[Glee fic] along the yellow brick road (2/2)
Title: along the yellow brick road
Rating: T
Word count: ~7000
Warnings: Language and Sexual References.
Spoilers: Up to episode 1x17 Bad Reputation. (Kinda) And speculation for what happens next.
Summary: Her journey begins along the yellow brick road. With the one without a brain; the one without a heart; and the one without courage. Rachel-centric. A glimpse into the tug-o-war between F/R, P/R and J/R.
A/N: So, I actually had this plot bunny before this week’s episode, but after watching, my mind kind of went into overdrive, and just wouldn’t let it go. I’m a little out of my depth here. I’m usually a P/R writer, but I’ve tried to honestly and objectively portray F/R and J/R. I hope I managed to do them justice.
Part 1
.-.-.
The one without a heart.
Puck’s the first one to forgive her. He doesn’t even know why he was so pissed in the first place. Not like he gives shit who she’s giving it up to. (Though he does kind of care that it’s not him.)
He finds her hanging out in the auditorium all by herself. He doesn’t know where the perm boy has gone; doesn’t really think much of him being absent all week. He walks up while she’s playing some sappy love song on the piano. Whatever. He knows jack all about chick songs. He just plonks himself down on the bench next to her, and waits for her reaction.
Rachel blinks at him slowly. Like she thinks she’s imagining him or whatever. So he shoots her his usual smirk and then clicks his fingers right in her face.
“Puck?” She asks in a kind of awe. He’s not sure how he feels about that. “What are you- What I mean to say is, why are you-” She huffs impatiently when she can’t find the right words. And this only makes his smirk grow wider. (It’s definitely a first.)
He shrugs. “You did what you did.” He says, before fingering out some awesome bass melody that he saw in a rock video this one time. “I get it.” He turns to look her in the eye, and she’s giving him this disbelieving look, like how could he possibly know how she’s feeling. He just rolls his eyes. “Look, remember that shit you talked about in your room the other day?” She nods slowly before he continues. “It’s like, I already knew you were crazy. And I still went along with it. And I already knew it was gonna be lame, but I still let you film me and my smokin’ guns.” He receives a small smile at that, and he can’t help but think score.
“But Puck-” She starts.
“Noah.” He interrupts automatically. What? It sounds weird now when she calls him that.
“Noah,” She repeats after him. “I’m truly am sorry. I really wasn’t thinking. It’s like a said, I get so focused on something I want that I just can’t see the bigger picture anymore. But I never meant to hurt you.”
Puck scoffs. “’Sif you could. I’m the Puckerone baby, you can’t touch this.”
She blinks at him again before the slow smile grows on her face. “Be that as it may Noah, I really am sorry. I hope we can still be friends.”
“We weren’t before.” It’s an automatic response, but unlike the last time he said those words to her, this time he has a smile on his face that’s matching hers.
.-.-.
The one without courage.
Things do not go over so well when he informs Ms. Corcoran that he’s returning to Vocal Adrenaline. In fact, she’s downright pissed.
“That’s not the plan, Jesse.” She says sternly, and she has this way of looking down her nose at him that makes him feel like a small child. “We haven’t gotten nearly enough information to take down the McKinley High glee club yet. And it’s still a month until Regionals, a lot can change for them between now and then.”
“But-” He starts, but he’s interrupted almost immediately.
“But nothing. We have a plan Jesse. It’s this. Then Nationals and then your scholarship and a free-ride to fame. Or don’t you want that anymore? This goal you’ve been preparing for your entire life. Are you really going to give it all up because of some girl?”
Jesse hangs his head in shame. Not because he’s upset that Ms. Corcoran is trying to make him feel bad, but because he knows he will do this. It’s too important not to. And he’s too much of a coward to do what is right, instead of what she says. He just isn’t brave enough to give up his dreams for a girl. Not even a girl like Rachel.
.-.-.
The one without a brain.
Finn only forgives her when she demands it. Like when she’s having a stomping fit during a solos rehearsal for glee. And he gives in real easy. Because the one thing scarier than an angry Quinn demanding ice cream and pickles, it’s an angry Rachel demanding friendship. (Who knew?)
“You owe me!” She reminds him angrily. “After everything you’ve put me through, you owe me!”
“Rach-” He starts when she pauses to take a breath, but she continues loudly.
“I was there when you needed me. For glee. For school. For Quinn. You. Owe. Me.” She adds a stomp with each word.
He holds up his hands in defence. “Whoa, Rach, calm down. I know, okay, I know. And I’m sorry. I guess I overreacted a little when I saw Puck and Jesse. It just felt like...”
Rachel sighs as his voice trails off. “I know. It felt like I went behind your back. Like Quinn.” She says the last part so quietly he almost misses it. Almost.
“Yeah.” He breathes out slowly, like it’ll lessen the pain if he lets it out in small parts.
“I’m really sorry, Finn.” She says it timidly as she looks up at him. And she’s Rachel once again. Not the insanely driven girl who manipulates people, and makes crazy cat calendars. She’s just Rachel. Just how he likes it.
.-.-.
The one without courage.
“I miss you.” He tells her. And it’s true. He really does. But he’s doing this for all the wrong reasons. He really hates himself in this moment, but he truly feels like there is no other option. And when she smiles at him brightly, with hope and love in her eyes, he hates himself even more.
.-.-.
The one without a brain.
They all buckle down as they prepare for Regionals, but none more so that Finn and Rachel. As the leads of their little band of misfits, Rachel feels it’s their responsibility to exhibit the behaviour exemplifying how the remainder of Glee should also act. She takes her role as co-captain very seriously, and she can’t afford any distractions.
Except, there are moments when she’s singing with him that she feels out of breath and her heart is beating too fast. And it aches. Because he’s looking at her exactly the same way she feels.
.-.-.
The one without a heart.
“Noah, you’re not taking glee seriously enough.” She reprimands him one day after glee. Literally blocking his path to his car, with her foot tapping and her hands on her hips.
He yawns in response.
She huffs loudly and opens her mouth to berate him some more, but he really can’t deal with her insane obsession with glee right now.
“Chillax Berry,” He says defensively. “I’m fucking exhausted, okay?”
“No, it’s not okay-”
“Look, don’t tell anyone but I’m thinking of quitting glee.” Her eyes widen dramatically, like she could never even consider such a thought. “I got a night job.” He cuts her off before she goes spastic, because seriously, he knows she will. “You know, to pay for the baby and shit.”
And she finally gets it. He watches her face relax a little before she asks, “But what about your pool cleaning business?”
“Nah, had to give it up.” He shrugs.
“But why?” She presses.
“Too much temptation.” This only serves to confuse her more, but he’s not about to admit that he hasn’t had any tail since Quinn moved in with him. It just feels wrong somehow. Don’t know why. It didn’t bother him before. But now he has Berry’s voice yelling at him whenever he even checks out some other chick’s rack, so he figures he’d better man-up and listen. Otherwise she’d never shut up. “Plus the pay’s better. No one likes to works nights, so they pay time and a half. Sometimes double. So yeah, just get out of my face. I haven’t been able to buy any dip for a month now, so I’m fucking on edge, okay?”
She nods and gives him another one of those small smiles. (Man, he wishes he didn’t find those so cute.) “I understand.” He releases a deep sigh of relief, but he tenses again when she continues talking. “But don’t quit glee, okay? We need you.”
He studies her face for a moment, and she looks likes she means it, and fuck, no one’s ever said that they ‘needed’ him before (except you know, during sex).
“If you want, we could meet up during lunch to work on your small solo for our group song.” He’s about to scoff at that. ‘Sif he’d give up food for singing. But then she goes and sweetens the deal. “I’ll bring you some home-made macaroons. My daddy and I just made a big batch this weekend.”
Damn, this girl knows her way to a Jew’s stomach.
“Only if I get to touch your boobs.” He says with a smirk, but he knows she can tell that he’s joking by the roll of her eyes.
“You’re such a jerk.” She says as she laughs it off. “I’ll meet you tomorrow afternoon at lunch in the auditorium. Please be prompt.”
(He ignores the slight disappointment he feels when she shakes her head. But hey, it was worth a try. Right?)
.-.-.
The one without courage.
Regionals is finally here, and Jesse has been dreading this day since he and Rachel recommenced their relationship. She attributes his silence to nerves, even though he’s told her before that he hasn’t felt nervous before a performance in many, many years. It just tells him that she really has no idea what’s coming, and he kind of hates her for being she’s so trusting. Because damn, it just means that she’s going to continue having her heart broken after this one.
But this time is the only time he cares about.
She’s rambling about show tunes. He likes it when she does that. It’s oddly calming, even if she’s doing it because she’s nervous; it’s a small distraction from what he soon has to do. He smiles at her, and tries to commit this Rachel to memory, because he’s very well aware that he might never see her again. Not like this.
“Making Tommy Tune the first to win Tony gold in four categories.”
Jesse looks up because he senses their approach, and sure enough, he sees Ms. Corcoran and the rest of his Vocal Adrenaline entourage heading in his direction. He turns his head slowly back to Rachel and interrupts her mid sentence.
“Rachel, listen,” He says seriously. “I’m sorry.”
He says it so earnestly and so sincerely, so that even though at the moment she doesn’t understand what’s happening, hopefully if she remembers anything after this day, she’ll remember that he truly means it. And maybe one day, when all of this is behind them, maybe they’ll get their chance to do this again properly.
After all, isn’t that what most epic romances are? A series of missed chances.
(He ignores the fact that they’re also tragedies. The most epic of romances always are.)
.-.-.
The one without courage.
“Rachel, listen,” He says seriously. “I’m sorry.”
She gives him a confused smile and her eyebrows crinkle. “What are you talking about Jesse?”
And then a voice sounds from in front of them. “It’s time, Jesse.”
Rachel’s eyes widen in shock when she finally notices Vocal Adrenaline standing in front of them, looking very formidable, but she doesn’t really care about them. She turns back to Jesse instead.
“What’s going on Jesse?” She hates that her voice sounds small, but he doesn’t reply. He just gets up and stands next to his vocal coach.
By then, other people have noticed something’s happening, and there’s a small crowd gathering.
“What’s going on here?” Mr. Schuester asks as he arrives at the scene. “Shelby?”
“Hello Will,” She says brightly, like she’s greeting an old friend. “Oh, nothing at all. Jesse was just informing me that his parents have returned from Bali. So he’s moved out of his Uncle’s place. And he’s back at Carmel.”
“You can’t be serious.” Mr. Schuester says his voice filled with disbelief. “Jesse?”
“I assure you that I am, Will.” Shelby replies, her voice sickeningly sweet. “I spoke with his parents this morning, and I will be more than happy to accept Jesse back. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go over our numbers with our star vocal.”
“You can’t do this Shelby.” Mr. Schuester says angrily before she can leave.
“Section one. Subsection three. Item five-point-two of the Ohio Show Choir handbook. Any performer must reside within the assigned school district to be eligible to perform. Should the performer perform for a different school, that school will be disqualified. I have the paperwork right here, Will.”
“I don’t understand. Why are you doing this?” Rachel’s voice comes out softly, and everyone turns to her, as if they’ve forgotten she’s there, but she doesn’t notice. Her eyes are fixed on Jesse.
He sends her a wide smile, teeth and all. “I am a star. Why else would I be doing it? I assumed once I moved to William McKinley, with my extensive background in show choir competitions, I naturally would move to take the male lead. I just couldn’t see how remaining in New Directions would benefit towards my future as a backup singer. I really hope you don't take it personally.”
The Vocal Adrenaline members all simultaneously turn, Jesse and Shelby included, and stalk away, and Rachel’s helpless to do anything.
Everyone else turns to her, and she tries to force a smile.
She’s not breaking. She’s not. No, she’s already broken.
(She never learns that his smile is a ‘show smile’. It’s so painful, it’s literally killing him.)
.-.-.
The one without a brain.
Rachel is hiding.
She needed to get out of there. The pitying (and reproachful) looks everyone was giving her just made her feel even worse. And she really just needed to collect herself so that she could perform without breaking down.
So she found a park bench in a small court yard outside. She’s sure the news has spread by now. At least through the performers. Mr. Schuester tried to consult the convenors, but he said there was nothing they could do. Not that she cares anyway. She’s just trying to get through this day.
She hears Finn before he reaches her. He stubs his toe on a non-existent rock and mutters a soft “ouch”. His presence should make her happy, but instead she clenches her eyes shut in an attempt to contain her tears.
“Please Finn. Just don’t.” She says when he gets near enough. “I really don’t need you to tell me ‘you told me so’, right now.”
“I wasn’t gonna do that.” He says gently. “I just wanted to see if you okay.”
Rachel looks at him, and Finn’s always so sincere that she instantly believes him. “Yeah, I’m okay.” She lies. He’s looking down at her, hands in his pockets as he nervously shuffles from one foot to another. She thinks she could die through that look alone. She tries not to think about how, a few months ago, she would have given anything to have him looking down at her like he is right now. She can’t handle his hopeful kindness right now. She really can’t. “I really just need to be alone right now, Finn.” She says, trying to give him a reassuring smile, but it feels tight on her face. “I need to get ready.”
He nods his understanding. He really wishes he knew the right words to say, but he’s never been good with words. It’s always Rachel that does all the talking. But she’s not talking right now. So he leaves after sending her one last smile. “Take your time, Rach. We’ll be ready when you are.”
“Thank you, Finn.” She says as he walks away. There’s a part of her that wants to call him back, but she knows she can’t.
It isn’t the right time. Yet.
.-.-.
The one without a heart.
“Told ya so.” Noah says as he slumps down next to her, slinging his arm along the back of the bench.
“Noah...”She says exasperatedly.
“The guy’s a total douche anyway.” He interrupts before she can say anything more. “You can do better.”
“No I can’t.” She says it so softly that it almost gets lost in the wind. He turns to look at her properly, like he doesn’t understand what she’s saying. “He’s the only person who’s ever liked me for me. He didn’t care that I tend to talk too much. Or that I tend to take certain things too seriously and do things that cloud my judgement. And he didn’t care about what I wear, or that I wasn’t ready. He’s the only person to ever like me for me. And he wasn’t even real.” She adds the last sentence as an afterthought, because she’s only just realised that that’s what it was. He was acting the entire time. “But he’s the only one.”
Noah nudges her gently. “No, he’s not.” She turns her face and meets his eyes for the first time since he arrived and she doesn’t understand the serious expression on his face, but it makes her catch her breath momentarily. Rachel opens her mouth to speak, but Noah continues with a small smirk. “I’m just saying, making out on your bed. In those short skirts, and those knee socks. Totally hot.”
She smiles and shakes her head. “Is that all you ever think about, Noah?”
“Straight up.” He laughs out loud as she rolls her eyes. There’s a noise ahead of them, and they both look up to see the very pregnant Quinn waiting for him. “Look, just say the word and the punk is gonna wake up in a dumpster.” He says seriously.
She shoots him an appreciative smile. “That won’t be necessary, Noah.”
“Okay.” He gets up to go to Quinn, but she calls his name one last time before he can take more than a few steps.
He turns back to look at her. “Thank you.”
They look at each other for a moment longer before he smiles and nods at her, and then he’s on his way back to Quinn again. Rachel watches as Quinn holds out her hand and he takes it in his, resting them both on her protruding stomach.
And Rachel thinks maybe she got it all wrong. Noah isn’t the one without a heart. If anything, he’s all heart. He just keeps it locked away so no one else can see. But every now then, when she’s lucky, he lets her catch a glimpse and those are the moments that she’ll always remember.
.-.-.
The one without courage.
He can see her from the window, and he’s been watching her for the better part of an hour. Just watching as her friends come and go. He wants to go down there and just sweep her up into his arms; wipe away the tears he knows are stinging her eyes.
But he can’t. He can’t face her. Not after everything he’s put her through. So he just stands there, watching her. Wishing for the courage to allow him to go back to her.
.-.-.
She closes her eyes, and clicks her heels together three times.
Mr. Schuester calls from the entrance, and she knows it’s time.
She takes a deep breath and stands, steadily smoothing out the material of her dress. She’s back where she started all those months ago, her heart breaking over a boy who doesn’t want her, but she takes another deep breath and determinedly walks forward. She can break down and wallow tonight when she’s locked in the darkness of her bedroom. Because that’s the thing about being a star performer, the show must always go on.
So when she reaches the warm-up room and everyone turns to look at her, she smiles brightly and nods, hiding her inner turmoil.
“I’m ready.”
.-.-.
A/N2: Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed my story.