Comments | vanicola: i think

vanicola

i think

Aug 02, 2013 03:03

i think (wip), set in same verse as hahaimtao
1513 words. for three days worth of xoxocamp. prompt 24: work on a wip. (still a wip)
taobaek, chansoo, krishan, sekai. nc17.

( whole foods )

rating: nc-17, pairing: tao/baekhyun, fandom: exo, pairing: sehun/kai, length: oneshot, pairing: chanyeol/kyungsoo, genre: semi-autobiographical fiction, pairing: kris/luhan

Comments 6

sullbertoria August 7 2013, 05:29:12 UTC

I'M LAUGHING SO HGARD AT FUKCING JODNGAE AND JOONMYUN I AM GONNA DIE THIS WAS SO PERFECT

vanicola August 7 2013, 05:34:10 UTC

burn

gokulex59 August 8 2013, 15:22:08 UTC

Hah. Fun drabbles.

And it is really that hard to say "a cafe that serves fruit and shit" to your mom, Zitao.

vanicola August 8 2013, 15:24:58 UTC

whole foods is like.. a grocery store w/ fruit inside and you can sit down and stuff..
idk.. this is very IRL

anonymous August 17 2013, 18:51:57 UTC

I liked the way you showed the differences between each couples relationships, I think it was a good way to show the characterizations.

But there were a lot of run on sentences and in some parts there was a bit of rambling, which made it a bit convoluted to read, so maybe try to shorten your sentences.

For example, the whole first paragraph when Tao is talking to his mother could be broken down into shorter sentences.

vanicola August 18 2013, 01:14:22 UTC

that was a stylistic choice, i should've mentioned.. """" but thank you <3