Comments | vampirates_rule: Two in love can make it (Take my heart and please don't break it)

vampirates_rule

Two in love can make it (Take my heart and please don't break it)

Sep 17, 2008 20:14

Title: Two in love can make it (Take my heart and please don't break it)(1b/2)
Rating: PG
Beta: paper_teenheart
Summary: Highschool AU. Gerard is a student teacher, Patrick is sixteen, adorable and eats lunch alone.
Pairing: Patrick/Gerard
Disclaimer: All fiction. I own nothing but my plot.
Author's Note: Had to change it to A and B sections. Post was too large. BLEH ( Read more... )

Comments 5

anonymous September 17 2008, 21:33:43 UTC

This is fairly well written...but...if this is set in the US, you have them using all kinds of UK-isms that these guys would never use.

It really throws one out of the story, is all.

vampirates_rule September 18 2008, 14:44:49 UTC

i know xD. I have issues with my UK-speak. >.< i always forget. I'll probably run through this once i've finished writing it all.

emmuzka September 18 2008, 16:59:41 UTC

A nice story, but the pedophile-issue (the most interesting angle in the story) is maybe not as throughly thought as it would have deserved. First of all, a pedophile joke among teachers is a way different thing that a student teacher saying that to a student. An actual teacher student should know this and never joke about the issue when the students can heard. Secondary, it was weird that some of the teachers gave Gerard an evil eye after the Patrick incident, and some didn't. This would actually be a very serious matter and affect all the relationships in the teacher room ( ... )

vampirates_rule September 20 2008, 00:33:41 UTC

I dunno. This chapter was more that Gerard doesn't really acknowledge Patrick's age. Like he's endeared towards him in a way that sort of transcends that and he doesn't (or chooses not to. I haven't quite decided yet) think about any kind of age difference and anyone else thinking about it confuses him a bit because his thought process is 'they know Patrick. therefore they shouldn't be worried'. Like the pedophile joke thing, he feels comfortable in Patrick's presence and feels he's just talking to a friend and when Gerard is talking to Brian he kind of has a glimpse of what he's actually doing and it freaks him out which is why he get's defensive.

The creepiness is totally addressed more in part two, though. No worries ^_^

emmuzka September 20 2008, 04:09:37 UTC

Great, then :) I was afraid that you might see the pedo thing as a plot point but only handle the issue as romantic, which would have hindered the potential of the story and making it creepy. (I have a traumatic experience with this one story where one of the main cople acted possesively and I thought the whole time that this was headig towards a domestic abuse fic, but no, it was only the writer's idea of what was romantic...) Carry on! I will be reading!