Sadness

[vera6]

A profound sadness came over me 1st August and its not lifting. Nothing amuses me. I think I'm broken. Vancon will be my last con for a while-cannot justify the expense any more. I live the life of a hermit because I'm saving for cons. I'm unsure of what lies beyond Vancon because I've been saving for one trip or another for 10 years and after

Comments

[cha]

I bet that once you're not saving all the time you'll find other things to do!!!

[vera6]

Its finding the desire to do them that's the problem :/

[cha]

See you soon?

[ilikecrystals]

They're not planning on doing any more cons in Vancouver or you're just not going to go anymore? I get your sadness. I went to two and every August, I get depressed because I want to go again. I love the excitement and the beautiful city. I loved every second I was there. There are other cons you may want to consider that aren't as expensive - maybe even doing just a one day part, on the Sunday when Jared and Jensen are there.

If you want to chat, just message me.

[vera6]

I'm not doing anymore. Not for a few years at least. This one is costing the equivakrnt of 6 months mortgage

[ilikecrystals]

It's been my experience that people who accuse us of certain traits often exhibit those traits themselves and are misplacing their frustrations with themselves on us. My sister once, in anger, accused me of all sorts of things and some were true but most were not. It caused a serious rift between us because even if she wanted to go on and pretend she never said those things, I never forgot them. She often does that when she's angry, she goes off on a tangent and says hurtful things. She never thinks before she speaks. Maybe your friend found someone else? And instead of being honest with you, she chose to attack you at your most vulnerable places - as you said, she knew you very well. Don't let anyone make you question your sanity. Do you think you're mentally ill? Or are you just depressed that she screwed you over and you really miss her? Do you think you would take her back if she came asking? Or would you always be worried she'd do the same thing again? I'm sorry she hurt you so badly. It was a sucky thing to do

[vera6]

I'm depressed she did what she did. Definitely. Her actions were so out of order for her.. so unusual, I thought perhaps she'd joined a cult. Then after a year I realised that that thinking was letting myself off the hook. I'm not perfect. I'm focussed. I can become "mono maniacal" I'm passionate with things I like. I don't see that as a failing. Yes I'm damaged. I've had some hard times- who hasn't? Why her professed love for me turned to abject hatred in a matter of weeks I don't know. Ill never know. But the decision to make vancon my last con for a few years has made me aware that there are no big plans for afterward. And its a void. And I think I'm getting the jitters