Rick, don't. [She tears her hand away like he burned her, taking a quick step back and giving him a look that should give him all the answer he needs.]
Not... Not everyone here is dead, apparently. I'm sure you're fine. [He has to be fine.]
[He looks wounded. Not physically, but deeply and emotionally. She can't be.
It's not possible.
She has to be alright, there must be some sort of mistake.]
Don't..
[He stares at her, his eyes are so sad. He can't help feel like part of him is dead.]
You can't...It's not true...
[How can he talk? His voice sounds so tiny and hollow. He didn't cry at the cemetery, he was trying so hard to be strong, to be reassuring. To let her know that he was there for her, and what she had waiting for her when she came back to him. But now? Now he feels the sting of tears in his eyes, they haven't fallen yet, but they're there just the same.]
Kate...
[He reaches out again...This time because he needs to touch her, but he lets his hand hand in the space between them in an invitation for her to come to him. He needs to hold her...To comfort her, and let her comfort him in return. That physical contact that... they often ignore, but at this moment, he NEEDS her to want it as much as he does.]
[Something inside Kate breaks. Not just cracks, or shatters, but collapses completely. And suddenly, she's in his arms before she even has a chance to second guess it.
Kate presses herself against him, burying her face into the crook of his neck and just feeling him. She tells herself it's because she can't go a second longer without human contact, because she can't, even now, admit to herself that it's not just anyone she needs; it's him.
She's sobbing, clutching his shirt in her hands, not caring because dammit, she's dead and it's over and there's not a damn thing more she can do about any of it.]
I'm sorry. I let you down and my mom down and now my dad has to live with this and you were right, Castle. You were right about every stupid, arrogant thing you said to me. I just kept pushing and pushing and I let them win, damn it, I let the bastards win. I should have listened to you.
[He's right there, always right there.. smoothing her hair and holding her close. Just like...Just like the night Montgomery died. Whispering between her sobs that things were going to be alright. That they'll be okay. He waits until she slows down a little bit before he tilts he chin up to look at him. His eyes are soft and give her all the answers she needs, but that doesn't stop him from answering her.]
You didn't let anyone down. Don't you say that.
[He wouldn't be him if he didn't run with THAT comment.]
I'm sure you'll find I'm usually right..
[He smiles a little despite everything.]
They didn't win anything, they're still cowards, they didn't win. So, stop that.. The Kate Beckett I know wouldn't feel sorry for herself, she'd keep fighting because to her, there's ALWAYS something left to fight for. They didn't win... We did.
[I've still got you, so they didn't get what they wanted anyway. They wanted to take you away from everyone you love, they failed at that.]
[Kate pushes him away then, her eyes brimming with tears and she just glares at him. She's not angry at him, no - she never really is, is she? She's angry at herself. Mostly because she knows he's right, and she doesn't care.]
You don't get to lecture me on self pity, Castle. I'm... I'm the one who's de... [She can't even bring herself to say it.] It doesn't matter. It's over, I had my chance and now... Now I'm just going to get you home. That's the only thing that matters now is getting you the hell out of this place.
[Of course, after that, she really has nothing. But she can't let him stay trapped here.]
Oh no you don't.. [His arms around her are strong and solid. He's not going to let her get away that easily.] You don't get to push me away. I'm not leaving you, not like this... [No, because I might be able to get by without you back home, but I don't want to.]
[She wailing now, crying and fighting him like she did that night at the hangar. And like that night in hangar, he's holding on to her for dear life, knowing as well as she does that if he lets go, she'll run. She'll run right into the fray, no thinking, not feeling, just desperate to change something she knows deep down is completely out of her control.
Finally, exhaustion takes hold and she stills. Grasping his shirt again, she clings to him so tightly, not sure if she even has the strength to stand anymore without him holding her.]
Promise me, Castle. Promise me that if you find a way out of here you take it, with or without me.
[He waits her out, like he did that night, except this time he doesn't let her go because there are no cues to tell him the fight is over, there are no cues to say it's safe to let her go. Because, here.. there is no place for her to go and he knows she needs him as much as he needs her
( ... )
[It's a lie. She knows it is, because she knows him. And she can't hold it against him, not with all the lies, all the secrets, all the inabilities that her broken soul has provided. He's done nothing but been there for her for the last four years and what... what has she done? Nothing. Nothing to deserve this loyalty. And because she doesn't think she deserves it, she likes to think she doesn't want it at all.
She lets him hold her, because she doesn't know what else to do.]
There's... there's places to stay here. We need to find you one.
[He's sure that she knows he's lying. But how can she expect him to leave her alone and NOT be there for her. He knows she doesn't believe it, but she's been there for him as much as he's been there for her, in different ways.]
We can do that. As soon as you think you're ready to go.
[He won't push. As much as he'd like to stay where she is, he's not going to push. He can be happy to be close. Close enough to be there if she needs him. That will be enough for him. For now.]
[She doesn't want to be ready. All she wants is to crawl up into his arms and stay there forever. She's the cop; she's the one who's supposed to protect, to serve. But she's starting to realize maybe even the protectors need to be protected sometimes. And there's only two places in the world that make her feel safe; the bullpen at the 12th, and in Castle's arms.
She forces herself to back away, but she looks up at him, putting her hand on his cheek and staring into his eyes.]
I really don't like the fact you're here, Castle. But maybe... maybe there's a reason for it.
Oh my God, Castle.
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We're in the Underworld, Castle. You tell me.
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After a pause he replies.]
That can't be right...I'm not dead. I checked my pulse and I was told that I wasn't dead if I have one.
[He reaches out for her wrist...pausing before he takes it.]
I..Are you...sure? Let me check...
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Not... Not everyone here is dead, apparently. I'm sure you're fine. [He has to be fine.]
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It's not possible.
She has to be alright, there must be some sort of mistake.]
Don't..
[He stares at her, his eyes are so sad. He can't help feel like part of him is dead.]
You can't...It's not true...
[How can he talk? His voice sounds so tiny and hollow. He didn't cry at the cemetery, he was trying so hard to be strong, to be reassuring. To let her know that he was there for her, and what she had waiting for her when she came back to him. But now? Now he feels the sting of tears in his eyes, they haven't fallen yet, but they're there just the same.]
Kate...
[He reaches out again...This time because he needs to touch her, but he lets his hand hand in the space between them in an invitation for her to come to him. He needs to hold her...To comfort her, and let her comfort him in return. That physical contact that... they often ignore, but at this moment, he NEEDS her to want it as much as he does.]
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Kate presses herself against him, burying her face into the crook of his neck and just feeling him. She tells herself it's because she can't go a second longer without human contact, because she can't, even now, admit to herself that it's not just anyone she needs; it's him.
She's sobbing, clutching his shirt in her hands, not caring because dammit, she's dead and it's over and there's not a damn thing more she can do about any of it.]
I'm sorry. I let you down and my mom down and now my dad has to live with this and you were right, Castle. You were right about every stupid, arrogant thing you said to me. I just kept pushing and pushing and I let them win, damn it, I let the bastards win. I should have listened to you.
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You didn't let anyone down. Don't you say that.
[He wouldn't be him if he didn't run with THAT comment.]
I'm sure you'll find I'm usually right..
[He smiles a little despite everything.]
They didn't win anything, they're still cowards, they didn't win. So, stop that.. The Kate Beckett I know wouldn't feel sorry for herself, she'd keep fighting because to her, there's ALWAYS something left to fight for. They didn't win... We did.
[I've still got you, so they didn't get what they wanted anyway. They wanted to take you away from everyone you love, they failed at that.]
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You don't get to lecture me on self pity, Castle. I'm... I'm the one who's de... [She can't even bring herself to say it.] It doesn't matter. It's over, I had my chance and now... Now I'm just going to get you home. That's the only thing that matters now is getting you the hell out of this place.
[Of course, after that, she really has nothing. But she can't let him stay trapped here.]
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Finally, exhaustion takes hold and she stills. Grasping his shirt again, she clings to him so tightly, not sure if she even has the strength to stand anymore without him holding her.]
Promise me, Castle. Promise me that if you find a way out of here you take it, with or without me.
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She lets him hold her, because she doesn't know what else to do.]
There's... there's places to stay here. We need to find you one.
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We can do that. As soon as you think you're ready to go.
[He won't push. As much as he'd like to stay where she is, he's not going to push. He can be happy to be close. Close enough to be there if she needs him. That will be enough for him. For now.]
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She forces herself to back away, but she looks up at him, putting her hand on his cheek and staring into his eyes.]
I really don't like the fact you're here, Castle. But maybe... maybe there's a reason for it.
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