Maybe I Should Kill Myself (an Elena Gilbert 4x06 meta)
So, remember how I just had an Elena appreciation week and vomited tons of feelings? Yeah. I'm just gonna keep doing that. Only without gifs this time (by all means, feel free to gifspam me), because I can't be fucked to spend five hours sorting through all the screams and flail on my tumblr dash. I WILL DO IT AFTER MY BRAIN STOPS SCREAMING. Which
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How thoughtful of you.
2) I really want to go on tumblr already.
Why would you want to do that. I'm avoiding tumblr for the next 90 years.
Yes to the plot serving the character here. Hence why this episode was so stunning.
omg fuck you for that Elena-killing-Jeremy analysis. I was just LOL @ that parallel BUT THEN YOU HAD TO WRITE THAT PARAGRAPH DIDN'T U.
Of course, Elena inadvertently killing Jeremy here isn't at all equal to Damon intentionally snapping his neck out of rage. People take this idea of Damon and Elena being alike way too literally. Nobody is saying that Elena is just as bad as Damon. That's nonsense. The key thing is exactly what you say here:
Because D/E is not, in its core, about the relationship between Elena and Damon, it's about how Elena and Damon hold up mirrors to each other and force each other to look into those mirrors. It's about being forced to look at this version of the self that is covered in brother's blood. About embracing each other and ( ... )
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“I was you before you even existed.” Elena doesn't just fear that she'll turn into Katherine. It's not some childish fear of becoming ~evil. It's a fucking identity crisis. She fears that THERE IS NO ELENA, there is nothing that truly belongs to Elena, because she's only a copy.
SOBBING. SHAKING. PROJECTILE VOMITING. SOMETIMES THIS SHOW GIVES ME EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER WANTED???????
“Don't you ever stop crying?” Because Elena doesn't think her feelings or fears matter. She feels obliged to be okay, she's angry that it's impossible for her to ignore her own pain anymore. And it makes SO MUCH SENSE. This is the Elena who took Stefan back after he almost drove her off a bridge, because her own trauma wasn't important enough for her.
U G H YESYESYESYESYESYES. I can't even process that the show has followed through on this, after believing for so long that it would NEVER acknowledge her trauma. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY LIFE, MARTA.
THIS IS HOW IT HURTS WHEN YOU TRY TO STOP BEING THE GOOD GIRL. Is anyone still ( ... )
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I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE THEY WENT THERE. But they did, and it was glorious, and I can't.
I can't even process that the show has followed through on this, after believing for so long that it would NEVER acknowledge her trauma.
Somehow, they did exactly what I wanted? I had this head!canon of Elena being annoyed at herself for being so emotional about stuff, but I never thought I'd get something on the actual show to support that head!canon. It was going to be forever something I just projected onto her. EXCEPT NOW IT'S CANON.
It wouldn't even occur to him to do anything different. It was a split-second instinctive decision - he jumped with her on instinct.AND THAT WAS THE GREATEST THING. Because, yeah, nothing stunning or surprising about Damon doing something like that on purpose. But being so fixated about her that he instinctively jumps off the bridge with her to not leave her alone? WHOA. Just, WHOA. "This is how I show my love ( ... )
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Why would you want to do that. I'm avoiding tumblr for the next 90 years.
But feelings though
Of course, Elena inadvertently killing Jeremy here isn't at all equal to Damon intentionally snapping his neck out of rage. People take this idea of Damon and Elena being alike way too literally.
YES THANK YOU. I had trouble expressing why I had a problem with the reading I started seeing around, and the problem is that people arguing with this parallel tend to take it too literally? It's not that Elena did exactly what Damon did. It's that the feeling of terror is the same, the act triggers the same feeling of shock and hate, only now directed at herself, not at Damon. It was a metaphorical device to hint just how much Elena hates herself right now.
Those 15 seconds of Damon cleaning her kitchen were the greatest 15 seconds of my entire life.
Of course they were.
And I like how the train of thought there doesn't really track -- Elena's horrified at herself ergo apparently she takes it out on Stefan? But NO ( ... )
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I hadn't thought of any of the Damon Elena parallels with Jeremy and the bridge, it's so much more awesome considering those things and the significance of Damon jumping with her.
The woman her body is shaped after and the woman who shaped her mind
Yes, this was brilliant. I thought it really added to the effect of bringing up all the important issues.
The hunter curse pulled Elena's deepest, darkest fears right out of her brain and LET THEM LOOSE.
I'm so glad they finally dealt with it and actually gave her a reason to bring out what was buried because Elena Gilbert isn't going to just let them come out on their own. Now we see if it goes anywhere.
I think my brain was fried from having too many awesome Elena-issues scenes to analyse, all the thinky thoughts have fallen out.
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Oh, definitely! So much focus on the fact that this is Elena's SELF-hate and SELF-destruction.
I'm so glad they finally dealt with it and actually gave her a reason to bring out what was buried because Elena Gilbert isn't going to just let them come out on their own.
Yes, this was brilliant. The way they write Elena, there was no way for her to acknowledge her issues herself, but at the same time there was no way for the show to keep ignoring them. The solution was perfect!
I think my brain was fried from having too many awesome Elena-issues scenes to analyse
I know the feeling :(.
Thank you!
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That's a really interesting observation. When Connor comes after her himself, he uses methods that would kill a human, not a vampire.
I loved the doppelganger identity stuff too, unsurprisingly. Particularly this:
The woman her body is shaped after and the woman who shaped her mind.
because it was so close to the whole Petrova tragedy as it scans to me. How these women are metaphysically created to reproduce, and then set up to fall off the map so that they can't bond with their daughters and pass on their lessons. And then there's Elena, the latest result of that whole system, standing between them and convinced there's not enough of her to belong to either.
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The doppelganger identity stuff is just stunning. I'm still processing it, and I'm so glad that the show is apparently interested in exploring this stuff.
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YES. One of my biggest fannish dream is to see Elena and Katherine talk about it in some way.
Thank you <33333.
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Her inner struggle was incredible. I hope you enjoy it when you watch :).
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