To Live in Die in LA-Part Seven

[usmc75]

The car was silent as a grave as they drove towards Stanford.

The rumble of the engine was like being surrounded by a huge sabertooth tiger who seemed infinitely pleased to be simply running. Faith leaned up against the cold glass of the passenger side and watched the darkness race by as the quiet threatened to push her out of the car. She could see Dean in the reflection of the glass, his profile looked angry as he gripped the wheel with both hands and watched the road appear out in front of him as he drove.

She sighed as she went back to watching the darkness as the quiet grew larger. He had been silent since the bathroom. No, that wasn’t true, silent would indicate an absence of sound, that was silent. This wasn’t silence, this was screaming with no sound. This was a deafening nothing that was threatening to make her head explode.

It had been going so well too.

Her head had been on his shoulder, they had decided to go grab his brother, who was a hunter or maybe a bigfoot, she hadn’t caught the salient details. It was going perfect…so of course she couldn’t leave well enough alone. She couldn’t just stop talking and rest. She wasn’t capable of just relaxing there as the demon’s pounding began to take on a Phil Collins like tempo in the background. Because she was not just any girl and Dean was not just any boy. He was special and she was fucked. The more she knew about him, the longer she stayed near him- the less she could ignore the obvious. Dean so did not need her tangling up his wires.

When they were in the bathtub, which was like a foxhole with water and the smell of baby shampoo- all she could do was try.

"So salt?" she asked.

He looked over at her; he had thought she had dozed off apparently. He smirked "You don’t run from demons a lot do you?"

She shook her head as she felt the warmth in his hand "Never had to."

He chuckled under his breath "Well the rest of us, who don’t eat our Slayer spinach, have to do things a different way." he said leaning in to her "Most evil can’t cross a salt line, just are just not capable of breeching it." he sighed a little "So they can pound all they want. All we need to do is wait for the cops to show up and chase them off."

She felt herself stiffen now next to him "Cops?"

He nodded half asleep himself "Yeah. Lindsey seems to be making a go of it as a normal human and all. He’ll have his guys rabbit before he has them blow his cover." he tried to get comfortable again "It’s a straight shot to Stanford from here, we might make it by the afternoon."

She sat there, completely awake now. "Cops?" she said again, more to herself than to Dean.

He paused and sat up some "Yeah…cops. Police. Fuzz. Blue Meanies." he saw the look on her face "What is it?"

She knew she was pale as her heart sounded like a bass drum in her chest "Um…cops could be bad." she said.

He narrowed his eyes for a moment and then hit his head slightly "The pizza guy." he said "I forgot."

She sighed as she looked down and shook her head "No. Not just the pizza guy." her stomach was doing backflips as she realized what she had to do next. The last thing she wanted to do had just scaled her list to take first place on what she HAD to do.

"Hungry?"

Faith looked over at him and realized she had dozed slightly. He was pulling off the road and a small gas station was ahead. She sat up "Um…" and her stomach rumbled. She loved Slayer healing, she hated Slayer hunger.

"Ok" he said with no expression as he pulled up next to a pump. He pulled out the keys and handed them to her "I gotta piss and will get us some food. You mind filling her up?"

She took the keys, studying his face to see if this was some kind of message, or sign of some kind. But he showed nothing as he stared at her waiting. She nodded and took the keys; he was out of the car in seconds. She watched him walk in and ask the guy for the restroom key before disappearing..

"At least I have his keys so he can’t ditch me." she said to herself as she unlocked the gas tank. As the gas began to flow she leaned back on the car, she should have never said anything. This was why she didn’t go blabbing all the time about herself. Every time she opened her mouth something came out that chased people away. Or maybe she chased them away before they could tell her to go.

"Remember when I said I was an ex-con?" she had said. Dean nodded in the dim light of the bathroom, his eyes not understanding a bit. "Well I wasn’t trying to yank your chain or trying to be all tough like Pinky Tuscadero."

His smile got wide "You think Pinky was a con?"

Faith looked at him like he was stupid "Well duh. How do you think she met Fonz?"

He laughed at that "Fonz was not a con." he said.

"If he wasn’t a con why did he do all his business in a bathroom?" she said wryly "Trust me, Fonz had done time."

"And met Pinky there?" he added.

"Um Yeah" Faith said "Most likely they had a thing but it didn’t work out. You know how it is when two terribly cool people try and get together?" she said offhandedly.

He leaned in close and whispered "Um…they get stuck in a bathtub hiding from demons?" And then he kissed her, or she kissed him. It was all muddled now.

The pump clicked off as Faith was brought back to the here and now. She stowed the hose away and locked up the tank, taking a glance over to the gas station. Dean was standing there with a couple of drinks in his hands while the guy bagged something. He looked so…normal?

Well not normal he looked smoking hot, even under the washed out 7/11 lights and dirty plane glass. But he looked like a normal guy, just buying supplies for a road trip in the middle of the night. Maybe a college guy, trying to get back before the weekend was up, maybe heading home to a house and a family somewhere. Whatever it was, he looked perfectly normal, the guy behind the counter smiled and nodded his head at whatever Dean had said and Faith felt her stomach lurch. He looked completely normal.

Except for the freak who was riding shotgun.

She thought about running for a second. Tossing the keys on the front seat and just bolting into the night. She had no idea where she was or where she might be going…but she needed to get away from here. Away from him. It was a familiar feeling, it had been the same feeling she ended up getting no matter who she had met or gone out with. She had hoped this feeling wouldn’t come around again, that somehow by coming clean she had given it the slip somewhere. But here it was, pushing her slightly in the back, telling her, imploring her to take off now before he turned towards the car and her.

Cut this line and let the boy go. Wait on the highway for some trucker to find her. Get back into L.A., shove Lindsey’s demonic head up his ass, stop whatever was going on and leave. Just leave. Fuck Giles, fuck Wesley- fuck everyone. Just head out, grab a bike and pick a direction. If Giles was right about his destiny thing, she’d end up wherever she needed to be.

"Coke or Pepsi?"

She spun around, dropping the keys in shock as she faced him and the two bottles. "What?"

He held each bottle up as he said "Coke or Pepsi?" he paused "They were all out of Jack so I got one of each."

She leaned down, grabbed the keys and then grabbed the Coke. She pressed the keys into his hand as she walked around the car to the passenger side "Thanks" she murmured. Not for the first time, it occurred to her that she had no money on her whatsoever. She was not saying as much to Dean yet, because yeah, he knew her gear went up in flames. He wasn't stupid and she had the feeling it might infringe on his sense of nobility and hospitality if she mentioned the money thing. Something about Dean made her unsure of the rules, even the ones she had made up herself. As she got in he tossed a bag onto her lap.

"They only had those burrito things, but they had four of them, so least they’ll make a meal." he said starting the car.

She looked into the bag and tried not to tear up as they pulled out. Fuck. She was getting misty over fucking burritos now. This was officially the worst night of her life.

She pulled back from the kiss and laughed "Ok…ok" she said as he tried to lean in again "Dean" she said trying to sound as serious as she could. He wasn’t listening and pushed in again for another kiss. He was irresistible, in spades. Especially the way he made those soft sounds like he was hungry when he kissed. It was incredibly difficult to stop him.. She sighed and gave into him, since he wasn’t the only one wanting. Her fingers slid into his hair and her nails grazed his nape- which he seemed to like. She liked it right back. He was a phenomenal kisser, toe curling good. After a good amount of time she pushed him back "Ok stop."

He smiled and looked into her eyes "Collaborate and listen."

She stopped and stared at him for a second "Was that Vanilla Ice?"

He still had that same dumb smile "Yep" and he kissed her again in her shock. She had to admit, she let him get away with it. Another few minutes and she pushed him back "Ok Ice…hold up."

This time he leaned back "Ok what? You were a bad person and did horrible things. I got it." he said quickly "If the cops come I can handle it."

She was tempted to believe it. Like he would what, tell the cops she was with him and they'd just have to give ground? Dean had a way of saying things that made you feel buoyed along by his charisma. He began to lean in again and she almost let him do it. Almost let it drop, after all, she had tried and gotten away with it. She could safely say later that she had tried to tell him. If she was game for playing Dean. Was she? Faith hissed inside and knew she couldn't. Not him.

With more determination, her hands pressed against his chest anew. "Dean wait."

He paused; the confusion in his face was real now. In a low voice he asked "What is it?"

She took a deep breath "I think…no, I know. You need to know the whole story."

He didn’t say anything, he just stared with those horribly big, understanding green eyes.

SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!!

"The cops are looking for me for more than the pizza guy." she said, every word was like a knife to herself. She looked but he said nothing "When I said I left…I didn’t mean as in seal of approval or time off for good whatever. I just left." she couldn’t keep looking at him now "I had some things to do."

"Like?" he asked softly.

She looked up at him and saw there was no easy way to tell this story. No shortcut in which she could just say ‘I needed to stop Angel who had lost his soul so I needed to stop him before they killed him since he had believed in me when I camr to L.A. and see, I'd been fooled into…'

Sigh.

Why oh why couldn’t there just be a Previously on Faith the Vampire Slayer?

"Ok" she said sitting straight up "Once upon a time there was a princess named Buffy. Who got everything she wanted. One day she got a mole and it turned out she was The Slayer. She burnt down her high school and had to move to Sunnydale, weird capital of the world. There she met The Master, who was an old vampire, who killed her while she wore a nice dress and she died." she took a breath "From that we got Kendra."

"Who?" Dean asked.

"Don’t worry." Faith said under her breath "She won’t be around long enough to matter." another breath "Kendra got iced by Drusilla, which is a lot like saying you got killed by an assassin from Jerry’s kids, which meant a new Slayer was called up from the minors."

She looked at Dean who pointed to her in question, she nodded "I was just a potential before that. I could see vampires, knew they were real. I mean I could just sense them around, had feelings…well I knew I was different." she paused "My mother thought I was crazy." she stopped, wondering if even bringing up her crazy, alcoholic mother was even part of the story, much less something she wanted to share with anyone…but that was it wasn’t it? For some reason Dean made her want to share this crap. For the first time she wanted someone, anyone to know her. All of her.

Fuck that.

"Anyways Kendra croaked and all of a sudden I was The Slayer." she said "And I thought it was the coolest thing in the entire world." she said softly "I mean I thought I was the shit, all super strong, fast, invulnerable.. I could go where I wanted, do what I wanted…was just…everything you would think getting super powers would be like." she saw him smile as she went on "See this whole Slayer thing used to be different. Used to be One slayer at any one time. One died, another was called up. No big deal. Not the most perfect of systems, but it had been working for thousands of years." a bitter sigh "Enter Buffy. See Buffy had been killed by The Master…"

"In the really nice dress." Dean added.

Faith grinned "Buffy was in the dress but thanks for that image." she said shaking her head "So Buffy died…for like five minutes. Xander" she saw Dean’s face "Friend of hers, total crushing on her" he nodded "gave her mouth to mouth and brought her back to life. But she was dead.."

"Making Kendra." Dean said/asked.

"Yep. So when Kendra got dead…"

"And made you" Dean said "Buffy was still alive."

"Alive and kicking." she said "So I headed to California to meet the legend…" she said wistfully "…meet someone else different like me." Faith remembered meeting Buffy and how hard she had tried to fit in with the Scoobies. How nice it had felt for like six seconds to be a part of something where you weren’t just a freak, more than just the hot girl who puts out. A something where you could be a hero. Make a difference. Do anything but what she had been doing.

"Well that didn’t work out all that well." she went on "See Buffy had a thing for Angel…"

"Mexican guy?" Dean asked.

"Vampire" she amended "Vampire with a soul." She saw his face fall into confusion "Two types of vamps out there, the mystical kind, that are inhabited by a demonic soul. Vulnerable to sunlight, stakes, turn to ash and soot when staked. Then there is a biological kind, tough, strong, blood sucking, but really just a mutant thing rather than the vampire you’re familiar with from movies and all that. Angel was the first kind, but he had a soul." she completely bypassed how Angel was one of the most perfect looking men of any generation. How his name came from his innate perfection, the face of an angel, the soul of a devil. "He was on the side good, fighting the good fight and all that…but I didn’t buy it."

She looked at Dean with tired eyes "All I saw was a vampire. So I went after Angel which of course pissed off Buffy and after that…well things were never the same. We tolerated each other…but we were never going to braid our hair and watch Titanic at night if you get my drift. But we had more than enough evil to go around so we kept at it.

And then…" her voice choked for a moment "…and then…" her throat was closing up.

"Faith?" he asked, his hand coming close to her.

She pulled back from him, if she gave in now, accepted his warmth and comfort she would never get through this. She would collapse into his arms and never bring this up again. Ever. Taking the deepest breath she could she said "There was this guy…"

"Faith you don’t have to do this." he said in that god damned accepting voice.

"There was this guy…" she tried again.

"Faith it doesn’t matter what you did before…" and he touched her arm.

"…and I killed him!" she said pulling back. "There was this guy and I fucking killed him. Shoved a stake through his heart."

Dean paused for a moment "Was he a vampire? A demon?"

"He was a deputy mayor!" she said almost yelling. In a more subdued voice "He was a human and he was a stupid deputy mayor and I killed him."

They were both silent for a second and Dean asked in a real low voice "Did you know he was a human when you staked him?"

She shook her head, the memory all these years later still stung. Still was like a damn hot iron in her eye. That was the moment her old life ended, and this one began.

"Well then if you didn’t know it was…" he started to say.

"And then I joined the bad guys." she said cutting him off. His mouth was still half opened. "His name was Richard, and he was the mayor of Sunnydale. And he was the bad guy." she said as plainly as possible. "He was trying to…he was trying to make himself a god." her held fell as she spoke "He used me. He made me feel loved, he made me feel welcomed…and I became the bad guy." she was tired, so fucking tired "I was his killer, his little pet slayer. I killed men for him, tried to kill Buffy…anything he wanted. In the end Buffy stabbed me in the gut and left me for dead and he got killed trying to destroy the graduating class." Why couldn’t it end already? Why couldn’t she just get some rest? "When I came to…when I came to I fucked Buffy over and ran to L.A. Where I met Lindsey." she paused "The real Lindsey. He hired me to kill Angel…which I tried to do but…" again her voice cracked "…but…I couldn’t. Angel talked to me and I finally turned myself in." a single tear rolled down her cheek "He convinced me I had to stop running…that I had to try to make things right. So I did. Sat in prison for awhile before Wesley came to me, told me Angel was in trouble. So I broke out to save him…never went back." another gulp of air "Since then I’ve worked the side of good, done what I can to make it right. Me and Buffy are about as ok as we will ever get…but no matter how much I do I will never wash away the blood of all those people I killed for him. Never not see them staring up and me with dead eyes." she shuddered "So if the cops come it’s bad." she looked at Dean "And maybe you should just say you don’t know me."

He stared at her with an odd expression. Not one muscle in his face twitched as he looked at her. She felt like her skin was crawling as he just stared. She wanted to scream ‘Get it over with!’ Wanted to holler ‘Just hate me and get it over with.’

The silence was awful but finally he said "It's over."

She blinked a few times "What?"

He stood up "The pounding, it's over."

He was right about the pounding but she wasn't sure that was what he meant. He got out and opened the bathroom door and peeked out. "Nothing" he said as he walked into the room. She got up and followed him; her body felt better actually as she saw him peek out the window "They took off." Dean said in confusion.

"Dean, look…" she began.

"We should go now." he said turning around grabbing his gear "Before they come back with friends." he walked past her and grabbed the salt and other things lying around.

He looked up as he tossed his dirty clothes into the sack "Can you grab those books?" he said pointing.

She walked over and scooped them up, the pit in her stomach getting worse. He took them from her and stuffed them in also "Ok let’s roll." he said moving out the front door. She followed a pace behind looking behind her at the open bathroom and the tub. How had this gone from being the best day of her life to this?

"You’re wrong."

She jumped at the sound of his voice and looked over to him. He still wasn’t looking at her but he said again "You are wrong about Pinky and Fonz. They didn’t meet in prison."

She sat up slightly "Oh yeah?" This wasn’t what she expected but hey it was vocal, good start.

He shook his head "Fonz was never in jail." he said in an authoritative voice "Standing next to Pinky he looked like a poser, it was obvious she was the tough one. He just had the looks."

"Ok" she said not getting it. But if Dean wanted to talk, she wanted to listen.

"He met her after she got out." he said glancing over at her for a second "He met her when all she thought of herself was an ex con and a washout.." she just gazed at him as he talked "She still had that whole tough bitch attitude, but he knew under there was a real person, a real girl who wanted to be loved and liked for herself and not her street cred." he kinda coughed "A lot of guys would bang a girl out of prison cause you know they would seem easy, and kind of hot." he grinned "But deep down I bet some of those girls don’t want to be liked for that. I bet they want to be liked for who they really are, not some attitude." he kept driving but somehow the quiet in the car wasn’t as oppressive "Pinky played a slut and a tough bitch, but deep down…I bet she was a cool chick, but people just assumed she was a hot piece of ass and nothing else. And Fonz…Fonz knew what it was like for people to just see the outside and the cool and never once see the person within. He had been playing that tough guy crap for so long, people just assumed he was dumb and pretty. So they had that in common." he nodded "That was how they knew each other, and that was why they were like that."

She was blown away. Did he just make a valid life point using Happy Days? In a ragged voice she asked "But they never went out on the show." she said "They never really got together." she paused "What do you think the reason for that was?"

He looked at her and smirked "Shitty writing." He held out a hand to her and she looked at it like he was going to punch her "So you fucked up. Ok. You think you sitting in jail does the world any more good than going out and doing this?" he said, no smile at all on his face "I was wrong. You aren’t a freak. You are human Faith, and humans fuck up. All the time." he gestured his hand at her again "And how human would I be if I couldn’t forgive you for it?" She hesitantly took his hand and he pulled her across the seat to him "So you were the bad guy for a while." he said curling an arm around her "You got better." he drove as he smiled "That’s all that counts."

"You’re serious?" she asked looking over at him.

He looked back at her "You plan on killing someone now or taking over the world or something?"

She shook her head no in disbelief.

"Well then fuck it." he said "What is in the past, is in the past." he said pulling her close again. After a while he said in a low voice "Sides…evil chicks are hot."

She smiled and felt herself lean into him. "How in the world did I find a guy like you?" she asked out loud.

He shrugged "Maybe I’m your reward." he laughed.

But she didn’t think it was all that funny at all.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"They got away." one of the demons said.

Lindsey looked up from his desk and sighed "We let them go, that is not getting away."

The other demon said "But we had 'em."

Shaking his head Lindsey got up from his desk and began to walk around it "Look boys, you are going to have to seriously stop watching bad gangster films or something. Because 'We had 'em.' is just going to make me tear your head off." They both swallowed and shot a glance to each other. He sat on the edge of the desk and thought for a moment "Have you ever fished?" they both shook thei head with a look "Neither have I." the main demon said waving his hand "Rode a guy once though that fished a lot. And I learned something while shredding his mind for info." he leaned in to them "What you do is get your line and bait it. You toss it out and wait. Sometimes you get a great big fish and you're thrilled. But sometimes you end up with an ok fish, little on the small side. Now you know there are bigger fish out there. And you didn't get up at o dark thirty for little fish. So what do you do?"

"Throw it back?" one of them said.

"Keep trying?" the other one added.

Lindsey's hands lashed out and grabbed both of their heads by the hair "You bait the line with the small fish and wait. See the bait you have, isn't calling to the bigger fish. So use bigger bait." he slammed their heads together with a truly sickening wet clonk. They both staggered back as their hosts bleed profusely.

"We don't want some of the pieces. We don't want most of them. We want them all." he growled getting up "So you tell me, do you just want a slayer and a Winchester or do you want a slayer and two Winchesters?" he began to grin "Cause where you have two Winchesters...the third is soon to follow."

He had to admit the laughing was a bit much, but he was in an evil mood. So he went with it.

Part One/ Part Two/ Part Three/ Part Four/ Part Five/ Part Six
Part Seven/ Part Eight/ Part Nine/ Epilogue