[Glee fic] along the yellow brick road (1/2)
Title: along the yellow brick road
Rating: T
Word count: ~7000
Warnings: Language and Sexual References.
Spoilers: Up to episode 1x17 Bad Reputation. (Kinda) And speculation for what happens next.
Summary: Her journey begins along the yellow brick road. With the one without a brain; the one without a heart; and the one without courage. Rachel-centric. A glimpse into the tug-o-war between F/R, P/R and J/R.
A/N: So, I actually had this plot bunny before this week’s episode, but after watching, my mind kind of went into overdrive, and just wouldn’t let it go. I’m a little out of my depth here. I’m usually a P/R writer, but I’ve tried to honestly and objectively portray F/R and J/R. I hope I managed to do them justice.
.-.-.
Her journey begins along the yellow brick road.
Since becoming a part of Glee Club, things have certainly changed for Rachel Berry. Not that it wasn’t time for people to start noticing her from a more positive perspective. Rachel is confident that now her life was right on track, right where she always wanted.
She is going to be a star. And a star always needs her leading man.
.-.-.
The one without a brain.
She first meets Finn. He is sweet. And nice. And tall. He’s perfect for her in every way, and he is the only male vocal strong enough to carry the lead with her. She can already see their name in lights, side by side, where everyone will be rooting for them and loving them, and no one can say that Rachel Berry is not popular when she’s the other half of the ultimate star power couple.
There’s only one tiny, small insignificant detail. He already has a girlfriend. Who’s pregnant with his child. (Okay, so maybe not so insignificant.)
She doesn’t know yet that he’s convinced he got his girlfriend pregnant by super sperm in a hot tub, and she doesn’t know yet that this unquestioned belief will eventually break him. In fact, she doesn’t really know him at all. Yet.
But their relationship is epic. At least that’s what she tells herself. Full of obstacles and half truths and pain. And that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Right? That’s the way the most famous of love stories are. Tortured and convoluted and full of longing.
Except her life is not a story. He’s not Romeo. And she’s not his Juliet. She’s not his anything.
She’s her understudy; and Rachel can’t be expected to wait in the wings forever.
.-.-.
The one without a heart.
Puck tortured her for years without remorse. Without regret. Without guilt. She never understands why he hated her so much. (And years later, when they’re no longer in high school and life has moved on, she’ll ask him, and she’ll find out he never knew why either.)
She uses him really. They use each other. Their relationship is born out of a need to get over other people, but out of that need comes something else; it’s not love (she’s too in love with someone else to forget him so quickly) and it’s not friendship.
It’s belonging.
For the most fleeting of moments, she can picture a future with him; standing by his side. Rachel thinks she could be happy like that; being on his arm. But then she sees him staring at her. The girl her other love belongs with.
And the timing just isn’t right. She needs this to be something more than a replacement. She can’t be an understudy for the same girl to two separate guys. And when she’s honest with herself, she can’t do that to Noah either. He shouldn’t be an understudy either. He deserves more. They both do.
.-.-.
The one without a brain.
Finn’s confused. He always is, but it’s worse than usual.
He loves Quinn, and he loves their baby.
But then there’s Rachel, with her nice smelling perfume and her pretty smile. And her butt looks really good in those skirts she wears. He kind of likes how he is with her. There’s less stress and she’s not constantly yelling at him about money and doctor’s appointments and ice cream. He can see how much nicer things would be if he was with Rachel. There would be no baby problems, no yelling and no guilt.
.-.-.
The one without a heart.
Fuck if he knew what going through this chick’s mind. She is crazy. One minute she’s all over him like dieting fat kids on twinkies, and the next minute she’s pushing him away. He knows that if he just kissed her again, he totally would have made it to second base. She’s kind of desperate like that.
But shit. All that bullshit about wanting stuff. Dude, he’s a motherfucking badass, and motherfucking badasses don’t need shit. Except pussy. So what if he got some chick pregnant, and so what if that chick just happened to be his boy’s girl. It’s not his fault that Finn couldn’t satisfy his woman.
.-.-.
The one without a brain.
Finn doesn’t know it yet, but he’ll always blame three people for the humiliation he felt that day. Puck for being a heartless jerk and sleeping with his girlfriend; Quinn for lying to him and making him feel so pathetically stupid; and Rachel for being the one to make him realise how pathetically stupid he really was.
.-.-.
The one without a heart.
Well damn. Life pretty much blows after he get’s sucker punched by his best mate. Who knew the dude had it in him? Puck sure didn’t. In fact, he doesn’t know whether to feel pissed or proud that he was the one who showed Finn how to knock someone out, because it’s not like he’d ever been to a fight club meeting. At least he never went when Puck asked.
And shit, now he has this voice in head, that sounds suspiciously like Berry, bitching him out all the time. He tries to tell ‘her’ he doesn’t give a fuck what Finn’s feeling, or that he doesn’t care if he can hear Quinn crying in the middle of the night. But Berry’s voice, not so easy to drown out. Especially when it’s in his own fucking head.
.-.-.
The one without a brain.
Finn thinks he’s dating Rachel. At least he thinks she thinks he is.
And it’s cool and all. She’s cool. But she talks a lot and most of the time he doesn’t understand what she’s saying, so it’s really hard to keep up, and apparently he’s been missing some stuff. Like dates and stuff that they’re supposed to go on. But damn, how was he supposed to know that’s what she meant by “rendezvous”. He wishes she would just speak like a normal person sometimes.
He finds that being Rachel’s ‘boyfriend’ is almost as tiring as being the boyfriend of a pregnant person. At least she’s not shouting at him when he forgets stuff. And he’s really trying to be into what she’s saying, hard words and all, but Finn can’t stop his mind from wondering down the hall to another certain girl.
He doesn’t miss her. He doesn’t. She lied and it’s not his fault she always looks so sad. But damn, it’s hard to feel all mad at her when her eyes are drooping and her tight grin never quite turns into a smile.
Finn just wishes he could get away from this. He doesn’t want to feel so freaking sad anymore, and trying to actually be with Rachel doesn’t help. He’s just reminded of what happened, and that pretty much sucks. Plus, the guys on the hockey team have been giving him threatening looks now that they think he’s dating Rachel; like he’s a loser or something. And he just can’t deal with being a loser on top of everything else. He can’t.
He never does realise that by leaving her to ‘find his inner rock star’, he’s giving up the chance to be with her. Even when she tells him she’s met someone else, he doesn’t realise he’s already too late.
.-.-.
The one without courage.
Jesse St. James is a star. No doubt about it. And he has the confidence (and arrogance) of one too. But Rachel doesn’t see that. She only sees his wonderful singing voice, and the way their voices harmonize perfectly together when they sing for the first time.
He’s the Tony to her Maria. The Mr. Higgins to her Miss. Eliza. The Melchior to her Wendla. They just fit, and he completely understands her pathological need to be a star. The timing is obviously destined. He finds her just as she’s finally ready to move on. It’s practically written in the stars. This is her chance for her epic romance, and she going to hold onto it as tightly as possible. She needs to. It’s all she has.
.-.-.
The one without courage.
He knows more about her than he’d ever be able to admit. He knows because he was her. Is her. The male version of her, of course. With better hair. He knew the moment he watched her perform that he’d be with her. The covert look his vocal coach sent him the moment her last note vibrated throughout the auditorium told him so.
.-.-.
The one without a brain.
It’s the weirdest idea ever. So weird he never even thought about it. And he’s a guy; he can spend entire afternoons thinking up weird things to laugh about. But Santana offering to take care of his v-problem. That really takes the cake. Hmm, wonder if there’s any cake left in the fridge?
He doesn’t realise how bad her idea is until the moment after. When he realises it meant nothing to him, and he wishes it was someone else’s dark brunette hair spread out on the pillow beneath him.
.-.-.
The one without courage.
She wants it to be him. She really does. But her internal monologue is telling her that it’s just not right. Her hair isn’t curly enough. The best spread isn’t soft enough. And the vanilla candle in the corner is giving her a slight headache.
She can’t do it. And he seems to understand. At least a lot better than the last time.
(She never finds out how disappointed he is. Which is more disappointed than even he thought he’d be.)
.-.-.
The one without a brain.
He doesn’t understand. Why is he here?
Finn never really thought about what it’d feel like if Rachel ever hurt him. It’s just not something he ever thought she could do. But when he finds out that not only is she still dating the enemy, but that dude is now part of New Directions, it just feels like everyone’s now deliberately trying to hurt his feelings.
And damn, when he tells the entire Glee club that he just wants to be with her, Finn kind of wishes he’d thought of doing that first.
.-.-.
The one without a heart.
She swoons, literally swoons, at his declaration. Jesse is just perfect. He’s everything she’s ever wanted, and he’s doing everything she ever wanted.
She forgets that someone else has already made this declaration. And she forgets that she left that someone for someone else. And she also forgets he’s sitting in the same room, holding Quinn’s hand in his, as his eyes dart between her and her (new) leading man.
.-.-.
The one without courage.
Jesse knows he really shouldn’t find her cute. But he does. He likes the little scrunch of her nose as she belts her heart out during a ballad. He likes the matching freakishly doctored puppy calendars she makes for them. He even likes the knee socks and her strange affinity to sweaters with animals on them.
He also knows that when it comes, he’s going to break her. And he won’t care.
(At least that’s what he’s trying to convince himself.)
.-.-.
The one with the ruby slippers.
Rachel loves having a boyfriend. But that Glist just made her realise that she seriously needs to get a move on if she ever hopes to be popular in this school. And besides, negative five? That’s completely absurd.
So she comes up with the most brilliant idea to turn her good reputation bad. Just in a way that she doesn’t actually do anything bad. Because those types of stories could follow her around, and she won’t have any past scandals detracting from her destiny of super stardom.
.-.-.
The one without a heart.
She asks Puck first. He’s the McKinley high bad boy, and who better to help her sully her reputation than the one guy in the school who is most likely to make a nun curse? She doesn’t expect to feel the need to kiss him so badly. She’s ironically turned on by his bad boy image. (And it wouldn’t be the first time.) His mouth is just right there, and she remembers how they once felt against hers.
But she couldn’t possibly do that to Jesse. And she won’t let him do that to Quinn. Not with her.
She’s glad that he decides to stay. Even if he does try to feel her up a couple more times. But Rachel’s a classy girl, and she won’t stand for that kind of nonsense. At least, that’s what she tells him.
(She secretly likes that he finds her so attractive. Even though she knows she shouldn’t.)
.-.-.
The one without courage.
Jesse was also an obvious choice to star opposite her as the hunky, heroic male lead. But he seems reluctant (more like downright adamant) when she asks him. She eventually convinces him, and she adores that little pout he gets when he’s forced to do something he doesn’t want to do. It’s downright petulant. And she finds it kind of...hot.
.-.-.
The one without a brain.
She asks Finn last. Not because she doesn’t think he’ll do it. But because she’s not sure she wants him to. They haven’t been talking as much as they used to, and she really misses talking to him. He’s been avoiding her since Jesse joined New Directions, and she can’t exactly blame him.
Plus, that ache she feels in her chest when she sees his face gets so much worse when she has to sing with him. Better to let sleeping dogs lie, she thinks briefly. But then she asks him anyway. She doesn’t exactly know why. She just does.
And of course, he says yes.
.-.-.
The one without a brain.
Finn knows she’s with Jesse. And she actually looks happy when she’s with him. So even though he really wants to, he can’t hate him. He doesn’t really think much about it when she asks him to be the male lead in a music video with her. He really shouldn’t need to. They always sing the leads together.
But he doesn’t understand that little flip in his stomach when she asks him. And he also doesn’t get why he feels so excited to have her lying dead in his arms. Maybe it’s because, for a moment, he gets to pretend that’s exactly where she belongs.
Not the dead part.
Just in his arms.
.-.-.
The one without a heart.
Dude. He’s a stud. They always come back for more of the Puckster. But shit. He didn’t realise how turned on he’d feel at the thought of kissing her again. Cause that look she’s giving him, with the lashes and that small smile. Totally hot.
But then she’s pushing him away. Again. And he wants to call her out on being a fucking tease. But it’s Rachel. And even though Puckzilla is the number one badass. It’s Rachel.
So, whatever. He does the stupid video, even though his gut is telling him it’s not gonna be good. But hey, at least his guns will look good.
Fuck that, they’re gonna look freakin’ awesome.
.-.-.
The one without courage.
Jesse doesn’t want to do the song. It’s completely dreadful. And he was (is) the star of Vocal Adrenaline, three-time national show choir champions. So, he adamantly states ‘no’. In three different languages. So what is Rachel’s idea of retaliation? She throws the mother lode of all diva fits. And all he does is roll his eyes. He can hold his own. He’s almost as big a drama queen as she is, and he thrives on it.
When she realises it’s not working, she changes tactic and turns all sweet with batting lashes and seductive smiles, and mentions how good he’d look in a leather jacket. “The embodiment of Danny Zuko,” she says. And he knows he would (maybe will) make a very convincing Danny Zuko one day. The next thing he knows, he’s singing the despicable ‘Run, Joey, Run’ song that he’s only ever listened to once. And only because his mother made him.
.-.-.
The one without a brain.
The first thing he thinks is ‘Wait, why do I look so much like Puck?’ But then Finn realises he doesn’t look like Puck. That is Puck. But wait, Rachel asked him to do this movie with her. It’s not until the ‘movie’ him appears behind her, after ‘movie’ Jesse has disappeared, that he actually understands what’s going on. She used him. All of them. It’s complete garbage. How could she do this to him?
.-.-.
The one without a heart.
The first thing he thinks is ‘Damn, I’m a stud’. The last is ‘what the fuck?’ He totally did not sign on to look like some punk fighting over her. Because, dude, he’s a motherfucking badass. Girls fight over him. Not the other way around.
What. The. Fuck.
The Puck-man is definitely not happy.
If she was gonna fucking use him like this, she could’ve at least let him touch her boobs. Minimum. Then it might’ve been worth it.
(He doesn’t stop to think that maybe he’s a little bit hurt. That maybe, he kinda liked the idea of being her ‘hunky, heroic male lead’. They are two very good looking Jews after all.)
.-.-.
The one without courage.
The first thing he thinks is ‘this is absolutely mortifying.’ And not just because he’s been triple-cast in a lame high school music video to a tremendously hideous song. A video starring his supposed girlfriend. No, what’s mortifying is he actually cares.
He tries to calm himself down throughout the entire film. Tries to remember that this is just another role he’s playing. One stop on the way to his full ride to UCLA. One stop on the way to stardom. But really? Really? He can’t let this go. Why? Because he is her leading man. And he wants it to stay that way.
It’s also the first time Jesse notices something very important about Rachel. He’s not her one and only. He always knew about Finn. Heck, that was one of his original goals; to keep them apart. But this other guy, with the bad hair and perpetual potty mouth? How could she possibly find that attractive? So from this stupid video, Jesse’s realises that there are actually two other men who holds his girlfriends affections.
And the worst thing is, she doesn’t even know.
.-.-.
The one with the ruby slippers.
No one is talking to her. No one. Not even Mr. Schuester. And she feels exactly like she did at the beginning of the year when she had no friends and nothing to hold onto but her unwavering belief that someday she was going to be a star.
But she doesn’t feel like a star. Jesse won’t answer her phone calls. Finn won’t look her in the eye. And Puck? Well, he growls at her menacingly every time she even attempts to approach him.
She doesn’t understand why they’re all so angry. It was just a video. Why can’t they see that? She just wanted to be more popular. She just wanted people to like her.
But maybe, she just wanted it too much.
She wants everything too much.
.-.-.
The one without courage.
It’s the only time he’ll ever admit to being scared. To himself that is. He never admits it to anyone else. Not even Ms. Corcoran. It’s such an unfamiliar feeling to him. He hasn’t been scared or nervous in a very long time. But he is now.
If there’s one thing this entire ordeal has taught him, it’s that he’s actually quite afraid of losing Rachel. But not in the normal way. He already knows they’ll have to break up eventually. It was part of the plan all along. If all else failed, he was supposed to break her heart. But in the short time he’s known her he finds that prospect a little more difficult with each passing day. He’s afraid that by starting this, he’s going to crush any hope of ever being with her. Properly. And that scares him. Because he wants another chance to do this again someday. Properly.
So he takes the easy way out. He uses this as an excuse. It really is a pathetic one, but he uses it all the same. He ends it before she can find out the truth, and before everything between them is completely ruined.
The funny thing is, he really wasn’t lying when he breaks up with her. (It’s one of the only times he isn’t.)
She really did break his first.
.-.-.
Part 2