hahaimtao
title: hahaimtao (wip)
genre: semi-autobiographical fiction (because i dont do drugs but i guess my blog gets a lot of hits and i make chop&screw)
rating: r for multiple mentions of substance abuse
pairing: taobaek(?) / side!krishan lol
synopsis: DRUGZ.
650 w.
written in the style of tao lin for prompt 9 on xoxocamp.
My name is Huang Zitao, 19, and I run a blog that gets “mad hits”. I do this thing called ‘chop&screw’ and I do it very amature-ly and I feel my audience is here to watch me “fail”, which is okay, I guess, because I’m still getting “mad hits” on my blogspot, where the URL is something like, ‘hahaimtao’ or something. I can’t really remember because this piece of information is “unimportant”.
Like five minutes ago, I received this text that said something like, ‘semi-important meetup at sehun’s house?? lol chop&screw may be discussed’ so now I’m sitting in my car and mentally writing this blog post as I drive. I plan on doing some Benadryl (like a lot of Benadryl) in my car before I walk into the ‘semi important meetup at Sehun’s house’. Sehun, 19, is really annoying sometimes but he also gives me drugs so I think that makes him cool, I think.
So I drive to Sehun’s apartment complex and park and do the drugs and standing outside is this kind of “hot” guy named Kris and his boyfriend, Lu Han. They might be “making out” or something and for a moment I feel envious but then I start thinking about hamsters and I feel kind of okay for the next ten minutes. In that time, I head into the complex and avoid Kris and Lu Han, who may still be “making out”, who are still probably dating, who probably did some MDMA before going in for the ‘semi-important meetup’.
When I walk into Sehun’s apartment, there’s this guy standing in the center of the room that I don’t know. He doesn’t look high but I assume he is because whenever we have gatherings at Sehun’s house, we’re all on some type of street drug. Sometimes we ingest raw potatoes when we’re under the influence of Xanax.
There’s a ruckus for two minutes and then Jongin, 19, yells, “Look! The guy with “mad hits” is here!” The scare quotes are implied in his speech and everyone looks at me expectantly.
I stare back at “everyone” and I do this thing where I kind of wave and say something like, “I just did some adderall and I see rodents everywhere,” and everyone laughs but I don’t get it because it’s not a joke. Maybe it’s the drugs.
Sehun then introduces the guy to me as Baekhyun (who I later learn is 20), described by Jongin as, “kind of hot” and by Chanyeol, 20, as, “his blog gets a lot of hits, like yours”. Apparently, he runs some type of fashion blog and is currently so tweaked out from his Percocet that he’s not even saying anything noteworthy. I think he says something like, “Haha.” after Jongin calls him “kind of hot”.
I wonder if Sehun met this person IRL or through 4Chan but then someone turns on some crappy JPop song by “hit band” SNSD and I kind of forget what to think about this Baekhyun character, standing in the middle of Sehun’s living room, probably thinking about something dumb, probably something like “lol” or something.
And then someone whips out the weed and we all do a little of that and it gets Baekhyun extra-tweaked and he starts this thing that’s kind of like sweating but through his tongue, like a dog. By now he’s sitting next to me and I realize that this was Sehun’s idea of trying to get me together with some guy I don’t even know, and I guess I sort of appreciate his effort because at least Baekhyun is “kind of hot” and his blog gets lots of hits.
But then Baekhyun starts vomiting on my lap and then everyone is kind of cheering and laughing and I still don’t really get it but I guess I like Baekhyun a little bit because I’m letting him vomit on me.
genre: semi-autobiographical fiction (because i dont do drugs but i guess my blog gets a lot of hits and i make chop&screw)
rating: r for multiple mentions of substance abuse
pairing: taobaek(?) / side!krishan lol
synopsis: DRUGZ.
650 w.
written in the style of tao lin for prompt 9 on xoxocamp.
My name is Huang Zitao, 19, and I run a blog that gets “mad hits”. I do this thing called ‘chop&screw’ and I do it very amature-ly and I feel my audience is here to watch me “fail”, which is okay, I guess, because I’m still getting “mad hits” on my blogspot, where the URL is something like, ‘hahaimtao’ or something. I can’t really remember because this piece of information is “unimportant”.
Like five minutes ago, I received this text that said something like, ‘semi-important meetup at sehun’s house?? lol chop&screw may be discussed’ so now I’m sitting in my car and mentally writing this blog post as I drive. I plan on doing some Benadryl (like a lot of Benadryl) in my car before I walk into the ‘semi important meetup at Sehun’s house’. Sehun, 19, is really annoying sometimes but he also gives me drugs so I think that makes him cool, I think.
So I drive to Sehun’s apartment complex and park and do the drugs and standing outside is this kind of “hot” guy named Kris and his boyfriend, Lu Han. They might be “making out” or something and for a moment I feel envious but then I start thinking about hamsters and I feel kind of okay for the next ten minutes. In that time, I head into the complex and avoid Kris and Lu Han, who may still be “making out”, who are still probably dating, who probably did some MDMA before going in for the ‘semi-important meetup’.
When I walk into Sehun’s apartment, there’s this guy standing in the center of the room that I don’t know. He doesn’t look high but I assume he is because whenever we have gatherings at Sehun’s house, we’re all on some type of street drug. Sometimes we ingest raw potatoes when we’re under the influence of Xanax.
There’s a ruckus for two minutes and then Jongin, 19, yells, “Look! The guy with “mad hits” is here!” The scare quotes are implied in his speech and everyone looks at me expectantly.
I stare back at “everyone” and I do this thing where I kind of wave and say something like, “I just did some adderall and I see rodents everywhere,” and everyone laughs but I don’t get it because it’s not a joke. Maybe it’s the drugs.
Sehun then introduces the guy to me as Baekhyun (who I later learn is 20), described by Jongin as, “kind of hot” and by Chanyeol, 20, as, “his blog gets a lot of hits, like yours”. Apparently, he runs some type of fashion blog and is currently so tweaked out from his Percocet that he’s not even saying anything noteworthy. I think he says something like, “Haha.” after Jongin calls him “kind of hot”.
I wonder if Sehun met this person IRL or through 4Chan but then someone turns on some crappy JPop song by “hit band” SNSD and I kind of forget what to think about this Baekhyun character, standing in the middle of Sehun’s living room, probably thinking about something dumb, probably something like “lol” or something.
And then someone whips out the weed and we all do a little of that and it gets Baekhyun extra-tweaked and he starts this thing that’s kind of like sweating but through his tongue, like a dog. By now he’s sitting next to me and I realize that this was Sehun’s idea of trying to get me together with some guy I don’t even know, and I guess I sort of appreciate his effort because at least Baekhyun is “kind of hot” and his blog gets lots of hits.
But then Baekhyun starts vomiting on my lap and then everyone is kind of cheering and laughing and I still don’t really get it but I guess I like Baekhyun a little bit because I’m letting him vomit on me.