The Brothers Winchester:Book Two-Cry-Part Eight
Part One/ Part Two/ Part Three/ Part Four/ Part Five/ Part Six/ Part Seven
Sam was delirious with pleasure.
It had been so long since someone had touched him like this, with this kind of passion that he was swept into it completely. The fact he was in a cramped adult bookstore movie booth or that his cousin's tongue and finger was making him moan out loud or that he hadn't thought of Dean once in the past thirty minutes was lost on him. All he knew was physical pleasure and wanted more of it.
“So fucking tight.” Jake murmured as he worked a second finger into Sam's muscular ass. He felt his huge cousin tense momentarily and then relax as he pressed against his swollen prostate. Sam's head moved back as he let loose a throaty moan, his inhibitions along with his ass becoming looser and looser. Jake knew Sam was into it, it was just a matter of sealing the deal.
As Jake spread his fingers outward, trying to open Sam's virgin hole open he heard the first tone of discomfort come from Sam's mouth as the action pressed the tense ring of muscle further than it had ever been before. Jake knew this was going to be the problem, even if Sam's mind was willing...his body would in no way take a cock like his without protest. And unless Jake wanted to work this ass for two hours in this cramped booth, it wasn't happening.
Luckily Jake knew how to rectify it.
Standing Jake adjusted his rock hard cock in his jeans, Sam looked up almost drunkenly in confusion as Jake cracked the door open. Looking back at Sam with a grin he said “Be RIGHT back...don't move.” And with that he left, closing the door behind him. Suddenly Sam became aware of his position, his long legs spread out, anchoring him to the seat so his ass was exposed. Slowly he lowered his legs, as his common sense came back to him. What the hell was he doing? He was worse than Dean, rutting with Jake in a movie booth? What the hell? Was he this horny? This hard up for sex?
Well yeah but it was more than that.
Sam was desperate for anyone to touch him with kindness, with passion...with lust. Dean had opened a door Sam had been pretty sure was never going to open again last year when he confessed his love for his brother. And now, Sam realized he didn't want to close it again. He didn't want to...couldn't go back to the way it was. Dean had dragged him back to a place where he could wrap his mind around being his brother's lover...and he wasn't going to go back.
Dad death or not, this was enough.
He stood, starting to pull his pants up when Jake came back in, locking the door behind him. He had a small paper bag in his hand and his grin fell when he saw Sam dressing “What are you doing?”
“This is wrong Jake.” Sam said making sure not to look at those insanely sexy eyes “I can't do this.”
Jake moved up to him, his hard body moving against Sam's “Sam...come on.” he said almost purring “Don't be like that.”
Sam looked up and paused “Jake...”
“Look” he said opening the bag “I brought supplies.” and he pulled out a small bottle. He twisted it open in one move.
“What is that?' Sam asked as Jake moved his hands up to his face
“Instant I don't Give a Damn.” Jake said holding one of Sam's nostril's and putting the bottle under the other “Now breathe in.”
Sam paused as tried to pull away, but Jake held his head in place “Just one sniff Sammy...” he said looping a thumb under Sam's chin. Sam went to say something and found himself unable to open his mouth. In a slightly harsher voice Jake said “Just breathe damnit..”
Finally the hand holding Sam's head moved down and ran across Sam's washboard abs and tickled him. Sam gasped slightly and inhaled...the smell was awful as Jake took his hand away from Sam's face...waiting.
“Jesus” Sam said shaking his head “That smells like assssss” and his speech slurred as he slipped back into sitting. Jake grinned as he pulled Sam's jeans down again.
“There we go.” he said his mouth moving around Sam's half hard cock and was rewarded with it stiffening immediately. His finger snaked up his ass again, this time with no resistance. Jake grinned around the shaft as he heard Sam moan deeply, his eyes rolled back in his head.
“Much better.” Jake thought.
Chace felt himself throb as he laid over Taylor.
“Please Chace...do it.” Taylor said his hands moving over Chace's toned body “ I want it.”
And so did Chace. The thought of his cock, sliding up Taylor's virgin ass...
He shuddered thinking about it. But as he moved forward and kissed Taylor, feeling the other boy's hunger as he kissed back he paused. Suddenly a huge part of his life clicked into place and there was no doubt in him any more. He pulled back from the kiss, feeling Taylor's mouth move with him, wanting more.
“No” he said practically whispering.
Taylor paused “What?”
“No” Chace said, this time more forceful. I am not going to fuck you here.”
“But...” Taylor's voice cracked “...but I want...”
And Chace's hands grabbed his cousin's broad shoulders and said “And I want it too.” he said locking eyes with him “I want it so bad...” his head leaned forward and his forehead touched Taylor's “But I just realized something.” and he pulled back to look at him “I am not Dean Winchester.”
Taylor moved under him as Chace sat up “I'm not my brother, and I have to stop trying to be.”
“I don't...” Taylor said confused.
“Dean would fuck you. Right here, right now.” Chace said not looking at him “Hell he would have fucked you last night in bed. He wouldn't have thought twice about it because that is how Dean thinks. Sex is just sex.” Chace looked up at Taylor “But I care for you Taylor. I realize that now.” his hand moved out and cupped Taylor's cheek “And I am not going to have our first time on some filthy locker room floor.' Door locked with guys outside.” He saw Taylor blink tears “I don't want to remember that.” He moved closer as Taylor leaned into his embrace “I want it to be perfect. I want to make love to you...for hours. I don't want to rush or to watch our voice. To worry about someone walking in...” and he felt his own voice crack “...I want to show you how perfect it can be.”
Taylor felt his chest expand with joy as the two of them sat there in each others arms. And in a whisper he said “What did I do to deserve you?”
Chace looked over to him and smiled as Taylor leaned in and kissed him. Their tongues wrestled for a few seconds before Taylor broke the kiss off and said “Can we go now? I mean home...and you know?”
Chace's smile widened “You mean cut the rest of school and go home and fuck?”
Taylor nodded shyly.
Chace jumped up “Oh we can SO do that!” he said pulling Taylor up with him. They walked a few steps towards the door before Chace stopped him “Um...though I LOVE your body...you might wanna put some clothes on?”
“Shit!” Taylor said turning around and began gathering his jeans and shirt up.
Chace stood there in awe, watching that perfect body in motion.
Taylor looked over at him, jeans halfway up his legs “What?”
Chace shook his head as he looked away “Just finish dressing before I change my mind and do you right here.” Chace vegan to slip on his own clothes, forcing his gaze away from Taylor's abs.
Within seconds Taylor had his jeans and shoes slipped on, his shirt still in hand. With a grin he moved next to Chace, running a finger down the Winchester's hard chest and abs “I turn you on that much?”
Chace, whose cock was still rock hard in his speedos shivered at the touch as he grabbed his cousin's hand “Yes” he said quickly. He met Taylor's eyes “You really do.”
Taylor found it impossible not to kiss him.
Sam was somewhere between heaven and oblivion as Jake continued to open the cowboy's ass up so it could take his cock. Sam's long legs were spread wide as Jake slid a second finger into the virgin hole. Sam's head moved from side to side as Jake swirled his tongue around the thick knob of his cousin's cock. As he pressed his fingers against Sam's hidden spot he unbuttoned his jeans again, freeing his rigid cock so he could move to the next step.
Jake was so turned on it was insane.
Finding a guy like Sam who was still virgin...and obviously so willing to give it up...he was ready to cum just looking at him. As he shoved a third thick finger into his chute he made sure the bottle of poppers stayed close by in case they had any problems. It wasn't like Jake was tiny and being uncharted territory...well there was going to be some pain involved.
At least for Sam.
Chace and Taylor made a beeline out of the locker room, both trying not to make any eye contact as they pushed past the swim team. There were whispers as they passed by and Chace knew that Nathan had already begun spin control. By the end of school he was pretty sure he was going to be outed...by tomorrow the story would be that he had tried to jump Nathan in the changing room.
He paused digging into his jeans and pulling out his keys. He handed them to Taylor and said in a low voice “Go grab my jeep and bring it 'round front.” his eyes flickered over to Nathan whispering into Brad Greymark's ear and laughing. “I won't be long.” Chace said as his eyes flashed with anger.
Dean sat behind his dad's desk in depression.
He held a stack of papers and tried to force them to say something else. He had spent so much time on this far, thinking the world was one way. That there was a point to all his dad's bullshit about honor and hard work and everything. He had poured literally blood, sweat and tears into this soil and find this out...
His cell phone rang twice before the oldest Winchester even noticed. He looked at the caller ID and frowned as he read the number. “Who the fuck is this?” he said to himself flipping the phone open.
“This is Dean.” he said harshly, the day's pressure getting to him.
He sat there for several seconds as the voice on the other side talked. “When?” he finally asked.
More talking.
“I'm on my way.” he said already rushing out of the room.
He grabbed the keys to his truck as he ran out of the kitchen “Motherfucker” he growled as he gunned the engine and tore off.
Jake was moving three fingers easily in and out of Sam's muscular ass. He had given the Winchester two more hits of the bottle to keep him sated...he hit his cousin's swollen prostate a few more times, making the half conscious man moan out loud before he made the decision.
“Get ready Sam Winchester.” Jake said more to himself as he braced those longs legs on his shoulders “You're about to become a man...”
And began to press his cock into him slowly.
“Something funny Nate?” Chace said after Taylor left the locker room.
Nathan's face turned from spiteful glee to shock as he saw Chace storming towards him, both hands clenched into fists. “Chace hold on!!” he said taking a few steps back.
The swim team parted like the Red Sea as Chace cut the distance between them in four steps. Nathan was still in his swim shorts while Chace had dressed back into his street clothes and looked damn impressive. Nathan's mouth opened once to say something when Chace knocked him down with a right hook.
“Ok Scott let's get this over with once and for all.” he said kneeling over the downed jock. “You wanna tell the truth?” he whispered “Let's tell everyone the truth.”
“What did he say?” looking over at Brad, who was watching with wide eyes “What did he say about me?”
Brad shook his head “Hey Chace I don't wanna get in-between something...”
“What did he say?” Chace demanded.
Brad took a deep breath and said “He said you were a fag and that you came on to him in the dressing room.”
Typical Nathan Scott.
“Did he say that HE was making a move on my cousin?” Chace asked loud enough for the whole locker room to hear “Did he mention that he's been blowing me before school for the last few months and he loves it?” he saw Nathan go pale “And did he mention in his off time he loves to ride my cock like he's a rodeo star?”
Chace looked over to Lucas and made eye contact “Tell me I'm lying Lucas.”
Lucas froze, looking down at his brother and then back to Chace in fear.
“Tell them if I am lying Lucas.” Chace asked out loud again “Tell them whether or not I fuck your brother on a daily basis.”
Every eye in the locker room was on Lucas who just sat there, not blinking. And then very slowly, very deliberately...he nodded his head yes. The whole room exploded into gasps and whispers as Chace said loudly “Yeah so I'm bi...I like both guys and girls. And I especially love fucking a tight ass like Nathan Scott.”
He stood up and looked around “Anyone have a problem with that?”
More than a few guys shook their head no, more than that had begun to fill out their Speedos.
Chace looked down at Nathan “You wanna take me down then you get to come with me Nate.” and he looked back to the rest of the team “And he was trying to fuck my cousin in there...just to get the story straight.”
And with that he walked out of the gym without a second glance behind him.
Leaving a sore and humiliated Nathan on the ground glaring at his brother.
Sam's mind was unfocused.
He wasn't sure where he was anymore...all he knew was that it felt awesome. He was like a floating brain with no body...no worries...nothing. He had never done anything more than drink before but if this was what getting was like...Sam needed to get fucked up more often. Something was touching him...touching him inside. Fingers...moving...making him gasp...moan...beg for more.
All Sam could think of was Dean.
Dean's face, his voice, his touch...it was all he ever thought of when he was this turned on. He had always felt humiliated to feel this way about his own brother...but right now he didn't care. His brother was touching him in a way he only dreamt about in his most pornographic of dreams. He called out Dean's name but all that came out was a mass of sounds and tones that didn't sound like speech at all.
“Was that me?” Sam thought to himself as the fingers withdrew.
Sam felt his legs spread wider and propped up on what he imagined was Dean's muscled shoulders. He was going to do it. Dead was going to actually top him. Sam felt his cock twitch with the thought as he felt the knob press against his ass...
Then there was the sound of screaming.
Sam could hear what sounded like Dean's voice going off and someone else screaming as well. Sam felt his legs drop as he slid off the bench in the small video booth. He wanted to open his eye and look up...he wanted to see what the fuss was about.
But as the voices began to dim...he decided a nap would be so much better.
Dean screeched into the adult book store parking lot sideways as he braked. He didn't even turn the truck off as he jumped out and burst into the store. Old man Harley was behind the counter with a worried look on his face.
“Where are they?” he roared.
The old man pointed to the hallway leading to the video booths with a trembling hand.
Dean could see the only red light on in the hallway and knew where Sam was. He ran down at a sprint, his mind white with rage. Pulling the door open he saw Jake about to mount Sam, his brother's head to one side as his legs sprayed out every which way.
Dean didn't even pause as he hit Jake in the back of the head.
Hard.
Jake fell forward stunned, his head hit the ground with a thud as Sam fell off the bench. This wasn't the first time Jake had taken a hit to the head before so knew enough to bring his arms around to protect him from further blows.
Like the kicks Dean was giving as he stood over him.
“What” kick “The fuck” kick “Do you think” kick “You're doing to my brother?” kick kick.
Jake heard the tone but not the words as Dean's cowboy boots hit his hands and arm with enough force to bruise. He screamed back “Get off me!” but if Dean heard him he gave no indication.
Dean leaned down and grabbed both of Jake's arms and pried them off his face. Jake looked at the vengeful face of Dean Winchester and felt his face go pale in shock. “Dean?” Jake croaked out.
Dean's head slammed his forehead into Jake's with enough force for the sound to be heard down the hall. Jake cried out as points of light flashed behind his eyelids before hitting the pavement again. He heard Dean's voice again but this time it seemed from far away.
A hand slapped his face a few times, bringing him back to the here and now. His eyes fluttered open and he came face to face again with Dean's face red with anger. “Can you hear me?” he asked shaking Jake.
Jake nodded mutely, not sure if he could form words right now.
“If you touch my brother again I will kill you.” Dean said, his tone level and steady. “Do you understand that?” Jake nodded. “Look in my eyes Jake.” Dean said almost conversationally “Do you think I am lying?” Jake shook his head no. “Good.” Dean said letting go of his cousin's head.
There was another flash of light as his head hit the concrete for a third time and then nothing.
Dean stood there wanting to keep hitting him again in the worst possible way. He knew if he started he wouldn't stop so he forced his eyes off of him and on to Sam. His brother was nude on the nasty concrete floor as he snored lightly. Whatever Jake had given him had left him completely incensed and didn't look like it was wearing of anytime soon. Dean slipped his jacket off and wrapped it around his brother's waist as he tried to cover what little he could of Sam's impressive body. Dean piled up what he knew of Sam's clothes onto his body before he put one hand under his knees and the other under his neck and lifted.
Dean actually grunted as he shouldered his oversized brother's massive weight. “Jesus Sammy what do you fucking eat?” He felt his knees buckle slightly and then the thought of leaving Sam here in this fucking hell hole and suddenly his little brother weighted nothing. He tried hard not to think about An Officer and a Gentleman as he walked out of the shop. Glancing over at a wide eyed Harley he nodded and said “Thanks! I owe you one.”
The old man nodded absently as they left.
Chace found Taylor idling his jeep in front of the school with a concerned look on his face. He found himself breaking into a smile despite the fact he just outed himself in front of the entire varsity swim team. There was something about the concern in his cousin's face that made everything worth it. He saw a depth in Taylor's eyes that seemed to calm him in a way he had never understood he needed before. As he got close Taylor asked “Is everything ok? Are you alright?”
Chace just nodded and moved in to kiss him “It's perfect now.” he said feeling Taylor kiss him back.
“Did we just kiss in front of the school?” Taylor asked after catching his breath.
Chace nodded “Something you can get used to?”
Taylor's face burst into a huge smile “Really?”
“Only if you're ok with it.” he said gesturing for him to scoot over to the passenger's seat. As he got in and strapped his seat belt on he added “Actually I might have already told some people about us.”
“Some people?” he asked pausing.
“Um...everyone?” Chace said reddening slightly.
Taylor tried to digest it for a second as Chace watched him with nervous eyes. After a few seconds he just grinned and said “Ok.”
“Ok?” Chace practically choked.
“If the worst thing that can happen to me is that everyone in this school knows I am going out with the hottest guy in it.” he leaned over and kissed him “I can live with that.”
Chace chuckled “Well I am the hottest.”
Taylor rolled his eyes as he sat back “Now you sound like Dean.”
Chace shifted the jeep into drive “That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.”
Sam's head pounded like he had been out on a three day drinking binge. He blinked more than a few times as sunlight poured down on his sensitive eyes. He covered his eyes as he thought to himself “Sunlight?”
He peeked open an eye and saw the lake spread out before him. The lake? How the fuck did he get to the lake? He began to sit up and he heard Dean's voice say “Don't kill yourself. You're probably still stoned.”
Sam wanted to turn around and look at him but his body seemed to reject that idea completely. Instead he laid back down on the grass. A bottle of water appeared in his vision “Here Try some of that.” Dean's voice said with the tone that Sam knew as his 'Do not screw with me right now.' tone. He twisted open the bottle and took a small sip realizing his mouth was dry as a desert. He gulped down half the bottle in one greedy swallow. He twisted the cap back on as his stomach rumbled In protest.
After a few minutes of lying there Sam croaked out “How?”
“How did you end up out here and not ass raped by Jake in an adult book store?” Dean's voice never grew in volume but Sam could hear the growing storm that was Dean's anger beginning to form.
“Yeah. How?” Sam asked in a stronger voice.
Dean sighed as he skipped a stone across the surface of the lake. “The old man that runs that place knows me. And he knew you...he got worried and called me.”
Sam tried to digest all that for a moment and then sat up slowly. “How do you know the guy who runs the adult book store?”
Dean refused to look at him as he continued to look out as the sun began it's slow descent into the water. “I just do Sam.” After a few seconds “There's a lot you don't know about me.”
Sam sat all the way up and only felt like he was going to throw up a little. He finished the water and rubbed his head in confusion. “Why does my head hurt so much?”
Dean's voice rose an octave as he said “Because when you decided to let Jake take you into a video booth at an adult book store he also decided to get you high with poppers. A whiff and you're flying high. A deep breath and you are dizzy for a few minutes.” Another stone across the lake. “You chug as much as you did and you start to kill fucking brain cells.”
Sam felt his stomach lurch as clips of memory began to filter into his head.
They both sat there and stared at the lake for a long time. The yellows and blues of the West Texas sky began to fade to oranges and purples before Dean asked “Why Sam? Why would you even go there.”
Sam had almost nodded off, his head refusing to stop pounding when Dean's voice startled him awake. He looked over with eyes at half mast “What?”
Dean tossed the last rock in his hand and stood “Fuck it. Come on let's get you home.”
Sam saw him stand as the Dean's question came to his mind. In a shocked voice Sam asked “You are serious?”
Dean paused and looked over his shoulder “What?”
Sam stood up, Dean had gotten his boxer briefs on him earlier so that was all he wore as he said in a louder voice “Are you fucking serious? You're asking me that question?”
Dean's eyes narrowed “I'm out of line by asking why you'd go to a nudie booth to fuck Jake?”
Sam's hands clenched unconsciously into fists “No you're out of line by caring WHO I fuck. You gave up that right a while ago.”
Dean took a step towards him “Oh I did?”
Sam didn't budge “Yeah Dean. When you decided we couldn't be together any more, that was the moment you lost any right to care.”
Dean blinked a few times “Sam I always care...”
“STOP IT!” Sam screamed, startling Dean into silence. “STOP FUCKING WITH ME!!” Dean stood there in shock, he had never seen Sam so pissed before in his life. “YOU NEED TO STOP CHANGING YOUR GOD DAMNED MIND AND FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT!!” Sam's face was beet red as he screamed “i CAN'T TAKE THIS ANY MORE. I CAN'T DEAN!!”
Dean watched as his brother began to sink to his knees sobbing “I can't keep doing this. You need to love me or let me go.” his head fell “Just decide and stay with it...”
Dean collapsed next to Sam and reached out to comfort him. Sam slapped Dean's hand away and glared at him with red, puffy eyes. “Do. Not. Touch. Me.” he said gritting his teeth. He took a deep breath as he tried to control himself. “Dean, you do this. You always do this. You come at me like a force of nature.” he stumbled over his words as he tried to make his brother understand. “You don't know what it's like Dean? To be the object of your desire. It's like the heat of a thousand suns...and you are caught, basking in that glow. And you feel like the most special person in the whole world. Like you won a dozen lotteries and nothing can touch you. You just spend the day thinking...'Wow, Dean Winchester picked me!' in a daze. And I counted the seconds before I could touch you again. It is the most important thing in the whole world...and then you take it away from me.”
Dean sat slackjawed as Sam picked at the grass in front of him. “I never wanted anything as much as I want you Dean. And the cruelest thing you ever did was give it to me.” He felt himself starting to cry again. “So excuse me if I want to fill that with anything I can find. If I decide to be with anyone because I can't be with you.” Sam looked away and wiped the tears off his face.
“Sammy...” Dean started to say and then stopped. What was there to say?
“Dad died because he was drunk Dean.” Sam said in a tired voice. “He was drunk and got hit by a truck. God didn't strike him down for us. It isn't punishment for sinning. It is just a guy, in a truck. That's it.” Dean saw Sam's eyes lock with his. “If you don't want to be with me just say so, but don't blame God. Don't cop out. Just look me in the eyes and say 'I don't want to be with you.'”
Dean had no idea what to say.
Chace enjoyed the wind in his hair as he drove home. One hand was n the wheel while the other was intertwined with Taylor's. They had driven silent for the past ten minutes, content in just being close to each other. As they pulled into the farm Taylor squeezed his cousin's hand and asked “What about your brothers?”
Chace looked over in confusion. “What about them?”
“What do you think they'll say about us?” his voice was fraught with worry as his forehead knit forward with concern.
Chace just laughed “Well I don't think two brothers that have fucked each other since they were teenagers can't say a thing about two cousins that are in love.”
Taylor felt his heart skip a beat for a second as he asked “What did you say?”
Chace parked his jeep in the driveway as he killed the engine. “What?” he asked not understanding the question.
“Did you just say you loved me?” Taylor asked with his eyes huge with shock.
Chace paused and reviewed his words and a slow grin spread across his face. “I think I did.” He sounded infinitely pleased with himself, as if not quite believing it himself.
“Did you mean it?” Taylor asked in what he hoped was not a completely pathetic 'please validate me' way.
Chace's face melted into a warm grin as he leaned forward, his body responding to the perfection sitting across from him. “You know I did.” he said kissing him deeply.
Taylor had no choice but to kiss him back.
“I'm not fucking with you.” Dean said after a few minutes of nothing.
Sam sighed as he began to stand up “I know Dean. Let's go.”
Dean put a hand on his brother's shoulder and pushed him back down. “No you got your Color Purple moment, now it's my turn to talk.” Sam's mouth opened to protest but seeing the steel In Dean's eyes, he thought better and sat back down.
“You think I don't know people like me Sam? You think I am not aware of the sheer tonnage of ass that has been thrown my way? I'm not stupid. Due to contrary belief I am not a complete retard. I know what I look like and I know what it does to people. And when I was young...well younger than now...I loved it. I thought that was what counted. I mean who doesn't want people tripping over themselves to ride your cock?” he looked out across the lake again. “I thought looking good and using it to get laid was it. The secret to life itself.”
“What changed?” Sam asked, never hearing this kind of truth from Dean before.
Dean looked at him with an infinite pool of sorrow in his hazel eyes and said “You.” He looked away quickly, as if the emotion was threatening to overwhelm him. “Whenever I fucked a girl, I wondered what it would be like if it was you. Every time some random cheerleader went down on me I thought about going down on you. The more sex I had the less it meant. And finally I understood why.” When he looked back a fat tear rolled down his cheek. “Because I was in love you.” He wiped furiously as the offending drop of water. “I was in love with you before I ever touched you.” He mad a sound that resembled a laugh but Sam knew was the hollow sound of his own self revulsion eating at him again. “You think Bobby taught me that shit?” he asked. “It wasn't Bobby...it was Jake.” he almost whispered.
Sam realized he had stopped breathing as Dean kept talking.
“Jake taught me...how to be with another guy. He was the first person to touch me like that...well a guy...and I liked it.” another chuckle “Hell I loved it. And for a second I thought 'This is it. This is what I wanted and it's ok.' For a full second I thought I wasn't a monster and that there was a place for what I felt in the world.”
Dean's voice trailed off as the memory and emotion stole his voice.
“And then what Dean?” Sam prompted.
Dean looked over and he looked older than he had ever before to Sam. “He called what we were doing...he said people would think we were fags.” Dean shuddered at the word. “And I realized that was what I was. I was a fag.” A sob moved silently through Dean as he forced his voice to remain level. “And I didn't want to make you one too Sam. I wanted to...I didn't want to turn you into this too.” He just stared out across the lake. “ I didn't want to make you a monster too. I wanted you to go to school, find a girl...settle down.” And in a much lower voice “All the things I would never do.” Looking back at Sam “I just wanted you to be happy.”
Sam moved forward and put a hand on Dean's face. He grinned and gave Dean his most puppy dog eyes. Dean smiled back as Sam said “You are the dumbest person I know.”
Dean blinked a few times before the actual words penetrated through the kind tone Sam had just used. He pulled back “What?”
Sam laughed again and grabbed the back of Dean's head. “I said you are the dumbest, stupidest, rock ignorant, backwater hick I have ever met.”
“What do you mean...” Dean began to debate when Sam's lips pressed against his.
Dean stiffened as his initial impulse was to resist it and pull away. But he was just too tired and missed Sam too much. Instead he just leaned in and kissed him back. They shared in that touch for a long time, neither one wanting to pull away first. Slowly Sam pulled back and leaned his forehead against Dean's as he whispered “I am happy Dean. When I am here.” he said pulling their heads together. “THIS is the only time I am happy. And it doesn't make you a monster or sick or whatever. I am white, single and over twenty which I am pretty sure in this country means I am free to do whatever the hell I want.” He tipped Dean's head up with a finger under his chin and Sam sad “And I want you.”
And he lowered Dean into the grass, showing his brother how much he wanted him.
For the first time since their dad had died...Dean closed his eyes and enjoyed it.
To be continued...
Sam was delirious with pleasure.
It had been so long since someone had touched him like this, with this kind of passion that he was swept into it completely. The fact he was in a cramped adult bookstore movie booth or that his cousin's tongue and finger was making him moan out loud or that he hadn't thought of Dean once in the past thirty minutes was lost on him. All he knew was physical pleasure and wanted more of it.
“So fucking tight.” Jake murmured as he worked a second finger into Sam's muscular ass. He felt his huge cousin tense momentarily and then relax as he pressed against his swollen prostate. Sam's head moved back as he let loose a throaty moan, his inhibitions along with his ass becoming looser and looser. Jake knew Sam was into it, it was just a matter of sealing the deal.
As Jake spread his fingers outward, trying to open Sam's virgin hole open he heard the first tone of discomfort come from Sam's mouth as the action pressed the tense ring of muscle further than it had ever been before. Jake knew this was going to be the problem, even if Sam's mind was willing...his body would in no way take a cock like his without protest. And unless Jake wanted to work this ass for two hours in this cramped booth, it wasn't happening.
Luckily Jake knew how to rectify it.
Standing Jake adjusted his rock hard cock in his jeans, Sam looked up almost drunkenly in confusion as Jake cracked the door open. Looking back at Sam with a grin he said “Be RIGHT back...don't move.” And with that he left, closing the door behind him. Suddenly Sam became aware of his position, his long legs spread out, anchoring him to the seat so his ass was exposed. Slowly he lowered his legs, as his common sense came back to him. What the hell was he doing? He was worse than Dean, rutting with Jake in a movie booth? What the hell? Was he this horny? This hard up for sex?
Well yeah but it was more than that.
Sam was desperate for anyone to touch him with kindness, with passion...with lust. Dean had opened a door Sam had been pretty sure was never going to open again last year when he confessed his love for his brother. And now, Sam realized he didn't want to close it again. He didn't want to...couldn't go back to the way it was. Dean had dragged him back to a place where he could wrap his mind around being his brother's lover...and he wasn't going to go back.
Dad death or not, this was enough.
He stood, starting to pull his pants up when Jake came back in, locking the door behind him. He had a small paper bag in his hand and his grin fell when he saw Sam dressing “What are you doing?”
“This is wrong Jake.” Sam said making sure not to look at those insanely sexy eyes “I can't do this.”
Jake moved up to him, his hard body moving against Sam's “Sam...come on.” he said almost purring “Don't be like that.”
Sam looked up and paused “Jake...”
“Look” he said opening the bag “I brought supplies.” and he pulled out a small bottle. He twisted it open in one move.
“What is that?' Sam asked as Jake moved his hands up to his face
“Instant I don't Give a Damn.” Jake said holding one of Sam's nostril's and putting the bottle under the other “Now breathe in.”
Sam paused as tried to pull away, but Jake held his head in place “Just one sniff Sammy...” he said looping a thumb under Sam's chin. Sam went to say something and found himself unable to open his mouth. In a slightly harsher voice Jake said “Just breathe damnit..”
Finally the hand holding Sam's head moved down and ran across Sam's washboard abs and tickled him. Sam gasped slightly and inhaled...the smell was awful as Jake took his hand away from Sam's face...waiting.
“Jesus” Sam said shaking his head “That smells like assssss” and his speech slurred as he slipped back into sitting. Jake grinned as he pulled Sam's jeans down again.
“There we go.” he said his mouth moving around Sam's half hard cock and was rewarded with it stiffening immediately. His finger snaked up his ass again, this time with no resistance. Jake grinned around the shaft as he heard Sam moan deeply, his eyes rolled back in his head.
“Much better.” Jake thought.
Chace felt himself throb as he laid over Taylor.
“Please Chace...do it.” Taylor said his hands moving over Chace's toned body “ I want it.”
And so did Chace. The thought of his cock, sliding up Taylor's virgin ass...
He shuddered thinking about it. But as he moved forward and kissed Taylor, feeling the other boy's hunger as he kissed back he paused. Suddenly a huge part of his life clicked into place and there was no doubt in him any more. He pulled back from the kiss, feeling Taylor's mouth move with him, wanting more.
“No” he said practically whispering.
Taylor paused “What?”
“No” Chace said, this time more forceful. I am not going to fuck you here.”
“But...” Taylor's voice cracked “...but I want...”
And Chace's hands grabbed his cousin's broad shoulders and said “And I want it too.” he said locking eyes with him “I want it so bad...” his head leaned forward and his forehead touched Taylor's “But I just realized something.” and he pulled back to look at him “I am not Dean Winchester.”
Taylor moved under him as Chace sat up “I'm not my brother, and I have to stop trying to be.”
“I don't...” Taylor said confused.
“Dean would fuck you. Right here, right now.” Chace said not looking at him “Hell he would have fucked you last night in bed. He wouldn't have thought twice about it because that is how Dean thinks. Sex is just sex.” Chace looked up at Taylor “But I care for you Taylor. I realize that now.” his hand moved out and cupped Taylor's cheek “And I am not going to have our first time on some filthy locker room floor.' Door locked with guys outside.” He saw Taylor blink tears “I don't want to remember that.” He moved closer as Taylor leaned into his embrace “I want it to be perfect. I want to make love to you...for hours. I don't want to rush or to watch our voice. To worry about someone walking in...” and he felt his own voice crack “...I want to show you how perfect it can be.”
Taylor felt his chest expand with joy as the two of them sat there in each others arms. And in a whisper he said “What did I do to deserve you?”
Chace looked over to him and smiled as Taylor leaned in and kissed him. Their tongues wrestled for a few seconds before Taylor broke the kiss off and said “Can we go now? I mean home...and you know?”
Chace's smile widened “You mean cut the rest of school and go home and fuck?”
Taylor nodded shyly.
Chace jumped up “Oh we can SO do that!” he said pulling Taylor up with him. They walked a few steps towards the door before Chace stopped him “Um...though I LOVE your body...you might wanna put some clothes on?”
“Shit!” Taylor said turning around and began gathering his jeans and shirt up.
Chace stood there in awe, watching that perfect body in motion.
Taylor looked over at him, jeans halfway up his legs “What?”
Chace shook his head as he looked away “Just finish dressing before I change my mind and do you right here.” Chace vegan to slip on his own clothes, forcing his gaze away from Taylor's abs.
Within seconds Taylor had his jeans and shoes slipped on, his shirt still in hand. With a grin he moved next to Chace, running a finger down the Winchester's hard chest and abs “I turn you on that much?”
Chace, whose cock was still rock hard in his speedos shivered at the touch as he grabbed his cousin's hand “Yes” he said quickly. He met Taylor's eyes “You really do.”
Taylor found it impossible not to kiss him.
Sam was somewhere between heaven and oblivion as Jake continued to open the cowboy's ass up so it could take his cock. Sam's long legs were spread wide as Jake slid a second finger into the virgin hole. Sam's head moved from side to side as Jake swirled his tongue around the thick knob of his cousin's cock. As he pressed his fingers against Sam's hidden spot he unbuttoned his jeans again, freeing his rigid cock so he could move to the next step.
Jake was so turned on it was insane.
Finding a guy like Sam who was still virgin...and obviously so willing to give it up...he was ready to cum just looking at him. As he shoved a third thick finger into his chute he made sure the bottle of poppers stayed close by in case they had any problems. It wasn't like Jake was tiny and being uncharted territory...well there was going to be some pain involved.
At least for Sam.
Chace and Taylor made a beeline out of the locker room, both trying not to make any eye contact as they pushed past the swim team. There were whispers as they passed by and Chace knew that Nathan had already begun spin control. By the end of school he was pretty sure he was going to be outed...by tomorrow the story would be that he had tried to jump Nathan in the changing room.
He paused digging into his jeans and pulling out his keys. He handed them to Taylor and said in a low voice “Go grab my jeep and bring it 'round front.” his eyes flickered over to Nathan whispering into Brad Greymark's ear and laughing. “I won't be long.” Chace said as his eyes flashed with anger.
Dean sat behind his dad's desk in depression.
He held a stack of papers and tried to force them to say something else. He had spent so much time on this far, thinking the world was one way. That there was a point to all his dad's bullshit about honor and hard work and everything. He had poured literally blood, sweat and tears into this soil and find this out...
His cell phone rang twice before the oldest Winchester even noticed. He looked at the caller ID and frowned as he read the number. “Who the fuck is this?” he said to himself flipping the phone open.
“This is Dean.” he said harshly, the day's pressure getting to him.
He sat there for several seconds as the voice on the other side talked. “When?” he finally asked.
More talking.
“I'm on my way.” he said already rushing out of the room.
He grabbed the keys to his truck as he ran out of the kitchen “Motherfucker” he growled as he gunned the engine and tore off.
Jake was moving three fingers easily in and out of Sam's muscular ass. He had given the Winchester two more hits of the bottle to keep him sated...he hit his cousin's swollen prostate a few more times, making the half conscious man moan out loud before he made the decision.
“Get ready Sam Winchester.” Jake said more to himself as he braced those longs legs on his shoulders “You're about to become a man...”
And began to press his cock into him slowly.
“Something funny Nate?” Chace said after Taylor left the locker room.
Nathan's face turned from spiteful glee to shock as he saw Chace storming towards him, both hands clenched into fists. “Chace hold on!!” he said taking a few steps back.
The swim team parted like the Red Sea as Chace cut the distance between them in four steps. Nathan was still in his swim shorts while Chace had dressed back into his street clothes and looked damn impressive. Nathan's mouth opened once to say something when Chace knocked him down with a right hook.
“Ok Scott let's get this over with once and for all.” he said kneeling over the downed jock. “You wanna tell the truth?” he whispered “Let's tell everyone the truth.”
“What did he say?” looking over at Brad, who was watching with wide eyes “What did he say about me?”
Brad shook his head “Hey Chace I don't wanna get in-between something...”
“What did he say?” Chace demanded.
Brad took a deep breath and said “He said you were a fag and that you came on to him in the dressing room.”
Typical Nathan Scott.
“Did he say that HE was making a move on my cousin?” Chace asked loud enough for the whole locker room to hear “Did he mention that he's been blowing me before school for the last few months and he loves it?” he saw Nathan go pale “And did he mention in his off time he loves to ride my cock like he's a rodeo star?”
Chace looked over to Lucas and made eye contact “Tell me I'm lying Lucas.”
Lucas froze, looking down at his brother and then back to Chace in fear.
“Tell them if I am lying Lucas.” Chace asked out loud again “Tell them whether or not I fuck your brother on a daily basis.”
Every eye in the locker room was on Lucas who just sat there, not blinking. And then very slowly, very deliberately...he nodded his head yes. The whole room exploded into gasps and whispers as Chace said loudly “Yeah so I'm bi...I like both guys and girls. And I especially love fucking a tight ass like Nathan Scott.”
He stood up and looked around “Anyone have a problem with that?”
More than a few guys shook their head no, more than that had begun to fill out their Speedos.
Chace looked down at Nathan “You wanna take me down then you get to come with me Nate.” and he looked back to the rest of the team “And he was trying to fuck my cousin in there...just to get the story straight.”
And with that he walked out of the gym without a second glance behind him.
Leaving a sore and humiliated Nathan on the ground glaring at his brother.
Sam's mind was unfocused.
He wasn't sure where he was anymore...all he knew was that it felt awesome. He was like a floating brain with no body...no worries...nothing. He had never done anything more than drink before but if this was what getting was like...Sam needed to get fucked up more often. Something was touching him...touching him inside. Fingers...moving...making him gasp...moan...beg for more.
All Sam could think of was Dean.
Dean's face, his voice, his touch...it was all he ever thought of when he was this turned on. He had always felt humiliated to feel this way about his own brother...but right now he didn't care. His brother was touching him in a way he only dreamt about in his most pornographic of dreams. He called out Dean's name but all that came out was a mass of sounds and tones that didn't sound like speech at all.
“Was that me?” Sam thought to himself as the fingers withdrew.
Sam felt his legs spread wider and propped up on what he imagined was Dean's muscled shoulders. He was going to do it. Dead was going to actually top him. Sam felt his cock twitch with the thought as he felt the knob press against his ass...
Then there was the sound of screaming.
Sam could hear what sounded like Dean's voice going off and someone else screaming as well. Sam felt his legs drop as he slid off the bench in the small video booth. He wanted to open his eye and look up...he wanted to see what the fuss was about.
But as the voices began to dim...he decided a nap would be so much better.
Dean screeched into the adult book store parking lot sideways as he braked. He didn't even turn the truck off as he jumped out and burst into the store. Old man Harley was behind the counter with a worried look on his face.
“Where are they?” he roared.
The old man pointed to the hallway leading to the video booths with a trembling hand.
Dean could see the only red light on in the hallway and knew where Sam was. He ran down at a sprint, his mind white with rage. Pulling the door open he saw Jake about to mount Sam, his brother's head to one side as his legs sprayed out every which way.
Dean didn't even pause as he hit Jake in the back of the head.
Hard.
Jake fell forward stunned, his head hit the ground with a thud as Sam fell off the bench. This wasn't the first time Jake had taken a hit to the head before so knew enough to bring his arms around to protect him from further blows.
Like the kicks Dean was giving as he stood over him.
“What” kick “The fuck” kick “Do you think” kick “You're doing to my brother?” kick kick.
Jake heard the tone but not the words as Dean's cowboy boots hit his hands and arm with enough force to bruise. He screamed back “Get off me!” but if Dean heard him he gave no indication.
Dean leaned down and grabbed both of Jake's arms and pried them off his face. Jake looked at the vengeful face of Dean Winchester and felt his face go pale in shock. “Dean?” Jake croaked out.
Dean's head slammed his forehead into Jake's with enough force for the sound to be heard down the hall. Jake cried out as points of light flashed behind his eyelids before hitting the pavement again. He heard Dean's voice again but this time it seemed from far away.
A hand slapped his face a few times, bringing him back to the here and now. His eyes fluttered open and he came face to face again with Dean's face red with anger. “Can you hear me?” he asked shaking Jake.
Jake nodded mutely, not sure if he could form words right now.
“If you touch my brother again I will kill you.” Dean said, his tone level and steady. “Do you understand that?” Jake nodded. “Look in my eyes Jake.” Dean said almost conversationally “Do you think I am lying?” Jake shook his head no. “Good.” Dean said letting go of his cousin's head.
There was another flash of light as his head hit the concrete for a third time and then nothing.
Dean stood there wanting to keep hitting him again in the worst possible way. He knew if he started he wouldn't stop so he forced his eyes off of him and on to Sam. His brother was nude on the nasty concrete floor as he snored lightly. Whatever Jake had given him had left him completely incensed and didn't look like it was wearing of anytime soon. Dean slipped his jacket off and wrapped it around his brother's waist as he tried to cover what little he could of Sam's impressive body. Dean piled up what he knew of Sam's clothes onto his body before he put one hand under his knees and the other under his neck and lifted.
Dean actually grunted as he shouldered his oversized brother's massive weight. “Jesus Sammy what do you fucking eat?” He felt his knees buckle slightly and then the thought of leaving Sam here in this fucking hell hole and suddenly his little brother weighted nothing. He tried hard not to think about An Officer and a Gentleman as he walked out of the shop. Glancing over at a wide eyed Harley he nodded and said “Thanks! I owe you one.”
The old man nodded absently as they left.
Chace found Taylor idling his jeep in front of the school with a concerned look on his face. He found himself breaking into a smile despite the fact he just outed himself in front of the entire varsity swim team. There was something about the concern in his cousin's face that made everything worth it. He saw a depth in Taylor's eyes that seemed to calm him in a way he had never understood he needed before. As he got close Taylor asked “Is everything ok? Are you alright?”
Chace just nodded and moved in to kiss him “It's perfect now.” he said feeling Taylor kiss him back.
“Did we just kiss in front of the school?” Taylor asked after catching his breath.
Chace nodded “Something you can get used to?”
Taylor's face burst into a huge smile “Really?”
“Only if you're ok with it.” he said gesturing for him to scoot over to the passenger's seat. As he got in and strapped his seat belt on he added “Actually I might have already told some people about us.”
“Some people?” he asked pausing.
“Um...everyone?” Chace said reddening slightly.
Taylor tried to digest it for a second as Chace watched him with nervous eyes. After a few seconds he just grinned and said “Ok.”
“Ok?” Chace practically choked.
“If the worst thing that can happen to me is that everyone in this school knows I am going out with the hottest guy in it.” he leaned over and kissed him “I can live with that.”
Chace chuckled “Well I am the hottest.”
Taylor rolled his eyes as he sat back “Now you sound like Dean.”
Chace shifted the jeep into drive “That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.”
Sam's head pounded like he had been out on a three day drinking binge. He blinked more than a few times as sunlight poured down on his sensitive eyes. He covered his eyes as he thought to himself “Sunlight?”
He peeked open an eye and saw the lake spread out before him. The lake? How the fuck did he get to the lake? He began to sit up and he heard Dean's voice say “Don't kill yourself. You're probably still stoned.”
Sam wanted to turn around and look at him but his body seemed to reject that idea completely. Instead he laid back down on the grass. A bottle of water appeared in his vision “Here Try some of that.” Dean's voice said with the tone that Sam knew as his 'Do not screw with me right now.' tone. He twisted open the bottle and took a small sip realizing his mouth was dry as a desert. He gulped down half the bottle in one greedy swallow. He twisted the cap back on as his stomach rumbled In protest.
After a few minutes of lying there Sam croaked out “How?”
“How did you end up out here and not ass raped by Jake in an adult book store?” Dean's voice never grew in volume but Sam could hear the growing storm that was Dean's anger beginning to form.
“Yeah. How?” Sam asked in a stronger voice.
Dean sighed as he skipped a stone across the surface of the lake. “The old man that runs that place knows me. And he knew you...he got worried and called me.”
Sam tried to digest all that for a moment and then sat up slowly. “How do you know the guy who runs the adult book store?”
Dean refused to look at him as he continued to look out as the sun began it's slow descent into the water. “I just do Sam.” After a few seconds “There's a lot you don't know about me.”
Sam sat all the way up and only felt like he was going to throw up a little. He finished the water and rubbed his head in confusion. “Why does my head hurt so much?”
Dean's voice rose an octave as he said “Because when you decided to let Jake take you into a video booth at an adult book store he also decided to get you high with poppers. A whiff and you're flying high. A deep breath and you are dizzy for a few minutes.” Another stone across the lake. “You chug as much as you did and you start to kill fucking brain cells.”
Sam felt his stomach lurch as clips of memory began to filter into his head.
They both sat there and stared at the lake for a long time. The yellows and blues of the West Texas sky began to fade to oranges and purples before Dean asked “Why Sam? Why would you even go there.”
Sam had almost nodded off, his head refusing to stop pounding when Dean's voice startled him awake. He looked over with eyes at half mast “What?”
Dean tossed the last rock in his hand and stood “Fuck it. Come on let's get you home.”
Sam saw him stand as the Dean's question came to his mind. In a shocked voice Sam asked “You are serious?”
Dean paused and looked over his shoulder “What?”
Sam stood up, Dean had gotten his boxer briefs on him earlier so that was all he wore as he said in a louder voice “Are you fucking serious? You're asking me that question?”
Dean's eyes narrowed “I'm out of line by asking why you'd go to a nudie booth to fuck Jake?”
Sam's hands clenched unconsciously into fists “No you're out of line by caring WHO I fuck. You gave up that right a while ago.”
Dean took a step towards him “Oh I did?”
Sam didn't budge “Yeah Dean. When you decided we couldn't be together any more, that was the moment you lost any right to care.”
Dean blinked a few times “Sam I always care...”
“STOP IT!” Sam screamed, startling Dean into silence. “STOP FUCKING WITH ME!!” Dean stood there in shock, he had never seen Sam so pissed before in his life. “YOU NEED TO STOP CHANGING YOUR GOD DAMNED MIND AND FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT!!” Sam's face was beet red as he screamed “i CAN'T TAKE THIS ANY MORE. I CAN'T DEAN!!”
Dean watched as his brother began to sink to his knees sobbing “I can't keep doing this. You need to love me or let me go.” his head fell “Just decide and stay with it...”
Dean collapsed next to Sam and reached out to comfort him. Sam slapped Dean's hand away and glared at him with red, puffy eyes. “Do. Not. Touch. Me.” he said gritting his teeth. He took a deep breath as he tried to control himself. “Dean, you do this. You always do this. You come at me like a force of nature.” he stumbled over his words as he tried to make his brother understand. “You don't know what it's like Dean? To be the object of your desire. It's like the heat of a thousand suns...and you are caught, basking in that glow. And you feel like the most special person in the whole world. Like you won a dozen lotteries and nothing can touch you. You just spend the day thinking...'Wow, Dean Winchester picked me!' in a daze. And I counted the seconds before I could touch you again. It is the most important thing in the whole world...and then you take it away from me.”
Dean sat slackjawed as Sam picked at the grass in front of him. “I never wanted anything as much as I want you Dean. And the cruelest thing you ever did was give it to me.” He felt himself starting to cry again. “So excuse me if I want to fill that with anything I can find. If I decide to be with anyone because I can't be with you.” Sam looked away and wiped the tears off his face.
“Sammy...” Dean started to say and then stopped. What was there to say?
“Dad died because he was drunk Dean.” Sam said in a tired voice. “He was drunk and got hit by a truck. God didn't strike him down for us. It isn't punishment for sinning. It is just a guy, in a truck. That's it.” Dean saw Sam's eyes lock with his. “If you don't want to be with me just say so, but don't blame God. Don't cop out. Just look me in the eyes and say 'I don't want to be with you.'”
Dean had no idea what to say.
Chace enjoyed the wind in his hair as he drove home. One hand was n the wheel while the other was intertwined with Taylor's. They had driven silent for the past ten minutes, content in just being close to each other. As they pulled into the farm Taylor squeezed his cousin's hand and asked “What about your brothers?”
Chace looked over in confusion. “What about them?”
“What do you think they'll say about us?” his voice was fraught with worry as his forehead knit forward with concern.
Chace just laughed “Well I don't think two brothers that have fucked each other since they were teenagers can't say a thing about two cousins that are in love.”
Taylor felt his heart skip a beat for a second as he asked “What did you say?”
Chace parked his jeep in the driveway as he killed the engine. “What?” he asked not understanding the question.
“Did you just say you loved me?” Taylor asked with his eyes huge with shock.
Chace paused and reviewed his words and a slow grin spread across his face. “I think I did.” He sounded infinitely pleased with himself, as if not quite believing it himself.
“Did you mean it?” Taylor asked in what he hoped was not a completely pathetic 'please validate me' way.
Chace's face melted into a warm grin as he leaned forward, his body responding to the perfection sitting across from him. “You know I did.” he said kissing him deeply.
Taylor had no choice but to kiss him back.
“I'm not fucking with you.” Dean said after a few minutes of nothing.
Sam sighed as he began to stand up “I know Dean. Let's go.”
Dean put a hand on his brother's shoulder and pushed him back down. “No you got your Color Purple moment, now it's my turn to talk.” Sam's mouth opened to protest but seeing the steel In Dean's eyes, he thought better and sat back down.
“You think I don't know people like me Sam? You think I am not aware of the sheer tonnage of ass that has been thrown my way? I'm not stupid. Due to contrary belief I am not a complete retard. I know what I look like and I know what it does to people. And when I was young...well younger than now...I loved it. I thought that was what counted. I mean who doesn't want people tripping over themselves to ride your cock?” he looked out across the lake again. “I thought looking good and using it to get laid was it. The secret to life itself.”
“What changed?” Sam asked, never hearing this kind of truth from Dean before.
Dean looked at him with an infinite pool of sorrow in his hazel eyes and said “You.” He looked away quickly, as if the emotion was threatening to overwhelm him. “Whenever I fucked a girl, I wondered what it would be like if it was you. Every time some random cheerleader went down on me I thought about going down on you. The more sex I had the less it meant. And finally I understood why.” When he looked back a fat tear rolled down his cheek. “Because I was in love you.” He wiped furiously as the offending drop of water. “I was in love with you before I ever touched you.” He mad a sound that resembled a laugh but Sam knew was the hollow sound of his own self revulsion eating at him again. “You think Bobby taught me that shit?” he asked. “It wasn't Bobby...it was Jake.” he almost whispered.
Sam realized he had stopped breathing as Dean kept talking.
“Jake taught me...how to be with another guy. He was the first person to touch me like that...well a guy...and I liked it.” another chuckle “Hell I loved it. And for a second I thought 'This is it. This is what I wanted and it's ok.' For a full second I thought I wasn't a monster and that there was a place for what I felt in the world.”
Dean's voice trailed off as the memory and emotion stole his voice.
“And then what Dean?” Sam prompted.
Dean looked over and he looked older than he had ever before to Sam. “He called what we were doing...he said people would think we were fags.” Dean shuddered at the word. “And I realized that was what I was. I was a fag.” A sob moved silently through Dean as he forced his voice to remain level. “And I didn't want to make you one too Sam. I wanted to...I didn't want to turn you into this too.” He just stared out across the lake. “ I didn't want to make you a monster too. I wanted you to go to school, find a girl...settle down.” And in a much lower voice “All the things I would never do.” Looking back at Sam “I just wanted you to be happy.”
Sam moved forward and put a hand on Dean's face. He grinned and gave Dean his most puppy dog eyes. Dean smiled back as Sam said “You are the dumbest person I know.”
Dean blinked a few times before the actual words penetrated through the kind tone Sam had just used. He pulled back “What?”
Sam laughed again and grabbed the back of Dean's head. “I said you are the dumbest, stupidest, rock ignorant, backwater hick I have ever met.”
“What do you mean...” Dean began to debate when Sam's lips pressed against his.
Dean stiffened as his initial impulse was to resist it and pull away. But he was just too tired and missed Sam too much. Instead he just leaned in and kissed him back. They shared in that touch for a long time, neither one wanting to pull away first. Slowly Sam pulled back and leaned his forehead against Dean's as he whispered “I am happy Dean. When I am here.” he said pulling their heads together. “THIS is the only time I am happy. And it doesn't make you a monster or sick or whatever. I am white, single and over twenty which I am pretty sure in this country means I am free to do whatever the hell I want.” He tipped Dean's head up with a finger under his chin and Sam sad “And I want you.”
And he lowered Dean into the grass, showing his brother how much he wanted him.
For the first time since their dad had died...Dean closed his eyes and enjoyed it.
To be continued...