Picspam: Clois in season 8, part 2 - Smallville
8.3 Toxic
CLARK: Lois.
LOIS: Hey, thanks, Smallville. Starting to get the hang of things around here.
CLARK: That was... I spoke to Chloe. She said you didn't come home last night.
LOIS: So not what you're thinking. I may have played nurse with Oliver, but it never progressed to doctor. I've been working here all night.
CLARK: "Kitten-adoption fair this Sunday"? You gave up your article on Oliver for this? Doesn't sound like you, Lois. Is it possible you're more shaken up about last night than you realize?
LOIS: You think? was practically a three-shot martini.
CLARK: Yeah, but it doesn't mean you have to bury your emotions in your work.
LOIS: This is the most heartbreaking kitten-adoption story you've ever read. What am I doing? Ollie and I are through.
CLARK: Maybe, but just because your relationship's over doesn't mean the feelings go away. I'd be lying if I said I didn't watch the goodbye tape that Lana sent me more than once.
LOIS: Well, I'd rather avoid a ride on the Clark-and-Lana roller coaster. No offense.
CLARK: It's okay.
LOIS: I've got a delicate enough ego as it is. I am not cut out to date a guy with a hero complex. I mean, you were there. You saw him at the fundraiser. He's practically an icon, "the man of tomorrow," and I'm just Lois Lane, the girl who writes about it.
CLARK: Lois, there's nothing wrong with that.
LOIS: Right. So, when the occasional feelings flare up, you just got to trust your gut, as hard as it is, and realize that you broke up for a reason.
CLARK: Exactly.
LOIS: That one's on the house, Smallville. You should know, I'm allergic to cats. Get to work. Chop-chop. 8.4 Instinct
LOIS: Hey, I thought you said you were coming in for a landing. What happened to you -- run into some turbulence?
CLARK: According to the clock, I'm still two minutes early. Now, what's the hurry?
LOIS: Well, I need you to take on some of my workload. This is my second quart of java, and I'm still not firing on all eight cylinders.
CLARK: Rough night of sleep last night?
LOIS: More like no night of sleep. Jimmy moved in so he and Chloe can save their wedding pennies, but the groom snores like a freight train. I am so jealous of you in that Kent farmhouse all by yourself. So many empty rooms, huh?
CLARK: It is pretty quiet.
LOIS: You are about as predictable as mullets in NASCAR. One little mention of you living alone, and you start singing the "missing Lana" blues. You know, I hate to be the one to dish out a helping of tough love here, Clark, but Lana is gone for good. Time to get back in the saddle, buckaroo. But this go-round, you need to look outside your wheelhouse.
CLARK: I didn't know I had a wheelhouse.
LOIS: Of course you do pretty, frilly, damsel-in-distressy. You need to try another scoop of the 31 flavors, maybe a little less sweet vanilla and a lot more wild cherry.
CLARK: Let's get back to the work...please.
LOIS: Good idea. Bury your heartache in your job. Here, start with this.
CLARK: Baby-face broker dies of ticker trouble. How does a healthy 25-year-oldsuddenly die of a heart attack?
LOIS: don't have time to handhold, but the coroner's report said the endorphin and adrenaline levels in his blood were sky-high. You know -- endorphins? They're hormones that are released when the body performs a certain activity.
CLARK: Like when you play a sport.
LOIS: Or there's another kind of activity two people share -- repetitive motion, builds to a climax.
CLARK: Thank you. The police say they found the victim fully clothed.
LOIS: What, he didn't even get past first base?
CLARK: And the M.E. says the hormone levels weren't only through the roof, they're higher than any normal human body can produce.
CLARK: Thanks. Lois, I thought you said you didn't have time to work on this article.
LOIS: That's when it was gonna end up buried on the last page, but with the super-endorphin angle, the scoop is a lot bigger. You just learned to dog-paddle your way through a story. What kind of friend would I be if I threw you in the deep end without a floatie?
CLARK: What did the police officer say?
LOIS: They found evidence of a fire in the alley, but they suspect it's unrelated.
CLARK: So, in other words, there was no reason for us to come down here.
LOIS: Common rookie mistake. See, that's why you're lucky I came along. The scorch marks are probably from a homeless hoedown. If we talk to a few local transients, maybe somebody saw something. Well, this story just made it above the fold. Cops say a string of hormone-jacked stiffs turned up between metropolis and Smallville -- all males. Ask me -- I think we have a meteor freak on a rampage.
CLARK: Lois?
LOIS: I'll take the stairs.
MAXIMA: Let her go.
CLARK: Lois, wait!
LOIS: What?! Oh, sorry to rain on your orgy, Smallville. I think I scared off your date.
CLARK: Where'd she go?
LOIS: Probably to find you two a motel room.
CLARK: You don't understand.
LOIS: What's not to understand?! You were pulling a "9 1/2 Weeks" in the elevator. I mean, it may not get you a membership in the mile-high club, but, hey, you got to start somewhere.
CLARK: Just calm down.
LOIS: I am calm! I am perfectly calm! Why wouldn't I be calm? Dial down the ego, Smallville. I don't care what you do with your love life.
LOIS: Give me a break. Does he really think I care who he sucks face with? Hello. That Sluttyanna wasn't even his type.
MAXIMA: alone, I'll make sure you never take him away.
LOIS: Who -- Smallville? I don't know who or what you are, but you got it all wrong, lady. There is nothing romantic between Lois and Clark.
MAXIMA: You have a deep connection to him. I felt it.
LOIS: Then your radar's on the fritz. 'Cause even on a good day, we're barely friends.
MAXIMA: He would never have been able to pull away from me if he wasn't drawn by his attraction to you.
LOIS: Look -- he's about as attracted to me as a Red Sox fan to the Yankees.
MAXIMA: Oh, he may not know it yet. But believe me --there's a bond. And I could see it on your face when you caught us together. You feel it, too. But I finally found the man that I've wanted all my life, and you can't have him.
CLARK: Hey. Lois, what are you doing here?
LOIS: You know, if you're worried about the editor taking away the story, buck up. It's not your fault. Metropolis PD says that, as far as they know, our big-haired bimbo has vanished off the face off the earth.
CLARK: I'm afraid this may not be the last we've seen of her.
LOIS: Hmm. Well, I'll be ready for her. The late-night game of bumper cars might have knocked the wind out of me, but one supercharged fembot can't put a serious dent in Lois lane.
CLARK: Thanks for showing up when you did. I guess you could say you saved my life.
LOIS: Tell me about it. If I hadn't severed your love connection, you would have ended up like all her other dates.
CLARK: You know, she said some...weird things to me.
LOIS: Really?
CLARK: She said she was my soul mate.
LOIS: I think you can do a little bit better than, uh, a man-eating meteor-freak.
CLARK: I know she's not the one, but... it got me to thinking. Chloe showed me this love letter she wrote to me years ago, and... her feelings were really intense. And Chloe was right there in front of me, and I never realized how she felt. What if my soul mate comes along and I'm too blind to see it?
LOIS: I don't know, Smallville. I think... that when the right girl walks into your life... you'll know.
CLARK: What did Maxima say to you?
LOIS: Nothing for the front page. Well, I got to go. I'm meeting with realtor, finding my own place. Those lovebirds are so sweet, my teeth will rot if I don't move out.
CLARK: Hey, Lois, um... you were right. This house is pretty big. If you want your old room back, it's yours.
LOIS: Being housemates didn't work out for us the first time, Smallville. Why tempt fate?
8.5 Commited
LOIS: another glass of bubbly and throw in a Shirley Temple for the lady
CLARK: Lois, don't you think you might want to pace yourself?
LOIS: believe me Smallville, I am more obnoxious sober. And the last everyone wants is me making a scene in this blessed event. Chloe is barely legal, and she's getting herself hitched to the first guy who's shown her any attention, present company excepted. I have suffered enough heartache to know real love when i see it, and looking at those two... I don't know, I don't see it
CLARK: are you sure you're not just jealous that your little cousin's beating you to the altar?
LOIS: this isn't a competition
CLARK: then why are you keeping score? Listen, Lois it may not kill you to show a little support
LOIS: you want support? I'll show you support
LOIS: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Lois Lane. Most of you know me as Chloe's cousin, A.K.A., the Maid of Honor. When Chloe and i were little girls, we made a promise... Neither of us would get married until we found our soul mates... the one person in the whole wide world. That we were destined to be with... Which is why you can't take a 10-Year-Old on their word.
CLARK: okay, come on.
LOIS: Smallville?
CLARK: good afternoon, Lois. I thought you might need one of these
LOIS: please tell me we didn't
CLARK: you're hysterical when you're hung over, Lois. Don't worry. You got changed all by yourself... In the middle of the kitchen for like an hour.
LOIS: I take it i took a little drive on the porcelain highway.
CLARK: It was more like a cross-Country trip.
LOIS: You know, i... You didn't have to take care of me last night. I would have been perfectly fine on my own at the Talon.
CLARK: I don't think Jimmy and Chloe would have been up for the White Snake sing-Along.
LOIS: Chloe! I was supposed to meet her for a dress fitting first thing this morning.
CLARK: Do you need a ride?
LOIS: You may have held my hair, but i don't need you to hold my hand, Smallville. This may shock you, but i can still drive a car.
CLARK: Not if it's not here. This may shock you, but you were in no condition to get behind the wheel last night, Lois.
LOIS: Thanks for the ride.
LOIS: Chloe!
CLARK: Jimmy!
LOIS: You know what Lois likes to see when she comes home... pants! pants on everyone!
CLARK: I had no idea Jimmy was so romantic.
LOIS: Guess the Olsen's not so wholesome.
LOIS (on the phone): Chloe! It's your coz! Guess who came to my rescue... not Oliver Queen. Clark Kent! He's just the sweetest boy i have ever known.
LOIS: Chalk that one up to alcohol poisoning.
CLARK: Lois, i checked the Metropolis and the Smallville hospitals, as well as the airport... no sign of Jimmy or Chloe.
LOIS: You covered a lot of ground.
CLARK: We need to find the right people to ask. Did you find anything?
LOIS: Chloe and jimmy aren't the only couple that's gone missing, Clark. At least three couples in the last two weeks have vanished without a trace.
CLARK: All engaged.
LOIS: Credit cards haven't been touched. Phone records show no sign of activity. The list goes on and on. So unless Oprah said eloping was in for fall...
CLARK: They've all been abducted.
LOIS: I called the police. They won't even declare Jimmy and Chloe missing for 24 hours.
CLARK: What kind of person would prey on people during the happiest time of their lives?
LOIS: You know, if i hadn't been too drunk to go home last night, I would have been there to stop it.
CLARK: Or you would have been missing, too. Don't worry, Lois. We'll find them. We should cross-Reference Jimmy and Chloe with the other two victims, see if they have anything in common.
LOIS: One step ahead of you. Jimmy, chloe, and the other couples all visited the same wedding vendors within the last 10 days.
CLARK: A bakery, a jewelry store, and a stationery shop.
LOIS: To name a few.
CLARK: That stationery shop is right around the corner. I'm gonna check it out. I'll call if i find anything.
LOIS: No way am i putting my cousin's life in the hands of a mild-Mannered copyboy. Try to keep up.
LOIS: If this were the last place on earth and i had to write an s.O.S., I wouldn't come here for a nib or a quill.
CLARK: Thank you for your time. Lois, we're not gonna get anywhere if you shake down every single person we talk to.
LOIS: He was stone walling us. You have to put the screws to a perp when the clock is ticking!
CLARK: He was 70 years old, Lois. He spent the night in the hospital. He still had his bracelet on.
LOIS: Clark, my cousin, your best friend, is missing. She could be hurt or dying or worse.
CLARK: Which is exactly why we can't waste any more time.
LOIS: Okay, genius, what do you want to do?
CLARK: You should go back to the Daily Planet, see if those background checks we ordered came in.
LOIS: And just what do you plan on doing alone that we can't do together?
CLARK: A lot.
LOIS: Wait a minute. The guy is preying on couples, right?
CLARK: Don't even go there.
LOIS: So, if we walk in there pretending to be the bait, we'll have him eating out of our hands.
CLARK: No one will believe it, Lois, not even for a second.
LOIS: Clark kent... Will you marry me?
LOIS: A smile every now and then wouldn't kill you.
CLARK: In short supply, Lois. I wouldn't want to waste one.
MAN: May i help you?
LOIS: Well, we are finally out ring shopping. Who's the luckiest girl in the world? I am.
CLARK: Some friends of ours said that your store is the best place in town to find engagement rings.
MAN: Is there a certain piece that you'd like to see?
LOIS: Well... What about this one, pumpkin?
CLARK: Anything you want, muffin. Must be great seeing so many happy couples come through here every day.
MAN: It certainly is. It's very fulfilling helping to solidify the bond between husband and wife. Excellent craftsmanship... A perfect circle, no beginning and no end. Try it on. See how it looks.
LOIS: Don't get stage fright, poodle. You're gonna have to do this center stage in front of a packed house sooner than you think. He has performance anxiety.
MAN: Look at that... perfect fit.
OLLIE: What are you two doing here?
LOIS: Oliver, you didn't get the invitation yet?
OLLIE: My invitation to what?
LOIS: Tell him, cupcake.
CLARK: Lois and i are... we're getting married.
OLLIE: You're just full of surprises lately, aren't you, Clark?
LOIS: I know, right? I mean, we've been friends for so long, but we just had this one magical night, and we couldn't deny our feelings any longer.
OLLIE: Is this true?
CLARK: I'm afraid so.
LOIS: See you at the wedding.
MAN: She has great taste. You're a very lucky man.
CLARK: You have no idea.
LOIS: I swear, if you're this afraid of pretend commitment, what's gonna happen when some poor girl makes the mistake of actually falling for you?
CLARK: This isn't working, Lois. We need to split up. We can track down more leads if we go in opposite directions.
LOIS: And what if you get into trouble?
CLARK: I think i'll be okay.
LOIS: You know, you're drifting dangerously close to cocky. What, no snarky comeback from the peanut gallery?
CLARK: Lois.
LOIS: Clark, you got to find Chloe and Jimmy.
CLARK: He let them go. Listen, i'm gonna get you out of here, but you need to tell me... where is he?
MAN: Right behind you.
LOIS: Clark!
LOIS: Clark? Wake up.
CLARK: I know who you are!
MAN: Then i suppose i won't be needing this anymore... now that we're all acquainted. Let's begin.
LOIS: What's the point? Now that we've both seen your face, you're gonna kill us anyway.
MAN: Don't be so certain. You must really care about her, storming in here. That's very gallant of you.
LOIS: Yeah, he's stupid that way.
CLARK: Let her go.
MAN: After her turn, you'll get yours.
LOIS: My turn? What is this, some kind of game?
MAN: No.No, it's a test, to reveal how much you two have been hiding from one another. If you pass, you'll want to invite me to your wedding. If you fail... well, the guest list will be the least of your worries. Ladies first. Have you ever cheated on your fiancé?
LOIS: Of course not. Don't be ridiculous. What are you doing?! You're killing him!
MAN: No. Your lies are.
LOIS: Okay, okay, i take it back, then. I'm sorry! Just... just don't hurt him again!
CLARK: Killing us... It won't take away the pain that pushed you here.
MAN: I'm doing this for you.
LOIS: What?
MAN: The broken hearted are the walking dead. Either way, i'm saving you both a lot of unnecessary pain.
LOIS: Okay, crazy, this is the deal. We're not even really a couple. So this twisted test doesn't mean anything.
MAN: Next question. Deep down, underneath it all, do you love this man?
CLARK: Answer the question, Lois. Don't out think it. Just tell the truth.
MAN: Do you love him?
CLARK: Tell the truth.
MAN: Do you love him?
LOIS: Yes.
MAN: And you... do you love this woman?
CLARK: Lois.
LOIS: Clark?
CLARK: Lois, are you okay?
LOIS: I'm not sure.
CLARK: Let's get you out of here.
CLARK: You're not avoiding me, are you?
LOIS: Me? Why would i be avoiding you? I was just shopping for wedding gifts for Chloe and Jimmy.
CLARK: So you're finally on board with the happy couple.
LOIS: Yep. All it took was them passing a madman's electro-Cosmic death quiz, and i am sold.
CLARK: In or out?
LOIS: You know, all things considered, the stairs are better for cardio.
CLARK: Come on. Statistically, this is the safer way to travel.
LOIS: He confessed... the jeweler.
CLARK: I heard. Five couples?
LOIS: So, about that test...
CLARK: Who would have thought you were such a good liar, huh? You even beat that machine.
LOIS: Even though i'm a natural master of deception, i needed a little help. I mean, that machine was a piece of kaiser-Era junk.
CLARK: Well, it did work the first time, you know, when you electrocuted me.
LOIS: Exactly. So while he was off playing game-Show host, I slipped the sensor off my finger. Pretty crafty?
CLARK: So you weren't telling the truth.
LOIS: Please. I mean, we do make a good team, but don't let our cover go to that big old head of yours.
CLARK: I didn't.
LOIS: Good.
CLARK: Great.
LOIS: Let's just be happy that i was under the gun and not you.
CLARK: And why's that?
LOIS: Smallville, everyone knows you're a terrible liar. Who knows where we'd be if you'd answered that question?
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