a useless rag doll what with being carried enough for the night.
Sehun manages to open his flat with just one hand, and he goes straight to his bedroom, flicking on the lights as he passes the door. He deposits Lu Han on the bed, none too gently, and starts pacing in front of him.
Lu Han is stifled by the silence that stretches in between them, feeling like Sehun is infinitely farther away than he is right now, which is probably a good five paces away from him. A few more minutes pass before Lu Han decides that he can't take this anymore. He has 100 problems at the tip of his tongue, and Sehun's answers would probably solve 99 of them.
"How'd you know where I was?" Lu Han asks.
"I asked Baekhyun. He's plenty angry at me, and I get it. I nearly got a beating from Kris, too, because of what I did." Sehun runs a hand through his pink hair. Lu Han has missed his pink hair so much. "What were you and Yixing doing in the bathroom?"
"H-he was waxing me." Lu Han blushes a bright red.
"God, I thought, I thought he was doing things to y-It sounded so bad from outside and just. I'd never live it down if I lost you to somebody else."
Lu Han can't particularly feel his heart drumming erratically against his ribcage.
"Sehun-ah," Lu Han starts, fingers worrying the fastens of his robe, "why'd you-"
In a flash Sehun is in front of him, kneeling on the bed, his hands cupping Lu Han's face, his lips pressed firmly and tenderly over Lu Han's. Sehun kisses are like hurricanes, taking Lu Han's breaths away with every slide and press, tearing through the doubt and the hurt and the despair he'd anguished over in the days succeeding Sehun's sudden departure.
Every kiss rips at each of Lu Han's questions, answering them as Sehun curls his tongue around Lu Han's. By the time Sehun parts their mouths to breathe, Lu Han finds all his 100 problems answered, but not quite.
"H-have you," Lu Han attempts, breatheless, hands on Sehun's chest as their breathing synchronises into slow inhales and exhales, "do you-"
"Yes," Sehun answers in a heartbeat, as if he knew what Lu Han was about to ask. And maybe he did, because he continues, "I love you. I love you so much that it scares me. But I want this so much: you and everything that has you in it. I swear I still don't know how you can do this to me, I thought I was invincible. I thought I could just get up and leave again, but I can't. Not anymore. Not when all I ended up thinking about in all those days apart was you, you, you.
"I'm pretty sure this will sound cheesy and, god, to hell with it! I'm in love with you, Lu Han, and I love you! I love you as much as I love cheese, as much as I love chocolate milk, as much as you love checking out golden pastries on display. And I am willing to stay here in Italy, to stay in anywhere, as long as it's with you."
Lu Han feels the world tilt all of a sudden, like in a part of the earth a good amount of trees started falling, dragging the weight of the earth with it to the common direction, displacing and tilting the world to gravitate towards them, Sehun and Lu Han, and everything is universally correct. Like how it's supposed to be.
"Oh Sehun," Lu Han breathes, "Does this mean-"
And Sehun cuts him off again with a peck to the lips. "Yes, yes, yes," he chants, puntuating each affirmation with a quick press of mouth-on-mouth, doing this enough times until Lu Han finally gets it. Then Lu Han throws his arms around Sehun's neck, and drags them down on the bed, and it's then that Sehun knows Lu Han finally finally understands.
That Sehun is here for good, that he is here to stay, that he has found home.
After all, home is where the heart is.
☯
(
Much, much later, when there's only the fabrics of their pyjamas separating them, when they've finally finished kissing the life out of each other, when Lu Han had politely declined Sehun's earlier ministrations and suggestions of doing The Deed. When there's only Lu Han with his head pillowed on Sehun's chest, his head tucked underneath Sehun's chin, Sehun rubbing smooth circles over Lu Han's back, their legs tangled in each other
"I should return you to Yixing," Sehun mumbles quietly, breathing in the mango scent of Lu Han's shampoo. Lu Han pulls away, lifting his head up to look at Sehun's face.
"Why?"
"We need to get your other leg waxed." Sehun reaches down, and wraps a hand around Lu Han's not hairless calf. "It feels so weird to have your leg sandwiched between one hairy and one hairless leg." Lu Han smacks his hand against Sehun's arm.
"I hate you."
"I love you, too." Lu Han lies back down on Sehun's chest. "Are you planning on leaving me again anytime soon?" Lu Han tightens his arms around Sehun's waist.
"No. Not even planning to."
"Good, then."
"Why?"
Lu Han turns his head to press a kiss to Sehun's Adam's apple. "Because I'm going to have to play the selfish and possessive boyfriend, and never let you go."
Lu Han can feel the chuckle rumble at Sehun's chest.
"I'm dead serious here, Sehun-ah."
"Well," Sehun trails off, as if he's deliberating in his mind, "if you continue calling me Sehun-ah like that..."
"I will end you."
"Ok, ok," Sehun gives in, pulling Lu Han into him, curling his body with against Lu Han, "I will never leave you. You're stuck with me forever." Lu Han feels Sehun kiss the crown of his head.
"I'm perfectly ok with that arrangement."
)
- if you are reading this, why????
- i bet there are ??????? (the number of question marks are debatable) stamped all over your heads right now
- basically, this all came from my exo diary feels, with lu han looking very cute with his neckerchief and sehun with the vespa
- loosely based on a fic written by a friend from another fandom years ago (idk if you still remember me but ayo)
- if you guys think the end is rushed it's because it's not really the end!!
- wrote more than half of this on my phone so if there are mistakes, I'm still trying to pluck them out
- i am willing to entertain questions and comments and criticisms eveRYTHING IS WELCOME
- HAPPY VALENTINES TO EVERYONE
(((hit me up on twitter or tumblr for inquiries, complaints, advice, mental talk, porn tweets, blowjob stickers, whatever you want rly ♥♥♥))))