Usually I just try to erase everything from my memory and that’s what I find comfort in. I have all these little “rituals” that help me to move on from something, only they really don’t because look where I always end up. So the question is, is it better to embrace a feeling for all it is, or to mask it and bury it? The intensity is definitely ( Read more... )

Wow. Wow. Wow. I just got belittled for no reason at all. At least not to my knowledge why. I could break you down in so many ways. I know every button. Every one. But for some reason I'm too good of a person to do that. One day i hope I finally learn to NEVER put my faith in other people. I don't think you have ever hurt me this badly. EVER. after ( Read more... )

It's when I slow my pace of running that everything catches up to me. As long as I keep running it doesn't catch up. When I slow down the breakdowns catch up and I feel completely empty. When I speed up I outrun them but am unfulfilled. I don't know what I'm doing anymore, but I now know what I run from.

So. Today I was looking through old pictures and I looked so genuinely happy. I miss all those people that made my life real. There was a light in my eyes that I haven't seen for a while now until tonight when I got home. I think I may have caught a glimpse of the now foreign sparkle in my eyes ( Read more... )

So first you invade my dream last night and now you "accidentally" call me. For the first time since April 5th might I add. God I miss you. So much. But I hide it so well. Why. Why. WHY?! Why did you go to her? Why. That's all I want to know. I would have done anything, ANYTHING for you. Don't you understand that? I would like to think I meant a ( Read more... )

I am fairly agile
I can bend and not break
Or I can break and take it with a smile
And I am so resilient
I recover quickly
I'll convince you soon that I am fine

I haven't really "updated" about life in a while, so I figured I'd do so. My last real entry update said that Riley and I were over for good. Well, it wasn't true. Haha, old habits die hard, and it died pretty hard the last time. After school ended we started talking again sometime in the Summer. July I think. Everything was going well, then the ( Read more... )

It happened... Again. We were having a perfectly good day, or so I thought. One can never really be too sure for his ability to conceal emotion is unrealistic. Put another way then, I was having a good day and will just assume for him the same. Anyway, as the fun was winding down an all too familiar train wreck occurred. An evil demon crept in ( Read more... )

 Wow. So its been almost three years since I've written in this thing. I wish I would have never stopped. My life now feels like it has a huge gap missing. Not a good feeling. Anyway, a lot has gone on in these past three years. I'm grown up, moved on, moved out, and definitley had my share of ups and downs along the way. I'm guessing the "mystery ( Read more... )

So, I haven't updated in a really really really long time. So I figured it was time to do so. Let's see what's been up. I've been really involved in church, I really enjoy it. I started coaching a 1st-2nd grade softball team which sadly ended today. I'll have a party for them though so that'll be fun. I really had a lot of fun coaching, kids have ( Read more... )