(Untitled)

[velorwen]

The previous entry is blocked to friends only due to the adult nature of the story...

Not as adult as I had intended, mind you, but I'm getting there. Stay tuned for the good stuff in chapter 4, folks.

And a special thank you goes to neonsym for the beta. I do hope I haven't corrupted his innocent mind.

Comments

[neonsym]

Well, in the first part where the spanking/flogging is going on, there's plenty of visual detail, but when Abby starts her dialogue with Daniel/Debbie, it feels as if something in the visual department is lost, and the language is descriptive in a more conceptual fashion (does that make sense?). You might want to play around with using more color, especially as it relates to skin (the bruises on James, for example. Or later on, when the eye motif kicks in, go a little deeper into the description of eye color, perhaps providing similes to something fantastic or erotic

[velorwen]

Oh bless you, that is exactly what my muses needed....

I have been working on this too long, and trying to hard to make it fit the way I wanted it to. The scene with Ted and James was not what I had in mind for this chapter...it was supposed to just be a brief intro into Abby's scene with Daniel. And it wasn't supposed to end with him stripping, but if I continue with the spanking this runs the risk of being dangerously long.

[neonsym]

lol, innocent? Nah, I just get caught off guard and out of character sometimes.