it's the little things and the joy they bring
almost forgot to bring you my weekly rambles! luckily i remembered!
i don't really remember much, just that i've been stressing the fuck out and failing at life left and right. i need to chill, take a break, and work slowly. but it's like i don't even know how to do that.
mondays and wednesdays 2-3:30 are my office hours. nobody actually comes to see me, but i have them in Gen Eq so it's totally cool to sit there for an hour and a half of my day. i always encounter someone and have a good conversation or two. plus, it's such an awesome space to be in. on monday, though, some of the interns and lara were talking about rape video games. where the actual premise of the game is to go around and stalk and rape womyn. and the more you make them cry, the more points you get. no, really. it made me feel sick, not even that these could exist, but that, on some level, i could see a case being made justifying them. my major is about complicating things, about seeing things from a different angle, and while i appreciate this sometimes, it's hard to be okay with this. it's hard to be okay with the way i'm taught to think. or something.
after that, someone asked why there were camera crews on sproul (populated area on campus) that day. it turned out that police had released the sketch of the dude who's been sexually assaulted womyn around berkeley. article. there are so many things i can say. like how that dude looks like half of the white dudes on campus, okay, that sketch helps nothing. or how it's not rape since it's not his dick, 'just his fingers'. but all i'm going to really say is that it makes me sick. fucking sick. i went the rest of the day being pissed off and quiet and hurt and afraid and feeling so useless.
hence, this entry.
the rest of the week was alright.
thursday night, john andrews came to talk to our class. i love him so very much. he's such an amazing person and such an inspiration. his story changes my life every time i hear it. after class, we were talking a bit as we walked, and he hugged me for like a minute and told me i was amazing, and that i should never forget it. now, i've had extremely limited contact with him. i've seen him speak 4 times now, and he's seen me facilitate the second day of Contraception, Safer Sex, and STI's twice. i don't know how he could guess something like that about me, but it's got me thinking about how you can really touch someone's life without being even a minor character in the grand scheme of things. it's got me thinking about a lot of things. lovehim.
i've actually had a lot of awesome conversations with people this week. on tuesday, chloe and i had a really great conversation with emily (another gws major who is in our Advanced Feminist Theory class) about privilege and awareness and speaking and just because you're oppressed doesn't mean you know what the fuck you're talking about so pls stfu (not her, someone else int he class is really irritating) and some other stuff. it was really awesome. and then wednesday i was in gen eq and chloe came in (and was excited to see me lol as if we don't see each other at least 4 times a week) and we had a short conversation about body image and gender issues and our environment and how we sort of feel pressured to be these totally empowered awesome strong womyn because of our social circles and our majors, but it's just so hard and complicated. on thursday, sarah and chloe and i went to get sarah a haircut and then went for a walk after. we talked about so much stuff, from body/facial hair, to boundaries, to polyamory, to sarah and i trynna get girls like chloe does (she makes this shit look easy!!), to appearing gay, to emotion vs. rationalization. just tonight i had a long conversation with alison about sex and living satisfying lives and not losing yourself and believing in yourself. it's conversations like these that make me feel alive, like i'm real. i heart the people in my life.
on friday i learned that VDAY Berkeley, Berkeley NOW and Women's Identity and Sexuality Small Group (really awesome bible study group jamietan started) are having a Skirt Rally on the most populated area of campus on wednesday. the description of the event: As of February 24th, 12 women have been sexually assaulted on or around Piedmont Avenue. In response to these assaults as well as the hundreds of sexual assaults and rapes that women experience every day, we will march together to show solidarity. We should be able to feel safe wearing whatever we choose and WE WILL BE SAFE WEARING WHATEVER WE CHOOSE. Join us in freedom from fear. i'm pumped.
and you know what? let's summarize the month of february. yes, i shamelessly stole this from minuh.
warning: boobs.
Remembering.
laying under the willow tree in the sun with clara, extreme self-love, impromptu dinners at lovely people's houses, topless back-tickling, my boobs being on the calendar, rearranging my room, being silly with lara, nipples!!!, my professor just laughing at how strange chloe and sarah and caitlyn and i are, glenn being a lameass, vagmons photo shoot, menstruation day, NEW SHOES, dancing at the crib, valentine's day cupcakes, being a little bit in love with john legend, wine coolers with jamietan ahahahaahhaha.
Obsessed with.
panic at the disco. candy. MY NEW SHOES. fic. my chemical romance's blog.
Best moment(s).
getting my new shoes! laying under the willow tree in the sun with clara. watching my friend get her nipples pierced!
Who rocked.
my chemical romance. ryanross. the amazing writers whose fics i basically live off. jeannie muthafuckin lee. clara. jamietan. chloe. sarah. caitlyn. professor thompson. lara. kory. lauren.
Watching.
Kinsey, Clue The Movie, Hip Hop: Beyond Beats and Rhymes. i honestly don't think i watched anything else, outside of classes.
Reading.
shit for class (most notably: bell hooks, Juana Rodriguez, Judith Butler). countless fics.
Hearing.
my favorite station on pandora, panic at the disco, the klaxons, beyonce, linkin park, prince, my chemical romance.
Photographs.
made it!!
skittle vodka, for chloe's valentine!
at the crib!
dude, seriously
socreepy
Videos.
bulbous bouffant, Old Greg.
i've got midterms and papers up the ass, and the Vagina Monologues are coming up really, really fast. i'm stressed, y'all.
but i still heart all of you. ♥
also, i'm creating a bandom filter, so i won't be filling your friends page with entries about how ridic ryanross is. so if you actually want to read these entries, let me know. =)
i don't really remember much, just that i've been stressing the fuck out and failing at life left and right. i need to chill, take a break, and work slowly. but it's like i don't even know how to do that.
mondays and wednesdays 2-3:30 are my office hours. nobody actually comes to see me, but i have them in Gen Eq so it's totally cool to sit there for an hour and a half of my day. i always encounter someone and have a good conversation or two. plus, it's such an awesome space to be in. on monday, though, some of the interns and lara were talking about rape video games. where the actual premise of the game is to go around and stalk and rape womyn. and the more you make them cry, the more points you get. no, really. it made me feel sick, not even that these could exist, but that, on some level, i could see a case being made justifying them. my major is about complicating things, about seeing things from a different angle, and while i appreciate this sometimes, it's hard to be okay with this. it's hard to be okay with the way i'm taught to think. or something.
after that, someone asked why there were camera crews on sproul (populated area on campus) that day. it turned out that police had released the sketch of the dude who's been sexually assaulted womyn around berkeley. article. there are so many things i can say. like how that dude looks like half of the white dudes on campus, okay, that sketch helps nothing. or how it's not rape since it's not his dick, 'just his fingers'. but all i'm going to really say is that it makes me sick. fucking sick. i went the rest of the day being pissed off and quiet and hurt and afraid and feeling so useless.
hence, this entry.
the rest of the week was alright.
thursday night, john andrews came to talk to our class. i love him so very much. he's such an amazing person and such an inspiration. his story changes my life every time i hear it. after class, we were talking a bit as we walked, and he hugged me for like a minute and told me i was amazing, and that i should never forget it. now, i've had extremely limited contact with him. i've seen him speak 4 times now, and he's seen me facilitate the second day of Contraception, Safer Sex, and STI's twice. i don't know how he could guess something like that about me, but it's got me thinking about how you can really touch someone's life without being even a minor character in the grand scheme of things. it's got me thinking about a lot of things. lovehim.
i've actually had a lot of awesome conversations with people this week. on tuesday, chloe and i had a really great conversation with emily (another gws major who is in our Advanced Feminist Theory class) about privilege and awareness and speaking and just because you're oppressed doesn't mean you know what the fuck you're talking about so pls stfu (not her, someone else int he class is really irritating) and some other stuff. it was really awesome. and then wednesday i was in gen eq and chloe came in (and was excited to see me lol as if we don't see each other at least 4 times a week) and we had a short conversation about body image and gender issues and our environment and how we sort of feel pressured to be these totally empowered awesome strong womyn because of our social circles and our majors, but it's just so hard and complicated. on thursday, sarah and chloe and i went to get sarah a haircut and then went for a walk after. we talked about so much stuff, from body/facial hair, to boundaries, to polyamory, to sarah and i trynna get girls like chloe does (she makes this shit look easy!!), to appearing gay, to emotion vs. rationalization. just tonight i had a long conversation with alison about sex and living satisfying lives and not losing yourself and believing in yourself. it's conversations like these that make me feel alive, like i'm real. i heart the people in my life.
on friday i learned that VDAY Berkeley, Berkeley NOW and Women's Identity and Sexuality Small Group (really awesome bible study group jamietan started) are having a Skirt Rally on the most populated area of campus on wednesday. the description of the event: As of February 24th, 12 women have been sexually assaulted on or around Piedmont Avenue. In response to these assaults as well as the hundreds of sexual assaults and rapes that women experience every day, we will march together to show solidarity. We should be able to feel safe wearing whatever we choose and WE WILL BE SAFE WEARING WHATEVER WE CHOOSE. Join us in freedom from fear. i'm pumped.
and you know what? let's summarize the month of february. yes, i shamelessly stole this from minuh.
warning: boobs.
Remembering.
laying under the willow tree in the sun with clara, extreme self-love, impromptu dinners at lovely people's houses, topless back-tickling, my boobs being on the calendar, rearranging my room, being silly with lara, nipples!!!, my professor just laughing at how strange chloe and sarah and caitlyn and i are, glenn being a lameass, vagmons photo shoot, menstruation day, NEW SHOES, dancing at the crib, valentine's day cupcakes, being a little bit in love with john legend, wine coolers with jamietan ahahahaahhaha.
Obsessed with.
panic at the disco. candy. MY NEW SHOES. fic. my chemical romance's blog.
Best moment(s).
getting my new shoes! laying under the willow tree in the sun with clara. watching my friend get her nipples pierced!
Who rocked.
my chemical romance. ryanross. the amazing writers whose fics i basically live off. jeannie muthafuckin lee. clara. jamietan. chloe. sarah. caitlyn. professor thompson. lara. kory. lauren.
Watching.
Kinsey, Clue The Movie, Hip Hop: Beyond Beats and Rhymes. i honestly don't think i watched anything else, outside of classes.
Reading.
shit for class (most notably: bell hooks, Juana Rodriguez, Judith Butler). countless fics.
Hearing.
my favorite station on pandora, panic at the disco, the klaxons, beyonce, linkin park, prince, my chemical romance.
Photographs.
made it!!
skittle vodka, for chloe's valentine!
at the crib!
dude, seriously
socreepy
Videos.
bulbous bouffant, Old Greg.
i've got midterms and papers up the ass, and the Vagina Monologues are coming up really, really fast. i'm stressed, y'all.
but i still heart all of you. ♥
also, i'm creating a bandom filter, so i won't be filling your friends page with entries about how ridic ryanross is. so if you actually want to read these entries, let me know. =)